


Liberated

by yourfmdial



Category: Simple Plan (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 103,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourfmdial/pseuds/yourfmdial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a disastrous fifth album release, the future of Simple Plan is uncertain. With a growing rift between the members, and different passions pulling them in different directions, no one's sure how they'll reconcile the band. So one member takes things into his own hands and makes the only decision he can, putting his relationship and friendships in jeopardy. But will it pay off in the end? It's the gamble he's willing to take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One - An Artfully Curated Mess

The slam of a car door made David look up and out his front living room window. He could just see the back of his girlfriend’s car, then seconds later heard her voice through the cracked window, calling to Yuki, her dog, which answered the question of why she wasn’t on her motorcycle. David shoved the record crates hastily back toward the record console and stood up from the floor, closing the door of the entry closet to hide the stack of boxes he’d piled there. Paws thumped up his porch steps and a moment later there was a soft knock on the door before Louna let herself inside. David smiled, discarding the album he’d picked up off the floor, and Yuki raced at him, making Louna laugh as she closed the door. 

“I wasn’t sure you’d be home,” she told him, stepping over and sharing a light kiss. “But since you’re on the way from the park…” 

He smiled, nodding as his hands dropped to her waist and he gently kneaded his fingers into her hips. “Pretty safe assumption,” he replied, then smirked. “And no, I haven’t even thought about dinner yet.” 

Louna laughed and shook her head. “That wasn’t even in my head,” she said. “But now I’ll have to take pity and see what your fridge has to work with.” 

He made a face as he dropped his hands, letting her walk back toward his kitchen and past the stairs. “Not a whole lot, unfortunately,” he replied. “But you can probably work some magic.” He leaned in the doorway of the kitchen, reaching down to scratch Yuki’s head as they watched Louna move effortlessly through the room, opening cabinets and drawers and seamlessly throwing together a meal that David wouldn’t have believed was possible, had he not seen it happen so many times before. The last three years had provided him with ample time to see what his girlfriend was capable of in the kitchen, but it never ceased to surprise him. 

Three years ago they’d met through mutual friends and it had been a slow start to their relationship. They’d both spent the months leading up to their first meeting regrouping from failed relationships and neither was sure about trying another so soon. The advantage of David’s career and constant travels had been almost a blessing for them, as they were forced to spend time apart. He was a musician in an internationally successful band and she worked full time at her mother’s design and marketing firm. Somehow it always amused them that their careers seemed to be swapped for their personalities. Louna was carefree and spontaneous and would push the envelope for everything, and while David had all those traits, he also craved structure and organization. Never had that been more evident that on a weekend trip they’d taken, and he’d shown her a planned agenda on his phone. He’d said it was just a rough guide for their trip, but she knew better. She read it dutifully, then laughed and threw caution to the wind and made him go skinny dipping in a lake. Things had never been the same since. 

“So, were you actually going to put on music or were you just reorganizing your collection again?” 

Louna’s voice cut through his thoughts and he looked up, a little surprised that she’d noticed the album crates in the living room. Her gaze was expectant as she glanced up from the cauliflower she was cutting, her short hair spilling down across her forehead. David blinked slowly; that same image of her atop him in bed flashed through his mind and suddenly he was much happier she’d come over that evening. He shrugged. “Was just thinking about it… going through the albums again to swap some stuff out of storage.” 

She nodded, looking back to the cutting board. “Now that the gloomy winter blues are almost over? Time for the spring start over?” 

He half smiled and pushed up from the doorframe, suddenly inspired with what he wanted to listen to. “Yeah, something like that,” he replied. They met eyes for a moment and shared a smile before he went back to his living room, rifling through the crates before he found the album that had popped into his head. Somehow he knew the blues vibe of the record would be good for the evening – he just hoped Louna wouldn’t read too much into it. 

The guitar rang through the speakers and David listened for a minute before turning back and sauntering to the kitchen. He smiled as he heard Louna humming softly along with the music. Yuki had stretched out on the rug in front of the back door, his head on his paws, but his eyes still trained on Louna. David took in the scene, a content feeling in his chest, and he wondered how he’d be able to leave this all behind. He swallowed hard – he’d already made up his mind. 

“How’d your meeting go today?” 

Louna’s voice pulled him from the thoughts and he met her eyes with a shrug, then shook his head. “It was fine.” 

Immediately she stopped chopping the zucchini and looked at him, doubt in her eyes. “That doesn’t sound like it was fine,” she replied. 

David held back a sigh, feeling torn that Louna knew him so well. Three years together had taught her the intricacies of her boyfriend’s moods and expressions, and it was harder and harder to keep anything from her – especially about the band and his career. And the worst part about that was how much those had been weighing on him lately. It was impossible for him to simply put his career aside when he was home anymore, no matter how hard he tried, and he knew Louna could see that, even if she didn’t say anything. He shook his head again as he stepped out of the doorway and walked to the pantry, grabbing a bottle of wine. “You know how it is right now,” he replied, digging out his corkscrew from the utensil drawer and easily opening the bottle. “We’re just in total limbo with the label since the album flopped… they’re talking about a possible overseas tour, but not offering us any cash to do it with.” 

Louna handed him two stemless wineglasses from the drainboard – the same two they always used. He poured generous amounts in each before recorking the bottle. 

“So what? We’re supposed to finance our tour with our own savings and hope we make enough to pay ourselves back?” 

Louna frowned and they both took sips of the red wine before David spoke again. 

“I’m to the point that I’m just done with all this,” he told her, his voice lowering. 

It wasn’t a new confession – he’d told her as much before, but this time she could hear something different in his voice. There was a certainty or resolve that hadn’t been there when he’d mentioned feeling finished in the past. “Have you talked with the guys about it?” she asked. “You and Seb and Jeff must’ve talked after the meeting…” 

He took another drink, eyes drifting to look outside as he shrugged again. “Yeah, we all kind of talked about it, but no one’s willing to commit to anything… they just want to get through the benefit on Saturday and then revisit everything.” He rolled his eyes. “Pierre and Chuck both seem to think that all of us being together at that will somehow spark the clarity of what we’re meant to be doing.” 

Louna shared David’s doubt. “Because the foundation handing out a check to whatever organization that night will offer insight about going on tour?” 

David met her gaze and knew she felt the same way about it. “Exactly,” he replied. 

She shook her head, taking one more sip of wine before picking the knife back up and resuming the zucchini prep. “I think you guys just need to talk this all out… I mean, have you really even had a true band meeting since all the shit with the label hit? Had a regroup session to figure out what happened with the album?” 

He leaned forward on the counter and shook his head. “No, because Pierre and Chuck know that it was their fault… they overworked everything, didn’t listen to hardly anything that Jeff or I had to say, and then ended up rewriting half of what we’d already approved for the album.” He looked up at her. “You remember what happened the day I got the final cut of it.” 

Louna made a face, recalling none-too-fondly the day that David had received the mastered files. It had been an agonizing hour of listening to songs she barely recognized from their original incarnations, some songs that she couldn’t remember hearing, and one song that David swore he’d never even heard before. In the end he’d simply walked away from the computer, grabbed his moto helmet, and barged out the front door. Louna sat in stunned silence, cringing as the motorcycle ripped down the street, and she hoped that David wouldn’t do anything reckless on the ride. Hours later he’d made it back in one piece, but his mood had barely lifted, and his phone, which he’d left in his office, had blown up with messages from Jeff and Sebastien. The mastered version of the album had taken them all by surprise. His reply to both bandmates had been short and pointed: “Guess if you don’t fucking live in California you don’t get a fucking vote. Glad we finally know our place in the band right?” From that point on it had been all they could do to ‘play nice’ with the “California Faction” as they had dubbed it. 

“I still can’t believe they did that to you,” Louna replied. 

David half shrugged. “I think it was a long time coming… but they could’ve done it some other way.” 

“Obviously,” she scoffed in reply. 

He smiled slightly and took a long drink of his wine. 

The sun had dipped behind the horizon and the streaked clouds were a hazy orange color. The melody of the bluesy guitar track floated through the kitchen and Louna finished chopping the zucchini, layering it into the baking dish then leaning over to kiss David’s temple. “Fuck ‘em.” 

He laughed, a smile finally pulling at his lips as he pushed up from the counter with a nod. “Fuck ‘em.” 

They shared a long kiss, David wrapping his hands over her waist and circling his fingers over her lower back. She hummed happily before pulling away, gently nuzzling his nose as his hands dropped. “You want dinner or do you want dessert?” she asked suggestively. 

David smirked. “I always want dessert,” he murmured, reaching down to pinch her ass. 

She giggled and swatted his hand away. “All in good time,” she said. 

David flashed her a grin and she rolled her eyes, knowing exactly how their night would end up, and grateful that she’d learned to always plan to stay the night with him. She hoped the day they’d move in together wasn’t much further off, because it was getting ridiculous to only stay one or two nights a week at the house she was renting, but David would get to that in his own time and in his own way. She smiled; the way he was acting lately it seemed the day was coming sooner than she thought it might, and she couldn’t wait. 

****

# # #

David made his way through the dim bar toward the back corner, giving Jeff a nod as their eyes finally met. A few days had passed since the night Louna had come over, and David was meeting his friend for their weekly drinks together. It had been hard to break his momentum on his house project, but he knew that if he didn’t show up for a beer with Jeff, the guitarist would definitely suspect something, and the last thing David wanted was to tip off anyone to what he was doing. He shook the thoughts off as he approached Jeff’s table – really everyone should have seen this coming, he thought, but he knew they’d all be blindsided. It had to be that way though. He couldn’t keep going on like this; his façade was only getting thinner and it was now or never to get on with his life. He just hoped he could pick up the pieces when it was all over.

“Hey!” Jeff’s voice was cheerful as he greeted David. 

He smiled, settling across the table from his friend. “How’s it going?” he asked, shrugging out of his jacket. “Better than the last meeting?” 

Jeff cracked a smile. “Moderately. You?” 

He pretended to ponder for a moment. “Guess you could say better… but we are seeing the California Faction in two days.” 

Jeff groaned. “Don’t remind me… I think I’d be happier about this banquet if we actually weren’t all going to be there.” 

David smirked, nodding. “Seriously… maybe we should just skip it. Give them back the spotlight they seem to want.” 

The guitarist looked doubtful. “But isn’t that just playing into their hands? Showing them we’re as disinterested as ever?” 

He shrugged. “Maybe… but it’s just a fucking cheque,” he said. “We don’t all need to be there.” 

The waiter came over to their table then, setting down glasses of water and taking their usual drink orders: an IPA for Jeff and a vodka soda with lemon for David. 

As the guy walked away, Jeff shook his head in amusement. “We’re so fucking predictable,” he said with a laugh. “We’re gonna be fifty and still coming here, doing this.” 

David raised an eyebrow skeptically. “If you think that’s the case then we definitely need to change things up. How about I get to pick the place next week?” 

Jeff smiled. “Fair enough… where and when?” 

David matched his smile. “I’ll keep it a surprise… just watch for a text.” 

The guitarist laughed and reached for his water. “I’ll hold you to it.” He took a sip then relaxed back in his chair, eyes drifting over the familiar surroundings. 

David followed his gaze, wondering what his friend was thinking. How many times had they met here and bemoaned the state of their lives, or celebrated the highs it had brought? So many memories were in these walls, but it was time for a change. It had been time for one, but no one was brave enough for it. 

Fuck. David hoped he was making the right decision. 

“Is Lou coming Saturday?” Jeff asked. 

He blinked hard, forcing himself back into the present, and nodded. “Yeah,” he replied after a second. “She’ll be there. Figured since all the couples,” he stressed the word in a not so friendly way, “would be there it was only fair to include her.” He paused, noting the hint of surprise in Jeff’s gaze. “Mimi’s coming, right?” 

He shook his head. “Chuck told me the list was closed when I asked.” 

“That fuckin’ asshole… you should just not show up.” 

“Believe me, if I didn’t think shit would seriously hit the fan, I might consider that… but with the way things are right now? I’m playing nice until things are settled again.” 

The waiter returned with their drinks and David took a large gulp of his before replying to Jeff’s statement. “But do you honestly think that’s the right choice? Do you really want to continue with this shit show or is it time to finally hang it up and try something else? We got fucked with the last album, dude… you know it, I know it, Seb knows it… our girlfriends know it… Do we really want to commit back to any of that? Is any of that worth our time anymore? Do you honestly think that anything is going to change after what’s happened?” He stared intently across the table to his friend, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the guitarist’s reply, but he’d asked the questions for a good reason. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t alone in how he felt, and if Jeff echoed his sentiments then it would make him feel better about what he’d decided. 

A familiar 80s song filled in the silence between them as David waited for Jeff to answer. The pause stretched on too long and he tightened his grip on the cold glass, knowing then that his friend probably didn’t feel the same. 

“David,” he finally started slowly, “what are you really asking?” His voice was quiet and held an edge of curiosity. 

He sank back into his chair, dropping his hands to his lap and shrugging exaggeratedly. “Dude, I don’t know… I’m just so fucking frustrated with all this. I don’t want to pander to Pierre and Chuck anymore, but that’s all they expect from us now. And I’m fucking sick of it. We used to have a say in the band, then they went off to Cali and basically said ‘fuck you, this is what we’re doing now’ and since when did we just roll over and take it? Why did we stop fighting back? We fuckin’ fought for album four and that was totally worth it. So why didn’t we just fucking walk away from album five?” 

Jeff met David’s eyes and shook his head slowly. “I don’t know.” He took a long drink of his beer and let the mood settle between them, David taking a sip of his cocktail then letting out a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry man, I just… them coming to town right now… after that meeting?” 

“No, I get it. And actually I do feel kinda the same way. The last thing we need to do is try to go on tour right now.” He spun his glass around on the cardboard coaster, fingers making trails through the condensation. “Like, we should regroup if we can and just put this album behind us… take a fresh start if that’s what we all want, right?” 

He nodded heavily. “Exactly.” He took a breath before his next statement, wondering if it was going to reveal too much to Jeff, but for as close as they were it was only fair to be honest. “And no one should hold it against us if the band isn’t what we want to move forward with.” 

Jeff’s eyebrows rose instantly. “Is that really what you’re thinking? You don’t want to do the band anymore?” 

He shrugged noncommittally. “I keep tossing it around,” he said. “Keep feeling like I’ll just have some fucking divine inspiration or something that tells me what I should do at the right moment.” He smiled wryly. “Or you or Lou will tell me to get my head out of my ass.” 

Jeff laughed, nodding and raising his glass. “That’ll probably happen first,” he said. 

David laughed and toasted his glass with Jeff’s. “Then here’s to making that happen,” he replied. They both drank then, and left the lull in the conversation, neither sure how to continue after the admission. 

Jeff didn’t want to outright ask David then if he had truly made up his mind about the band, but somehow it felt like he had. However, things weren’t quite adding up in his mind. Had he missed some subtext in their earlier conversation? Was David just bemoaning the California faction like he always did and he’d be over all this by the time they parted ways? He’d never been able to get a truly accurate read on the bassist and his rapidly fluctuating moods, so he wasn’t going to trust his gut on this one either. He knew everything in David’s head would be past in a few days, so there was no use dwelling on it. And more often times than not lately it seemed that Louna was able to put any fires out before they had a chance to spread, for that Jeff was grateful. She had brought a certain balance to David’s life that hadn’t always been there, and in the last couple years her presence had helped David more than he probably realized. 

He wondered then, what she might’ve said to David about the current band turmoil. Had he shared it with her? If she was coming to the banquet on Saturday she had to at least be aware of some of what was going on. But then, Jeff knew how secretive David could be too. He could always put on a good front when the time called for it; the last year would’ve been impossible without it. Jeff knew, because he’d gotten a little too good at using his own façade. Only when the two of them were together were the masks dropped entirely and the candid conversation could start. The last twelve months had been an artfully curated mess, which it seemed was finally beginning to show the cracks. There was no telling what would happen when the false front finally fell, because if it was divine inspiration that David was truly looking for, then that moment was going to be all he would need, and Jeff dreaded what would come next. 

****

# # #

Music floated into the bathroom from the living room speakers and Louna hummed along as she expertly applied her mascara. She finished the last few swipes on her eyelashes and stepped back to survey her look. The smoky eyes popped beneath her sweeping blonde bangs and were a perfect complement to her dark burgundy shirt. She smiled, tugging at her faux-leather pants once more before putting on her black heels. These special events were secretly her favorite because she could wear the high heels and tower over David. She knew he hated it, but he always overcompensated for it later in bed, and that was never a bad thing. She smiled to herself as she easily applied her lipstick, also burgundy to match her shirt, and hoped that David wouldn’t disappoint tonight.

She checked her phone then, a little startled to realize it was already after six. David had said he’d pick her up by six o’clock and usually for the band functions he’d been exceptionally punctual – especially the last year, and definitely when Pierre and Chuck were involved. She frowned, looking at the time again and leaving the bathroom, going to check her window. She had a clear view of the driveway, but there was no black Volvo there. 

She hesitated sending a text, because if he was on the way then he probably wouldn’t answer. She went back to her bedroom, getting her clutch and packing her few essentials into it as she waited for her phone to chime. 

Five minutes later he still hadn’t shown up and the knot forming in her stomach tightened. This was unlike David. He would always tell her if he was running late or if something had come up. She wrung her hands around her phone, trying not to chew her lip and get lipstick all over her teeth.

Something felt off to her. She hadn’t said anything to him earlier that week, knowing he was still reeling from the meeting and undoubtedly nervous about this banquet with everyone present. It would be the first time in nearly two months that the band would be together – the California faction putting in the rare Montreal appearance since the disaster of the fifth album. 

That was why she had insisted she come to the banquet with David; she would help keep him in check and from going off the rails on his bandmates. She just hoped that really wouldn’t be necessary. 

She checked her phone again; five more minutes. She swiped it open and pulled up her favorites list, hitting David’s name as she paced in front of the window. Instantly the phone connected, but not with what she expected. 

David’s voice was hollow and automatic on the voicemail greeting. “This is David. Leave a message.” 

She hung up without leaving a message – he never listened to his voicemails anyway. Her stomach knotted tighter. The only times she ever got his voicemail automatically were when he was out of service on some random motorcycle trip, and there was no way he’d left town tonight. She shook her head at the flash of thought that broke through her anxiety. 

No. He wouldn’t. 

She opened their messages and typed quickly. “Almost here I hope!” She hit send but a second later the red exclamation mark appeared beside it. She tried to send the text again, but to no avail. Was his phone broken? Or just out of service? She tried to send the message once more, but the angry red circle remained next to it. Worry started to bubble in her throat and she stared at the message. What was happening? Where was he? She scrolled up in her messages, but stopped short, studying their last exchange about the tie he was supposed to wear tonight. She’d suggested the burgundy one to match her shirt, of course. His reply had seemed overly sweet at the time, but she hadn’t given it much thought. 

_“Merci! J’adore j’adore j’adore! Et un mille bisou. Toujours.”_

Now her breath caught. Was she reading too much into this? She had to be. She was always overreacting, but the slow flames of her intuition were burning in her stomach. Something wasn’t right. 

She started in surprise as her phone chimed, but the messages from David remained unchanged. She tapped back to the list and saw a new text from Jeff. 

_“You on your way? Can’t get texts to D. He drop his phone again? LOL.”_

Her stomach dropped, seeing that she wasn’t the only one who couldn’t reach David. She texted back quickly. _“Still waiting on him. Don’t know what’s up with his phone. Straight to voicemail too.”_

Jeff’s reply was immediate. _“Weird. Just come without him. He’ll figure it out and you can be my date while we wait.”_

She frowned. _“You don’t think he’ll be mad?”_

_“He’ll get over it. See you soon!”_

She sighed, reading over Jeff’s texts. He was right – David would get over it. She grabbed her keys, barely remembering to turn her stereo off before she hurried out the door. 

****

# # #

Exhaustion washed over David as he sat on his stairs, looking at the last couple boxes he had to take out to his car. The last two days had been an absolute blur, and there were two more places he needed to go before everything would be done and maybe he could breathe again. The air around him had been stifling for the last two years, except for those euphoric moments with Louna beside him, when it was just the two of them on a trip somewhere, or just in his kitchen during those forgotten seconds when the world slipped away while he drifted in her gaze. He closed his eyes, letting his head drop and cradling it in his hands. Was he making the right choice? How could he back out now? He needed to do this. His life depended on it. There was no way he could continue on the old path; he had to forge a new one, and this was the only way. Would Louna understand? He could only hope that she might. She deserved the new start as much as he did. He rubbed his eyes and slicked his hair back, shaking his head to clear the thoughts. He had no choice but to follow through with his plan, wherever that would lead him.

He checked his watch – seven o’clock. It was time to go. 

He pushed up from the stairs and carefully gathered the boxes he’d stacked next to the front door; he swallowed hard, smelling the familiar perfume waft from the open cardboard box. He took a deep breath – this was the sacrifice he’d make. He had to. 

He took the boxes to his car and placed them in the open passenger seat before going back to his front door. He took a cursory glance around the entryway, but he knew there was nothing left to do. He took his keys from his pocket and stepped back out the door, an unwanted lump surging in his throat as he pulled it shut and turned the deadbolt over. 

This was it. 

This was the beginning of his new start, but it definitely wasn’t the end of anything. Or was it? He had no idea if he’d ever know the answer to that question. 

He stared at his front door, the evening growing dark around him as he tried to swallow back all the doubts and fears he’d thought he’d already come to terms with. If it was this hard now, the next two places would be worse. 

He tore his eyes away and hurried to the car, throwing himself behind the wheel and starting the engine. The clock on the dash now read ten past seven. He slid the SUV into gear and took another glance at his front door, telling himself that he had no choice but to do this. It was the only way. 

He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. 

In the end they’d understand. 

He backed out of the driveway and drove away. The next stop was Louna’s. 

****

# # #

It was ten minutes to seven o’clock when Louna arrived at the hotel, dropping her car at the valet and rushing inside to the banquet hall. Jeff was waiting for her at the door, waving off the overbearing usher and taking her arm to lead her through the maze of tables.

She gripped his arm tightly, anxiety washing over her nerves as they walked. “He’s not here yet?” Even though she knew the answer to the question, she still had to ask. 

Jeff shook his head once. “You know how he is,” he replied in a low voice. “He’ll probably show up in an hour, fresh off his motorcycle with some excuse.” 

“He wouldn’t do that tonight,” she countered. “He knows how important this is… it has to be something else.” Her voice choked slightly and the thoughts she’d been trying to silence seemed to get louder. No. Not now. He wouldn’t have done that now. 

Jeff paused, sensing Louna’s sudden turmoil. “We’ll figure it out, okay?” He tried to reassure her. “Just have to get through this first.” He wanted to offer a consoling smile and a funny remark that maybe David was just backstage working on his proposal, but he could tell it wasn’t the time for it. Instead he gave her arm a squeeze and they finished their walk through the hall. 

The din of chatter around them had grown quieter as the guests were all seated at their tables and just as Jeff and Louna reached their table, the lights dimmed and bright spots lit the dais. She sat down between two empty seats without a word, Jeff sliding in beside her and leaving a noticeably empty space where David was meant to be. She turned in her chair to look at the podium and ignore the blatant stares from David’s bandmates and their spouses. 

This was not how this night was supposed to go. 

She was meant to be there supporting her boyfriend, but now she sought strange reassurance from his best friend. She glanced at Jeff and received a hint of a nod as their eyes met. They could get through this. Whatever was going on, they could figure it out. 

The presentation to start the banquet began with a keynote speech from a company director, then a slideshow, and finally dinner was served. The twenty minutes of distraction had been just enough for Louna to settle her nerves and drink one glass of wine to prep for facing the inevitable questions, for which she had no answers. 

Fuck, this night was going to go on forever. 

The sudden rush of wait staff coming through the hall with trays was enough cover that she didn’t feel entirely rude and out of line to check her phone. Of course there was nothing from David, and she made another failed attempt to send him a message. 

When she looked up from the screen, Jeff met her eyes expectantly, but she shook her head. He sighed in resignation, realizing how the rest of the night would play out. There would be no lack of accusatory looks and judgments from the California faction, and it would be entirely unjust to subject Louna to that, because she had nothing to do with David’s absence. However, they certainly wouldn’t see it that way. They would spin his non-appearance how they pleased and make no exceptions to who they hurt in the process. It was a terrible MO that Jeff didn’t think he’d ever get used to. Yet, maybe David being gone tonight would hasten the growing rift and they wouldn’t have to put up with that MO for much longer. He could only hope. 

Louna shifted back in her chair, finally facing the table and securing her phone in the clutch on her lap. She took a long drink of water as the waitress placed salads on the table. Embarrassment flushed her cheeks as the woman asked who the vegan plates were for, and she tightened her grip on the glass, staring blankly at the table. How could David have done this, she wondered. Everything had been planned and now he just hadn’t shown up? Left everyone worried and wondering the worst? The thoughts were growing even louder in her head, but she couldn’t let them in yet. 

Jeff gestured to Louna’s plate after a moment, then offered a quiet apology that something had come up and the other person wouldn’t be joining them. The waitress simply nodded and took the other salad back when she left. An awkward silence rang around the table then, Louna still gripping her water glass and staring at the wilted salad, feeling terribly out of place without David there. 

Right then, it was all she could do not to just get out of her seat, bolt to the door, and go straight to David’s to find out what the hell was going on – if he’d even have any answers for her. 

“Louna, where is David?” 

She looked up, blinking rapidly as the words pulled her from her thoughts. She met Chuck’s gaze, relieved to see no anger on his face, just expectancy. “I don’t know,” she replied simply, hating that the truth sounded so weak. 

Chuck’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “You don’t know?” 

His voice was gentle, free of the animosity she expected. Maybe he didn’t want to make a scene just yet; he’d wait until after the dinner for that move. 

“Were you going to meet him here?” he asked. 

She shook her head, wondering then if she should tell the truth, or try to create a cover story for her boyfriend. She’d already confessed to not knowing where he was, but she could back-peddle and say something about him not feeling well earlier. Would they buy it? Maybe the truth was easier in this case. 

“He was supposed to pick me up at six…” She glanced mistakenly to Pierre, seeing clear anger in the singer’s eyes that made her words waiver. “He never showed.” She dropped her gaze back to the table, grateful to feel Jeff’s hand on her shoulder, to know that she wasn’t facing the faction alone. Jeff would back her up; he and David were always on the same side and there was no reason the guitarist would suddenly switch allegiances just because David wasn’t there. 

“You tried to call and text him, right?” Chuck’s question was earnest, his voice still even. 

“We both did,” Jeff replied then. “It’s straight to voicemail and the texts aren’t going through at all.” 

The drummer frowned, oblivious to the deepening scowl on Pierre’s face. “That doesn’t make sense… you don’t think something happened, do you?” 

Jeff shook his head. “Dude, we don’t know. We’re here and can’t get a hold of him… that’s all. Don’t make it something it’s not.” 

“I’m not,” Chuck replied, “I’m just-” 

“Clearly David had a reason not to be here,” Pierre interrupted them, his voice edged with hostility. “He just didn’t think that the rest of us had a right to know what that was.” 

Louna felt Jeff’s hand go still on her shoulder and in her head she screamed at Pierre all the reasons David might’ve had for not coming tonight; the singer’s betrayal of the band being the clearest to everyone but himself of course. 

“Pierre, I am not going to do this with you right now,” Jeff replied, his voice level and adamant. “There is probably a simple explanation for why David isn’t here and I’m not going to let you spin this into some subversive move against you that’s meant to fragment this band even further. You’re the one who made that bed and gets to lie in it while the rest of us pick up the fucking pieces.” He took a quick breath. “Now I’m not going to spend this entire night sitting here in silence while you shoot daggers at Louna, because she has nothing to do with David’s decision tonight. You actually have her to thank for keeping both David and I from fucking terminating after that catastrophe of a fifth album. You want to throw down with someone tonight? You take it up with me or go check that shit at the door.” 

Pierre’s eyes were narrow and dark as he stared at the guitarist, not satisfied with what he’d said. However, he respected Jeff for finally laying out everything bare between them. It was clear the band had some major things to work through, but it would be hard with a member absent, and they certainly weren’t meant to do it over the dinner. David’s absence had only proven that things seemed to be much worse than what was shown on the surface. 

Just as Pierre drew a breath to speak, a voice from the stage cut him short, announcing the presentation of the first charitable contributions that evening. 

Internally, Louna breathed a sigh of relief, not wanting to hear what the singer had to say to Jeff’s pointed remarks. She was grateful the guitarist had given her so much credit with holding them together during the last two years, because it hadn’t been easy to always talk him and David down when things got rough. It had also made her happy to have a job and family and friends that seemed to be relatively drama-free – they offered her the sanctuary she needed when the band turmoil got to be too much to deal with. She knew her family had helped David too, and she was endlessly grateful for that. 

From the podium, someone from the Children’s Hospital began to speak, profusely thanking all the organizations that had donated for their benefit that evening. Louna ate a few bites of the salad, but her stomach protested the food. The naked vegetables looked grossly unappetizing anyway – the thickly dressed Caesar salad with shrimp on Jeff’s plate almost looked more satisfying, but she would never admit it. Had David been there, they would’ve joked about it together and probably devoured the plain lettuce and carrots, David wriggling his nose in a rabbit impression before pouring more wine and pointing out that vegans were terrible drinkers because they didn’t have carbs to soak up the alcohol. She laid her fork on the plate and took a sip of her wine, which Jeff had refilled for her. 

Where was David? Chuck was right about one thing tonight: none of this was making any sense. 

The band was scheduled for the third presentation during dinner, when most everyone had finished their entrees and were getting a bit restless, the guest chatter a little louder than it had been earlier in the evening. The presentation went smoothly, since it had been decided earlier that only Jeff and Chuck would speak, and Pierre of course would do the actual cheque presentation. As the band members descended the stage and made their way back to the table, Louna finished her wine and excused herself to the bathroom. 

Halfway there, she realized someone had followed her, but her anxiety lessened when she saw it was Sebastien’s wife, Laurence. Her eyes were sympathetic as they finally entered the refuge of the small ladies’ room. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice almost cautious. 

Louna nearly laughed, shaking her head. “Really?” Her voice was heavy with disbelief. 

Laurence rolled her eyes at herself then. “Fuck, I know… come here.” She stretched her arms out to her friend and they shared a long hug. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this tonight…” They pulled away a moment later, Laurence not dropping Louna’s hand as they stood together. “You honestly have no idea where he is?” 

She sighed tiredly as she shook her head. “No fucking clue,” she said, then looked to the light fixture above the large mirror. “We were texting this afternoon about what tie he should wear tonight… and now he’s…” she trailed off, meeting Laurence’s eyes and unable to bring herself to finish the sentence because she didn’t know what David was. Was he gone? Or was he just at home sick? Had he simply run off again on some motorcycle trip and would turn up in three days with no excuses and offers of flowers and her favorite wine? That might always work with her, but she knew the band might not be as forgiving as she was. 

Laurence’s eyes softened, but worry etched her forehead. “Do you think he’s…” She couldn’t complete the phrase – unsure what she was actually trying to ask. Her intuition was vibrating in a way that scared her, and she knew that meant Louna’s was too. They were closer friends than they let the California faction realize, and usually they shared the same instincts. Tonight she could see something in Louna’s gaze – something that neither of them would want to acknowledge without real proof. 

Louna squeezed her hand tightly, eyes growing intense as she shook her head. “I don’t know,” she replied, voice strained. She struggled to push back the thoughts that kept threatening to break through. She couldn’t let herself think about it just yet. She had to get through the rest of the evening, and then maybe she could listen to her intuition. Right now she had to hold it together, then she and Jeff could go find David and get the truth. She was still shaking her head as she closed her eyes, forcing the thoughts aside and trying to stay in reality. There were no friendly scenarios for her to think about tonight. She took a deep breath and steadied herself as Laurence gently touched her arm. 

“It’ll be okay,” she offered, knowing the vague placation was just that, but at least it made Louna open her eyes and offer a faint smile. 

“Nice try,” she replied. 

Laurence returned her smile and gave her hand another squeeze. “You know I’m always good for that,” she replied. 

Louna nodded. “Thank you.” 

She took her in another hug. “You’re welcome.” Her smile was warmer when they broke apart. “Now let’s hurry this up before the faction starts rumors of us having some lesbian affair together.” 

Louna laughed genuinely then, grateful for Laurence’s twisted humor. “No shit.” 

They finished up in the bathroom a couple minutes later and walked back to the table, Louna feeling slightly more settled after the talk with Laurence for reasons she couldn’t quite articulate. 

Jeff’s gaze was relieved when she sat back next to him. “You okay?” he asked quietly. 

She nodded, reaching for her refilled wineglass. “Just want to get out of here,” she replied before taking a sip. 

Jeff nodded in agreement. “We won’t stick around after dessert,” he said. “You valet?” 

She nodded, realizing it hadn’t been the best decision because it would impede their quick exit. “Oversight,” she told him.

He cracked a smile. “No, convenience,” he assured her. “I valeted too. We’ll just get our cars and go to David’s,” he said simply. “You still have your key, right?” 

Their eyes met and panic flashed through her stomach. Had the house key still been on her keychain? She tried to visualize the bundle as she’d handed it to the valet, but it seemed impossible. All she could see was the fob to her VW. Would David have taken his key back for some reason? Why was she even thinking about that? For a brief moment the terrible thought in the back of her head reared up, but she slammed it back down, certain that the long silver key had been next to her house key when she’d locked the deadbolt earlier. “Yeah,” she finally said, “I still have it.” She paused, meeting his eyes. “You think he took off somewhere?” 

Jeff shrugged. “I don’t know,” he replied. “Call it a gut feeling.” 

Her mind screamed at her then and she met Laurence’s eyes across the table. It seemed improbable that all three of them would come to the same conclusion, and her intuition told her it wasn’t just a weird coincidence. 

Laurence raised an eyebrow curiously, and Louna looked away, taking a large drink of wine before returning the glass to the table and picking up her water instead. If she wanted a clear head later she couldn’t have any more to drink. 

The last half hour of the night seemed to drag on forever and even though the vegan dessert of coconut sorbet and fresh berries was by far the best offering of the evening, she could hardly enjoy it. Her anxiety was racing through her at hyperspeed when they finally got up to leave. She exchanged cursory goodbyes with Chuck, Pierre, and their wives before hurriedly hugging Laurence and reassuring her that she’d let her know what was going on. The valet was surprisingly quick and twenty minutes later she pulled up in David’s driveway. 

Her heart sank to her stomach as she realized the entire house was dark – the porch lights included. All she could tell herself in that moment was that he’d gone on a trip – one of his impulsive getaways for a few days to whatever nameless lake hours away so he could think. He’d done this before: it was no big deal. 

But her intuition knew better; something about tonight was different. 

She’d felt it the other night when she’d come over and had talked herself out of the feeling. Now she knew she hadn’t been overreacting. Jeff pulled up behind her then, killing his engine and climbing out of his car. He came to her door and held it open as she slowly got out, her fingers clasped tightly around the key in her hand. 

Their gazes met in the dark, but neither said a word. Somehow, they didn’t have to. They walked together up the dark porch steps and Louna unlocked the door, her hand reaching automatically to flip on the hall light. 

Her gaze instantly went to the wall beside the stairs, where David had proudly hung his first gold record plaque, but all that met her eyes was an empty space, and in that moment, she knew he was gone.


	2. Part Two - Empty

Empty. 

It wasn’t just how she felt, sitting on the edge of the stripped mattress in David’s bedroom, but the state of the entire house. As soon as Jeff had pushed open the door, all her intuitions had rung true and all the terrible thoughts in the back of her mind surfaced. David had done it. He’d actually left. The house had been meticulously emptied – void of everything that had made it his home. The furniture was there, unmoved, but bare. 

She hadn’t bothered to look at the rest of the house, choosing to come up to the bedroom and have a minute or two alone before Jeff joined her again. 

What had finally driven him to this? Had something happened in the last week that had pushed him over the edge? Why hadn’t he said anything to her? Didn’t she deserve to know what was going on? What his plan was? Or did he just think that the best break was a clean one? That he could simply pack up everything and leave and have no destruction in his wake? How incredibly naïve was he to think there would be no repercussions to this? And how would she even begin to think of moving on? 

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes and she swallowed hard, staring at the bare wood floor. How could he have done this? 

Jeff’s footsteps echoed on the stairs as he finally came up to the bedroom, his face grim. 

Louna wiped away the stray drops from her cheeks, thankful that he offered no hollow words as he sat down beside her on the bed. He let the silence of the room settle before taking a breath. He was sure there was nothing he could say right then that Louna would want to hear, so he was surprised when she spoke first. 

“Did he leave anything?” Her voice cracked on the last word, betraying her emotions, and she clasped her hands together tightly, hoping to steady herself for whatever Jeff would say. 

He followed her gaze to the floor, wanting to offer her some sort of comfort or consolation, but he had nothing. David’s disappearance had surprised him just as much, and his mind was struggling to comprehend how he’d seen his best friend two days before, with impending plans to see each other again, and now he was simply gone. There was no way to reconcile this. He licked his lips before he spoke, his words slow. “He left a drawer of… stuff.” 

Louna lifted her head and looked at the guitarist. “Stuff?” she questioned. 

Jeff met her eyes and shrugged. “It’s junk… rubber bands, screwdrivers, lighters, old guitar strings… and,” he hesitated, “a bag of keys.” 

Curiosity lit her eyes. “Keys?” 

He nodded after a moment. “Storage keys, I think.” He wasn’t certain, but one of the keys looked similar to one he’d had years ago when he’d stored his motorcycles and gear before getting a place with a garage. 

Louna’s intrigue deflated. “So what, he just moves all his shit into storage somewhere and is just… gone?” 

Jeff dropped his gaze back to the floor, Louna’s voice echoing off the bare walls. “I guess,” he replied quietly. He didn’t want to admit that his friend was gone, but what else could he do? The proof was indisputable. There was no trace of David left in the house – the garage was empty as well. It seemed that he had put work into properly disappearing, and now it was paying off. Jeff was sure that if David was determined to stay gone for awhile, he would have no problem doing it. The problem though, was that regular life had to carry on without him, and neither Jeff nor Louna was sure how they could make that happen. But David had given them no choice – and that was the point. 

Louna sighed hollowly, loosening her fingers from their death grip around each other. “I didn’t think he’d actually do this,” she confessed quietly. 

It was hard to say the words out loud, to admit that she’d known David had been thinking about this possibility, because it was the last thing she’d wanted, and maybe if she didn’t acknowledge it, it wouldn’t come true. What wishful thinking that had been. 

“What do you mean?” Jeff asked, surprised at the admission. “Did you know what he was going to do?” 

She shook her head roughly, hearing the instant edge in Jeff’s voice. “No, I didn’t know,” she said. “If I knew, I would’ve done everything to stop him…” She took a steadying breath. “He just… a few weeks ago we had this conversation about the future… things that might happen, or that we were thinking about. He asked me what I thought would happen if he just left.” She wrung her hands, eyes tracing over where the rug should have been on the floor. “I told him I couldn’t answer that, because it would never happen, right?” She took a breath, looking up at Jeff. “He didn’t say anything after that.” 

“Fuck.” He closed his eyes as he looked away, and Louna forced a laugh. 

“And now he fucking did it. He left.” She stared pointedly at Jeff. “Because of them.” 

Instantly he met her eyes again. “You think so?” 

“You don’t? What else would have made him do this? Leave his career? His friends? I might not’ve been his fiancée, but I was as good as…” She trailed off, her throat twisting in her chest. She shouldn’t have said it. That admission had just made everything hurt much worse than it did already, and she wasn’t ready to face those emotions yet – if she ever would be. 

Jeff shook his head after a moment, waiting to speak until Louna had regained her composure, because she deserved to know what he already knew. “You weren’t his fiancée,” he told her gently, then smiled, sadness in his eyes. “He was yours. Why do you think he wore that wolf ring everywhere?” 

He said it with a slight roll of his eyes that made Louna laugh, just for a moment, before her throat closed again as the reality hit her. She’d lost her boyfriend, her fiancé, and her future all in one night. 

She sucked in a jagged breath, tears clouding her eyes as she reached up to cover her mouth and hide her trembling lips. It was so much worse than she’d realized. How had David done this to her? 

“Oh, Lou…” Jeff reached his arm around her then, and she leaned into his shoulder, balling his shirt in her fists as her breaths came in short hiccups. He’d hoped she wouldn’t have hit the breaking point yet, because he knew it was going to be the first of many, but he was glad he could be there for her. He’d shared a lot with Louna in the last few years, and they were as close as a best friend and girlfriend could be without crossing certain lines, but tonight those lines were thrown out. This was a different situation entirely, and there were definitely no protocols to follow for it. David had vanished, and now they faced the terrible task of moving on without him – however they could. 

He rubbed her back as her breathing quieted and she sniffled hard. 

A second later she laughed and lifted her head, hardly caring that her mascara was for sure running down her face in an awful mess. “That fucker probably didn’t leave any Kleenex did he?” 

Jeff smiled, smoothing her hair back as they pulled away from each other. “I’ll go check… all else fails I have some napkins in my car.” 

She nodded and wiped her chin as Jeff stood up from beside her, taking a few steps toward the bathroom. “Thank you,” she said quietly. 

He paused and looked back at her, feeling his own chest grow tight as he could easily see the heartbreak she felt. He gave her a quick nod. “Welcome.” 

She looked down at her fingers as he stepped around the doorway and found her fingers streaked with black. She fought the urge to wipe them first on her pants, and second on the white mattress beneath her. For a moment she considered doing a faceplant on the mattress, to leave behind the ugly mascara and eye make-up stains as a permanent reminder of this horrible night, but she held back. Her heart hurt, but she would never had been that cruel. 

“You’re in luck,” Jeff announced, coming back from the bathroom, “he left the toilet paper.” 

She looked up and had to laugh as Jeff handed her the entire roll, instead of a wad that she was expecting. She shook her head, taking it and unrolling a few sheets to clean her fingers, then a few more to wipe her face and blow her nose. She wadded all the paper together when she was done and shook her head with a sigh – this was it. There was nothing more they could do here tonight, except leave. 

Jeff stood awkwardly at the end of the bed and Louna mustered a smile. “Meet you downstairs?” she asked him. 

He nodded after a second. “Take your time.” He walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs, footsteps echoing down the empty halls. 

She looked around the bedroom after he left, feeling the emptiness of the house start to consume her. If she let it, it would swallow her too. She couldn’t let that happen; not yet anyway. She stood up from the bed abruptly and carried the wadded tissue and toilet paper roll back to the bathroom. The gray marble countertop gleamed spotlessly beneath the lights – he’d even fucking cleaned before he left. How long had he been planning this? She threw the used wads in the toilet, then looked at herself in the mirror. Black streaks still stained her cheeks and she scrubbed more toilet paper over them, a poor attempt to remove the stubborn make-up. After one more try, this time with a little hot water, she conceded and threw the rest of the papers into the toilet, the flush ending with a satisfying hiss. 

She left then, flicking the lights off as her heels tapped along the wood floors. The noise bounced off the walls in perfect staccato beats as she descended the stairs and met Jeff at the bottom. His gaze was expectant, but hesitant. She sighed as she sat down on the steps, unknowingly taking up the same position David had some three hours before. Jeff joined her and they stared together at the familiar front door. 

“What now?” she asked him, the ring of defeat in her voice. 

He shook his head, at a loss himself for what they’d actually do now. “I guess I’ll call Seb when I get home… then we’ll figure out what to do about Chuck and Pierre… the band.” He laughed slightly then, recalling his conversation with David from the other day. “Guess I should’ve seen this coming too.” 

Louna looked at him curiously, but Jeff offered no explanation. David had dropped hints everywhere it seemed; they just hadn’t been paying attention to them. 

“What about you?” he asked after a stretch of silence. 

She shrugged dismissively. “Probably just go home… pretend this is all a bad dream and wake up in the morning only to be devastated all over again.” She offered a dark smirk. “It’s what he would’ve wanted.” 

Jeff laughed outright. “Seriously… nothing says ‘Drama Queen’ quite like packing up all your shit and pulling a huge disappearing act on your entire life.” 

She smiled as she shook her head. “Too bad I never hacked the GPS in his car.” She meant it as a joke, but Jeff met her eyes. 

“We could probably pay someone to do that, you know,” he told her. 

She shook her head. “That is way beyond the realm of my thinking capability tonight,” she replied. 

“Yeah, probably mine too,” he agreed, then rubbed his face, stress clear in his features and deepening the lines beside his eyes. “Should we call his parents, or Julie?” 

She closed her eyes as she tilted her head back, the question a blow to her stomach. She hadn’t even thought about David’s family. “Oh fuck… I don’t know.” 

“Yeah… I also keep thinking maybe we should call the police… like, is he suicidal?” 

“He’s not suicidal, Jeff,” she said, her voice suddenly tired. “You’re suicidal, you make a cry for attention and think ending everything is the only way out. It’s impulsive and reckless… David planned to disappear. He’s not looking for attention with this.” She took a breath. “That’s a whole other kind of emotional turmoil.” 

He looked up at her, questioning the statements, but also what they still needed to do. “So, do we call the police or not?” he finally asked. 

She shook her head, hating the admission. “I don’t think we do… he wanted to disappear. He said if he left he’d just go hole up at a cabin somewhere… off the grid.” She shrugged. “If he wants to be found, he will be. I know that sounds crazy, but I just get the feeling that that’s how it is right now.” 

Jeff nodded in agreement. “I get that too… like we’re supposed to be the first ones to know, and he’d tell us if we needed to let anyone else know?” 

She hesitated, taking a slow breath. That’s what it felt like, but was she reading things right? Her mind was on overload at that point and she wasn’t sure she could trust her intuition. She needed to get home and sleep off the shock before she could make any other decisions. 

“Something like that,” she finally replied. 

Jeff smiled slightly, knowing exactly how she felt right then – his brain didn’t want to function anymore either. Instead of replying, he stood up from the steps and reached down to offer Louna his hand. 

She took it gratefully; the bare hardwood floors a little slick beneath her heels. 

“We’ll regroup tomorrow, okay?” 

She nodded, following him to the door and flipping the hall light off as they stepped onto the porch. The darkness was instant and she fumbled with the key as she tried to lock the door. It wasn’t until that moment that she realized she’d left her phone in the car. Panic shot through her – what if David had called or texted her? But she knew he hadn’t, even as she thought it. She knew him, through and through, and though this was an extreme measure to take in his life, she knew he’d follow it to the end. He wouldn’t communicate with anyone after he left, until it was absolutely necessary. He was gone, and now they all had to deal with it. 

Finally, she got the door locked and Jeff walked her back to her car. They shared a long hug, not needing to say anything more right then. He held the door as she slid behind the wheel. 

“Text me when you get home,” he told her. “And call me for anything you need to, okay?” 

She nodded. “I will. Thanks, Jeff.” 

“Welcome, Lou,” 

He closed the door gently and she watched him walk back to his car before starting her own. A sweet acoustic melody poured through the speakers and she sighed, knowing it was a musician that David had introduced her to. She hoped she wouldn’t feel an emotional sting every time a song came on, but tonight the wound was too fresh and every little thing would feel like salt poured on her. Maybe someday it wouldn’t be like that, but for now she had to live with it. 

Jeff’s headlights pulled out of the driveway a minute later and she followed shortly after, not wanting to prolong the pain of David’s house any further. She did glance back at it though, wondering what would bring her here again, and hoping the next time she could depart on a happier note. 

Her drive home was easy, and she felt relief as she pulled into her own driveway – glad the worst of the night was behind her. Now she could have a glass of wine and sink into her emotional despair without fear of judgment. She got out of her car without hesitation and quickly let herself inside, anticipating the unconditional love that Yuki always showed when she first came home. Tonight, however, the only thing waiting inside her door were boxes. She instantly recognized David’s handwriting on the outside of them. All three were clearly marked with her name, and her heart broke all over. He hadn’t just put her things from his house into storage – he’d packed them carefully and returned them to her, after she’d left for the banquet. Her chest tightened; he’d been the last person in her house and she hadn’t gotten to see him. The wound ripped open all over again and she reached out to brush her fingers over the edge of the open box, seeing one of her favorite hats lying on top. She pushed the front door closed behind her, still looking at the pile of boxes as she flipped the deadbolt, but then another realization hit her: Yuki. Where was he? 

“Yuki!” She called, then whistled slightly, walking into the living room and discarding her clutch onto the coffee table as she finally stepped out of the high heels. 

Yuki, her four-year-old, mottled brown and white, border collie slunk around the corner out of her bedroom a minute later. Louna frowned, crouching down to greet him and unable to help thinking something was wrong with him too. She stroked his ears gently and scratched lightly around his neck and shoulders. “Baby, where were you?” she asked him. “Did you have to go hide from David? You weren’t sure what to think about him being here without me and bringing all my stuff back?” 

His tail wagged slightly and she felt him relax a little, but something was still wrong.  
She leaned forward and kissed his muzzle lightly. “C’mon, we’ll go out then we’ll have a treat… both earned it tonight I think,” she told him. 

He sat up eagerly as she stood up and they went to the kitchen together. She unlocked the back door, intent on taking Yuki out, but the empty food bowl and dry water dish gave her pause. Yuki had stopped in the kitchen doorway, looking wary. Her heart broke again for the third time that night, but for an entirely different reason. She sank down onto the kitchen floor and patted her chest as she looked at Yuki. “Oh, baby… come here,” she called to him, her voice quiet. Yuki came obediently and Louna buried her face into his neck. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry,” she murmured to him, her hands stroking down his back and massaging into his fur. “Momma just forgot,” she told him. She lifted her head and kissed him again. “You didn’t do anything wrong… I just forgot.” She smoothed his ears back as she looked into his eyes. “Do you want out or dinner?” she asked. His tail wagged eagerly and she smiled. “Out?” She paused. “Dinner?” Yuki licked his nose and his tail wagged furiously. She kissed his nose before she stood up, grabbing the empty bowl. “Definitely dinner.” 

Yuki yipped eagerly and Louna smiled, grabbing a can from the pantry. “Well, I’m glad one of us can feel better so easily,” she said to him as she opened the can and emptied it into the bowl. He pranced in a circle as she set it down and picked up the water dish. Yuki looked at her anxiously, waiting for his command. Louna smiled at him. “Good boy,” she told him, then tapped the counter. “Dinner’s ready.” He dove toward the bowl and ate hurriedly. 

Louna shook her head as she filled the water bowl, wondering how she’d forgotten to feed him before she left. She’d been so swept up in getting ready for the banquet, then David being late and his phone not working… She shut the water off, carefully setting the dish back down onto the mat. And Yuki had been napping while she’d been getting ready, so when Jeff told her to leave, she hadn’t given it any second thought. She sighed; from there out the night had been a disaster. 

While Yuki finished eating, Louna grabbed two glasses from her cabinet: one wineglass and one regular glass. She filled the regular glass with water and took a few sips before topping it off again. Then she grabbed the bottle of Merlot she’d opened the night before and poured herself a generous glass. Any lasting effects she might’ve felt from the earlier glasses of wine had already worn off and now she was ready to unwind and let her emotions down the easy way. And for her, a little good Merlot could go a long way. 

She took a long sip and finally Yuki went to the back door, nudging the bell she’d hung there to signal he was ready to go outside. “Good boy,” she told him, opening the door. He ran off the small patio just as she turned on the back porch light, and she took a deep breath of the cold night air. The edge in the breeze gave her a harsh reminder that it was still very early spring, and though the snow had melted already (thanks, climate change) there was still another few weeks to go before it would actually be t-shirt weather at eleven o’clock at night. 

Thankfully, Yuki didn’t fuss around too long outside and Louna had a few treats waiting for him when he came inside. She closed the back door and locked it, giving Yuki the first treat, but then from across the kitchen, she could hear her phone ring. She frowned as she looked at the clock, then realized she had never texted Jeff to say she’d made it home okay. She shook her head, hurrying back toward the front door and nearly tripping over the boxes in the entryway (fuck you, David) before she was able to retrieve her phone from the clutch. She frowned more, seeing her sister’s name on the display when she’d been expecting Jeff’s. 

“Em?” she answered. 

“Louna!” Emadou’s voice ran with relief. “Finally! God, you haven’t answered any of my texts and I’ve just felt sick and worried all night… are you okay?” 

Louna stood in her living room, her sister’s words confusing her immensely. There was no way Emadou could know about what happened with David, could she? Had he gone to Em’s too? No way did that make sense. Or was it just their weird twin connection pulling at their emotional strings? That somehow seemed the most likely, given her current state. She chewed her lip, still hesitating to answer. 

“Lulu?” 

Em’s voice softened and she blew out a sigh – there would be no hiding the truth from her twin sister. “David’s gone,” she finally said, walking back into the kitchen. 

“What? They didn’t follow through on that tour already, did they? You guys had that banquet tonight…” 

She sighed again, feeding the last few treats to Yuki before picking up her wineglass and taking it back to the living room with her. “Yeah, the banquet was tonight… and apparently in the last four days, David managed to pack up his entire house, move it all to storage god-knows-where, and disappear from our current existence.” She settled onto her sofa then, wishing she’d been able to change out of the tight pants, but at least she had wine, of which she took another drink. 

“Wait,” Emadou’s voice was slow, “what?” 

Louna rolled her eyes at her sister and patted the sofa near her leg. Yuki instantly jumped up and settled with her; she was breaking all her dog rules tonight. She’d probably even let him sleep on the bed later and not regret a second of it. “Do I really need to repeat any of that?” she asked her sister. 

“Well, no… but… where is he?” 

Emadou sounded just as confused as she’d felt earlier, and she knew this explanation wouldn’t get any easier, no matter how many times she did it. “I don’t know,” she replied slowly, hoping those words would sink in at least. She took another drink of wine, but as she lowered the glass, a few things happened at once: she finally noticed that David’s guitar was still in the stand in the corner, but what had caught her eye was an envelope tucked precisely beneath the strings of it, her name written in his neat uppercase print, and her phone chimed twice in quick succession to notify her of new text messages. “Fuck, hold on,” she told her sister, exasperation tinging her voice. 

“What? What’s wrong now?” she asked. 

Louna shook her head, holding the phone down and putting it on speaker. “I forgot to text Jeff when I got home and I think he’d checking up on me,” she said, tapping into her messages. 

“Why would Jeff need to know you’re home?” Em asked. 

“Because he went with me to David’s after the banquet… we found out together since we both just felt something was wrong,” she half explained. Sure enough, there were two new messages from Jeff, but also one from Laurence – Jeff had called Sebastien after all. 

Laurence’s message was short: _“Seb just told me about David. Anything you need, we’re here for you. ♥ Always.”_

She replied quickly, a short thank you and a few hearts, then went to Jeff’s messages. 

_“Get home okay? Let me know.”  
“He left me a letter. I think you need to read it. Did you get anything?”_

“Lou?” Emadou’s voice was gentle. “Should we just talk later? Want me to come over tomorrow or something?” 

Louna stared at the phone, torn. The longer she talked with her sister, the easier she could ignore David’s letter, but what was the use prolonging the inevitable? She sighed. “Fuck, I don’t know… might just go ride all day tomorrow,” she said, thinking that hours on her motorcycle honestly didn’t sound like a terrible idea. 

“You should go with Dad if you do,” Em replied. 

Louna nodded absently, knowing they hadn’t been out together in awhile, but she knew who she’d rather go with, except he was no longer an option. 

Tears stung her eyes as she thought it and she stifled a breath, hating this sudden new reality. 

“Oh, Lulu…” 

Her sister’s voice was sad and she set the phone in her lap, wiping away the tears. “Fuck this,” she said. “I’m fucking burning his letter and all the shit he brought back from his house… and I’m going to be fucking done.” 

“Lou, don’t,” Emadou pleaded with her slightly. “Just go to bed, get some sleep, and I’ll come over in the morning, okay? Or I’ll come over now if you want me to,” she offered. 

She forced a laugh and shook her head. “No… you’re right. I just need to sleep… this feels like a really fucked up dream anyway.” 

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Go get some rest, and text me when you wake up, okay?” 

She sighed, David’s letter looming over her. “Okay.” 

“Love you, Lulu.” 

She smiled. “You too, Doudou.” 

They hung up then and Louna finally replied to Jeff’s texts, telling him she’d made it home, had yet to read the letter David had left for her, and was in all honesty considering burning it with some sage to purge his presence from the house. 

Jeff had clearly been waiting for her message, because his reply was almost instant. _“Under no circumstances should you burn the letter. I know why you want to but it you don’t read it you will regret it. Trust me. Read it.”_

She looked between the guitar, where the letter was stuck, and the phone, and shook her head, knowing Jeff was right. She would regret burning the letter without at least reading it once. _“Read it tonight or wait til morning?”_ she asked Jeff. 

_“Up to you, but I think I’ll sleep better having read mine. Cushions the landing a little.”_

She smiled slightly, grateful for his honest replies, and for his friendship. She knew tonight would have been much worse had Jeff not been at her side. _“Thanks for everything tonight… talk tomorrow?”_

_“Absolutely. Welcome, always.”_

She set the phone aside then and picked up her discarded glass of wine. She took a long drink as she stared at the guitar and weighed her options, but really she only had one choice, and for that she would need more wine. 

Carefully, she pulled herself off the couch, trying not to disturb Yuki, who had already settled for a long nap. She smoothed his tail down as she finally stood up and went into her bedroom to change out of her banquet clothes. However, there was yet another surprise in her bedroom: the bed was neatly made and her hurricane of clothes had been picked up and folded into a pile on top of the overflowing laundry basket. She felt herself deflate once more, sadness tugging her back into its grip as she realized David had managed to pick up after her one last time before he’d departed. She stood in the doorway, shaking her head in disbelief. 

How many more times would she feel this way? Go through these pangs of grief and loss and heartbreak? It was the first night and she just wanted to be numb already. And she hadn’t even had the true meltdown that she knew would come. It was so inevitable to her that she would absolutely lose it at the most unexpected time, because isn’t that how these things went? She’d be numb to everything for weeks and then she’d be doing some mundane thing at work maybe, and a song would trigger all those emotions she thought she’d locked away… 

She shook her head. Fuck she hoped it wouldn’t happen at work. Anywhere but the office.

She stepped out of the doorway finally and retrieved her long yoga pants and old, oversized gray t-shirt from where they lay at the head of her bed. She changed quickly then padded back through the house, picking up the empty wineglass and going to the kitchen. She refilled her glass and instead of walking straight back to the living room, she opened a few cupboards, trying to find something to sate the late-night hunger that had just hit her, and maybe balance some of the wine in her stomach. She ended up with a mixed bowl of dried pineapple, coconut, macadamia nuts, cocoa nibs, and mango. She also grabbed the unopened bag of olive oil and herb popcorn because why the hell not? She took the snacks back to the living room, setting them on the table before she grabbed the letter. 

The strings thrummed as she pulled the envelope from between them, and the sound was almost comforting. Acoustic guitar melodies had never been in shortage when David was at her house, especially after she’d bought him the guitar to keep there – a birthday present the year before that he’d happily accepted. She wondered momentarily why he hadn’t taken it with him, but he had several other instruments at his disposal, and he probably didn’t want to be reminded of her when he played it. Her fingers tightened on the envelope; the guitar would be a constant reminder of him and she vowed to pack it up when she could no longer bear the thoughts or all those memories. 

She settled back on the sofa with Yuki, who had curled up on one end against the pillows after she’d gotten up, and set the letter in her lap. The thickness of the envelope had surprised her. Either David had used excessively nice stationery, or he had written her more than the page or two she’d been expecting. Somehow she knew it was the latter, and she was grateful she had a full glass of wine to help get her through it. 

She traced over the letters of her name written on the front of the envelope, the jagged, all-uppercase font she knew from so many overseas postcards and little notes stuck to her door or car or motorcycle, or wherever she was least expecting them. He’d had a curious addiction to sharpies and sticky notes – the former of course more understandable, given they were always handy in his line of work. 

She stared at the ‘U’ in her name, looking more like a V, which she always forgave him for, and wondered if there were any long-forgotten notes to find someday – some small proof that what they had was tangible and not just a dream. She hoped maybe there would be, and everything they’d shared wouldn’t be entirely lost to the back corners of unknown storage units and closets already filled with too many skeletons. 

She drew in a deep breath, unable to put it off any longer. She turned the envelope over and carefully ran her finger along the length to unseal it. As she lifted the flap, she could swear she smelled a hint of his cologne – the bright citrusy scent hitting her nose and conjuring memories of the summer they first got together. So many motorcycle rides they’d shared back then, her arms wrapped tight around him and her nose tucked on his shoulder – his hair had been long then, curling over his neck in dark waves and heavy with the citrus smell. She’d been mildly devastated when he’d cut his hair short the next year, but she could hardly justify her criticism, because she’d done the same – shorn her hair off into the pixie cut after years of letting it grow to the middle of her back. Being with David had given her the confidence to try the things she’d always wanted to, and he encouraged her to do them without regret. She still wore her hair short now, but maybe since he was gone, the grow out could begin – it was going to be a new chapter, after all. 

She sighed, pushing all the memories away and sliding the pages from the envelope. She had no idea what she was about to read, but she hoped it would shed some light on why she and Jeff had come to find an empty house, and why her future seemed entirely uncertain, but with David there were never any guarantees, and tonight she had relearned it in the worst possible way. 

_Louna,_

_No matter what you are thinking as you start to read this, there is one thing that I’m absolutely positive of, and that is that our story is not finished. You and I are not over – this is not the end of us. I know that probably isn’t what it feels like. If I know you at all, you might be plotting my demise about now, or want to burn this letter with some sage and cleanse me out of your aura, so I’m thankful to be out of harm’s way… But promise me that when I come back you won’t just murder me outright… because I will be back._

_The last year has been one of the hardest to get through, and I can’t thank you enough for all the love and support you’ve shown, not just me, but Jeff and Seb too. We wouldn’t have made it without you and Lo and Mimi. And we never gave you the gratitude you deserved for that. You put up with an endless amount of shit from me, that you so easily could have walked away from, but you didn’t. You stayed by my side and helped me work through it and see everything from a different perspective so I wasn’t stuck in that same hellhole everyone else was in. If you hadn’t been with me the last four years, I don’t know where I’d be now. I know I would have left the band long before today, because this has been a long time coming. I think I came to understand the inevitable end a few months ago, and kept thinking that a natural opportunity to leave would present itself, but I finally realized that was just an excuse I was using. There is never an “opportune moment” to leave what has been your life the last seventeen years. I was only kidding myself – deluding myself to think I wasn’t irreplaceable in the band. I should have walked out the door two years ago after Pierre tore down everything we’d built as a band, but I wanted to believe that it had been a mistake – a fluke – a one-time thing. My naivety is always so charming, isn’t it? Like he hadn’t done this very same thing ten years ago and used the same excuses to get us to move on and stand behind him? We have always been his puppets, and I’m finally fucking cutting that cord. From today forward, he will get nothing from me. I have wasted too much time and energy on him and it’s time I put that effort into my own life._

_And here is the scary truth I face in realizing I need to move on: I don’t know what my life is without the band. Of course I have you, and our friends, and all the crazy shit I do when I’m not doing “the band” but now I have to find out what my life can be like without “the band.” I have no idea where to start, but I know that it can’t be in Montreal. At this point I’m not sure where I’ll end up, or how long I might be gone, but I’m going to do this for however long it takes. I need to figure out my life – I had to make a clean break. Seventeen years of something comes with a shit pile of baggage – I know; I just packed a fucking storage unit full of it, and that’s only the physical shit. I think I’d need a landfill for what’s in my head… so I need to get away and work through it._

_You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to tell you all this – not that you haven’t known what I’ve been going through, but I think it’s different to read or hear something rather than go on intuition alone. Did you know that I’d left tonight? Had you guessed halfway through the dinner and just had to sit there with a fake smile the rest of the night? I hope not, but you always could read me a little too well… so that said, I sincerely hope that you believe me when I say that we are not over. Me leaving Montreal is not me leaving you. I know our relationship can withstand this part in our life… we have to believe it can, because I’m not giving up on us. I’m going to come back when I’m ready, and I hope you’ll be ready to have me again. _

_Louna, I love you so much. You have been an anchor in the fucking raging sea and every time I was worried things were falling apart, you were there to help me hold the pieces. You have made me see things in the world – beautiful things (that aren’t just you) – and you’ve made me become a better person – a better man – a better human being. You have made the last four years incredible and I don’t want to give that all up. I want to find myself again – find that person I was four years ago and take what I’ve learned and make him better, because right now I’m in an awful place. I need to get out of this shithole and back to something like when we first met. I was so happy back then, because things in life were good. The band was amazing, we connected, and I felt like the game was won. I’d achieved this great thing – happiness. But for the last couple years, that’s been gone. Where did it go? How did I lose it? I still had you, I was still doing what I loved, so what had happened? Why was it suddenly so hard to get excited about anything? There were flashes of clarity, but a month ago it hit me over the head in a way that I just couldn’t ignore…_

_I was at home, just playing around on the guitar and having a nice little afternoon session. It was carefree. I was just playing to play and practice. There was no end goal in my head. And then I got a call from Pierre, asking about some foundation thing or something, but then we got to talking and he asked what I’d been up to. I told him, and his immediate response seemed to be shock that I wasn’t using my time to make money – that I would create music simply to create it, and not to monetize it or profit from it. We ended the conversation on some fucking stupid shit he was working on for a commercial or something, and when we hung up, I finally knew I was done._

_For the last four years I’ve told myself that I was in the band because I loved playing music, and it still allowed me to do that. But I hadn’t realized the trade-off. I want to play music and create art and make people happy with that. Pierre just wants to make money and doesn’t give two shits about the music he uses to do that. He used to, but it had been a long time since he truly did. And now I realize that those two things can never be reconciled. You can have one, or the other, but they cannot exist together. Pierre will never understand this, why I will not compromise my artistic integrity (and fuck let’s be honest, I’ve been in a mediocre pop-punk band for 17 years, I have no artistic integrity but I’ll be damned if someone can’t recognize that I am a fucking decent musician). So fuck him. I’m finally fucking leaving and good luck finding my replacement – if there’s still a band after the first departure. I will be mildly shocked if there isn’t a split between the two factions and fuck if a part of me doesn’t want to be there to witness it…_

_But enough about all that bullshit. This is a letter to you, my darling, my love, my Lulu… why am I doing this to you? Why am I putting you through hell right now if I’m just going to come back and demand your attention again? Why didn’t I just pack you up and take you with me? Because that isn’t how these things work. The protagonist can never go on a journey of self-discovery and torture and battle all his inner and outer demons with his fair maiden at his side. He needs his raison d’etre to be safe in the ivory tower somewhere, until he can come back one day and finally escort her down the tower stairs when he feels he’s ready to show her the proper kingdom he’s rebuilt. And that is fucking cheesy as hell and I kind of want to watch “The Neverending Story” now, but it’s basically how I feel. I need to go through this shit without you, so that when we’re finally together again, it’s that much better. Or, you know, you can punch me in the face, tell me how much of a moron I was, and that we’re over and I have a new battle in life to go fight. It really could go either way. I guess that one’s up to you though._

_So how do I end a letter like this? How do I put into words all the feelings of anxiety and unknown and doubt about what I’m doing? If I’m making the right decision? Can I really just up and leave the only life I’ve known for seventeen years and start over? Other people have done it. Really, how hard can it be? (That was total fucking sarcasm, just FYI) I’m terrified, but I also feel this exhilarating excitement that I haven’t felt for years. I’m on the cusp of something completely new and I have no clue where it’s going to take me. The thrill of a new adventure is flooding through me and even though driving away if going to be the hardest part, it’s what I need to do right now. I need to go. And I need you to please, please, please understand why I have to do this. Trust me, Lulu, I don’t want to leave you. Fuck, how could I? We’re perfect. You’re amazing. More than amazing. You complete every picture I had of what I wanted my life to be and now I’m taking a huge, possibly fucking stupid risk and throwing that all into the ocean and hoping it might survive the tides and be there whenever I come around again. I know that you could hate me after this. I know you might never want to see me again, but I also know that what we have cannot and will not be denied._

_. . ._

_What’s that cheesy fucking cliché? If you love something, let it go?_

_Let me go. And when I come back, because I promise I will come back, we will be better than ever. Please believe. Leaving you is the hardest part of all of this, but I’m trusting the universe that I’m doing the right thing._

_This is not how our story ends._

_J’adore. Toujours._

 

She reached the end of the letter and stared at where he’d signed his name with a small heart beside it. It was too much to comprehend. He had left, but he wasn’t breaking up with her? She reached for the wineglass but found it empty – she’d drained it while she’d read, and the snack bowl was decimated too. The only thing untouched was the bag of popcorn. 

She rifled back through the pages then, her eyes catching on certain phrases. Really? Ivory tower? He had to have been high when he wrote that part. And he was a complete moron; he always had been, but this just proved it. How could she wait for him? And how could she wait, when she had no idea how long she would have to wait? Oh god, that made her head hurt. She couldn’t think about this right now, and she wasn’t sure if the letter had actually helped what he’d done or not. She had known most everything already, but what David hadn’t answered was what he hoped to figure out – he just knew it was something. She shook her head, her thoughts too muddled now to make any sense. 

She set the letter aside and extracted herself from the couch, Yuki giving her a protesting look as she prodded him off the cushions too. “Time for bed,” she told him. He slunk off the couch and went straight to the backdoor. She let him out as she put away the snack carnage and made sure the rest of the house was locked up. They went to her bedroom together after she let him back in, and Yuki immediately curled up on his bed – so much for letting him break her bed rule. It was a few minutes later when Louna finally collapsed beneath her blankets, face free of the tear-streaked eye make-up and smudged blush and bronzer. Her head still swirled with thoughts as she reached to turn off the bedside lamp and shroud the room in darkness. She closed her eyes, ready to sleep everything away, but in her distraction she had missed the final thing David had left for her. There, on the bedside table, now hidden in the shadows, was a small box with one last card. 

Louna gave into her exhaustion and fell asleep almost instantly; the box went untouched, and would be her final surprise in the morning.


	3. Part Three - One Last Treasure

Sunlight streamed into the bedroom, forging past the blinds and streaking the floor with pale bands. Louna dragged her eyes open, not prepared to be awake quite yet. The night had passed fitfully – half formed dreams of David playing out in shadowy vignettes, but all ending the same as he slipped out the door, too fast for her words or hands to stop him. 

She sighed heavily, wondering if she could get back to sleep at all, hesitating to check the clock. Her phone had stayed quiet through the night, so word of David’s departure hadn’t spread just yet, and for that she was grateful. She pushed the blankets down then, sighing as she looked over to her bedside table and to the clock, only she couldn’t see the time. 

A box sat in front of the small display, a silver bow tied neatly on top of it. She squinted at it; where had this box come from? Had it been there last night? And all at once everything rushed back to her, the murky dreams blasted away with harsh reality.  
Of course David had left her one last treasure to find. 

She lifted her head just slightly and sure enough there was an envelope tucked beneath the box. She didn’t even need to open the card or box to know what were inside – her intuition was already screaming at her. She wanted to throw the box across the room, to punch something until all the feelings went away, because how could he have done this to her?! Did he even know what he was asking? How could she just put her life on pause for him? He probably thought it was some equivalent to him going on tour for awhile, but that wasn’t this at all. They could still talk to each other and text each other while he was gone on tour, but now she had no way to reach him. 

Or did she? 

She grabbed her phone from where she’d discarded it on her book stack, finally seeing that it was just past eight thirty - she’d slept longer than she’d thought – and opened her email. She chose her personal account and quickly typed a message to David, not knowing if it would go through or if he’d closed that account too. She stared at the phone for two minutes, hitting refresh every thirty seconds, but the message never came back to her. He at least hadn’t surrendered his private email account, so maybe, just maybe she could still get messages to him, though he probably wouldn’t reply. That was just as well. Somehow it would make it easier to write if she wasn’t expecting an answer. She could write into the void and let it settle her emotions instead of them eating tirelessly away at her. It would be a trade-off. And if David was actually checking the messages he might reach out in her moments of desperation. It was a risky move she was willing to make. 

As she stared blankly at her phone, pondering the email situation, it had shut off and Yuki had sensed she was finally awake, stretching languidly as he rose from his bed beneath the window. He came over and stood next to the bed, looking up at her expectantly. She sighed and set the phone next to the box. “Give me a minute,” she told him, pushing her mussed bangs from her forehead and finally sliding out of bed, padding to the bathroom as the dog went to the bedroom door. 

A few minutes later, Louna had pulled on a hoodie, grabbed her phone, and gone into the backyard with Yuki. She texted her sister while Yuki stalked the yard and did his business. _"Awake. Had fucked up dreams ofc. And found David’s parting gift. Just guess what.”_

Emadou’s reply was quick, no doubt she’d been up for an hour already with her daughters watching bad Sunday morning television. _"Oh god what? Good or bad?”_

She shook her head. _"I don’t know yet. It’s a small box and I refuse to touch it.”_

_"Oh fuck he didn’t… just come over already and we’ll open it together… are you going to let me read his letter?”_

_"Maybe. I need to reread it first.”_ She shook her head, not believing that this was her reality now. _"I wish I could just talk to him…”_

Emadou sent her back a sad face and a car emoji. She half smiled, knowing her sister was at a loss for words until they saw each other. There was just only so much that could be said in a text message. _"Gonna run, shower, then come over. Let you know when I’m on my way.”_

_"Okay. Love you.”_

She smiled, grateful that Em knew how much she needed to hear that right then. Though it seemed like she’d lost everything the night before, she hadn’t. She still had her family, her friends, her career; she looked down at Yuki, who had thrust his head beneath her hand on her knee – and her very insistent dog who could clearly tell something was wrong this morning. 

She petted his head and kissed his muzzle. “You win, Yuks,” she told him, his tail already starting to wag. “Time to go run.” 

They went inside and five minutes later were out the front door together, jogging down the sidewalk to warm up before settling into a long stride, the pavement disappearing effortlessly beneath her feet. As she ran, her thoughts cleared and her emotions drained; she needed this. She would be much more settled to face her sister and reread the letter, because the pain of the night before wouldn’t be so fresh. The edges of the wound had begun to heal a tiny bit, but she knew it would be weeks – months maybe – before it was just a scar. A scar she would most likely carry for the rest of her life. 

An hour and a half later, Louna pulled up in front of her sister’s house, the motorcycle ride just long enough to clear her head of the thoughts that had stirred up during her shower. What might normally have been a regular morning routine had been thrown with the sudden discovery that not only had David left things for her and cleaned her room when he’d been there, he had also taken his personal items from her house. The discovery had come in the shower, when she noticed his toothbrush and razor were no longer in their shared shower caddy. It was a blow she hadn’t been expecting, and a new round of tears had sprung to her eyes. He was really gone, and he had tried to erase himself from parts of her life. 

But then why leave her the letter? Why leave her the guitar? The box? More tears had started as she thought about what could have been in the box. She wanted to shut off her intuition, and no doubt Emadou could already guess as well, without even reading the letter. 

Fuck, none of this made sense, but somehow she needed to get through it. She hoped she could. 

She dismounted the motorcycle and tugged her helmet off as she walked to the front door, which was flung open before she reached the porch and both Ella and Abby came out to meet her. 

“Lulu!” They greeted her in perfect unison and she couldn’t help but smile at the twins, so much like she and her sister when they were younger. She was thankful though, that she and Emadou hadn’t been identical; sharing the womb had definitely been enough for them. 

“Hi girls!” she greeted them back, reaching down to hug and kiss them. 

Abby stayed at her side, but Ella frowned, looking back at the street. “Where’s David?” she asked. 

The question was entirely innocent on Ella’s part, but it made Louna’s stomach jolt uncomfortably. She didn’t know how to reply. How could she explain to her nieces that David had left? They wouldn’t understand that he’d simply just left. Ella looked up at her expectantly and she mustered a smile. “He left on a trip this morning,” she finally said, her heart aching as she said the half-truth; it was the best she could do. He went on trips all the time, that much they would understand. But Ella’s eyes were still curious, somehow knowing that Louna wasn’t telling them everything. 

Her small lips turned into a frown. “Where did he go?” she asked. 

As Louna looked at her niece, she could feel her chest tighten and her throat start to close. How could she say she didn’t know? She was always supposed to know where David was. The girls had come to always expect David with her the last few years, except when he was traveling, but then she always had pictures to show them – quick snaps from airplanes and tour busses, or silly selfies with the rest of the band. Now she had nothing. She had been left with a letter and a box that she was terrified to open. 

She inhaled slowly, the breath tearing through her collapsing lungs. “He said…” her words were stilted, “he’d tell me…” she looked up; Emadou had finally come to the door and stepped onto the porch to join them. “…when he got there.” She barely managed the words before tears were in her eyes. 

“Oh, Lulu…” Em’s voice was hushed as she stepped forward to console her sister, taking her in a large hug. 

Louna leaned into the embrace, closing her eyes as she rested her cheek on her sister’s shoulder. She couldn’t keep breaking down like this; she’d never felt so emotionally unstable before and it was terrible not knowing when the next break was coming. An innocent question from Ella had really thrown her this much? How would she face the questions from her friends when they found out? She wouldn’t be able to lie to them, and somehow this truth was inevitable. 

It wouldn’t be overnight that people would realize David was gone, but over time it would come out. Weeks from now there would be intrigue to where he was, and she didn’t know if she’d have any more answers then than she did right now. She just wanted this over already. She was through feeling the pain and grief, and it had only just started. What a nightmare. She hoped he’d get his karma. 

“Girls?” Emadou kept her voice quiet. “Can you go see if Papa needs help?” 

Louna held her eyes shut, fully expecting an onslaught of questions from the six year olds, but nothing came. The sound of small feet retreating into the house came a moment later and she melted further onto her sister. There had never been a time that they hadn’t been there for one another, and never was she so grateful for that connection as she was now. She’d need everything Em was willing to give her right then, because it might be the only thing to keep her together. 

Emadou kissed her cheek when they finally pulled away a minute later. “C’mon… I just made more coffee.” She brushed back Louna’s helmet-rumpled hair and led her inside to the kitchen. 

The sunshine beamed through the large windows and Louna could see the girls in the backyard with their dad, Judah, who was cleaning the small chicken coop, the hens roaming the yard. She was glad she had left Yuki at home because he would’ve gone after the chickens in a second. 

She slung off her backpack when she stopped at the kitchen table, setting both the pack and her helmet onto a chair. Em leaned against the island counter and watched in expectant silence. A second later, Louna unzipped her backpack and pulled out the three items to show her sister. She put the card on the table first, followed by the box, which Em raised her eyebrows at. The last item was the letter, which she simply handed to her sister. Em met her eyes in question. “Just read it,” she said, then walked around the island, grabbing a mug from the cabinet and helping herself to a cup of coffee and bowl of fruit from the fridge. 

Emadou took the letter to the table, sitting down before she extracted the pages and unfolded them carefully. She glanced at Louna once more before she began to read, her stomach sinking with each page. She’d thought the night before, and even Louna’s response on the front porch minutes ago, had been overreactions, but now she knew better. Now she could see why her sister seemed on the constant verge of tears. 

David had done the impossible, and was asking Louna to do the impossible in return. 

She shook her head, finally looking up from the letter and meeting her sister’s eyes across the kitchen. “He’s really gone,” she stated, the lack of anything better to say stuck on her tongue. 

Louna’s laugh was high with disbelief. “You thought I was joking?” she asked, voice shrill. 

“Lou, no,” she replied instantly with a headshake. “I just… didn’t know what was going on last night.” 

Louna rolled her eyes, fingers clutched tightly around the coffee cup in her hands. “You’re not the only one.” 

Emadou frowned, setting the letter on the table as she still looked at her sister. “I just don’t understand how he could do this,” she finally said. “Why he couldn’t just ask you to go with him, despite whatever fucked up storytelling he believes in.” 

She half smiled. “Right?” There was a hint of a laugh in the word. “Except he was probably totally high when he wrote that part, so who knows what in this letter is actually real or just some bullshit streaming from his subconscious… either way…” She punctuated the statement with a shrug, because there wasn’t much in the letter to reconcile. 

Yes, she had to decide what to do, but that was it. And it didn’t matter what she chose – she would still have to await David’s eventual return, be that weeks, months, or even years. Again she found herself wondering how she could simply put her life on hold during this time, to always be searching for him, and wondering when he might walk back through her front door. 

As much as she wanted to ask if that promise would hold true, she knew that David had always stuck to his word before, and maybe that's what scared her a little. She knew he would be back – he would return to her, but without knowing when that would be, it was impossible to commit to a decision and follow it through. 

She looked down into her near empty coffee mug; she didn’t have to decide today. For all she knew, she had the next year to make the choice, and somehow in the very pit of her stomach, her small voice of reason and intuition was telling her the choice wouldn’t be final until she saw David again. It would only be then that the decision was real and she would have to follow through with what she had chosen. 

“What are you going to do?” Emadou asked quietly, still sitting at the table across the kitchen from her. 

Louna shook her head and pushed up from the counter where she’d been leaning, reaching for the coffee pot to refill her mug. “I don’t know,” she said, returning the carafe and walking over to join her sister at the table. She sat down, her eyes landing on the box on the table between them. “I’m not ready to make any decisions right now.” She circled her hands around the mug, looking at the glossy burgundy nailpolish she’d put on the day before for the banquet – god that seemed so long ago already and it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours; how quickly everything in life could change. 

“He was everything,” she said softly, confessing what had been in her mind since the night before, her thoughts echoing David’s words in the letter. “We were supposed to be together… he was my _forever_.” 

Emadou reached out and touched her sister’s arm, a sad smile on her lips. “I know.” 

Louna closed her eyes, tears rising in her chest as she pulled her hand from the mug and linked her fingers with her sister’s. She may have lost David, but she would not lose her twin. 

The connection was comforting and she took steadying breaths, the emotions receding again. It felt like the tide, being pushed and pulled with the moon, only the controller of her tide wasn’t even there. Was he even still in the same province? The same country?  
Her heart throbbed with the sudden possibility that he might not even be on the same continent. He could have gone anywhere in the world, and no one would know where he was, or to look for him. And suddenly she could imagine him arriving in Australia or South Africa, just a backpack on his shoulders and the hopes that everything would work out, blissfully unaware of the heartache he’d left behind. Did he even realize what he’d done? What his abrupt departure had caused? Karma was the only hope she had for him now, but even that wasn’t a guarantee. 

She took a long breath, finally opening her eyes again and matching her sister’s smile; she still had to confront the last piece in this nightmare scenario, and she was glad she wouldn’t be alone to do it. 

She squeezed Em’s hand before she dropped it, then reached for the card and box – it was time to see if David was indeed as crazy as she thought he was. 

Emadou caught her breath as Louna took the card into her hand. “Are you ready?” she asked, voice still hushed. 

Louna met her gaze doubtfully. “No… but for this, I don’t think I ever will be,” she replied truthfully. If the box held what she expected, then there was no way she would be ready. How could she begin to reconcile what should have been the happiest moment of her life, with the sheer devastation she’d been through the night before? Was still going through? She couldn’t wrap her thoughts around it, and there was no incentive to try. If she was about to get her heart broken again there was no sense in continuing to put if off. She needed to get it over with and just deal with whatever pain would come. 

For a second, her fingers trembled as she held the card, terrified to know what was inside, but she had to know. In this, she had no choice. 

She carefully unsealed the envelope, the flap only stuck at the point, and extracted the card. On the front was a picture of a wolf pup, holding a flower as large as its head in its mouth. It made her smile because she always thought of David as a puppy – chasing everything new he found with unbridled enthusiasm until he finally grew tired of it, or grew into it as his interest grew with whatever new hobby it might’ve been. That aspect of his personality had never changed in the four years she’d known him, and she knew it never would. 

She opened the card, expecting some generic printed message, but instead she found a photo of them, and a handwritten page, painstakingly pasted onto the card. She lifted the photo from the card and studied it, recognizing it instantly: a candid snap of them from David’s birthday the year before – just seven months ago. The moment had been intimate, their heads bowed together after sharing a kiss, David’s hand soft on her cheek, his eyes crinkled at the corners in a deep smile. A laugh had been on her lips and her eyes were half closed as they leaned together, her bangs dusting his forehead. She could almost feel his breath on her face as she looked at the photograph, and her chest drew in with her next breath, her body aching to feel his touch again. There would be no recovery from this heartbreak, and she simply wanted to be numb; that was the only way she was going to make it through this. 

She set the photo aside and looked at the card, David’s handwriting neat and careful on the page he’d glued inside it. 

 

_Louna,_  
Please do not let what I’ve done break your heart.  
I am still with you.  
I love you with my whole heart, and I always will.  
This is my vow to you:  
Our story is not over.  
This is not how our love ends.  
I will be back, and when I am, you will have me forever.  
J’adore toujours.  
David 

 

She closed her eyes, silent tears slipping down her cheeks. She knew exactly what was in the box then, but how could she not let it break her heart? He was gone. He had left everything, yet still expected her to have faith in him? They both knew what insurmountable odds those were. Could she do it? She might not have a choice. 

She set the card down, tears still dripping down her face as she reached for the small box. She didn’t dare look at her sister because her resolve would disintegrate. 

She slid the silver ribbon from the tiny package and peeled the tape from one end, pulling the ivory paper off the box. It was a plain black jewelry case, just as she expected. Her hands trembled as she held it, her fingers immediately finding the crease to open it. Her heart raced; would this make David’s promise better or worse? She had no answer, only grief. 

With a small push, the box opened and her breath stalled in her throat. It was not what she’d been expecting, but then, they had always been non-traditional. Nestled in the box was a ring, but definitely not a regular diamond ring that she had been envisioning. No, David had somehow outdone himself on this one, and made her heart hurt all the more. 

It was a spectacular white stone, carefully shaped into a stunning, elongated oval shape, with bright hues of green and turquoise shining through it as they caught the light – a gorgeous Mexican fire opal. It was set in a flawless silver casing, the thick metal wrapping the entire edge of the stone and twisting down to form the actual band. But that wasn’t all. There, set into the opal itself, were two small stones in the upper left corner of the oval: one a shimmery dark purple, and the other a bright, clear lime green. Amethyst and peridot – their birthstones. 

She set the box down, staring at the ring through her renewed tears and unable to bring herself to take it out of its case. Perhaps this wasn’t an actual engagement ring, and just a promise of his love, but she knew better. Jeff’s words about the wolf ring she’d given David rang in her head, and she was sure that David felt the same way about this ring before her. 

There was a reason he’d worn her wolf on his left ring finger instead of his right, and it wasn’t just because of the so-called healing qualities of the moonstone he wore on that hand. The wolf had signified something more in their relationship, just the same as this ring did now. 

She snapped the box shut and reached up to cover her face with her hands, her tears overwhelming everything then. She couldn’t help the heartbreak. How could she accept this offer, when he wasn’t even here to ask the question? 

Emadou shifted over to sit beside her sister and took her into a gentle hug, having no words to offer. She hoped the silent comfort would be enough. 

Louna leaned into her sister’s shoulder for the second time that morning, but instead of trying to stifle her emotions, she simply let them go. It was the only thing left to do. She had no answer for the decision before her, and only time would tell if she ever would. For now, there was only an open wound in her chest, which she needed to empty entirely before she could even fathom beginning to fill it again – if she ever could. 

****

# # #

Monday absolutely dragged by and work was hardly the welcome distraction Louna wanted it to be. The only upside was that her mother was gone to New York for a business trip and wouldn’t be back until Thursday, giving her plenty of time to prepare how to tell her about what had happened with David. She had spent a few more hours at her sister’s house the day before, but then ended up going on a two hour motorcycle ride, letting the road cleanse her thoughts. Jeff had invited her over in the evening, but she’d declined, asking if they could see each other Monday night instead. He’d acquiesced and she’d chosen to stay late at the office and head straight to his place afterward. They’d both decided it was better to meet at his condo instead of a bar or restaurant, because they didn’t know who might be listening to their conversation.

It seemed so far that David’s departure had gone unnoticed, and she wasn’t sure how long it might stay that way. As far as she was concerned, the fewer people who knew, the better. But it couldn’t stay that way for ever, so she was controlling the little bit of her life that she could: after her complete emotional breakdown on Emadou’s kitchen table, she’d taken the ring and tucked it safely into her backpack. When she’d finally arrived back home after her ride, she’d put both the card and the box into the large jewelry box atop her dresser, stowing them in the bottom compartment and not knowing when she would revisit them again. She had no intention of telling anyone else about the ring, especially when she couldn’t make a proper decision about whether she would wait for David or not. She had to wait until her heart had gotten over the shock of his departure before she could process what she truly needed to do. It was a choice she wasn’t going to take lightly, and no one could influence what she decided. She alone had to figure out what to do, and for now all that meant was waiting. 

She pulled up outside Jeff’s condo just as the sun was setting, and as she walked to his door, she realized she had neglected to bring him anything. The problem was twofold, because one, it made her feel awful to show up at a friend’s empty handed, but two, she would have brought along something for herself as well, and now she hoped there might be a rogue bag of almonds in the bottom of her purse, to stave off her hunger until she got home. Hopefully this meeting with Jeff would be quick – really she just wanted to read the letter David had left him, hear what the band had had to say, and then be on her way. She didn’t think she had the energy for anything more than that. 

She knocked quietly on the door, glancing back to her motorcycle and wondering if she needed to ask about parking it in Jeff’s garage while she was there. 

He opened the door a moment later and offered a subdued smile, then noticed the helmet in her hand. He leaned past her and looked at the bike, nodding. “You’re good,” he told her. “I have cameras.” 

She returned the smile and appreciated the reassurance. 

“C’mon in,” he told her, gesturing to the foyer and holding the door open. 

She stepped onto the rug inside, then took two more steps so Jeff could close the door. Suddenly it struck her as strange that for having known him for four years, and as much as Jeff and she and David got together to hang out, she had never been to his house. They had always met at David’s. Why had it taken him leaving to bring her and Jeff closer together? She held back the sigh in her chest – more unanswerable questions. She could begin a list of all the questions in her head and she was sure it would circle the earth at least once (okay maybe that was an exaggeration, but in her head it definitely felt miles long). 

“You can put your stuff down there,” Jeff said, motioning to the small bench in the entryway. 

She nodded, setting down her helmet then taking off both her backpack and jacket. As she stepped back from the bench she noticed his helmet tucked in the cubby above it and it made her smile; Jeff had probably gone riding today too and it helped knowing she wasn’t alone in finding solace on the road. 

She followed him through the condo, past the small dining room and into the kitchen and great room area. Classical guitar music came from the stereo, and she was surprised to find a selection of take-out containers on the kitchen counter. 

Jeff picked up an open beer from the counter and faced her. “Can I get you something to drink? I think I still have a few beers or wine that David said was vegan friendly… and I made sure the salad I got you from Mangiafoco was totally vegan… if you’re hungry, I mean. I wasn’t sure if you would’ve eaten yet.” He sort of rambled on, then finally took a drink of his beer. 

Louna smiled more, Jeff was being entirely too accommodating, but she was grateful for it. Clearly he’d needed a few distractions today just the same as she had. “I would love some wine,” she told him. “And that salad looks perfect. I’m sorry I didn’t bring anything to share with you.” She offered an apologetic look. “I’ll have double next time.” 

Jeff laughed slightly as he retrieved the bottle of red wine from his small pantry, checking the label to see that it was the one David had brought over a few weeks before. “Don’t even worry about it,” he said. “This was so last minute, and I just figured if you were coming straight from work, you might need something… besides, I didn’t want to be totally rude and scarf a whole pizza in front of you and have nothing to offer in return.” 

She laughed. “A bonus for me, then.” 

He handed her the glass of wine then with a nod. “Absolutely. So, do you want to eat now or talk first?” 

She shrugged. “If your pizza’s hot, you should eat… I don’t think that salad will go anywhere in the next half hour.” 

Jeff laughed and grabbed a plate from one of the cupboards, dragging two slices onto it before taking it to the couch with his beer. 

Louna settled on the large sectional with him and he nodded to the plain envelope on the coffee table, his name written on it in David’s hurried scrawl. 

“If you want to read it, knock yourself out,” he told her. “I figured you might not bring yours… if it was too personal.” 

She swallowed the drink of wine she’d taken, looking down into the glass and noticing that the color almost matched the burgundy of her nails; she needed to take that polish off later tonight. “It’s not really too personal,” she admitted, “I just… I’m being selfish with it, actually.” She looked up and met his eyes. “I let my sister read it, but I don’t think I want anyone else to… I feel like I need to keep something of his that’s just mine.” 

Jeff nodded, easily understanding why Louna had chosen not to share her letter. He had practically a lifetime of memories with David, most of them documented on film of some sort, but Louna had only four short years, and who knew what David had actually left her of that. “It makes sense,” he reassured her. “They were meant for each of us… otherwise he’d just have left it at his house for us to find, right?” 

She half rolled her eyes. “Something like that,” she replied. She took another drink of the wine, hesitating to reach for the envelope. She wasn’t sure that she was ready to read more of David’s words just yet. “What did Seb say when you told him?” she asked instead, looking away from the coffee table and to Jeff’s gaze. 

He shook his head. “He didn’t believe me at first… totally thought I was making the whole thing up.” 

They gazed intently at each other across the couch. “What made him believe you?” 

“I told him to text David and ask if I was joking… he believed me on the third try.” 

She shook her head, still in disbelief that David had gone so far as to keep his phone number active, but somehow shut off completely. He had to have gone to a store for that, and what must the technician have thought? What bullshit lies had he told to get the services disconnected? It certainly wasn’t as simple as removing a sim card these days. “And Chuck and Pierre?” She kept her voice quiet, hesitant to ask about the California faction because she knew it probably wouldn’t be anything good. 

Jeff shook his head. “I think they’re in denial at this point… like, until they get a confirmation from David himself about all this, they’re gonna pretend everything’s fine… or something.” He shrugged and took a long drink of his beer. 

Louna stared at him, blinking hard. “Are they for real?” She couldn’t keep the anger out of her voice. “You told them he packed up his entire house, right? That he’s gone?!” 

He nodded, suddenly looking a little defeated. “Of course… but neither one of them can acknowledge that one of us was finally strong enough to leave… that they don’t get the last word about how this ends.” 

She sighed, shaking her head as she looked at him. “Unbelievable. I mean, what did they expect after that last album fiasco? They knew both you and David were on the verge of quitting then… and fuck I am so sorry I talked you guys into staying that day… that’s all on me, and I’ve never told David, but after all this, I regret making him stick with it. I know he was done then, and I know you’ve been done too… it just seemed like there was still something that could be worked out back then.” 

Jeff was quiet for a few long moments, but then looked up and gave her a sympathetic smile. “You shouldn’t feel bad about that… both David and I were grateful that you did talk some sense into us. We needed a perspective from outside the band, because sometimes we couldn’t see what was happening. Neither one of us regret staying with the band this long… and I think it’s like David wrote in his letter – there’s never a good time for this to happen. He just finally made his decision, and now we have to live with it. But some of us are going to have an easier time coming to terms with that. And he’s right that it’s been a long time coming.” 

A ring sounded then, from across the room where Jeff’s phone was charging. He shot her a look of apology as he got up, discarding the plate onto the coffee table. Louna took a drink of wine and Jeff frowned at the phone. “Speak of the devil… it’s Chuck,” he told her. 

She waved him off. “Take it,” she said. “I’ll read.” 

Jeff nodded and unplugged the phone, answering it as he walked out of the room. 

Louna listened to his footsteps on the stairs then looked wearily back to the envelope on the table. Now she had no excuse. Déjà vu washed over her and she stood up from the couch, going to pour herself more wine and find a fork for the salad – if she was going to suffer through another of David’s letter, she at least needed some sustenance. 

She settled back on the sofa a few minutes later, eating a few large bites of the salad before touching the letter. When her stomach felt sated enough, she pulled out the pages and unfolded them, David’s handwriting a bit sloppier on this letter than hers had been. Had he written hers first then? Or had he known what to say to Jeff and had been writing too fast to get everything out? There was no way to tell. She took a last bite of the salad and settled back, the wineglass held loosely in her hand as she finally began to read. 

 

_Jeff –_

_Please don’t hate me. I know we said we would always leave the band together, but I had to do it another way. I’m not sure you’ll actually know what happened when you get this, but I left. No one knows where I’m going, or that I’ve done this, and the people who need to know will know when the time is right. For me, it was time to leave. I’ve been trapped in this cycle of Pierre’s bullshit for too long, and I had to get out. I know this is fucking extreme – packing up my entire life and leaving overnight, but somehow it’s the only way. I needed to make a clean break, so I did it the only way I knew how. I don’t expect you to completely understand why I finally did it – hell I barely do myself, but now just feels like the right time._

_There is nothing for me in the band anymore. Your friendship has been more than I could have ever asked for. You know you’re basically my big brother, and fuck knows how I’m going to get through life without you, but I’m going to try. I have to. I have to go live some other life for awhile because isn’t that what starting over is all about? Am I really 36 years old and about to reinvent my life after eighteen years? Yes. I’m insane. We all know that. Thanks to you and Lou for putting up with all my shit all the time. I know it can get tiresome. I just hope you both don’t write me off completely after this._

_(Interlude – please look after her? I know she has her sister and family and all that, but you’re her family too now. I know how it could get after I leave and I don’t want her to lose you and Seb and Laurence too… she’ll need you just as much as you’ll need her… ask her to go on rides and test out the new vegan stuff for your restos… she’d never admit it, but all that will make her feel better and like she hasn’t lost everything I was associated with… I know it isn’t up to me, but I’d regret not asking.)_

_ANYWAY~ turns out your letter is the hardest to write because I feel like you know everything already. We’ve talked about this band shit so much, but it’s just gotten to be too much. We’re too disconnected, and there’s too much bullshit. Pierre can take his commercial, mainstream crap and blow it all up someone else’s ass. I’ve been done with that for two years, so why did I hang on? It’s not like it was an easy paycheck… what was I sticking around for? We had our day. 2011 was a fucking bonus. Then you all became dads and here I was, floundering around and pretending everything was still great. I wasn’t happy until Lou came into the picture, and then that only lasted a couple years. Pierre and Chuck had to go fuck that up again… throw away everything we’d worked for into question and alienate all those fans that had stuck with us for the long haul. Who were they kidding? They were doing it to get on the charts and we went along with it…_

_For what? There was never anything that you or I or Seb was going to gain by staying. We prolonged the inevitable, and now I’m done. I may not have signed the termination contract yet – who knows when that might happen – but I’m out. I will never associate myself with the band again. When I come back, and I told Lou that I would be back, so I might as well tell you too, it’s not going to be the same. Or maybe it will be the same, just different. You’re the second hardest person to leave in all this (I don’t think I need to name the first…) I know when we see each other it will be like no time has passed, regardless of what it might actually be. I have no real plan for when I leave – I just know that I’ll be out of the city by the time anyone realizes I’m gone, and that’s how I want it to be. I want to just go… it’s that old fucking cliché of going on a road trip and finding yourself and having some life changing journey of self-discovery. I need this, and I have to be alone._

_Fuck I really hope I don’t leave some shitstorm for you with the CaliFaction… I can only imagine what they’ll do or say, and by no means are you obligated to tell them anything of what you know. If you want to lie to them, do it. Fabricate a fiery motorcycle crash and say I perished in the flames… wait that won’t work since all my shit is packed… I’ve gone to seek divine enlightenment in the Himalayas and will be living with the Monks… they’d probably believe that wouldn’t they? It might be true – who knows where I’ll end up. And I hate to put that burden on you and Seb, but you will have to tell Pierre and Chuck that I’m gone. And then you handle it however you handle it. I don’t care what happens after – unless they decide to be complete dicks and are slandering my name. Then I would request an intervention… but if they just roll their eyes and terminate me, call it good. Move on. You deserve a life outside the band too, and I know you’ve already started that, but now you can focus on it and give it the love it deserves. Don’t starve that life because you still have the band leeching off you… it’s time we all got out while we could still breathe on our own. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us to be stuck in this another ten years and wind up totally washed up, pining for the glory days… Get out._

_Cut the fucking cord._

_If I come back in a year and find out you or Seb didn’t leave I will terminate your contracts for you. Not even joking. You know I’m a man of my word. Why so serious??? I think you need to … lighten up. (Why yes I watched Batman again, why do you ask??)_

_Okay, okay… in all seriousness, I do want you to both leave. If you don’t take my departure as the opportunity to do it, what are you going to have left? Pierre will just pull another bullshit move, and the band will remain at a complete impasse with four members. You just lost your majority vote – you’re fucked. I reiterate: GET OUT._

_And here’s where I feel like I should apologize. Despite all the shit with the band, we had some amazing times together, and the hard part is letting all that go. Setting aside eighteen years of your life… half your life, is a scary thing. And I’m not taking it lightly. You might think it’s easy – Pierre and Chuck might thing I can do this without any remorse, but they’re wrong. This has been the hardest decision to make – to leave. And I know that if I stayed I would just get sucked back into it. It’s happened before, and I’m not going to let it this time. I’m leaving Montreal completely this time so it can’t. I won’t allow it. There is something more for me out there, and I have to find it. When that’s done, I’ll come back. I know I’ll come back – I have to. I’m leaving the best thing in my life behind and god I fucking hope when this is all over I can have her again… and I’m not going to explain why she isn’t coming with me on this – you can ask her if you want, but she’ll probably say I was stoned when I wrote my reasons. Spoiler alert: I might have been. She’s always right about me._

_So I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have to leave you like this, and I’m sorry I don’t have a proper goodbye to give you or Seb or anyone. Am I taking the coward’s way out? Maybe. But I know myself too well now. There would always be another excuse, and I don’t want that this time. This time it needs to be for real. I need to be done. It has been far too long coming to put off any longer. I hope you can understand, and I hope you won’t hold it against me. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me. Since the day we met, you have always been the person I could count on. There was never a time that I doubted I could ask something of you and be turned away. You have always been there for me, through all the band shit, the personal shit, and all the ups and downs. How shitty of me to return that friendship by leaving you with a crappy letter… at least you get one. Tell Seb I ran out of paper…_

_And that’s it. I can’t put into words what our friendship has meant to me the last eighteen years. Who knew this homeless kid from Matane would make it half his life just to choose to be homeless again? Here’s to the scrappy DIY punk shit and getting back to your roots and all that… It’s been a good run and I’m glad we had it together. Take care of yourself, give the little ones my love, and hopefully I’ll see you when I see you._

_David_

 

Louna blinked back the tears in her eyes, the last few sentences making her unexpectedly emotional. She discarded the letter and her empty wineglass onto the table and picked up a napkin to wipe her face. She hadn’t been prepared to cry at Jeff’s letter; she thought she’d used all her tears up in the last two days. Strange, how David had never made her cry with anything the last four years, and in two days she’d shed more than she could ever count. Things just went that way sometimes, and it hadn’t been up to them. David had made this decision and was absolutely determined to see it through. But what would be the outcome? Was he just going to live off the grid for awhile then come back like nothing had happened? Or would he go to school? Get a job? How would he pass the time? Make money? Questions and thoughts bombarded her and she had no answers for any of them. David was the only one who knew what David was doing, and he was gone. 

Her heart ached every time she thought about it, and Jeff’s letter hadn’t helped. She was glad she’d read it though, and David had been right about one thing: she didn’t want to lose her connection with Jeff and Sebastien. She wanted to stay close to them, because her time with David would somehow still feel real, instead of surreal and ripped away. She closed her eyes, thoughts overwhelming her. David had come into her life so unexpectedly, and now he had left the same way. And it wasn’t fair. She couldn’t begin to process it at all. 

Heavy footsteps on the stairs snapped her eyes open and she quickly wiped her face again, hoping the waterproof mascara she’d worn had actually managed to hold up. She balled the used napkin in her hand and went to the kitchen counter, pouring another half glass of wine before throwing the paper away. Jeff’s face was grim as he came around the corner and her stomach sank. “What did Chuck want?” she asked. 

Jeff took his empty beer to the sink and set it aside before grabbing another from the fridge. He opened it and had a large drink before replying. “He wants to go to the police… give them all David’s info and see if they can find him… if he hasn’t left the country yet.” 

“Is he serious?” she asked, shock in her voice. “That’s the last thing David wanted… he doesn’t _want_ to be found. What does Chuck not understand about that?” 

Jeff took another drink. “I don’t think it’s Chuck who doesn’t understand it.” 

The pause that stretched between them after the statement was thick and Louna shook her head. “Pierre needs to get the fuck over it. His band is done. David’s gone, And there’s no way in hell I’m letting them go through with this.” 

Jeff nodded, a hint of a smile on his face. “I was hoping that’s what you’d say.” 

She raised an eyebrow, hearing that Jeff already had a plan in mind. “Oh?” 

“I have some police contacts who we can talk to tonight… explain the situation and make sure David says safe.” He took a breath. “Then I’m filing my termination contract… David’s right; it’s over.”


	4. Part Four - Vaya Con Dios

David stared absently out the sliding glass door, looking past the small balcony and to the water, sparkling beneath the sunshine and reflecting the cloudless blue sky. It was another perfect spring day in Vancouver, and somehow he’d already grown accustomed to the city. He’d only planned to stay there for a week, crashing at the condo he and Jeff always rented when the band went there for work. It had taken him a full, meandering seven days to drive from Quebec to British Columbia, but it felt like the northwest coast would give him the peace he needed. And one week in the condo had turned into two, then three, but now he’d been there for a month. He sensed that it was time to move on, but he couldn’t yet find the reason to. The last few weeks had been surprisingly easy; he’d come to terms with his abrupt leave during the long hours on the road, and the further away he got from Montreal, the lighter the burden had become, until the night he reached Vancouver, and he actually didn’t think about Louna when he went to sleep. Though she was the first thing he thought of the next morning – had she ever been to Vancouver? He knew she would’ve liked it, and he promised to bring her here when they were together again. He couldn’t let himself think about her not taking him back. She had to; it was the only way any of this would work out in the end. 

The quiet hiss of the coffee maker pulled him from his thoughts and he stepped away from the door, retrieving the cup and taking it to the kitchen table. He sat down and opened his laptop, navigating to one of the social media sites to see what his friends were up to. For the first two weeks that he’d been gone, he’d dreaded going on the sites, for fear that he’d be found out, but the time for that had gone. There had been a few flurries of activity after both Jeff and Seb announced they were parting ways with the band, but after that things had been quiet – just the occasional fan posting lyrics or song choices, which was the norm. 

He took a sip of the coffee as the page loaded; the free wifi at the condo wasn’t the greatest, and nearly choked on the liquid when he saw his notifications numbering in the low thousands. His stomach went hollow and instead of clicking on the notification tab, he went to his email, hoping there might be a quick explanation there. 

A dozen new messages were waiting for him – four from Jeff alone, and a few from friends who he couldn’t remember giving his private email address to. All the messages from his old friends had similar subject lines: asking where he was. Only Jeff’s and Sebastien’s emails differed, and the one message from Louna simply read, “I miss you. Stay safe. XOXO.” She hadn’t given up quite yet. 

He clicked into the first message from Jeff, reading quickly. 

_David – I’m not sure what’s going on, but a friend told me to reach out and make sure you’re safe. If you’re out of the country or off the grid, stay that way. If I find out more I’ll let you know. J._

He went to the next message. 

_Pierre took your disappearance public. Shit’s going to blow up. He did an interview that’s airing tomorrow morning. Guess this is the publicity angle he’ll work for the moment… so fucking glad I got out._

The next email, from earlier that morning, was a single sentence. 

_He is the fucking biggest goddamn asshole in the history of assholes._

And finally, he came to the last email from Jeff, which was a video link and a simple warning. 

_I’m not bailing you out if you go to California to commit murder._

He sighed, the cursor hovering over the link. Could it really be that bad? What was the worst that Pierre had said? David couldn’t conjure all the terrible scenarios that the singer might instigate, so he decided against his better judgement to watch it. He could always turn it off. 

The page loaded with the video and David read the brief description beneath it: ‘Exclusive tell-all interview with Pierre Bouvier, formerly of Simple Plan, reveals the real reason behind the band’s break-up and scandalous disappearance of Simple Plan’s bassist David Desrosiers.’ The text was enough to make him not want to watch the video, and believe that Jeff’s assessment of assholishness was quite correct. However, he needed to be as informed as possible before he made any decisions. If he was indeed going to head down the coast and commit homicide, he needed to have evidence to justify his actions. 

He took a large drink of coffee and looked at the still of the video – Pierre looking vaguely smug as he sat across from the bland interviewer. He clicked play before he could stop himself, and it took every ounce of his self-control to not throw the computer across the room as he listened to the singer’s words. 

“Really the beginning of the break up started with David about two years ago, while we were trying to finish up our fifth album… we could all just see that he didn’t want to be there, you know? Like his heart just wasn’t in it, but he was still showing up. And how do you kick someone out of a band they’ve been in for fifteen years? We couldn’t do anything about it in good conscience… both Chuck and I thought that he’d quit before the album came out, but everything sort of continued like normal for awhile.” 

David stared at the computer, his pulse fast in his throat. How could Pierre be saying this? And who would actually believe him? There was only truth in those statements because both Pierre and Chuck had gotten so insufferable that Seb, Jeff, and David had talked about quitting together. It had taken two more years to make it happen, and only after the California Faction had made it perfectly clear who was in charge of the band, and the majority vote almost never qualified anymore. 

The interview went on for a minute, Pierre rambling about what he was doing now and if he was still in contact with the other band members. He explained that he’d left Montreal after Jeff and Seb had quit, and hadn’t heard from them directly, but he knew what they were doing through mutual friends. 

“And David?” the interviewer asked. 

David watched as Pierre’s gaze changed – like he’d been waiting for this question, because he was going to drop the fucking bomb. David held his breath. 

“Actually,” Pierre replied slowly, “no one knows about David, because no one knows where he is.” 

The interviewer looked confused. “So he just took off after the band split?” 

“We don’t know,” the singer said. “He actually didn’t show up at our last band function, and since then he’s been missing.” 

“Missing?” 

“It’s like he just disappeared.” 

Suddenly the interviewer looked concerned. “Do you think something happened? That he might be in danger?” 

Pierre shook his head. “We don’t really have a reason to think that, and when we reached out to the authorities we were told that in cases like this, there isn’t much that can be done, which is why we’re reaching out now. It’s been a month since we’ve heard anything from him, so if anyone has information regarding his whereabouts, we’d appreciate them coming forward. We just want to know David’s safe.” 

He closed the laptop then, not bothering to close the browser. He had no idea how much time had had, but he knew that his next decision had been made for him. He had to get out of Vancouver today; someone was bound to report him. Pierre had made sure of that, but it wasn’t to make sure he was safe. Pierre wanted to know where he was so he could get the last word, and David was never going to let that happen. He had to pack up and go, but there was one last stop he’d make before he left town: the small satellite label office. He had a contract to officially terminate. 

****

# # #

He walked through the familiar doors, anxiety pooling in his stomach. Although he had checked out of the condo without incident, he still felt like entire city was watching him. That had always been the worst part of his so-called celebrity status with the band; he never knew when someone would recognize him and want a picture or an autograph. It had always stirred a low level of anxiety for him, but today it seemed to be sky rocketing. Certainly no thanks to his former friend’s national callout. He took a calming breath as he approached the desk and met the friendly gaze of the office receptionist.

She gave him a patronizing smile after a second. “Sorry, we’re not accepting demos this week,” she told him. 

David raised an eyebrow – at least he still looked the part of a rockstar; complete with leather jacket, beanie, and sunglasses he’d yet to take off. He slipped them from his face and gave her a cool stare. “I’m actually here to terminate a band contract. It’ll be under David Desrosiers.” 

The girl’s face went white and she reached for the phone without saying another word to him. She awkwardly repeated his statement into the receiver and a minute later a man rushed out of one of the back offices. 

“David?!” His voice carried through the office and several people looked up, noticing first the man hurrying to the front desk, and then David himself. 

He nodded in acknowledgment. “Gary.” 

“Where have you been? What’s going on?” he asked hurriedly as he came to stop next to David at the desk. “How are you here… today?” 

“I think you know why I’m here,” he replied evenly. “I have a contract to destroy.” 

“David, we have to talk about this,” Gary countered. 

“No we don’t. I left for a reason… Jeff and Seb terminated for a reason… it’s time to do what I should have done two years ago. Now, will you get me the paperwork or do I have to get someone else in this office to get it for me?” 

Gary sighed. “No, I’ll get it for you… might take a little while though.” He glanced away from David, but the bassist could see the nerves on his face. “Would you want to just come back in an hour or two?” 

David narrowed his eyes – he wasn’t going to fall into a trap Gary set. “No, I’ll wait,” he said. “I don’t have anywhere to be.” 

Gary looked a little defeated then, but walked around the desk, the receptionist automatically moving out of his way. 

David hardly listened to the idle chit-chat Gary offered as he typed, asking if he’d come out to the coast to stay, if he’d brought a motorcycle, if he had tried to contact anyone from the band or label or anything. He answered noncommittally, an uneasy feeling growing in his stomach the longer he stood at the desk. The receptionist looked at him curiously, and he tried to dismiss it, but he couldn’t. Something was going on; he was sure of it. And it wasn’t just about the contract. 

The front desk phone rang then, the girl answering it automatically. “Coalition Group, how may I direct your call?” She frowned at the request. “Hold please.” She put the phone down, pressing a button on the base, then looking at him. “David?” She said his name with a question, because she wasn’t quite sure who he was and how he’d shown up and whipped the office into a frenzy – more people had come out of their offices to see what the commotion was at the front desk, and were now all huddled back by the coffee bar along the far wall. 

He met the girl’s gaze, not believing that he’d only been in the office for all of fifteen minutes and already was intercepting phone calls there. “Yes?” he acknowledged her. 

“Line two is for you… there’s a conference room if you-” 

He didn’t let her finish, instead just leaned over the desk, plucked the phone from her hand, and pressed the flashing button. “Salut?” 

“Holy shit, it is you.” Chuck’s voice rang with disbelief. “What are you doing there?” he asked. 

David rolled his eyes. “What the fuck do you think I’m doing? What I should have done two fucking years ago, according to you and Pierre…” 

“Hey, Pierre’s interview-” 

“I don’t want to hear it. There is nothing either of you could say that will change any of this now… Did you even think about what might happen? What I might’ve had in play the last few weeks? What’ll happen to Louna and Jeff back home? Did you even stop to think that maybe all of this was actually a deliberate plan that shouldn’t just be _fucked_ with? No. Because why would you?” His voice was scathing. “You only think about how any of this affects you and you don’t have any fucking regard for anyone outside of your inner circle anymore. Newsflash… there’s a whole fucking world out there that you and Pierre stopped seeing a long time ago. Maybe you should get your head out of the fucking sand and take a look around again.” 

“David-”

“No,” he continued, sharply. “I’m done, Chuck. This contract is ending today and you can thank Pierre for pushing me out the door. I have nothing left to say to you and if you even try to call me back here, you’ll regret it. Ciao, motherfucker.” 

He dropped the phone back into its cradle and looked up to see that everyone in the office was staring at him. A small printer on the end of the front desk was spewing out pages and halted after a few awkward, quiet moments. David looked at Gary pointedly. “Is that my contract?” he asked, gesturing to the printer. 

Gary nodded dumbly. 

David stepped around the desk and scooped up the stack of papers. “I’ll try not to be too long,” he said, then marched straight back to the office he’d seen Gary come out of, and shut the door behind him. It was time to end things permanently. 

****

# # #

The air was crisp and fresh as David climbed out of his car, turning his face up toward the setting sun. He’d finished at the record company just before three o’clock, and then he’d left. He took highway 99 north out of the city and kept watching the road signs, not knowing where he was actually going, but he’d know when he saw it or got there. He’d found it freeing to not be so dependent on maps and schedules and all the details. Now he could just get in his car and go. When 99 hooked into the Trans-Canada Highway (of which he was now quite familiar) he headed west, and upon seeing a sign for Horseshoe Bay, he decided to try his luck (ha ha ha). He drove to the town and discovered there were several ferries running to different ports, but instead of doing any research, he simply bought a ticket for the next departing boat. Once his SUV was parked on the ferry he’d climbed out and gone onto the bow to watch the water, the sun sparkling on the surface as the boat skimmed over the waves. The salty spray was comforting and helped to clear his head of the day’s events.

The ferry crossing took about forty minutes and once he’d arrived on the other side of the water, to a place called Langdale, he felt as though he could finally breathe again. He’d driven off the ferry and followed the highway a little way before deciding to regroup. He’d spotted the sign for the small café and even better was seeing a tiny notice in the window offering free wifi to customers. He knew he needed to see if he had any clean up to do online, though it was the last thing he wanted to do. 

He walked inside, his backpack over his shoulder, and the guy leaning on the end of the bar looked up in surprise. It was still the off season for tourists and probably any customers here after five o’clock was unusual. 

However, the server wasn’t quite phased. “Seat yourself,” he told David, gesturing to the whole of the café. 

He glanced around, spotting a table by the window with a power outlet; he could at least charge his laptop a little more before he got on the road again. He settled at the table and plugged in the computer before the guy came over with a menu and glass of water. David set the menu aside and met the kid’s eyes – he couldn’t have been older than eighteen and suddenly he was flashing back to all the ways his life could have gone wrong and what had led him to be in some remote part of British Columbia, clear across the continent from any friends or family. He pushed those thoughts away and refocused on the server. 

“How well does the cook take to special requests?” he asked, keeping his voice light. 

The server frowned. “It depends on what it is.” 

He smiled. “How about a plain salad and a plain baked potato?” 

“Plain?” The kid’s voice was doubtful. 

“No dressing, no butter, nothing. Plain.” 

After a second the kid nodded and disappeared around to the kitchen. David listened for voices or footsteps, but nothing came. He hoped he could at least eat half of what he was served, because he didn’t want to give up on the vegan diet just yet. He had an idea that he might have to eventually, and he knew Louna would be disappointed in him for it. 

He opened the laptop a minute later, closing the browser of Pierre’s interview and checking his email. There weren’t any new messages since the morning, but he clicked on one of Jeff’s messages. He started to type, then stopped. What was he doing? He hadn’t contacted anyone since he’d left, so why was he going to reach out now? Just because Pierre had made a complete dick move didn’t mean that he had to respond to it; they’d know how he responded. They’d see that he’d broken the contract. Or would they? 

If the label posted notice, like they were legally obligated to do, then anyone could see he’d terminated. But maybe no one was looking, and that left it up to him. He looked at the emails once more, then closed out of them. If he was going to break his rule of no contact, then he’d do it for the person who wanted to hear from him the most. He clicked on the social media site, shaking his head at seeing that his notifications now were more than five thousand. Maybe he could crack ten thousand; there was only one way to try. 

He moved the cursor into the update box and typed quickly: _Liberated. 25-05-2017 #vayacondios_

He clicked the button to post the missive, then went to a new page, reading through the news of current events in other places. It was all the same reports of horrific bombings and shootings and misguided politics. It made his heart hurt, but it was a welcome distraction from his own life. He’d always used the news as a diversion from his emotions, and somehow he was happy that hadn’t changed. He read through the articles until the server returned, bearing a plate of lettuce and some other vegetables. 

He set it down unceremoniously. “Chef says it’ll be a half hour for the potato.” 

David nodded, looking down at the lifeless greens, then sighed. For as much as he’d wanted to clean his conscience and do good in the world by being vegan, he’d mostly done it for Louna, and she was no longer there. This was a rule he could break and not feel too bad about – the cow had probably died a long time ago anyway. “Fuck the potato… I’ll take a cheeseburger.” 

The kid raised an eyebrow. “You sure? Want fries with that?” 

“Yeah,” David replied without hesitation. “Definitely. And a Coke, please.” 

The kid smiled, trying not to laugh. “Be right back.” 

He went to the kitchen and David closed the news tab in his browser, but noticed he had a new direct message on the social site. He frowned as he clicked in to see it, wondering who would’ve tried to reach him there. His breath stalled. Pierre. 

_Are you okay? Where the hell are you?_

David shook his head, knowing the singer wasn’t going to give up the search for him so easily. He wanted to not reply, but he knew that once he answered the feud would be over. At least he had that to gain. 

_You don’t get to know. I’m done with your games so fuck off. Last word = mine._

He hit send before he could second guess himself, then blocked Pierre’s name, and then Chuck’s for good measure. He closed the tab, actually feeling more liberated in that moment than he had earlier. It was strange, but gratifying. 

The server came over with the glass of soda then and David opened the map on his computer – now it was time to figure out where he wanted to go next. 

****

# # #

As soon as Louna stepped out of the closed corner office, she could feel something was wrong. She’d been in a meeting for the last two hours and they’d just dismissed for an hour lunch and would reconvene. It was a quarter past noon, she noted, and as she stepped to her desk, she could feel everyone’s eyes on her. The stares didn’t flicker away when she sat down at her workstation and she reached for her phone – she’d forgotten it during the meeting, but apparently that might’ve been for the best. Dread weighed in her stomach as she picked up the mobile, wondering what she’d find on the screen.

The notification bubble informed her that she had 18 new text messages and three missed phone calls and voicemails. Her adrenaline started then, as she realized that whatever had happened was not taken lightly, and seemed to be big news. 

Had she been waiting for this day? When all her friends would find out she’d been lying? Because this had to be about David; how could it be anything else? Nothing else in her world would be such big news. So what had happened? She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Mostly she wanted to throw her phone in her bag and escape from the fixed stares on her. They felt like spotlights and she hated feeling vulnerable and exposed beneath them. This wasn’t what she wanted – had never been what she wanted. She wasn’t with David for his fame or fortune, and wasn’t with him at all now that he was gone, but other people didn’t understand that. They couldn’t grasp the concept that their souls felt matched together, how they could finish each other's thoughts, and how they always seemed to move on the same wave. She had always imagined a clock-smith swinging pendulums, and it had been instant for their pendulums to fall in sync with one another. It was a rare and beautiful thing. 

She swiped the phone open, worry congealing in her stomach, and clicked the phone icon instead of the messages. Two voicemails were from Jeff and one was from Emadou. She tapped the first from Jeff. 

“Lou, I know you probably just got to work, but call me when you get this. Shit is going down with Pierre. I don’t know what it is, but I wanted to call just in case… I hope you’re okay. Let’s see each other soon.” 

The message ended and she held the phone down. 

Of course it had been Pierre. Who else would have dragged all this through the mud after all the news around the band had finally gone away? The so-called scandal of Jeff and Sebastien quitting had finally settled, so what better to stir the pot than the revelation that David had disappeared? She could only imagine how he’d spun his tale about it, and it made her feel sick. 

She tapped on the second message to listen to it, Jeff’s voice more strained than the first voicemail. 

“Louna, please call me? Pierre’s interview just aired and we’re pretty fucked with our story that D’s in Matane… I’m not going to do anything until I hear from you, okay? However you want to handle this, we will. Just call me.” 

She set the phone next to her keyboard, not needing to listen to her sister’s message to imagine how it might go. And she could also see all the horrified texts from her friends, asking if she was okay and what was going on with her and David. 

But what had Pierre actually said? 

She didn’t want to watch whatever interview he’d given, but she had no choice. The eyes of her coworkers still bore into her and she had to face them at some point, but not right then. Right then she needed to collect herself and see what she was up against. It wasn’t often that she let her personal life interfere with her job, but at that moment it was necessary. Slowly, she gathered her bag and phone and water bottle, pulling on her jacket before she stood up. Only just as she stood and pushed in her chair, her mother, Julie, came hurrying out of her office. Louna’s stomach clenched in horror; she’d never had the heart to tell Julie what David had done the month before. She’d told her the same lie she’d told all her friends: that David was taking time to be with his family in Matane, but now that cover had been blown, and the worry creasing Julie’s eyebrows was a dead giveaway. 

“Louna,” her mother’s voice was hushed, “honey, can we go talk?” 

She swallowed hard, shaking her head slowly. “No.” 

“Sweetheart,” 

“No.” Her voice was firm. “We’re not doing this here.” She lowered her voice. “I chose not to tell people for a reason, and I’m not going to stand here and try to explain myself right now.” She took a breath. “Please let me go home? We can talk tonight… but not here.” 

Julie nodded, reaching to touch her daughter’s hand. “Can I come by after work?” 

Louna glanced up to the ceiling, checking her emotions at her mother’s touch. “Whatever you want,” she finally replied. 

Julie’s breath was short, seeing the pain in Louna’s eyes. “Oh honey-” 

She shook her head abruptly and stepped away. “I’ll see you later.” She spun on her heel and hurried out of the office, finally escaping the stares of her coworkers and trying not to realize that her secret was no longer secret. 

Her relationship was in pieces around her, and she’d had no choice in the matter. In that instant, practically running to her car because the tears in her throat were imminent, she wished she’d never met David. Had they not met, he couldn’t have left her, or broken her heart the way he had. But life never worked that way. They had met, and now he had vanished. She hadn’t even had an indication that he was still alive; anything could have happened in the last month. 

She forced the thoughts aside and sank down into her car, leaning her head to the steering wheel as tears slipped down her cheeks. She felt more sadness than anger, but the anger would come later. She knew it would come when she watched the interview, because it had all come down to Pierre. He had been the instigator in all this, and she knew he had his karma coming. He had pushed them all to the edge before, but this was unprecedented. He had defied what Jeff and Seb asked of him, and used David’s story for personal gain, without any regard to what it would mean for David’s true friends and family. She felt the wound in her chest throb painfully – a scab ripped off to expose the still-healing flesh beneath it. She took a deep breath, trying to stifle her tears before driving home, because even though she was a victim in all of this, she had no interest in becoming the first casualty; she’d gladly leave that statistic up to Pierre. 

****

# # #

Louna waited to close her front door until the headlights on her mother’s car had disappeared down the street. She sighed as she turned the deadbolt over; it had been a long evening, and it wasn’t even nine o’clock. Yuki looked at her curiously from where he was sprawled beside the couch, but he didn’t get up when she walked into the kitchen. She had purposely not drunk while her mother had been there; she needed to maintain her focus while attempting to explain why she’d thought it was a good idea to not tell her that David had left (for a whole month?! Julie had been horrified). Her mother’s understanding had only carried so far, but ultimately she’d forgiven Louna for not telling her. Sometimes it was best to smooth things over with an absence of truth, but now things were out of Louna’s control and she had to accept the consequences. That was going to be the hardest thing she had to do; accept that everyone else now knew that David had left. It wasn’t just a secret she held between a few friends – the world knew and they could do anything they wanted with that information.

Louna poured a generous amount of wine into the glass and took a sip before recorking the bottle. From the living room, she heard her phone chime with a new text. She sauntered back to the couch, settling down before reading the new message. It was probably Em checking up on her again; they’d already talked twice before Julie had come over, and she knew Em would need to know how the talk went. However, it wasn’t Em’s name that popped onto the screen – it was David’s. 

Her heart stalled. Was Pierre’s infuriating interview all it had taken to make him come back? No. There was no way. She looked at the message again, then realized it wasn’t a message at all. It was a notification from an app, letting her know that David had just made an update. 

She let out a breath; he was alive at least. And that was more than she’d known for the last four weeks. She tapped into the app and looked at the brief update, frowning. What the hell did it mean? She was used to his vague messages, but this was bizarre, even for him. She read it again and couldn’t help rolling her eyes, seeing the cheesy movie ending playing out in her mind’s eye – the beach, the rain, and the husky voiced actors regarding one another in that too-cool way of absolute nonchalance. It was one of David’s favorite movies and they’d watched it many times on their lazy, hungover Sunday mornings. He could quote nearly every scene, but he never got tired of it. And clearly he’d finally found the proper use for the phrase he’d jokingly said so many times. She hated to admit it, but it was the perfect hashtag for the situation it seemed – no matter what he was referencing. She shook her head, but before she could exit the app, her phone began to ring. 

Jeff. 

They still hadn’t talked that day, despite both his pleas to call him, but she’d texted him once she was home, relaying that she wasn’t quite ready to have the conversation. Now it wasn’t a matter of her being ready; it was finally time to confront these consequences. 

“Hey,” she answered, her voice strangely calm. 

“Hey,” Jeff’s voice was a bit surprised. “I kinda thought I’d get your voicemail again,” he admitted. 

She half smiled. “Want me to hang up?” she offered. 

“No, no… it’s fine. I… David just posted a thing… did you see it?” 

“Yeah, I did, actually,” she replied. “I got a notification on my phone and for half a second thought he’d texted me.” 

“Oh fuck.” 

“Yeah… not the second heart attack I needed today,” she said. 

“Did you finally watch?” Jeff asked. 

“Half of it… got to the part where he said he just ‘wanted to make sure David was safe…’” She trailed off, the sarcasm thick in her voice. 

Jeff almost snorted. “Yeah… safe my fucking ass. You didn’t miss much after that. More bullshit pleas that just made me want to punch him in the face.” 

“Because you didn’t before?” 

“You know… the rage had actually calmed a little, but I did email David to warn him against potential homicide.” 

She shook her head. “Do you think he’ll listen?” 

“My hopes are high.” 

The conversation paused then and Louna took a long drink of wine. “Have you heard from him at all?” she asked, her voice going quiet. 

Jeff sighed audibly. “No… and this probably won’t make you feel better, but he’s near Vancouver.” 

She sat up in shock, eyes wide at Jeff’s admission. “What?! How do you know that? And why aren’t we flying there right now?!” 

“Believe me, if I knew exactly where he was, I would be. The only reason I know that it’s Vancouver is because he showed up in the label office to terminate his contract.” 

As soon as Jeff said the words, David’s post made absolute sense. He was free from the band; liberated indeed. 

“When was he there?” she asked. 

“I think it was around one… four our time. Seb called me after Chuck called him to say he’d just talked to David at the office.” 

“What did he even say? I mean, what did David say? How did Chuck even know David was there?” 

“I guess one of the employees recognized him and sent Chuck a message… think everyone was on high alert to look for him after the interview.” 

“Well no shit, so that drove David out to take care of the contract, but then what?” 

“Nothing,” Jeff replied. “He left the office and no one thought to follow him… after Seb told me all this I couldn’t stop thinking about why he’d chosen Vancouver… why he didn’t just fly to Australia or something.” 

“Right…” Louna nodded absently, wondering where Jeff’s thoughts were going. 

“So I called the condo place where we’ve always stayed while we’re in BC, and guess who checked out this morning after a four week stay?” 

“Fuck.” 

Heartbreak was clear in her voice and she stared down at her lap, feeling as helpless as ever. David had been one flight away, just across the country, hiding in plain sight almost. How had they not thought to check somewhere like that earlier? They could’ve gone and confronted him – tried to reason with him – and even though that might’ve been in vain, they still would have tried. But now he was gone again, and Louna couldn’t shake the feeling that the day’s events had driven David from the city. He would no longer have felt safe there, too exposed and as if everyone was watching him. She hated that he’d felt that way when they were out together, and he had to be “on.” He’d said putting on that façade always felt too fake to him. And when she suggested he stop, he’d scoffed. He’d used the front for so long that everyone would question what was wrong with him if he didn’t wear it. His logic had always been a bit flawed, but now she could see what he’d held onto it for so long. It was a safe guard, especially during something like this. She knew how easy it was for David to shed that façade and blend in with the crowd too, and vice versa. He was an expert chameleon, at the detriment to his true personality. 

She sighed, realizing then that his disappearing act would finally allow him to become his true self for awhile, and not all the expectations of those around him. And he needed that; he needed to be free of those limitations and constructs. He needed to breathe and to grow and shake off the shadows he’d been carrying for the past eighteen years. Of course he’d grown with the band, and evolved even more when they’d started their relationship, but it hadn’t all been personal. David had molded himself into some preset ideals, and now it was time for him to break free of those. 

Louna stared at her hand, wondering if the David who came back to her would still be the David she loved, because she could feel how much he might change, and it only made her sadder that she wouldn’t be with him to experience it. 

“I know,” Jeff replied, his voice soft. “I was pissed when I found out… looked at a plane ticket, then realized there’d be no point. He probably left the city after he left that office and could be headed to Alaska right now.” 

She laughed weakly, her thoughts settling back down. “Because he’d really survive in that kind of cold?” 

“No, but he’d figure it out real fast.” 

They shared a laugh, then both went quiet. Silence stretched the line, neither knowing how to continue the conversation, but there were still things they needed to discuss. Pierre’s interview had created a whole mess for them that wouldn’t be easy to clean up; the long talk with her mother had certainly been only the surface of what Louna had to deal with. 

“God I miss him,” she said after another second. “That stupid update just made me want to watch ‘Point Break’ for the eight hundredth time and wish he was here so I could see how happy that would make him… and maybe I’d finally give into that Ex-Presidents costume he always wanted to do on Halloween.” 

Jeff laughed and she could hear his grin through the phone. “Just don’t let him convince you to jump out of any airplanes, okay? Let the motorcycles be enough.” 

She smiled slightly. “I’ll try…” 

The silent lull came again, but this time it was Jeff who broke it. 

“What’re we supposed to do now?” he asked, voice becoming serious. “Since we’ve been lying to everyone for the last month?” 

She sighed and took a drink of wine. “I think we tell the truth,” she said after a moment. “I just had to have that discussion with my mother, and contrary to what I thought might happen, she was actually very understanding when I explained that I just wasn’t ready to admit what had happened.” 

“She really seemed okay about it?” His voice was doubtful. 

“She did… but I had to tell her everything. Tell her why David was so unhappy, explain about the band… Pierre.” 

“Well it’s not like I can blast that everywhere,” Jeff countered. 

“But maybe you can,” she replied immediately, “and maybe you should. Pierre wasn’t afraid of creating a fucking spectacle around this. Why should he get to be the authority on this? There’s two sides to every story… tell David’s. Tell _yours_.” 

“You’re serious.” Jeff was a little surprised at the adamancy in Louna’s voice. She spoke with a conviction he hadn’t heard before. 

“I am… and you don’t have to give an interview… just write something, and post it everywhere.” 

He frowned. “What would I even say?” 

She rolled her eyes, glad they were speaking on the phone and not face to face. “Everything! You’d explain everything… Talk about your friendship with David, how the band changed in the last few years, how a group that has been together for eighteen fucking years doesn’t just call it quits overnight and fall apart like you did… You write about what happened to make the band split… about the _factions_ and how even though everyone could put on a happy face, that wasn’t how it was behind the scenes.” She took a breath. “Jeff, you write about two years ago when you all went to California and worked together to create an album that you poured your hearts and souls into, only to have all that work stripped away and changed, little by little, until all your work on it was nearly gone and unrecognizable. You write about how that made you feel… you write about the day you got the mastered copy of the album, and how you didn’t even want to put your name on it.” 

“Okay, fuck, I need to write this shit down if you’re gonna keep going.” 

She half smiled, taking another drink of wine. “I used to do this kind of thing with David… when he’d be writing some new song idea and get stuck… he’d tell me to say whatever random words would come into my head, until I said the right one and off he’d go again.” She paused slightly. “An endless stream of music from his fingers.” Her words lilted at the end, a note of sadness creeping into them. 

“He’ll come back,” Jeff told her quietly. 

“I know… I just wish he didn’t have to be gone first.”

He nodded knowingly, taking a drink of his beer. “But you can’t have the rainbow without the rain, right?” 

“I guess not,” she conceded. 

“So what else am I writing?” he prompted her, a notebook open beside him and a pen in his hand. 

She swigged the wine and settled back on the couch. “You write about the past eighteen years, and how you all became men together,” she told him. “How you grew up in this band and rewrote the rules for a band’s success, and how you celebrated the triumphs and held each other through the tragedies. You write about the cancer, the loss of your parents, the injuries and potential career ending surgeries, and all the relationships you’ve been through that led to marriages and then to fatherhood. You write about all that and how, ultimately, it led to betrayal. Betrayal through the band, and betrayal through friendship. You write about the man who stood beside you for eighteen years as a friend, and as a brother, who betrayed and deceived you, and who had the audacity to sit in front of a fucking camera and tell a truth he swore he wouldn’t share.” 

She finally inhaled. “That’s what you write about. You tell the truth that can’t be denied. You tell your story… David’s story… my story. You write about how I don’t get a chance at love because that selfish asshole drove away the best person in our lives, and how he didn’t give a damn about what would happen when he exposed the truth. The truth is that two band members don’t just up and leave the band they’ve been in for eighteen years on a random Monday morning. And the third guy doesn’t just pack up his entire fucking house and leave his entire fucking life behind over _nothing_. You expose the real truth, and not the sugarcoated bullshit that narcissist is spreading everywhere. You write about all of that, and now ask me again what you have to say.” 

Jeff didn’t reply at first, still frantically scribbling words down into the notebook. Louna’s voice was harsh, edged with an undercurrent of anger at Pierre, and he couldn’t blame her. The singer had betrayed her today just as badly as he’d betrayed David, but the difference was that Louna had to bear the consequences. She had to face her friends and family and coworkers, just the same as Jeff did. He resolved then to write as much as he could about what had actually happened, because the truth deserved to be heard. He was done with the half-truths and the outright lies. It was time to come clean about the last few years, and now he finally felt strong enough to make that happen. He would write his story; David’s story, and maybe if he was persuasive enough, Sebastien’s story. The Montreal faction could unite one more time together and weather the storm Pierre tried to bring, only this time they’d be strong enough to endure it. This time they wouldn’t be silenced or shut out. This time their story would be heard, and there was nothing Pierre could do about it. Jeff would make sure of that.


	5. Part Five - Straight Outta Kansas

The din of the party was cheerful, a bright, melodic pop anthem coming from the speakers on one side of the rooftop, and the sunset streaking the sky a hazy orange and gold. Louna hung near a group of casual acquaintances, a watchful eye on her sister who chatted with a friend near the door, and also tracking her friend Thalia, who was with another small group near the makeshift bar. She took a drink of the icy peach sangria, only half paying attention to the conversation around her. She would much rather have stayed in at home that Saturday night, but both Emadou and Thalia insisted she come out to the rooftop party since she’d already missed the season kick-off and this was the official summer solstice party. Begrudgingly, she’d come along, knowing that she would have to return to all her social obligations at some point. She couldn’t hide behind her work and hole up at home forever; that wasn’t what David would’ve wanted. He’d been the reigning king of impromptu nights out and parties and shows, which suited her just fine if they were together. She’d always been game to go with him to whatever concert he had tickets to, or was on the guest list for, so it hadn’t been a surprise when a promoter at one of the venues called her out of the blue, asking if she wanted on the list or some upcoming shows. David had always made sure to put her name own as his ‘plus one’ and the venue workers had gotten to know them well. Louna had declined the offer, but thanked the woman for calling her. It was a weird feeling of sadness that came over her after the phone call – like she’d given up another piece of David she was still holding onto. She wasn’t sure how much she could give up and still feel connected to him. Since he was gone she’d given up his house, their motorcycle trips, the shows, the crazy parties with all the musicians and bands coming through town, and most of the friends she knew because of those parties and shows. She had gone from being a social queen to a reclusive shut-in within a week of his departure, and now Emadou and Thalia were trying to pry her out of the cocoon she’d built. She couldn’t imagine emerging from this any better than she’d gone in. Her wings would be deformed, or maybe not even there. The caterpillar wasn’t going to turn into a butterfly – just an ugly, broken moth, fighting to fly into whatever open flame would welcome it and incinerate it completely. 

She blinked hard, pushing the dark thoughts from her head and taking another sip of the beverage. The sangria was a touch too sweet, but she had no interest in drinking hard alcohol because she knew how that night could end. She didn’t want to be wrecked the next day, mostly because she and Jeff had plans to go on a spin around Mount Tremblant, and she’d been looking forward to it. They had found an easy friendship with one another in David’s absence – going on motorcycle rides and meeting for the occasional beer. Jeff had even, like David suggested, invited her to a couple restaurants to test the new vegan offerings. She was grateful, and it made for a good distraction when she was overcome with the David-shaped vacancy in her life. She hadn’t realized just how dependent she had become on him, until he was no longer there. And it wasn’t fair. She missed him terribly most days, and it was all she could do to stop herself emailing him about every mundane thing. He had left for a reason, and she needed to give him space to work through that. She just hoped he would work quickly and come back soon, because the two months she’d endured already had been quite long enough, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could take. 

“Isn’t that right, Louna?” 

She looked up instantly, caught off-guard with the woman addressing her directly, and cursing herself for not paying more attention. She offered an uneasy smile. “Um, sorry,” she said, “I didn’t catch the question… the sunset…” She gestured to the view behind the woman, thankful everyone turned to look at the sky for a minute. She drank half of what was left in her glass in a few large swallows before the attention returned to the group. 

“Oh, I was just saying it’s so hard to move on from long term relationships… I can only imagine what it must be like for you, since David…” 

The woman trailed off and Louna fought to keep her gaze neutral. Yes, she’d been a wreck since David had left, but she didn’t really have plans to move on, especially since David expected her to wait for him. The hardest part of his absence had been coming to terms with that secret, well, that and the nasty shit-talking everyone did behind her back when they thought she wasn’t listening. They thought she didn’t hear the way they criticized the band, and the way the guys had split, and how rotten David was for just up and leaving, but she heard it all. The worst was agreeing with half of it and not being able to acknowledge it. She had to be stoic in public these days, otherwise the cracks she felt all through her would start to show, and she didn’t want anyone to see them. So she lied, and put up a façade, and faked her way through it all, just like she’d seen David do it for all those years. But what he’d asked her to do for him… rather, the question he hadn’t asked… that was what would do her in. Emadou was the only person who knew about the ring David had left for her, and she was keeping it that way. Though she wasn’t wearing the ring, she hadn’t outwardly rejected David either. For now, she was stuck in an awkward limbo of waiting, but she would never give anyone the satisfaction of knowing that. 

She took a slow breath, leveling her eyes at the woman across from her. “You know, just because David’s gone, doesn’t mean we’ve actually broken up,” she replied. 

“Oh… I just assumed-” 

“And your assumption was wrong,” she said, not letting the woman finish, then offering a flippant smile. “Really this hasn’t been any different than him being gone on tour… maybe a few less texts.” 

Quiet laughter rippled around the group and a blush started to color the woman’s cheeks. 

“And if you care to recall it, my relationship with David was always rather private, and I would appreciate it if you could still respect that.” 

The woman’s eyes flickered with hints of anger; clearly she had thought this conversation was going to go a different way. “But David’s gone, so why does it matter?” Her tone was haughty. 

Louna clenched her fingers around the cold glass in her hand. “It matters because I’m still here, and David’s had enough of his so-called friends violate his privacy already. I’m not going to stand by and listen to someone tell me my relationship is over just because my boyfriend made a decision to leave for awhile and get his life back in order. I’ve spent the last two months trying to piece together what went wrong for him and finally decided that I couldn’t live my life like that… David will be back when he’s back, and if we can still be together after that happens, then so be it. I did not come here tonight to be a spectacle and to have my relationship picked apart by hungry vultures. I came to be with my friends and to get my mind off all this for a little while, but clearly that isn’t going to happen. Thanks so much for bringing it up.” She leveled her gaze at the woman, eyes dark and hard. “I really appreciate it.” She held the stare for a moment longer then turned away from the group, slipping past the crowd of people, who had gone curiously quiet, and joined Thalia at the bar. Her friend’s eyes were wide and nervous. 

“Are you okay?” she asked, trying to keep her voice below the din of the music. 

Louna set her glass aside and shook her head. “No,” she replied easily. “I’m going to go.” 

Thalia frowned. “Please don’t? I wanted you to have a good time.” 

“It was a valiant effort,” she said. “I just don’t think I’m ready for this… especially when all anyone wants to talk about is David, and I don’t have any answers for them.” 

Thalia still looked disconcerted and took in a breath to reply, but Emadou came to stand beside her sister. 

“Lou?” her voice was soft. 

Louna met her sister’s gaze, but shook her head. “I need to go.” 

She nodded. “It’s okay, I’ll take you home… can you cab it?” she asked Thalia. 

Thalia nodded, pressing her lips together in a grimace. “I’m sorry,” she said, looking at Louna hopefully. 

She dismissed the apology with a short shrug; it had been too soon to do this. Now she knew she needed more time to process what had happened with David, and to plan how she reacted in these situations. It hadn’t been Thalia’s fault, or Em’s fault, or even her own fault. People were nosy – she knew that, but she hadn’t expected to talk about David tonight. She had truly wanted to come and try to have a good time, but their friends had to learn her boundaries first, and respect her privacy and not make gross assumptions. Somehow she knew that it would take a long time for all those things to fall into place, and she was willing to wait and work for it, but the wound was still too fresh to face right now. She still had to let herself heal, and little by little that was happening. She just still had a long way to go. 

“Come on…” Emadou directed her sister, reaching to take her hand and lead her out of the party. 

She followed aimlessly, staring at the bright purple heels Em wore and wondering when she’d bought them. Had it been in the past few weeks? It seemed like all her days had started to blur together and even though she’d seen Em every week since David had left she suddenly couldn’t recall any of their conversations. It felt like her head simply wasn’t there. She was there, seeing and hearing everything, but none of it was digesting in her head. What the fuck was going on? 

She kept her head down and didn’t look up until they reached the elevator, because in the pit of her stomach she could feel the emotions that wanted to boil over. All the anger she’d been pushing aside was threatening, and she didn’t know _why_. 

Why was she so angry? Why couldn’t she hear David’s name without wanting to hurl something at the nearest wall? Why did it still hurt _so much_? 

“Louna…” Emadou whispered her name, not sure what spell her sister had fallen under as they stood waiting for the lift. She inhaled in surprise as Louna’s grip on her hand suddenly became fierce – almost painful. She could see Louna’s expression change after a moment, emotions racing through her eyes. The vacant look of loss and hurt was replaced with determination and rage. She knew then what was coming, but she didn’t know how to stop it. The train was going to derail and the only thing she could do was clean up the aftermath, and that was only if she didn’t get taken out in the collision. 

Louna closed her eyes, her hand tight on Emadou’s grasp as she took a slow, deep breath. The anger pulsed through her, fast and hot and it was all she could do to not turn on her sister. Her sister – her twin – had nothing to do with this, she told herself. She couldn’t unleash that rage on Em, because there was absolutely nothing fair about that. Emadou had been nothing but patient, and kind, and understanding through all of this, and she couldn’t push away or alienate the person who was helping her maintain the last of her sanity. She had to fight to stay in control; god she couldn’t fucking lose it. Not here. Not now. 

She took another breath, grateful to hear the ding of the elevator. She opened her eyes and followed Em inside, her grip still fierce on her twin’s hand. They stayed silent on the ride down, Em’s eyes questioning her the entire way. It wasn’t until they exited the building and reached the car that Louna finally let go of their handhold. She had stifled the rage – depriving it of fuel so it couldn’t spread and demolish everything in its path. It had been quelled for the time being, but Louna had no idea how long that would last. She knew those emotions would demand her attention again and it would be harder to deny them next time. 

She sank into the passenger’s seat, a wave of exhaustion washing over her, followed with a sudden sadness. She stared out at the darkened sky as Emadou slid into the driver’s seat and started the car, still offering no words of consolation. Louna’s eyes caught on the moon, a waning sliver of light against the black shroud of night. 

“How could he do this?” she asked, even though it was probably the millionth time she’d asked it. “And why the fuck do I still feel like this?” The sadness choked her words and she closed her eyes to hold the tears back. Two months and she was still a total wreck because of David; that asshole. She wanted to go back to being numb about what happened. She wanted to deny everything she was feeling and just have him back or have him gone completely. It was the limbo that was tearing her apart. It would have been easier if he’d just broken up with her, but their relationship had never been that easy. They’d always agreed they’d met for a reason, that there was some greater purpose for why they were together and what they were meant to do. David had told her over and over that she made him a better person, but this was how she was repaid for it? She had to spend fuck-knows-how-long in turmoil while he’d just vanished? She didn’t care that the experience might make her a stronger person – she’d been strong enough before. Which was why all these crushing emotions she felt because of him made her feel so much worse. She’d prided herself on being strong and independent and not needing a man in her life, until David. David had changed everything, but for the better. She could still be strong and independent and fierce, and he’d loved her more for it. But he’d brought her to her knees, and she wasn’t sure she could get up without him. 

“You just need more time,” Emadou replied quietly, cautiously taking her sister’s hand again. “It’ll get easier, but I don’t think you were ready tonight.” 

She nodded slowly, squeezing her sister’s hand, grateful for the simple concession. 

After a few moments, when Louna didn’t say anything more, Emadou put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb, thankful for a quick drive back to Louna’s. 

Once back home, she offered a half-hearted wave goodbye to Emadou before she stepped inside her house and closed the door, Yuki greeting her with a wagging tail and happy circles, his nails clicking and tapping as he pranced on the wood floor. She smiled and bent down to nuzzle his head, kneading her fingers into his ruff for a brief reprieve. It was the love she needed right then and it was comforting to know that it wouldn’t leave as easily as David’s had. She stood up reluctantly, knowing Yuki was raring to go outside for a spell – he’d been cooped up inside almost all day. She promised they’d go on a long walk together the next day, before her ride with Jeff, because she wasn’t sure how long the ride would take. She let Yuki into the back yard, watching for a moment as he bounded out to the fence, then raced beneath the bushes beside it – his usual route. She closed the screen door since it was a warm enough night, then went back through the living room, heading to her bedroom to change into pajamas. However, she stalled beside the couch, her eye catching on David’s guitar. Before she could stop herself, her hands had grabbed the instrument and she was through her front door. The rage had broken the dam. 

How? 

How could he have done this to her? 

Didn’t he know what they had? How much she loved him? What she had to put up with every time he was gone? 

It didn’t matter that he thought he had to do this all alone – she should have been with him. They’d shared practically everything for four years and now he’d simply disappeared. Did he realize how selfish that was? The hell she was living through while he was… where?! Where the fuck was he?! 

The last sign of his existence had been the update after he’d left Vancouver and since then there had been nothing. NOTHING. How did he expect her to hold out hope for them when he couldn’t even give her a sign? Anything?! She would take anything. Some small signal that this was the right thing to do – that she was supposed to wait for him. Because how could she keep waiting for him when she had no fucking idea when he might be back? It had already been two months. 

Two. Miserable. Months. 

How could she make it through two more? Four more? What if six months turned into a year? Two years? 

Fuck. 

Fuck no! 

She couldn’t do it – she was strong, but she wasn’t that strong. She needed David – needed him to come back if she was ever going to be that strong again. But how long could she wait? How long could she survive the torture of this in-between state? She was so torn already… Every fucking day it felt like her heart ripped a little, tiny bit more, and she knew that couldn’t keep up forever. One day it would tear beyond repair and she didn’t want to see that day. She wanted to make a choice, because at least once she’d made a choice she could maybe begin to move on and be able to answer all those fucking questions everyone had. Because every. Single. Person. Had a question for her and she was so, so sick of it. She didn’t have the answers – he’d left her just as in the dark as anyone else, despite the letter. 

Fuck that letter. Fuck the ring! 

The ring was burning through her conscience like a red hot coal and it terrified her that someone would find out about it – and ask more questions. Fuck. That. She was done. The anger took over completely, blinding her to rational thought as she pleaded with the universe for a sign. An airplane, a shooting star, a burning bush – anything! There had to be _something_!

A howl ripped through the air, splitting the silence of the street and yanking Louna back to her senses. Her breath was labored as Yuki continued to yowl in the backyard and her fist closed around something thick in her hand, but the memories came too fast. All at once she was back in California with David, a perfect sunny day of riding motorcycles and visiting a wolf sanctuary together. The animals had been amazing – a once in a lifetime experience that they’d shared together. By the time they’d left, the sanctuary owner was convinced that one of the wolves had bonded with David and she insisted he come back for frequent trips. Louna had believed it, because she’d seen it in how the wolf’s gaze never strayed from David. It had been incredible to witness the animal’s transformation – meeting them warily at first, then howling as David had walked through the gates to leave. She could still hear the desperation in the wolf’s cry, and suddenly she understood it in a way she never had. The pain – the absolute heartbreak in the sound was haunting, and she knew the horribly dark place from where it came. 

Yuki’s howl echoed in the night and the neck of the guitar fell from her hand, clattering to the driveway amongst the shattered ruins of David’s guitar. She slumped against the side of her car, staring at the splintered pieces in front of her; what had she done? In her rage she had destroyed one of the only things of David’s she had truly cared about – and there was no coming back from this. The guitar was piecemeal – scattered over the pavement as wooden confetti. In the backyard, Yuki had finally gone quiet, but the damage was done. 

Defeated tears came next, slipping silently down her face as she stared at the wreckage. She had let her anger drive her to this destruction, and for what? She hadn’t gained a thing; only lost one of the treasures they had both loved. Was their relationship as wrecked as the guitar around her? Was this her subconscious way of letting go? It wasn’t just the guitar tying her to David, it was the memories too. The howl echoed through her and she shivered, but not because of the cold. Why that memory? Why that moment? What was the universe trying to tell her? Or was it trying to tell her anything at all? Maybe she was just looking for answers when there weren’t any to find – she just had a broken relationship, a broken guitar, and a broken heart. Maybe that was it. 

She took a soft breath, staring into the night sky as her tears subsided. Somehow, beneath the cover of darkness, it wasn’t that had to believe that maybe those things really were all she had, no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise. Her next breath was long and slow – coming to terms with the mess around her. She may have wanted to blame David for this disaster, but the shards of wood strewn before her were all her fault. He may have been the cause of her rage, but her hands had done the damage. She took one last steadying breath, then stood up from the ground. As she surveyed the mess she had to clean up, her eye caught on something bright in the wreckage – something that was definitely neither wood nor plastic. Carefully, she stepped closer, her heart starting to beat faster. She stooped to pick up the thing – a fluorescent yellow sticky note, still clinging to a sliver of wood. The paper was wrinkled, but intact. Her breath caught at the familiar, black sharpie scrawl. Where the hell had this come from? She turned the note in her hands so she could read it right side up. 

_19-2-17 / EB Slinky / Cobain’s birthday / Bought L’s gift: charm bracelet, wolf. Still no idea for E. / Next show: Toronto / NP: J Bay_

She stared at the words, only able to decipher half of the note. The first was the date, of course, but she didn’t quite understand the second phrase. The next few things were self-explanatory, but the last part puzzled her too. She blinked hard, trying to force herself to break David’s code, but she couldn’t get past not knowing where this sticky note had come from. It hadn’t been with the guitar – she was certain. She had picked it up and put it in the soft case last month, hiding it away in the closet for a few weeks until the living room seemed empty without it. She’d put it back on its stand in the corner, but she was positive there had been no note on it anywhere. 

She blinked again – no, there wasn’t a note on it. The note had been _in_ it. And at once she knew what the second notation was – the brand of strings he’d put on the guitar, and the date he’d changed them. He’d left the same types of notes stuck to the inside of his bass cases and sometimes when he got back from a longer tour he would go back through them – piecing together the random events or things he’d written about. Sometimes the notes were significant, but mostly they were quick snapshots of the moment: what he was thinking about, the beverage he was drinking, the album he’d been listening to…

She looked at the note again, finally deciphering the last piece there. NP meant ‘now playing’ and the artist’s name. She instantly recalled the album; one that had come out two years before, but David had rekindled his romance with in anticipation of the new record from the hyped blues guitarist from England. When had she even last thought about that album? Let alone heard it? She strained to make it come alive in her ears as she stood there in her driveway, and the answer crushed her as though she was the Wicked Witch and it was the flying house, straight out of Kansas. 

David had played this album the last night they’d been together at his house – the mellow blues floating through the living room and into the kitchen where they stood together, drinking wine and watching the sunset out the garden window. The lyrics tore through her like shrapnel, and were the sign she had asked for: _We live through scars this time / but I’ve made up my mind / we can’t leave us behind anymore… / We’ll have to hurt for now / but next time there’s no doubt / Cause I can’t go without you anymore //_

She clenched the note between her fingers, suddenly desperate to hear the song; the guitar carnage could wait until morning. She spun from the driveway and was back through her front door in seconds, going to the living room and grabbing her laptop from the small desk. She opened the music application and typed in the name, scanning the list of songs that came up. She moved the cursor to click on one title, but the track at the bottom of the list gave her pause. The song title was the same, but noted ‘James Bay – Cover’ next to it, and the artist listing had been left blank. Her hand trembled. She had dozens of these uncredited tracks in her music library – all covers recorded and uploaded for her – little musical treasures David liked to impart when she didn’t expect them. She stared at the title, then looked to the play count. The listing was blank. She had never listened to the track, which was peculiar since she always listened to the songs David gave her. There had to be a reason she had never heard this one track – she had stopped listening to his music when he left, so that meant he’d uploaded it for her close to when he’d gone. 

How close? 

She clicked the track once and held down the key, bringing up the options menu. She chose the info option and looked at the summery. The ‘last played’ was unavailable, but she only wanted to see one thing about the file: the date modified. 

Air rushed out of her lungs as she looked at the listed date. April 15th – the day he’d left. 

She stared at the box on the screen, wondering if he had left her any other songs that day, because if there was one, that usually meant there had been more. She closed the box and typed ‘cover’ into the search, sorting by the play count. Her heart tripped over itself as four more songs came up with zero plays. She stared at the titles, trying to make some sense of them, but she knew there was only one way she could actually begin to understand why David had left her these songs the day he’d disappeared. She had to listen to them. This was her sign. She had found these songs when she’d been about to give up hope on him – they were there for a reason. 

She looked over the titles again, noticing that all the songs were from acoustic, singer-songwriter artists, and she knew her heart was in for a rollercoaster. 

_Scars. Anchored in You. Take Care. Lucky Now. I’ll Back You Up._

David had known how to give her solace after he’d left, aside from the letter, but now she wasn’t sure that she was ready for it. She walked away from the computer, going to let Yuki inside and pour herself a glass of water. She didn’t need any more alcohol tonight, because it would only make her emotions run higher than they already were. She took the glass back to the living room and looked at the track listing again. Was she ready to hear his voice again? It felt like ages since she’d heard him sing anything and now her ears craved it. She needed this connection to him, grateful he had given her something more to listen to instead of erasing himself from the music library. 

She inhaled slowly, wondering what order they were meant to be played in, then decided it didn’t matter. She had to listen to them all anyway. Without another moment’s hesitation she double clicked on the first track and let the music pour over her, knowing she would have her decision by the time the new tracks finished, and somehow she knew that had probably been David’s intention all along.


	6. Part Six - Frenchy

“Oh hey… let me get that for you.” David shut off the hose he was holding and set it aside, hurrying to grab the large bag of potting soil the woman was trying to wrestle off the pallet. She gave him a thankful smile as he easily slid it from the stack and hefted it onto his shoulder. “Which car?” he asked. 

She nodded across the small lot. “The Subaru at the end… I’m getting bark too,” she told him, then rolled her eyes slightly. “My husband’s weekend project.” 

He laughed lightly as he followed her to the small hatchback. “You and everyone else,” he told her, lowering the bag into the back end. “Which bark was it? The mid-grade or fine?” The woman checked her receipt; at least he wouldn’t have to double check that she’d paid. 

“The mid-grade,” she clarified. 

He nodded. “Be right back.” He went to another pallet at the front of the small garden center and grabbed the bag of bark, easily loading it into the woman’s car and getting another smile as she thanked him. He dusted his hands on his jeans, already caked with grit from the busy day, and closed the trunk. “You’re welcome… have a good weekend.” The woman gave him a wave and left the nursery a minute later, David already back to watering the last few plant racks by the greenhouse. He checked his watch as the sun beat on the back of his neck; quarter to six. Thank god he only had fifteen minutes until close. It had been one of the busiest days, and he was actually surprised his back didn’t hurt from all the bags of soil and bark and mulch he’d had to load for customers. He knew he’d be sore the next day though, because he still had his bartending shift to get through at Selene. 

Two months had passed since David had left Vancouver, the day he’d terminated his contract. He’d taken that ferry out of Horseshoe Bay, ended up on the Sunshine Coast Highway, and after stopping at the random café, found a small bed and breakfast about an hour away to crash at for the night. He’d intended to keep driving west the next day, but food poisoning (that damn cheeseburger, he’d paid for it) made him stay another few days. And those few days had become longer and longer. He’d begun to know the people in town, who worked at the few bars and cafes, and Greta, the woman who owned the bed and breakfast with her husband, Rich. 

The couple had confronted him during the second week of his stay to find out just how long he planned on being there. He hadn’t been able to answer, because he still felt he needed to get further away from everything. The band still weighed around his neck, choking him from thousands of miles away though he’d thrown all those ties away. And he’d been terrified that Greta and Rich were throwing him out so he’d have to move on, but it was the opposite. They had a small hunting cabin on another piece of property that they sometimes lent out, and wanted to offer it to him for as long as he was sticking around; he’d moved in that afternoon. 

Two weeks passed and he found himself actually bored with the solitary lifestyle, punctuated with nights out and small talk with the locals at Selene, the old bar in town. The small talk had gotten him the minimum-wage, manual labor job at the small garden center, and the bartending gig had come later, after one of the other passers-through had up and quit on a Friday evening and left Marcus to handle the crowd of RV campers by himself. It had taken a half hour, and a seemingly never-ending line at the bar to drive David up from his seat in the corner, throw a towel over his shoulder, and grab a bottle opener from below the counter. Marcus, who was probably only a few years older than him, but with muttonchops to rival Grizzly Adams, looked at him like he was insane, but then the line started to shorten and the tip jar fill. David knew about making people happy – and a smile and a cold beer could go a long way. Marcus admitted later that he hadn’t been sold on David at first, but when one of the hipster RV campers had ordered a Blood & Sand and David hadn’t hesitated in grabbing the sweet vermouth and Dewars, he’d changed his mind. Since then they’d been the Thursday, Friday, Saturday crew, making sure all the tourists and campers were happy and well-watered for their adventures. 

“Frenchy!” 

David looked up from the plants he was watering, seeing his co-worker Kevin standing at the shop door. 

“Wrap it up, we’re outta here.” 

He nodded, shutting the hose off and hauling it into the greenhouse. He went to the back area of the nursery and closed and locked the gates, then through the back of the shop, grabbing a few things from his locker before clocking out at the front register. 

“You workin at Selene tonight?” Kevin asked him. 

“You have to ask?” he replied, amused at Kevin’s thick-headedness. 

He shrugged. “I don’t know… you might take a night off at some point, and I don’t think Marcus would make my drinks as strong.” 

He laughed. “Well you’re right about that… but nah, no Friday nights off in the foreseeable future, unless he finds another lackey.” 

Kevin shook his head. “Not during this part of the summer… all those lackeys got better jobs on the fishing boats. Why d’you think we had to settle for you?” 

Kevin smirked at him and they shared a laugh. It had definitely been a steep learning curve for David – working a cash register again, customer service with a smile, and powering through a nine-hour day at the garden center, followed with another six hours at the bar. It was a definite departure from his musician’s hours, but he’d settled into it and was making it work. The weirdest part of it all was that he really didn’t need to work. He’d built up a good savings from the band, and his investments were still earning interest that paid for everything he’d left in Montreal, and he’d put together a rough budget for the new part of his life. Now that he was working he didn’t have to worry about that budget. He was earning what he would spend in the month, or about that, so everything had really fallen into place. 

Except he hadn’t dealt at all with what he really needed to. 

He’d escaped the band, but now came the hard part. Only he had chosen to work and be distracted from his problems instead of facing them. He was throwing himself into this ‘new life’ and not looking at the past. But he couldn’t leave the past behind entirely. He couldn’t forget Louna, and there was no way he would, nor did he want to. She was still always in his thoughts, and his car still carried faint hints of her perfume. She would never truly leave him, and it was his daily reminder of what he needed to do. He needed to clear his conscience and figure out his path away from where he’d left off with the band. He had to move forward, but for now he was content to remain stationary for a bit. 

The stability and routine had helped to ground him again. He knew that a few more weeks of it would have his head in a better space, and then he’d be ready to regroup – maybe even head back. He was probably jumping the gun with that sentiment, but he’d always been overly optimistic. That would never change. 

“So I guess I’ll see you later?” David asked, taking a step toward the door. 

Kevin nodded absently, looking at the register report, then he looked up with a smirk. “You have to ask?” 

David rolled his eyes with a smile and opened the door. “Later!” he called. He pulled it shut behind him and enjoyed the brief walk to his SUV. The drive to his cabin took ten minutes from the garden center, but it took twenty to get to Selene, leaving him about twenty minutes to shower, change clothes, and scarf down a bowl of cereal. He had almost mastered the routine now, in his fourth week of it, and now included eating a banana and protein bar in the car on his way to the bar. He could also usually get a salad from the bar’s kitchen before things got too busy in the evening. Marcus’ older brother George was the cook, and the bar had been their father’s before he passed. The brothers had worked there since high school and couldn’t bear to see it close, so they’d taken up the torch. 

Selene was definitely not the kind of place David would have gone to back in Montreal, lest he be thrown out for wearing his tight jeans (which he’d almost given up completely now), but along the Sunshine Coast there were no rules, especially during the summer tourist season. They had all types of people come to Selene – the hipster campers in their tricked out, glamping RVs, the typical Pacific Northwesterners in their socks and sandals and Subarus, the local fishermen and loggers, and the ultimate out-of-towners just driving through on whatever road trips. David had earned himself the nickname Frenchy after a family from Quebec had come in and the stoic father had refused to let his son order for him. Marcus hadn’t been able to decipher the man’s request, but David had instantly recognized the Quebecois slang. He’d poured the beer without question and engaged the man easily, trying not to think about how it had been three months since he’d spoken with anyone in his native tongue. By the time the family left, the nickname had been coined and nearly everyone in town was using it for him. It was better anyway, since he’d decided to try to conceal his identity a little and go by his middle name. Frenchy sounded better than Phil any day. 

He shook his head at the thought as he stood in front of the small kitchen sink, shoveling the last few bites of cereal in his mouth. He had two minutes to get out to his car and on the road before he’d be late. He swallowed the last spoonful, drained the milk straight from the bowl (Louna had always hated that), and started for the door. As he reached to open it, a ring split the quiet. David stopped and grabbed the old phone from his pocket – a hand-me-down from Marcus because he’d wanted some way to reach David on his days off. There were only three stored contacts in the phone: Marcus, Greta, and the garden center. Marcus’ name was on the display. 

“Hey,” he answered. “I’m just on my way over.” 

“Okay, well this is a long shot, but the guy I had scheduled to come play tonight cancelled and all my friends are out of town,” Marcus explained quickly. “Have you made any friends that could fill in?” He sounded doubtful, and for good reason. 

“Um, no… I haven’t really had time to make friends,” he replied. 

Marcus sighed. “I know… I figured it was at least worth a phone call though.” 

His boss’ voice sounded defeated and as David stood at his door, his mind started to churn. He looked at his acoustic guitar, lying haphazardly on the lumpy couch where he’d discarded it the day before. “Well, what’s more important,” he asked slowly, “happy customers with live music or happy customers with two bartenders?” 

“Umm…” Marcus was caught off guard with the question. “I guess music, but what are you saying?” 

David shrugged. “I’ve been known to play a little guitar… that’s all.” 

“Cover shit?” Marcus asked skeptically. 

“Tonight would be, yeah.” 

There was a second of silence on the line. “Just no ‘Wonderwall’ okay?” 

David laughed, crossing the room to grab his case and pack up the guitar. “Deal. Tom Petty okay?” 

“I’ll allow it.” 

“All right, see you in twenty.” 

They hung up and David slung the soft case over his shoulder as he left, strangely excited for how the night was going to turn out. 

Twenty minutes later he got to the bar and could see the parking lot was already half full. He drove around the building, blocking in Marcus’ Jeep in the alley and went in the backdoor. 

George gave him a smile when he saw the guitar. “Gonna give us a show tonight, Frenchy? Earn all those tips you won’t be slinging beer for?” 

David laughed, shrugging. “Guess we’ll see,” he replied. George smirked and David went to the front corner of the bar where Marcus was fussing with the small PA system. 

The barman looked up at David, skepticism still in his eyes. “Sure you know how to play that thing?” he asked. 

He tried hard not to roll his eyes. How could he even begin to explain that being on stage for him was like being home? This night was going to satisfy all the urges he had to get out and perform, even though it was probably ten songs at most and no one would be paying attention. He’d be on stage, and that was what mattered. “I’ll manage,” he retorted, then nodded to two customers at the bar. “Go pour… I got this.” 

Marcus raised an eyebrow, but dropped the cable he’d been wrestling with and went back to the counter. 

David took a brief survey of the equipment – he’d seen worse. Hell, the band had played with worse when they’d been starting out, but within a few minutes he had everything routed and did a quick sound test. It wasn’t going to be the best, but it would get the job done. He joined Marcus back at the bar then, helping the few customers gathered at the counter then bussing a few tables of glasses and starting the quick wash. While the machine worked, he grabbed a piece of receipt paper and wrote a quick set list. He’d scrolled through his music catalog on the drive over and picked out most of his favorites and crowd-pleasers. He figured since he didn’t get to play ‘Wonderwall’ he’d go for the Green Day anthem ‘Good Riddance’ and see what Marcus had to say about it. He’d also decided on a random Jimmy Eat World song because it was catchy and he’d always wanted to play it. The chorus of ‘coffee and cigarettes’ was also easy to sing along with, if the people were into that, which was always a crapshoot. 

“Look at you,” Marcus said, walking over, “bein’ all pro and makin’ a set list… It’s like you might’ve actually done this before.” He looked to the tiny stage, seeing the PA rig all set up. “That thing gonna work?” he asked, nodding to it. 

David gave him a smile. “I took care of it.” 

“Shit, you’re Mr. Confident tonight… what is this?” 

He shrugged the comment off. “Nervous compensation… how long do you want me to play for, anyway?” 

“My guy was gonna do two forty minute sets… how about you do one, and if the crowd likes you, you can do another. Think you’re good for that?” 

Again David shrugged nonchalantly. “Guess we’ll find out,” he replied. Marcus laughed and they stood up from leaning against the back counter, David to clear more empty glasses from around the tables, and Marcus to help the group who’d just walked in. David surveyed the crowd as he walked around; it was definitely going to be an interesting night. 

The first set flew by and David was worried about the lukewarm reception of Tom Petty’s ‘American Girl,’ but they’d come around for Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters. He ended the set with Third Eye Blind, and the applause had been gratifying. However, he couldn’t totally enjoy it because he could see the line at the bar hadn’t shortened at all and there were discarded glasses on every table. He rushed back to help Marcus, popping beers and sloshing whiskey and vodka almost chaotically. In the midst of the frenzy, Marcus gave him an appreciative smile and David hoped that meant he’d get to go for the second set. Once the line thinned again, he bussed the tables, filled water glasses for people, and did a quick trash run. 

As he slung the bags into the dumpster in the alley, he wondered how all this had happened. Three months ago he’d been part of an internationally known band, and he had convinced himself it was time to leave. Now he was no one. Now he was the random French guy who’d been passing through town, but chose to stick around. He was the weird loner who’d somehow managed to fill a couple jobs and wasn’t asking anything in return. And for the last two weeks, he’d actually been happy. He was enjoying going to work at the garden center and helping the customers, and he liked bartending even more. Even though Marcus made him do all the crappy work – literally too (he fucking detested cleaning the bathrooms at the end of his shifts) – he still wanted to do it and wasn’t taking it for granted. 

“Frenchy! You countin’ stars or what?” 

George’s voice yanked David from his thoughts and he let the dumpster lid close with a bang. “Up to seven thousand so far,” he said, a smirk on his face. 

George laughed heartily as David passed him and headed back to the bar. Another slew of customers had lined up and it took both David and Marcus a few minutes to serve everyone. The last customers waiting were two giggly girls that David had noticed earlier, because one had known almost every song he’d played, singing along happily. Both girls smiled widely when he leaned against the bar toward them. “What can I get you?” he asked, offering a smile back. 

The blonde girl, who’d been singing, answered quickly. “Two Molsons and a vodka Collins.” 

He nodded, grabbing the beers first and opening them. “You ladies having a good night?” he asked, making the mixed drink. 

The blonde nodded emphatically. “Great! You sounded awesome earlier… gonna play anymore?” she asked hopefully. 

He shrugged, setting the cocktail on the counter in front of them. “Maybe… see what the boss says,” he offered, with a knowing look at Marcus. 

“This probably sounds crazy,” the other girl finally spoke up, “but I feel like I know you from something…” 

David blinked hard, looking away from her as he shrugged the comment off. “Don’t think so… you have a tab or paying cash?” 

The blonde handed him a twenty-dollar bill – more than enough for their three drinks. 

“Yeah… maybe you just look like some guy in a band or something.” 

“Oh!” The blonde’s eyes went wide then and David faced away from them, counting out their change slowly. “That guy in that Plan band? What was it? Is that the guy maybe?” 

“Shit, I don’t remember,” the friend replied, taking a drink of her beer. 

David turned back around then, handing the blonde her change once she failed to recognize him. “You know, I think my sister’s said I look like that guy,” he covered smoothly, despite his pulse racing with the too-close near recognition. 

The blonde smiled, handing him back a few dollars as his tip. “Totally… and since you play guitar…” She trailed off, and before she could say anything else, another girl joined them, also blonde and also giggly. 

“Where’s my drink!” she demanded playfully. The girls swatted at each other like sisters, gathered their drinks, and thanked him as they walked away. 

Marcus shot him a curious gaze when the girls left. “Who’d they think you looked like?” he asked. 

David shrugged, knowing he’d have to get used to playing it off. “Just some dude,” he said. “What’re you thinking for another set?” 

He gazed around the bar, studying the customers; everyone seemed sated for the time being. “Bus what you can then have at it,” he said. “I’ll fight off the masses.” 

They shared a laugh and David grabbed the water pitcher to refill, not wasting a moment before he got back onstage. 

Twenty minutes into the second set, the giggly girls had moved to stand in front of the makeshift stage and were dancing and singing along to his cover of the 80s classic ‘Jessie’s Girl.’ As he finished the song, he looked at his set list, wondering if he should move the Journey cover to the next song – he didn’t want to lose the vibe he had going. However, the girls had another idea. 

The blonde, who had semi-recognized him, gave him a huge smile as she stepped closer to the stage. “Do the Plan band!” she called to him. 

Her friends cheered enthusiastically, and David laughed, shaking his head. 

“Come on!” She urged him. “Plan!” 

He shook his head, but couldn’t resist the tease. He played the opening riff of the first song off their very first album. The girls cheered as they recognized it and tried to coax him to play more of the song. He held back a smile, and ripped through the chorus, playing the fast chords. The girls sang along loudly and protested when he ended the impromptu song. “Sorry ladies,” he apologized, “just not much of mall punk fan… rather keep this 80s train rolling.” He segued into the 80s mega-classic, ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ and half the bar joined in to sing with him. He rounded the set off with David Bowie, and his last song was the best of the night: ‘Summer of ‘69’ by Canada’s own Bryan Adams – one of his musical heroes. As he finally wrapped up the song, adrenaline rushing through him happily, Marcus gave him an approving smile. David thanked the crowd before he turned the microphone off, and was amused when a Duran Duran song came over the speakers. Apparently Marcus was going to stick with the popular 80s theme. 

He packed the guitar away and felt a twinge of sadness. He hadn’t expected to ever perform again, and this had been an amazingly fun night. For a moment he wondered if he could ever make it as a solo artist, but he knew the time for that had passed. Maybe if he’d pursued it ten years before it would have been viable, but now it was just another pipedream. And that was what he struggled with the most: all the things he thought maybe he could do were met with doubts and excuses. The band had been the only thing he truly knew how to do, and now he was starting over completely, which was why somehow bartending and a minimum-wage job made sense. He had to start at the bottom and work back up to what he was meant to do. He knew he’d find it eventually; it would just take time. He hoped he had it. 

He rejoined Marcus behind the bar a minute later, pushing away the sadness he felt with the end of the performance. Mechanically he poured drinks and counted cash and faked all the conversations, but his head was in another place now. He couldn’t help thinking about how things should have ended differently. They should have been able to split amiably, but Pierre had made that impossible. The singer had pushed and pushed them, and that had driven David straight off the cliff. It wasn’t fair, but the damage was done. Pierre’s greed and ego had gotten the best of him, and forced them to confront how things needed to end, but it had been David who’d acted upon it. He saw his way out – his only way out – and took it. It was hard though, to know that he’d done the right thing and not have regrets about it. He had almost come to peace with his decision a few times, but it seemed that each time he’d settled his doubts he’d get a new update from Jeff, or a short message from Louna, and his heart would ache all over again. He had to stick this out though, because he’d know when he was ready to go back. The message were just his reminders of what he’d left behind, and he couldn’t let himself forget about that. If he forgot, then all this was for nothing. If he forgot, then he might as well have stayed and continued on the downward spiral of unhappiness. Leaving had given him the chance to start over, and he needed to make the most of it, no matter what that meant. 

“Frenchy!” 

Marcus barked at him, startling him from his thoughts. He suddenly realized he’d been drying the same glass for a minute or so and more customers had lined up at the bar. He hastily shoved the glass onto a clean stack and refocused on the patrons. Marcus gave him a single nod, somehow sensing that David didn’t need to be reprimanded, instead just centered. He was grateful for Marcus’ understanding and promised himself not to slack anymore for the rest of the night. It was the least he could do to repay Marcus for the opportunity to perform one last time, and he definitely wasn’t taking that for granted. 

****

# # #

“Hey there. What can I get you?” David offered an easy greeting to the next couple in line at the bar. The girl looked to the man she was with, clearing waiting for him to order first. The guy asked for an IPA on tap and David grabbed the glass, pouring the beer automatically. As he set the filled glass in front of the guy, he looked to the girl. “And for you?”

At once, she had a look of curious puzzlement on her face. “Um, a rum and Coke,” she said, then took a breath. “Did we go to high school together?” 

Genuine confusion rang in her voice and David was almost too familiar with the question. He shook his head with an easy smile while he made her drink. “Nope, probably not,” he replied. They met eyes as he passed her the beverage. 

“But I swear I know you from something,” she continued. 

He shrugged it off. “Don’t know what to tell you… it’ll be eight dollars,” he said to the guy. He handed a card to David. “You want to close out or keep a tab open?” he asked. 

“Keep it open,” the guy said. 

David nodded and slid the credit card into the glass behind the register. 

“Were you in a band or something?” the girl asked, determined she had recognized him. 

His shoulders stiffened, but he recovered before he turned around to look at her. “You know,” he said, “I actually get that a lot… my sister says I look like some guy in a famous band.” He shrugged again, to clearly dismiss the notion. “I don’t see it.” He turned his attention to the next customers in line then, the couple finally walking away with their drinks. 

What David had failed to notice was how Marcus had been listening in on the exchange. He looked between Frenchy and girl who was walking away, replaying her questions as he automatically poured drinks and opened beers. The conversation was one of many similar ones that he’d noticed Frenchy had with customers, only now there seemed to be a pattern to them: the vague recognition, the casual dismissal, and always the comment about his sister. At first, Marcus hadn’t thought much of the interactions, but they kept happening, all summer. Nearly every time they worked together there would be one customer who questioned if they knew Frenchy, and each time was a nearly identical dismissal. 

Now it was the first weekend of September, typically the last hurrah of the camping and RV crowds, and for the last month or so, Marcus had become increasingly aware of the bizarre conversations the customers had with his employee. Not that anything said in the exchanges was incriminating, or grounds for fire, but something about how it kept happening was odd to him. And now he knew when to clue into the conversation, because it always started with the question of recognition, but was instantly followed with an abrupt dismissal. And the conversations never went any further than that. There was never persistence or arrogance or defiance from the customers, just a quiet acceptance that the bartender was indeed just a nobody. 

However, as Marcus thought more about it, he realized how little he knew about Frenchy. What name had been on his job application? Phil, he finally recalled, then looked at him. He didn’t look like a Phil at all, which made sense that no one called him that name anyway. 

“Hey, I’m going to do a trash run, okay?” 

Frenchy’s voice snapped Marcus from his thoughts and he nodded. “Sure.” He hadn’t realized he’d been leaning behind the bar, mulling everything over, but he was suddenly sure that there was something he was missing about the situation. A few minutes later Frenchy came back, bussing glasses on his way, then starting the wash while they had time. Marcus was grateful for the help that summer – it had been one of the busiest seasons yet, and having a competent employee this year had definitely made a difference. 

David swigged back a glass of water during the lull then looked at Marcus, who seemed abnormally distracted tonight. “Not reminiscing about this already, are you?” David asked him, a teasing tone in his voice. 

Marcus looked up, smiling slightly. “Nah, just think about how to make you stick around when we get slow,” he admitted. “Hate to say it, but next Friday we’ll probably have half this many… unless it stays nice.” He gave David a pointed look. “But come October, forget it.” 

David frowned. “Really? That much tourist business?” he asked. 

Marcus nodded. “Yeah… about seventy-five percent. Come January you’re basically out of a job, but come see me in April.” 

David stared at him, a little shocked at his boss’ statement. “You’re actually serious…” 

“Unfortunately… but hey, if you’re stickin around maybe George an I want to go on a fishing trip or two… haven’t been ice-hole fishing in years.” 

He smiled, entirely out of his realm of experience then. “People still do that?” 

“Oh hell yeah,” Marcus replied. “Our dad had a perfect spot on this alpine lake and we’d go for a week every February… those trips aren’t for the faint hearted.” He smirked. “Doubt you’d last a day.” 

“Oh come on! Give me a little more credit… I’ve earned a few more ‘man badges’ this summer.” 

Marcus laughed, nodding slightly. 

It was true though; David had learned a lot over the summer and had definitely adapted to the woodsy-coastal lifestyle. He was far from being the lumberjack type that Marcus came off as, nor was he the rough-cut woodsman-fisherman like George. Even Greta and Rich, who he’d learned had only opened the small bed and breakfast three years ago after relocating from Victoria, were more outdoorsy than him. He’d blamed it on having spent so much of his life cooped up on planes and buses, and stuck inside whatever venue the band was playing. He was a product of the city, no matter how deep his roots lie in the small coastal town in Quebec. Halfmoon Bay was nothing like Matane, but there was also more than met the eye to both towns. The greatest difference though, was Matane had cast him out, and the Bay had welcomed him in. The scrappy punk kid had run off to the big city to find his people, and now he was desperate to break that façade and find out who he really was in this community. He was destined to be the loner, but he could deal with that label. He couldn’t, however, come to terms with not knowing anything besides that.

He was making progress though, at the bar and at the garden center. He’d taken more odd jobs doing landscape maintenance, errand running for Greta, and even a bit of mechanic work on the faulty lawnmowers at the garden center. Turned out the mower engine wasn’t so different from a motorcycle when it really came down to it. And damn he missed his motorcycles. There had been a few groups who’d come through town on their bikes, and David forced himself to admire from afar – taking his five minute breaks and strolling past the racers as he took out the trash. Jealousy got him every time, but September was not the time to get a bike. He would wait until spring, depending on where he was, and if he was still convinced he needed the two wheels beneath him (yes, that answer would always be yes, his heart told him). 

“Fuck, we’re both out of it tonight, aren’t we?” Marcus asked, mostly rhetorically, but David nodded. 

“A little more than usual, I think,” he said, then offered a wry smile. “Maybe these sixteen hour days are finally catching up with me.” 

Marcus raised an eyebrow, but a group of customers came to the bar before he could reply. 

David slipped away, collecting more dirty glasses and used napkins and refilling empty water cups for a couple minutes before the next wave of customers came. 

The night passed quickly, two hours flying by in a whirlwind of booze and grimy dollar bills. Finally, the line thinned and Marcus and David shared a look about who would serve the last two girls. Marcus shrugged and David leaned toward them, both pretty and unassuming brunettes. He gave them a smile. “What can I do for you ladies?” 

The first returned his smile generously. “Two dirty martinis please… the more olives the better.” 

He laughed. “You got it. Gin or vodka?” 

“Vodka. Skyy if you need a preference.” 

He nodded and put the two glasses onto the bar, happy to be making a real cocktail and not just pulling beers. That thought, however, was cut short. 

“Do I know you?” the second girl asked abruptly. 

Her voice held a certain conviction that made David look up. The way she’d said it jarred him; it wasn’t the vague recognition he could brush off. Her eyes bore into him and suddenly he was hyperaware of everything around him. He had to contain this situation. If he didn’t play it right he’d be packing his car at 3am and that was not what he wanted to do. 

He forced himself to blink slowly, then look back to the bar items in front of him. “Don’t think so,” he replied calmly. “I’d remember you if you came around a bit.” It was an offhand compliment, but maybe she would take it and be happy. It was a longshot. 

“No… god, you’re sure I don’t know you? I swear I’ve seen you before.” 

He swallowed slowly, carefully measuring the vodka and olive juice and just that kiss of vermouth into the shaker. “I really don’t think so,” he replied quietly, losing a bit of his cocksure attitude. How had he made it all summer with these conversations, and this one was about to do him in? Because this woman actually recognized him, and if she got the slightest hint, it would be all over. 

He capped the shaker then, thrashing the cocktail in the metal cylinder until it froze his hand and he slammed it down onto the bar to separate the containers. 

“Wait…” The girl’s voice was slow, piecing the puzzle together. 

David focused on the drinks, staring down at the bar in fear of meeting her eyes. 

“Remember that band we saw at like, every Canada Day thing?” she asked her friend. 

The friend shrugged, not knowing. 

David clamped the strainer atop the shaker and poured meticulously, surprised his hands weren’t shaking because he could definitely feel a cold sweat on his back. She _couldn’t_ recognize him. He hadn’t come this far for that. 

He stabbed the olives onto the wood picks and hid his flinch when the words finally came. 

“Simple Plan.” 

He dropped the picks into the drinks and slid them over, raising a curious eyebrow. “Who?” He played dumb. He had to; it was his only chance to escape. 

“This band… you look exactly like one of the guys… and he went” she hesitated. “Missing.” 

He leveled her gaze then, reading the absolute confusion in her eyes. He had to use that to his advantage. He couldn’t blow his cover. He kept his eyebrow raised and looked at her doubtfully. He had to make her lose trust in what she was saying. “I don’t know who you’re talking about,” he told her slowly, “but why would a guy like that be working in a bar like this?” 

Her friend laughed then, a high, tinkering sound. “No shit, Kes… projecting much? He’s probably tucked away in some mansion with his millions.” She rolled her eyes, then smiled at David. It settled his nerves and relief grew in his chest; he might be able to get out of this unscathed. “How much for the drinks?” she asked, plucking cash from her wallet. 

“It’s ten,” he replied automatically. 

She nodded and slid him a twenty. “Keep the change for the trouble,” she said, with half an eye-roll at her friend. 

The other brunette looked skeptical still, but David turned away as the friends finally left the counter and went to a table across the way. He wrapped his hands around a towel, trying to steady his breaths. He hadn’t been caught. He didn’t need to leave straight away. He could still try to rebuild his life here. But it had been too close of a call, and he wasn’t sure how he could avoid it in the future. He took another deep breath, then turned back on the bar, moving to help the next person who’d walked up in the meantime. From the end of the bar, Marcus looked at him in question, not sure what had just happened. David dropped their gaze and pulled the two beers, vaguely aware of Marcus passing behind him and heading to the back. He didn’t think anything of it though; probably just getting more change or checking on George. 

Marcus watched the entire exchange with the girls as intuition flooded his stomach. There was definitely something off with the situation, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. He’d listened hard, for any clue, and finally it had come. The reaction from Frenchy had been nearly imperceptible, but Marcus know what to look for now: the deliberate movements, the seeds of doubt, and the missing confidence. 

The cool confidence was one thing he envied about Frenchy, and these girls had undone it, but how? And although there had been the weird recognition again, there had been no comment about his sister this time. Why had that been absent? What was he missing about these conversations? 

Marcus ducked into his office, sitting at his computer for a moment. What had the girl said? Simple Plan? He typed it into the browser, curiosity getting the better of him. Did Frenchy really look like one of these guys? It seemed like he must, it happened often enough. 

When the pictures loaded, Marcus did a triple-take, staring at the man on the screen. Frenchy didn’t just look like this guy… he could _be_ this guy. 

He clicked onto the info page for the band, skimming over the names and birthdays. The information gave him pause, immediately recognizing the last name listed, next to a middle name of Philippe, 

Phil. 

Marcus stared at the computer, not knowing what to think of the information he’d just discovered. Frenchy wasn’t just this guy’s long-lost twin brother – he was this guy. But how? Where had he come from? What was his band doing without him? Had that girl really said he’d gone missing? He had too many questions. 

He clicked back into the search bar, stomach sinking with what he was about to look up. He typed hurriedly. ‘David Simple Plan missing.’ 

The first result was a link to a news story, dated from back in May. The gist was David had been confirmed to be in Vancouver, the day he’d terminated relations with the band, but his whereabouts after that were unknown, though he wasn’t officially listed as a missing-persons case. 

Marcus closed the browser; what the fuck had he just read? Who was working in his bar? Why was David lying about who he was? His mind swam with questions, but the same intuition from earlier pinged through him. There had to be an explanation. He had to give David a chance to come clean with him – tell him what was going on and maybe he could help. Everyone had reasons for why they did things, and Marcus would let David tell him the truth. Even if the truth was crazy, it would be better than these constant lies, and as Marcus knew, no one could build a life on lies, no matter how hard they tried. 

He sat at his desk for another minute, thinking over the article and the timing of the summer; he’d hired David in late June – just before Canada Day and the huge kickoff of the camping season. But he’d become a regular at the bar before that. Marcus couldn’t remember an exact date, but early June seemed about right, and coincided with David’s disappearance from Vancouver. He shook his head, a little in awe that David had been able to maintain his faux identity for so long. He frowned, realizing then that David wasn’t hiding behind an entirely altered persona – he was just carefully concealing the truth. No wonder he’d looked so scared when the girl had pressed him earlier – it was the closest he’d been to having himself revealed. 

Marcus pushed up from the desk, knowing he had to confront the situation later, but for now he still had a bar to run that was close to last call, and he didn’t want David getting suspicious of his absence. 

David glanced over from the drinks he was pouring as Marcus came back out, and received a cursory nod from his boss. He finished serving the few customers and headed out to the tables; there were always more glasses to collect. He made the rounds quickly, deliberately avoiding the table where the two martini girls still sat, the one girl still eyeing him doubtfully. He tried not to let it bother him, but it wasn’t so easy to bury that feeling. He stepped back behind the bar, loading the dishwasher. He didn’t so much care about being found out now, but he didn’t want to be forced to leave. He had cultivated a nice routine and temporary life for himself the last three months, and didn’t want that ripped away. It was one thing to consciously act and walk away from a life of eighteen years, but to be shoved out of the new life he was struggling to rebuild was another, and neither one was easy. He started the quick-wash and closed out a few tabs for people since last call had just come and gone. He could make it through the last half hour tonight and things would be better; it would be a new day. 

“Hey, David, keg change,” Marcus called. 

His eyes instantly flicked up to meet Marcus’ gaze; what had he just called him? Panic curled over his spine; and how did he know? 

“Dude, c’mon… you scared of kegs now?” His voice was teasing and David grudgingly moved from his place at the end of the bar, following him to the walk-in. 

He stayed silent as they shifted the kegs, hardly daring to breathe. How had Marcus found out? Was it because of that girl? His boss was much more observant than he’d given him credit for, and now he was seeing the unexpected outcome. 

Marcus hooked the hoses and flipped the test tap, smiling. “Perfect as usual,” he said. 

David didn’t even pretend to smile, his nerves outweighing any other emotion he had then. 

Marcus frowned, apparently surprising David with knowing who he was had not been the best approach and now he wasn’t sure how to recover. “Okay, look,” he started. 

“Are you going to fire me?” David asked, interrupting him. He didn’t want to stick around any longer if Marcus was going to let him go because he’d lied. 

“What? No…” he shook his head. “David, I don’t give a shit who you are or why you’re actually here, pretending to be somebody else… but let me tell you, if you’re not here for work tomorrow night, I will file a missing person report.” 

“Please don’t do that…” David closed his eyes and wrung his hands, his anxiety washing fast through him. 

“Then don’t give me a reason to. You’re a good employee, and I don’t want to lose you over this… whatever _this_ is…” 

“Marcus,” David’s voice was pained and the devastation shown on his face. 

“No, I get it,” he said. “And I want the truth, but not tonight.” He paused, wanting to tell David his truth. “You know, I wouldn’t’ve even looked up your band, but that girl was so fuckin’ sure, and you made her doubt herself.” 

“Fuck.” He kept his eyes closed. 

“Now look, I don’t care that you lied about who you are and that you’re trying to lay low for awhile or whatever… just don’t give me a reason to doubt you, okay?” 

David nodded weakly. “Oui.” 

“All right… come back in five.” 

The door of the walk-in banged shut as Marcus left and David slumped against the shelf behind him, emotions tearing through his chest. He wanted to cry in relief that he wasn’t being ousted from the place he’d found here. And he wanted to tell Marcus the truth about everything, because it was only fair now that he got to know. That had been the worst part of the past four and a half months: not having anyone to talk to about what he going through and what he was feeling because of it. Those four weeks in Vancouver had been edged with depression, and thankfully the call to terminate had come at just the right time to motivate him out of that precarious rut. Now he would have another outlet. Now someone else, someone whom he could trust, finally knew his secret. It was a relief, but it was also frightening, because he knew how easily other people could give secrets away. 

He scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to calm himself to go face the bar for the last half hour. He took a deep breath, hoping he could trust Marcus, and knowing he just had to wait and find out. Fingers crossed it would go in his favor. 

When David finally walked back out to the bar, he found it mostly empty and Marcus was handling the rest of the open bar tabs. They shared a nod and David began to clean the bar and the tables – he always saved the bathrooms for last. Twenty long minutes later, the last customers left and Marcus locked the front door while David put the chairs up to mop. After he finished, David gathered his worries and thoughts before walking back to the bar. He had to tell Marcus the truth tonight, otherwise tomorrow (fuck, later today because it was 3am already) would be just as awkward as the last half hour had been. 

He grabbed two shot glasses and a bottle of top-shelf whiskey, setting the items on the counter between him and his boss. 

Marcus closed the register and looked at David curiously, almost amused at the display – the confidence had returned, that much was clear. 

“You really want to know the truth?” David asked, almost hoping Marcus would say no, or put it off another night. 

Marcus met David’s gaze, an intensity radiating there that he hadn’t seen much. He nodded after a second. “If I’m going to keep your secret then I think I deserve to hear it.” 

David poured the shots then, sliding one toward Marcus before putting the bottle aside and lifting his own. 

Marcus lifted his glass and held David’s gaze expectantly. 

“I think you’re right,” David finally replied. “So here’s to keeping that secret between us... and for me to not be packing my car at 3AM and leaving for fuck-knows-where to start life over again.” 

Marcus chuckled, but tipped his glass against David’s. “And to you showing up for work tomorrow,” he added. 

He nodded. “Salud.” 

“Salud.” 

They pounded the shots and met eyes again, Marcus a half-smile on his face as he leaned against the bar and looked at David. “Now tell me how a fucking rockstar ends up as a nobody in my bar, halfway across the country… because that’s gotta be good.” 

David blew out a breath, his mouth still tingling after the whiskey, but he held Marcus’ gaze. 

Here went nothing.


	7. Part Seven - Buttergate

The house was cozy and warm, soft music playing beneath the din of voices and clatter of pots, pans, and knives. Familiar food smells of potatoes, turkey, and roasting vegetables wafted through the rooms and Louna sat on the floor in the family room, across the coffee table from her nieces, playing an intense game of ‘Go Fish.’ It was the second Monday in October – Thanksgiving Day in Canada, and family had all gathered at Emadou’s home for the holiday. Louna had long ago given up on attempting to help in the kitchen on this day, because between her sister, mother, Em’s mother-in-law, and Em’s sister-in-law, it was nearly impossible to do anything as they all fought to do what they thought was right. Louna was always grateful for her mother and sister because they made sure to prepare portions for her that were at least vegan-friendly (this was about the only day of the year she’d let her diet go lax, but she still wouldn’t touch anything that had to do with the poor turkey). 

“Auntie Lulu, do you have any nines?” Ella asked. 

Louna shook her head. “Go fish,” she replied. She watched as Ella drew the card, her little fingers still struggling to hold all the cards. “Abby, do you have a four?” Abigail pouted, her lower lip jutting out profusely as she handed her aunt the card. Louna tried not to smile as she accepted the card and placed down the pair. “Do you have a Jack?” Another pout and another pair for Louna, but she didn’t get three in a row from Abby. They played a few more hands, and Ella was the winner. Abigail disappeared to the playroom, her feelings hurt with not winning the game, and Louna stayed with Ella, carefully reshuffling the deck of cards. 

Ella watched intently at first, but her eyes drifted up to Louna’s. “Is David coming over?” 

The cards spilled from Louna’s hands and across the table, the question so out of the blue. She was actually a little surprised that Ella would even think of David, since she hadn’t seen him in six months. Only it wasn’t just Ella who hadn’t seen him in six months. She stared at the scattered cards, unsure how to answer the question. She had been dreading it from one of her other family members – probably her sneery step-aunt who’d never approved of David and would be the first to point out his absence. Slowly, she started to pile the cards in front of her, thinking over her reply to Ella. How could she lie again? She was so sick of lying. 

“No,” she replied quietly, her chest aching. “He’s not coming over.” 

Ella frowned and Louna had to focus on the cards instead. “Is he with his family?” she asked, still curious. 

Louna shook her head as she gazed at the cards, her fingers turning them automatically right-side-up as she strained to hold her emotions back. Was David with his family? Had he even contacted his family since he’d been seen in Vancouver? That had been the last time she and Julie, David’s sister, had talked – both agreeing that it was easier to not contact each other unless they had some news to share. It had been a long four months since May. She inhaled slowly. “I don’t think he’s with his family,” she said, wanting to tell her something close to the truth. “I think he’s still on his trip.” 

Ella frowned even more, trying desperately to understand what Louna was telling her. “But he’s been gone a really long time…” 

And all at once, Louna’s emotions got the best of her. “I know,” she whispered, her tears winning out. She pushed up from the floor, leaving the rest of the cards still scattered on the table, and left the family room. She hurried past the kitchen, where three heads turned to look at her, and upstairs into her sister’s bedroom. She sank onto the end of the bed and covered her eyes. How had Ella’s questions evoked this reaction? It wasn’t fair that she could still feel like this and that David still had so much of a hold over her life, even though she had made the decision to wait for him. She wanted to wait for him, because it was what he’d asked her to do, and she was going to follow through with it. Keeping promises and seeing things through were things they had both been working on together before David left, and he had actually gotten much better at it than she had, so she felt she had more to prove by seeing this promise to the end. 

But that didn’t make his absence any easier; in fact she’d found it almost harder because she kept waiting for the moment when he’d call, or turn up unexpectedly. After he’d left Vancouver he’d managed to stay off everyone’s radar, no matter how thoroughly she and Jeff and their friends scoured their social media. Louna doubted that David even bothered getting a replacement phone for emergencies, because he’d feel too tied down with it. She shook her head, wiping her dripping tears on the cuffs of her sweater (thank god it was black); David had always been funny that way – not wanting to be bogged down with technology and useless things, yet his career rewarded all the milestones with huge plaques and awards. He’d no doubt moved all those oversized frames from storage in his garage (save for the select few in his house), to storage in whatever unit he’d rented in the city. 

She closed her eyes; she couldn’t think about him anymore right then because she knew she’d start crying away and ruin her mascara even more. She had shed too many tears over him the last six months and was determined to not waste much more. 

“Lou?” Emadou kept her voice quiet as she walked into the master bedroom, shutting the door softly behind her. 

Louna looked up, feeling like a mess and sure she looked like one too. She balled the cuffs of her sweater in her hands and dropped her gaze back to her lap as Emadou came to sit beside her. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked gently. “And don’t tell me this is about losing Go Fish to Ella.” 

Louna laughed, grateful that Em always knew how to break the tension. She shook her head. “No…” she rolled her eyes a bit. “I wish I could still cry over Go Fish,” she said, then gave her sister a look. “Just the same old boy…” 

Emadou nodded sadly, like she had expected as much. “Ella said you told her David was still on his trip.” 

Louna couldn’t stop herself from making the stupid follow-up joke, “And that I’d see him next fall.” They shared a slight smile, but Louna sighed. “I really hope it isn’t next fall,” she confessed, then looked down as she wrung her hands. 

Emadou reached out and slid her hand over her sister’s, not sure what to say. She couldn’t reassure Louna that she wouldn’t have to wait that long, because no one knew when David might be back; if he would be back. Someone everyone was surprised that he’d been gone for so long already, but it had come to the point that no one expected him to return just yet either. It was hard to have hope, when it wasn’t clear just what to hope for. “And you still want to wait for him?” she asked. 

Louna nodded, not looking up. “I don’t think I have a choice at this point,” she replied. 

She looked at her sister doubtfully. “Of course you do… David didn’t _demand_ that you wait for him, he asked you to. That is your choice to make and you can change your mind about it whenever you want… it can be ‘no’ today and ‘yes’ tomorrow.” She squeezed Louna’s hand. “And maybe you won’t know your final decision until he comes back and you get to look him in the eye… then you’ll just _know_.” 

Louna stared at their hands, listening to her sister’s words, but more focused on the diamond wedding ring Em wore and her own already-peeling nail polish. Of course Emadou was right about this; she always was. She was the perfect daughter with the perfect husband and perfect family. Leave it to Louna to always break the mold and be the weird vegan girl who dated the black-sheep rockstar. She would never be normal, and she’d never be perfect, and she had never been more envious of her twin. Didn’t she deserve her own happiness? What did she have to give in order to have that happy life back? Did she have to sacrifice her relationship with David now so they could have their happily ever after later? 

She didn’t want to. 

She wanted David back now, even if that meant sacrificing something else. But what? Maybe she had to quit her job and go find him. Or did she have to fight for him some other way? Her mind raced with everything she might do to get him back, to bring him home to her, but the reality was that there was truly nothing she could do. David had to come back of his own accord – his own free will – and she had to wait for him. That was the decision she had already made, and she had to live with it, though she wasn’t exactly sure how. 

She stared down at Emadou’s ring, a sting of jealousy going through her again, but this time it gave her an idea. The image of the ring she’d locked away, and told no one about, flashed through her mind and she knew then what she might do. The ring could answer the questions for her; no it wasn’t officially an engagement ring (was it? Of course it was), but it was a promise. It was a promise that she was going to do her best to fulfill, and to follow through on it meant waiting. She would wear the ring, and accept his promise, so that she couldn’t forget the decision she’d made. She would always wear it in hopes that it would bring him home a little faster, though she knew it probably wouldn’t. 

She sighed quietly, wishing she would’ve made the decision sooner, but it had been a long process for her to even finally make up her mind about waiting for David. Until now, the ring had scared her with what it symbolized, but now she could see that she needed to project those symbols to the people around her. The ring would answer the unspoken questions people wanted to ask, but couldn’t bring themselves to ask. She would own her relationship again. She had always been confident with their relationship before, when David had been on tour and gone for recording and everything, so why couldn’t she maintain that mentality now? Just because he was gone this time around under different circumstances didn’t mean that everything was different. She just had to change her mindset and everyone else would follow suit, right? She knew better – some people would never accept her decision about David. They would never understand why she would wait for him, or why she would wear a ring like that without ever hearing the real question. She was glad it was her decision and no one else’s. 

Finally, she looked back up at her sister, who had been sitting so quietly and patiently with her – just like she always did. Emadou was the patron saint of waiting, which made all this that much harder. Louna knew had her sister been in her position she would have calmly accepted David’s absence, put on the ring straightaway, and been content to wait however long it took. It was a skill Louna didn’t have. She couldn’t just blindly follow her faith, because she put her faith in the Universe. She trusted that fate knew where to lead her, and that she’d follow the right signs. She needed a sign today – something to tell her that she was still on the right track and that choosing David and his ring was the right thing to do. She needed one, because it had been too long since the last one, and they seemed to always come at her darkest moments – when her doubt was strongest. What would the Universe give her this time? Hopefully she didn’t have to smash another guitar for it. The thought made her smile, which made Emadou smile. 

“Figure something out?” she asked Louna quietly, having known to wait through her sister’s thought process. 

After a moment she nodded, but still looked sad. “I think so,” she replied. “But I just want him to come back…” 

She nodded slowly, reaching up to smooth down an unruly piece of Louna’s hair – she was letting it grow out a bit from the short pixie cut now. “And he will,” she reassured her. “He just needs time to figure out his life again… it’s not an easy thing.” 

Louna held back an eye-roll; how was Em so sure about that? “How do you even know?” she asked instead. 

She shrugged slightly. “I just relate it to what I might go through… what you would.” 

“What do you mean what I would?” 

“Well, think about it like this… you’ve worked at Mom’s company for the last ten years, tomorrow you decide to quit the only career you’ve had, so now what do you do with your life?” 

Louna frowned deeply. “I have no idea.” 

“Exactly. You don’t just choose a new career or life-path overnight. You might not even figure that out in six months… it takes a lot of time and a lot of faith or trust to quit something you’ve always known and figure out the next thing you’re going to do… David’s on that journey right now and it might take him a long time to sort out the next stage of his life. You’re doing the right thing by choosing to wait for him and be there for him when he gets back, because god knows he might not have anything else.” 

Louna gazed skeptically at her sister. “But do you think he’ll still want me when he comes back?” Her voice was tinged with fear that she couldn’t quite conceal. It was one of her biggest worries – what if she waited for David all that time, only he’d figured out he no longer wanted her? What happened then? It was the biggest risk of all. 

Emadou shook her head slightly. “I think no matter how much David changes in all of this, he’s still going to love you and want to be with you… just because his career or work or whatever might change doesn’t mean that he’d give up his soulmate.” 

She met her sister’s gaze in surprise. “You think I’m his soulmate?” she asked, incredulous. 

“Of course,” she replied, as though it had always been obvious. “I’ve never seen a more perfect example of it… the way both of you just click together when you’re with each other… you’re so in-tune. You probably hardly ever give real thought to your relationship or have to work for it.” 

She frowned again. “What do you mean work for it?” 

Em laughed. “That’s exactly my point… you two don’t have to struggle through your relationship like the rest of us. It just happens for you.” 

Louna scoffed then, a fire starting in her eyes. “Oh, absolutely… except when he decides to fucking disappear for six months or however long and not even let anyone know if he’s even _alive_ … really, there’s no struggle to our relationship at all…” She trailed off, taking a long breath so she wouldn’t snap at her sister. 

How could she have not seen the biggest flaw in the logic of her so-called soulmate relationship? If she and David were truly soulmates he either wouldn’t have left, or he would have been strong enough to take her with him. 

Or at least just fucking tell her what he was doing and going through! How he could just leave her to imagine the worst was killing her. Was it too much to ask to know that he was okay? That an angry grizzly bear hadn’t been mauled him or something? She could hardly put it past him to get in a situation like that… The man happily jumped out of airplanes, so what was a grizzly bear to him? 

She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes and pushing her thoughts aside. If something had happened to David, she would know; Julie would make sure she knew. 

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Emadou replied quietly. “I know how hard this is for you… I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I was in your place.” 

Louna laughed, an edge of disbelief in the sound. “Right… like you wouldn’t just shrug it off and happily wait it out?” 

“Fuck no,” she replied instantly, shaking her head. “I would’ve smashed his guitar the first night.” She smiled slightly. “And the Universe’s signs and plans be damned.” 

Louna did roll her eyes then; Em had never put much stock into the theories of the universe, but even she couldn’t deny what had happened that night with David’s guitar. Louna had found those songs just when she’d needed them, and she was positive that when she was ready for another sign, the universe wouldn’t disappoint. 

“Now come on,” Em coaxed her, “you can work your emotions out while you mash some potatoes… and I’ll distract everyone while you put in the fake butter and cream.” 

She laughed genuinely then, happy for her sister’s continued support and knowing just what she needed, because it made all the difference for her. “Thank you,” she replied, reaching to hug her tightly. 

Emadou returned the embrace, glad to make her feel a little better. “Welcome, sissy.” 

They broke apart a second later and both looked to the door, almost dreading going back to the kitchen and dealing with all their family. Louna made a face. “Bring on the wine, I guess,” she said. 

“Yeah… and screw Aunt Deidre. I’ll kick her out if she so much as mentions David.” 

She smiled. “Can’t wait to see you throw that one down in front of Mom…” 

She shrugged. “It’s my house, my rules… I just wish you had David’s ring on… _really_ give everyone something to gossip about.” 

Louna flashed a smile then. “Don’t worry… that’s my plan for Christmas.” 

****

#

Three hours later the Thanksgiving feast had come and gone – devoured in a quarter of the time it had taken to prepare. Louna and Emadou had successfully made the vegan friendly mashed potatoes, roasted Brussels sprouts, and a quinoa salad with beets, sweet potatoes, and turnips. The coup was that no one in the family realized the dishes were vegan until they noticed them on Louna’s plate. She had a feeling this particular Thanksgiving would go down as ‘Buttergate’ and she was thankful it wouldn’t be remembered as the one that David didn’t attend. Buttergate had a better ring to it anyway.

She took a drink of wine then, shifting on the couch beside her nieces; they had put on a movie in the family room while most of the other family stayed in the living room and talked about the upcoming elections. The last thing Louna wanted to do was talk politics, the same as her two teenage cousins, so they’d joined Ella and Abby to watch one of the Narnia movies. Really, going through an enchanted wardrobe and entering another realm didn’t sound like such a terrible idea. The only trouble would be coming back to reality. 

She wondered if that was a little how David had felt when he’d left in April, only she wasn’t sure which way he was going. Was he leaving to go find his Narnia, or had the band had been Narnia-land and he was climbing out of it to reality? It was probably the latter. She knew how relatively charmed his life with the band had been, and leaving all that behind would be a bit of a shellshock, no matter where he ended up. 

She took another sip of wine, realizing that she would have to get up soon for a refill, or she could be good and stop when she was finished because she did have work in the morning, but where was the fun in that? She shrugged, finishing off the glass and resolving to get another in a few minutes. The movie carried on and ten minutes later, Emadou appeared in the doorway. 

“Who wants dessert?” she asked. 

Both Ella and Abigail jumped up, grins stretching their faces at the thought of pie. “Me!” they cried in near unison. 

Louna laughed, glancing at her cousins. Tarik and Pris (short for Priscilla, and oh the glare she gave anyone who dare all her by her full name), who both shrugged. 

“Is there just pie?” Tarik asked. 

“Pumpkin pie, an apple crumble, and a vegan berry cobbler,” Emadou said, then looked at Louna. “I even got you coconut ice cream… You’re welcome.” 

Louna grinned. “I am so thankful to have such an amazing, thoughtful, and patient sister…” She held out her empty wineglass. “Especially when she provides such excellent red wine.” 

Both Em and Pris laughed, but Em took the glass, with a bit of an eyeroll of course. “I’ll be right back with your wine and your cobbler, m’lady.” 

They shared a laugh and Louna paused the movie as Ella and Abby trailed out of the room after their mom. As soon as the screen was still, both Pris and Tarik were on their phones, texting and scrolling through their social apps. Louna half-heartedly looked through her Instagram feed of everyone’s pie plates and wineglasses and dinner plates and family photos. It all looked so perfect, in contrast to her cry-ruined eye make-up, Buttergate, and snippy Aunt Deidre who very pointedly asked where the ‘hipster trash’ from last year was. The comment had almost made Louna laugh, because David would have owned that label proudly. He probably would’ve regaled her with anecdotes of craft beer and his vintage barber and the old war veteran he’d bought his vintage motorcycle from. David never had a shortage of stories to tell, or quick witted remarks to come back with for those disparaging comments. Years in the music industry and thousands of radio interviews had tuned his brain to the automatic reply and half the time he didn’t think before he spoke, which was just as much a blessing as a detriment. But it was all him, and Louna profoundly missed it sometimes. Tonight had been no exception. His presence had come to make all the family holidays a little more bearable and she hadn’t realized just how much so until now. 

She held in a sigh and looked back to her phone, scrolling through a few more pictures. Somehow it just made her sadder, because had David been there they would have judged the plates together – scrutinizing what her friends were eating, or not eating. They’d laugh about Jeff’s pizza tradition, and then come up with stupid ideas for traditions they’d start next year. Her favorite made up tradition had been the ‘salmon in a box,’ where they’d deliver a live salmon in a portable tank, but not to eat – simply as a gesture of goodwill, and then it was up to the recipient to take the salmon back to the hatchery. Emadou and Judah had of course vetoed the idea entirely, because inevitably the girls would want to keep the salmon and neither parent wanted to start an at-home salmon farm. 

The abrupt ring of her cell phone broke her from the memories, and her heart leapt in her throat, seeing a familiar last name on the display. She tried not to let her enthusiasm fade when she realized it was David’s sister, Julie, and not actually him. She’d never listed David with his last name in her phone anyway. He would forever be ‘Speedy D’ and that nickname would remain unexplained until the day she returned to dust in the atmosphere, so help her destiny. 

“Julie?” She answered, almost hesitant. 

“Hi, Louna!” Julie’s voice was bright and she pronounced her name the same way David did – holding the ‘u’ just a touch longer than necessary. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

She smiled. “Yeah, happy Thanksgiving,” she replied. “How are you?” 

“Oh, I’m good… I’m not interrupting dinner or anything, am I?” she asked. 

“Nope… that’s been done for an hour at least. I’m just watching a movie with the girls and we’re getting dessert,” Louna assured her. 

“Okay, I just… I can call back if this isn’t a good time,” she offered. 

She shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine… I was just thinking earlier today that it’s been too long since we’ve talked… I mean, since it’s been…” she trailed off, not really wanting to acknowledge all the time that had passed since they had last talked, and the reason for that phone call. She wondered then, why Julie had called her today. She didn’t have to wait long for the explanation, and it was the one for which she was secretly hoping. 

“I know,” she replied, “but I wanted to stick to our deal… so I won’t keep you in suspense. David and I just talked for almost an hour, and he wanted me to tell you he misses you, and he loves you.” 

Louna sank into the couch, curling into a ball against the pillow and reaching to cover her mouth, her emotions threatening. “Oh god…” she murmured, torn between happy crying or sad crying. Clearly this was her sign that she’d wanted from the universe, and she wasn’t going to deny it. 

“I know,” she said again, knowing exactly what Louna was feeling. “I couldn’t believe it was him at first… almost didn’t answer my phone, but the BC area code made me think twice.” 

She took a breath. “So he’s in BC?” she asked. 

“I don’t know for sure. He said he was borrowing the phone from a friend.” 

Louna couldn’t hold back her disappointed sigh. “So he could still be anywhere…” 

Emadou stepped back into the room then, giving her sister a questioning look in reply to the last statement she’d heard. She set the plates and wineglass onto the coffee table, still waiting for an explanation. She looked at Pris and Tarik. “Who’s she talking to?” 

Tarik shrugged. “Julie?” he sounded doubtful, but Emadou’s eyes widened and she looked back at her sister. 

“David’s sister?” she asked. Louna nodded and Em immediately sat down beside her. “Did she hear from him?” Louna nodded again and Emadou huffed, plucking the phone from her sister’s hand. “You kill me! You need to put it on speaker!” She hit the button and Julie’s quiet laughter filtered out of the phone. 

“Ema?” 

“Hi, Julie! How are you?” 

“I’m all right… you?” 

“Good. What the hell is your brother up to?!” 

Julie laughed, but it was quieter. “A little of everything, it sounds like.” 

“And do you know where he is?” 

“No. I was just telling Louna that he called me from a BC phone, but it was a cell so I couldn’t really track it… but he’s fine. Better than fine, actually… he has a little place and is working two jobs.” 

“What?!” Louna couldn’t conceal her surprise that David was working. The man had hated to do what he considered ‘normal work,’ with nine-to-five hours and paperwork and all the other bullshit. Sometimes he was relentless in teasing her about her job, but other times he was awed by it, because he could never do it. 

Julie laughed. “Right? That was my reaction too, but it definitely isn’t a desk job… he got work at a garden center and then at a bar. The bar is only three nights a week, and there’s been less work at the garden center since it’s the off-season. But he also got in with a landscaping team so he’s been doing lawn maintenance and repairing lawn mowers of all things.” 

Louna laughed. “My motorcycle maintenance and repair lessons finally paid off, I guess,” she quipped. 

“That’s exactly what he said,” Julie replied. 

And all at once the conversation felt realer to her and she could hear his voice, his quiet careful French and the subtle Northern accent she’d always liked. She could hear a little of it in his sister’s voice, but Toronto had worn her accent down. Somehow in all David’s travels, he’d managed to keep his voice, and she yearned to hear it again. When she was desperate, she listened to those songs he’d recorded for her, or watched old interview clips and the silly little videos they’d filmed while on vacation together. Those bits of him were the things she clung to now, until she was certain he was coming back, because she didn’t want to lose the memories of him too. 

“Fuck… and he didn’t say anything about coming back?” 

“No.” Julie’s voice was soft; Louna wasn’t the only one disappointed with David’s decisions. “He said he just needs more time… to figure things out.” She took a breath. “He actually told me he’s trying to build a solid foundation for his life, because he hasn’t had that… so when he gets back he can build on that foundation… have a more solid footing for everything.” 

“Is he going to therapy?” Emadou asked, slightly joking but slightly serious too. 

“I actually asked him that,” Julie confessed. “But he isn’t… he’s just made some really good friends, wherever he is, and I think they’re helping him a lot. I guess his boss at the bar figured out who he was back in September, but David stuck around because the guy said he wasn’t going to turn him in or anything. After that he got the story that the guy used to run drugs from the states up to Vancouver and got lucky one weekend because the police raided his place, but he’d stayed on an extra night in Seattle or something. The guy’s cover was blown after that so he had to start things over temporarily in Washington before he could get back across the border… so he knows a bit about rebuilding things when shit goes bad.” 

“Sounds like he found a kindred spirit,” Louna said. 

“Entirely by accident,” Julie replied. “He said karma made him stay where he landed after Vancouver… tried to give up being vegan that first night and ate a cheeseburger, which made him sick for three days.” 

Louna laughed, clearly imagining how that must’ve gone. She was glad she hadn’t witnessed it, only because she knew how horrible it was to be that sick. If anything, David always managed well on his own when he was sick, because being sick on tour was unforgiving and he had done his fair share of suffering. “Well, it probably served him right,” she finally replied, reaching for her wine. The ice cream was turning to a melted puddle around the heap of cobbler, but that wouldn’t stop her from eating it once they’d finished talking with Julie. 

“He said you’d say that,” she replied. “He talked about you a lot… said he’s taking lots of pictures to show us when he gets back, and trying to keep journal entries… and he likes all the pictures of Yuki you send.” 

Her inhale was short; he was checking his email. She’d had no idea if she was writing to a blank screen or a ghost or anything, but now she had reassurance that David actually was getting her messages and photos and all the silly things she continued to send him. It was gratifying to know that the messages weren’t simply being lost to cyberspace. “I guess I’ll keep sending them then,” she said. 

A lull came to the conversation then and Louna took a large drink of wine. 

“You know that you, Jeff, and I are the only ones who’ve emailed him?” Julie said after the awkward pause. 

“He didn’t give that email to very many people,” Louna replied. 

“Well, right, but why wouldn’t Jeff have given it to Pierre or Chuck?” she asked. 

Louna and Emadou exchanged a disbelieving look, and Louna was glad their cousins had left the room shortly after they’d put Julie on speaker phone. “Julie,” Louna started slowly, “do you not know why David quit the band?” 

“I…” Her words were hesitant. “I thought it was because Jeff quit,” she said. 

“Jeff quit because David left, and David gave him an out… Seb quit because Jeff quit and David left.” She took a breath. “But Seb and Jeff quit and David left because Pierre and Chuck had turned into the ‘California Faction.’ They became insufferable assholes, took away the majority vote Montreal always had, and were trying to cash in with whatever shitty pop singles they could turn out. They didn’t care about the band anymore… they don’t care about music anymore. They care about being in the industry and making lots of money in it.” She paused. “That was never David’s goal. He was happy with the run the band had… called 2011 the bonus year, and then it started to get sad because it was so clear they were trying too hard. He wanted out before that album, but Pierre and Chuck sucked him back in. And that’s exactly what he wanted to avoid with all this… why it’s been so important that no one knows where he is. He doesn’t want to give Pierre the satisfaction of getting the last word. And when he does come back, and everyone knows that he is back, will Pierre try to get it still? Maybe… but I think David will be in a much better and stronger position to shut him down. Pierre and Chuck beat them into submission the last couple years and no fucking wonder David has been so unhappy and feels like he doesn’t know who he is anymore.” She took another breath. “I could see he’d changed from the person I’d originally met, and there were always flashes of him, but nothing like before. His confidence was so low… and just seeing him around Chuck and Pierre you could tell that he was restrained. His façade was so thick… It would take days for him to feel comfortable at home after they got back from tour… because he could be himself again and not be afraid that he’d be judged or reprimanded for it.” She looked down to her lap after she spoke – she’d never told anyone that last part, because it was always so hard to witness. She hated the first couple days when David came home, because he wasn’t himself, and she had to coax him back out of that shell. She had to feed his confidence and make him feel safe. Yuki always helped David too; he was always confident with the dog and she used it to her advantage. That was also why she let Yuki stay with David when he was home, because the dog kept him calm and in a better mood most the time. 

“Louna, is that…” Julie’s voice was hushed, an edge of shock in it. She hadn’t known any of the inner band workings – just what was on the surface and that had seemed to be a happy picture. How wrong she was; she didn’t want to believe it, but she knew that Louna had no reason to lie to her. They’d always been friends and gotten along well enough. Julie of course had some reservations about the vegan lifestyle and some parts of their relationship, but David was her younger brother and she always wanted to look out for him. She couldn’t help it. 

“It’s the truth,” Louna replied, her voice equally as quiet. “David has a lot to recover from… probably more than he realizes, but he’ll figure it out.” She smiled then. “Build the foundation back up and get back on track.” 

“Right…” Julie’s reply seemed slightly distracted. “And you’re… okay with everything?”  
The question was halting and unsure. Louna gave her sister a look; Emadou had been mostly silent for the conversation, but she was glad she was there. It was important that Louna had someone else there for the phone call because it might’ve gone differently had she not walked in at that moment. She offered a sad, knowing smile to her sister, who shrugged at Julie’s question. 

“I’m okay… much as I can be with this, I think. It hasn’t been easy to explain what happened… like I’m still dealing with the fallout from Pierre’s interview… we all are,” she said after a moment, thinking of the stories she’d heard from Jeff and Seb as well. Typical Pierre – he hadn’t thought about anyone but himself, and everyone else had paid the price for him. 

“You couldn’t convince him not to do it?” Julie asked. 

She still didn’t understand that Pierre operated within the CaliFaction laws – his own fucked up ones – and not the actual band rules, which had been null and void by then anyway. 

“We didn’t even know he was doing it… Jeff got word from a friend the night before it aired and emailed David to make sure he knew to get the hell out of Vancouver. I only found out about it after it happened and my phone blew up with notifications about it,” she explained. 

“Has anyone heard from Pierre since?” she asked. 

Louna shook her head, meeting Em’s gaze. “Not that I know of.” 

“Mama!” A sudden cry from one of the twins yanked Emadou up from her seat on the couch beside her sister, and jarred the conversation. 

The talk had become unexpectedly deep, and Louna was ready for the puddle of cobbler and more wine – she could call in sick the next day if she really needed to. 

“I should go,” Julie said after a moment. 

Louna tapped the speaker button off and held the phone to her ear. “It was nice to hear from you,” she said. “I’m glad David called you… I would’ve been a mess if he’d talked to me.” She half-smiled. “Already cried over him once today anyway.” 

“No…” 

“Oh, yes… the more tears I shed over him, the more motorcycle miles he owes me. It’s the only way it’s fair I think.” 

Julie laughed. “He said he never got to ride over the summer… and lots of ride groups would come to the bar, so he could look, but it wasn’t the same.” 

Louna smiled; it was a tiny victory that he’d felt the small defeat, and she vowed to get him on a bike sooner than later when he returned; they both would have earned it.  
She hung up with Julie a minute later after prolonged goodbyes and she exchanged her phone for the melted cobbler and coconut ice cream. She ate the first bite cautiously, not sure how the flavors would combine, but it wasn’t terrible, and sweet was sweet. She ate the gooey mess by herself in the family room, everyone having congregated permanently to the living room as she could just make out the din of voices and faint music. She pushed the melted, sugary confection around the plate before eating another bite. This Thanksgiving was certainly one for the records, and Buttergate would live on in infamy. 

Louna sighed as she ate another bite of the muddle; if she couldn’t have David there, she at least had dessert, but she definitely knew which one she wanted more.


	8. Part Eight - So This is the New Year

Another month, another holiday without David. 

It was December, and the eight weeks since Thanksgiving had passed without another word from Julie. Louna had held out hope that David might return by the new year, but that light had faded to a mere glimmer of hope. It had become harder and harder to keep her hope strong, and she was determined to hold the few strands of it which she clung to. 

But now it was Christmas Eve and she found herself amidst her family, all gathered at Emadou’s home for another celebration. It was strange how she could go without seeing some of her aunts and cousins for months, and then it was as though no time had passed at the end of the year with Thanksgiving and advent and Christmas. They all caught up with each other for those three months and then it was back to the hectic, everyday life and just trying to keep up with work and friends and the ongoing bullshit. 

Louna was over the bullshit for the year, and even though January was still a week away she was dreading the next year already. However, she was looking forward to the renewed sense of hope the new year would bring. Somehow it seemed better to her that she could put the year of David’s disappearance behind her, and have hope that the new year would mean his return. She knew it was arbitrary to think it, but that didn’t stop her. She wanted him back, and the sooner the better. 

She took a drink of wine – she didn’t have to police herself tonight because she would be sleeping on the couch in the family room, so she could wake up with the girls the next morning and partake in all their Christmas traditions. And it wouldn’t matter if she was hungover or not, because the gifts would be opened all the same. 

As she lowered her wineglass, to set it back on the table, she noticed that Abby had scrambled up from her place on the floor near the tree. The girls were playing quietly with a few wooden jungle animals, but the toys lie discarded between the twins as Abby stared intently out the window. Louna frowned, wondering if it had started to snow again. A second later, Abby stepped away from the window, her eyes wide as she turned to look toward the front door. 

The doorbell rang. 

Yuki, who was lying at Louna’s feet, barked once before she could snap her fingers and quell the behavior. Her heart pounded unexpectedly in her chest – did she even dare think that her hope had come true? Could he really have come to Em’s on Christmas Eve? It would be too perfect – and neither one of them were into that sort of cliché romanticism. No, he’d be the one to show up halfway through Boxing Day and proclaim it was the best day of the three and make a ridiculous joke about ‘Hot Boxing.’ And she would find it stupidly amusing and indulge him entirely, because what else could she do?  
She stayed frozen in the armchair on the other side of the tree, her eyes still fixed on the front door. Emadou stepped forward to open it, glancing back at her sister as she flipped the deadbolt. Louna couldn’t hardly see, her vision clouding with thoughts of who or what might be on the porch. 

Emadou inhaled in surprise, followed by an awed exhale of ‘wow.’ “Come in,” she gestured, shaking her head a bit in disbelief. 

Shocked and incredulous murmurs rippled around the room as an enormous floral arrangement was carried inside – the delivery man looking tired as he set the large vase on the entry table Emadou cleared. Everyone stared at the flowers, as though they weren’t real or the delivery was a joke. 

“They’re for,” the man looked down at the paper in is hand, “Low … Lowna?” He stumbled over the pronunciation of her name, and Emadou instantly looked at her. 

“She’s here,” Em replied, then offered a smile to the man. “Wait just a moment.” She hurried to the kitchen, grabbing a small container and dropping half a dozen cookies into it – it was the least she could do for him being out on Christmas Eve, even if it wasn’t quite five o’clock and the end of the work day yet. She returned to the entryway and handed him the box, but he shook his head. 

“Oh, you don’t-”

“Yes, I insist,” she replied. “Joyeux Noel.” 

He smiled, taking the cookies. “Merci.” He paused. “There’s also this…” He retrieved a small, elegantly wrapped box from his messenger bag and handed it to Emadou. “Joyeux Noel,” he told her then, stepping back to the door. 

She smiled. “Merci.” She shut the door when the man had left the porch, and turned around, gazing at the flowers once more. 

The bouquet was filled with perfect blooms, all red and white, with sprigs of dark green and tender willow twigs reaching out from the dense sprays of flowers. There were easily two dozen white roses that made up the bulk of the arrangement – Louna’s favorite. Dark red lilies and chrysanthemums intermixed with the roses, and branches of holly leaves and berries created the perfect Christmas touch. The stunning bouquet had been arranged in a gorgeous mercury glass vase, which caught all the light in the room and lit up with dazzling sparkles. 

Emadou caught her sister’s gaze as she turned expectantly toward her, not wanting to think about how much money David had spent on the flowers. “There’s a card,” she said, holding out the wrapped box toward Louna. 

She hadn’t moved from her place in the chair, her hand still down next to Yuki to stop any barking. She was mesmerized with the flowers, her eyes combing over every blossom. She had been so certain that she wouldn’t get anything from David – that the holiday would simply come and go without him if he wasn’t there. Of course that hadn’t stopped her from buying a gift certificate for him to his favorite vinyl store. She figured that she could send him the gift via email and he could use it when he got back; now she had to remember to actually send the email since she’d received something from him. However, she had definitely not been expecting anything, least of all an enormous vase of flowers. The white roses were impeccable, and she couldn’t imagine what was in the other box, nor how he had managed to pull this delivery off. 

Emadou stared at her, still holding out the present. 

She shook her head. “I don’t need a card to know who these are from,” she finally replied. 

Em rolled her eyes dramatically. “Well of course we know they’re from David, but you should still read it… for god’s sake, your missing fiancé just sent you the world’s biggest bouquet and you’re going to sit there and pout about it?” 

Louna’s eyes narrowed at her twin, while three separate voices all cried “Fiance?!” in varying states of scandal. Apparently Em had taken it upon herself to address the ring on Louna’s finger because she hadn’t been doing an adequate job flaunting it. 

“Did you have to do that?” she asked, her voice flat as she held Emadou’s gaze. 

“Is that what that hideous ring is?” Aunt Deidre asked. 

“Deedee,” Julie, their mother lightly scolded her sister. 

Louna glared at her aunt. “Don’t call her that,” she said, her voice lowering. “Auntie Dre wouldn’t know the first thing about engagement rings, now would you? After all, you’ve never had one… and I’ll have you know I gave David his first… and he kindly gave this to me the night he left. I just haven’t seen fit to wear it yet.” She glanced around the room to her other family members. “Figured this might be a good occasion… give you all something to talk about tomorrow.” 

“Louna, please…” Her mother’s voice was quiet and slightly embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment,” she said, standing up. “And I’m sorry no one seems to understand why my boyfriend had to leave to figure his life out. And I’m sorry that half the people in this room can’t respect my decision to wait for him to come back.” She held up her hand, displaying the large ring on her finger, the white stone reflecting the multicolored lights around the room. “This ring is our promise to each other that we will see this through, no matter what happens. Call him my boyfriend, my fiancé,” she looked pointedly at her aunt, “my washed-up, loser, has-been rockstar delinquent hipster trash… he is who I hope to spend the rest of my life with, and no one gets to make that decision but me. So kindly, keep your comments to yourself.” She held Aunt Deidre’s gaze for a few long seconds before she marched through the room, hefted the vase off the entry table, and took it to the kitchen, Emadou trailing behind her still holding the box. 

Louna set the vase on an empty corner of the kitchen island, but didn’t let go of it. She was still internally fuming over her aunt’s ridiculous remark. Her ring certainly was not hideous, and she meant every word she said about wanting to always be with David. She was making her choice, and she would live with it until he returned. Only then would she know if it was worth it or not. 

She stared into the flower arrangement, her eyes tracing over all the roses and branches and holly. It seemed there wasn’t a leaf out of place, and how had David known? It wasn’t just a Christmas gift. Since she hadn’t been expecting anything it was more overwhelming, because it was an assurance that he was still out there and still thinking of her. She was on his mind, and he was definitely on hers. She glanced down to her ring; how much longer would she have to wait? 

“Do you need a minute?” Emadou kept her voice quiet, setting the small box beside her sister’s hand. 

Louna looked at the box, not sure what could be inside it. She already had one ring; she didn’t need another. She shook her head after a moment and looked at her sister. “I’m okay,” she replied, then inhaled slowly. “Just… overwhelmed. I didn’t think I’d get anything from him… definitely not like this.” 

Emadou smiled slightly. “He just knows, doesn’t he?” 

“Always.” She didn’t say anything else, simply plucked the small envelope from the plastic holder and slid it open. The message was typed and printed on a generic, folded card, but it was sweet nonetheless. 

_Lulu ~_  
Surprise! I would never forget you at Christmas.  
Hopefully you like the flowers and your other little something.  
Don’t let Aunt Deidre win!  
J’adore toujours – XOXO  
speeDy 

She laughed, the advice about her aunt more spot on than he could’ve ever known. She set the card down and picked up the box, the silver bow nearly identical to the one on the last box she’d received from him. Could these be from the same place? Had he bought something else for her before he left, or what? She picked the edge of the wrap open and slid the box out – this definitely was not a ring. 

She lifted the lid on the box and gazed at what lay inside. It was a delicate wrap bracelet, the cord a braided thread instead of a traditional leather, but the actual jewel was a large square stone, white with an iridescent sheen to it. It didn’t quite match her ring, but they were absolutely complementary to each other. The stone was set in the same silver casing, and in one corner there were three black stones set into the white rock. The three tiny onyxes were flawless and rimmed in silver, and created a stunning bracelet. She plucked it from the box after a moment, still studying the stone a bit before slipping it over her left hand and securing it carefully, tugging at the ends of the braided cord to tighten it. 

“Wow.” 

Emadou’s voice was awed and Louna looked up at her. She smiled. “He knows.” 

“I guess… it’s really stunning. Do you know what stone it is?” 

She gazed at the bracelet again. “I’m not positive, but it looks like a rainbow moonstone… like the ring he wears. And the black stones are onyx.” 

Emadou nodded, but frowned. “And it’s not the same as your ring?” 

“No, my ring is Mexican fire opal… two different crystals, two different earthly elements.” She met her sister’s look. “Moonstones have powerful healing properties if you know how to use them.” 

She looked doubtful. “Do you know how to use them?” 

“I’ve been getting better at it… and don’t give me that look. I know I’m a weirdo hippie, okay? Auntie Dre makes sure I know as much.” 

Emadou rolled her eyes. “Don’t listen to a word that woman has to say… she may be Mom’s sister, but she’s the real black sheep in this family, not you.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, a silent understanding passing between them; Louna was forever grateful for her twin, especially in the wake of David’s disappearance. She needed to try harder to show her that gratitude and return it. It was the least she could do. 

“Now let’s do some shots and get back out there… Thank god we don’t have to drive.” Emadou grabbed the bottle of vodka from the cabinet above the fridge and poured generous shots for them into plastic kid cups. They both laughed as they raised them and toasted each other. “To your loser rockstar fiancé, wherever he may be, and to getting through this night.” 

Louna grinned. “And to my incredible twin sister, for letting us all in your house and for putting up with your ridiculous sister, who promises to not be such a fucking downer anymore.” 

Em laughed. “About time.” She pressed her glass to Louna’s. “Merry fucking Christmas.” 

They skulled the shots and once Em had put the bottle away, they walked arm in arm back to the living room, finally ready to face their family again. 

****

# # #

The clock ticked closer to midnight – the minute the New Year would finally begin. David was as ready as ever to put 2017 behind him and focus on what luck the even year would bring to him. He’d learned years ago that the even years were the best for him – the year he was born, his milestone birthdays, and the good releases for the band (or at least the years they’d recorded them). Although, 2010 had been a mixed year – the band being great and his personal life suffering, but that was another story.

He glanced at the clock again, another five minutes passing. He wiped down the counter behind the bar and swept an eye over the tables – all the empty glasses had already been bussed. For it being a holiday night, the bar wasn’t very busy, but it seemed that it was typical. Marcus had now gone so far as to sit with a few friends while David serviced the other customers. 

However, when it was quiet for another few minutes, Marcus waved David over. He went slowly, not sure what his boss might want. These days it was always a gamble, as Marcus had leaned David was much smarter than he came off as, especially when it came to music. 

“Frenchy,” Marcus greeted him, “they don’t seem to believe me that you’re an actual guitar player… or singer.” He raised an eyebrow at David. “What should we do about that?” 

David arched his own eyebrow in return, looking doubtful. “I don’t know, dude… I’m fresh out of gold records to flash around.” Though it was the actual truth, it came off as more of a joke for Marcus’ friends. Oh if they only knew, David thought. 

Marcus laughed, then gestured to the stage. “Punk rawk karaoke,” he said simply. 

David refrained from smiling too much, mentally thanking whatever higher power for blessing him with high lyrical recall and all the hours he’d spent playing to tapes and CDs in his room and on tour. “Bring it,” he replied brazenly. 

Marcus’ friends laughed, clearly amused that this outsider thought he was about to rip. The two guys, Tommy and Wade, slid out of the table and mounted the stage. Wade crashed behind the drum kit and Tommy grabbed the bass. David didn’t spare the instrument a second glance; he’d get to that later. He slipped the guitar strap over his shoulder and pulled his own pick from his pocket – they were always there, a hard habit to break. He strummed a few chords and looked back to the guys. They were having a quick conversation over the bass drum. Marcus looked on in amused excitement because he knew what David was capable of, and his friends were about to get dusted. For as much as he teased David about being in his old band, and how mediocre and hooky they were, he realized that the band hadn’t gotten to their level of success without some actual talent to back it up, and that definitely wasn’t what David lacked. 

Finally, Tommy and Wade looked at David, seeming to size him up. Tommy stepped beside him, seeing the guitar pick in his hand and cocking an eyebrow. “Okay, how well do you know your hair metal?” he asked. 

David refrained from balking at the statement, and silently thanked Jeff for always making him play the ridiculous butt rock. “I can get by,” he replied. 

Tommy nodded slowly. “All right, then first up is ‘Livin on a Prayer’ and if we don’t give you the axe, it’s onto ‘Paradise City.’ Cool?” 

He held back a smile and nodded, keeping his laughter to himself. What was it about this bar and old 80s hair metal hits? Even he’d grown a soft spot for Guns N Roses lately, but he’d never tell Jeff about it; he’d never live it down. 

David quickly checked the tuning on the guitar and then Wade counted off. The song came to David easily – he and Jeff had played it many times during their practice sessions and soundchecks. As they finished the first chorus, David looked to the guys and found both nodding in approval. So far he’d passed their test, but would he make it through the next song? He definitely wasn’t Slash, but thanks to Jeff’s teachings he knew he could hold his own on the guitar solo. 

They ripped through the GnR tune and the few people scattered around the bar applauded, then called out more requests; punk rawk karaoke indeed. 

The next forty minutes passed with all the guys trading instruments and playing the songs yelled out to them. David shredded bass on a couple songs, which left Tommy in awe, but then when he attacked the drums, both Tommy and Wade realized there was more to David than practicing some covers in his bedroom. As they finally wrapped the set – David taking the lead on a punked up version of Auld Lang Syne – Tommy was grinning stupidly and wondering if they could recruit David for a regular cover band. 

Marcus had fresh beers for each of them back at the table when they rejoined him, and he raised a glass before they could sit. “Frenchy,” he said with a grin at David, “upstaging us all since before he got here.” They laughed, toasted, and drank. Then Marcus caught David’s eye. “Champagne duty calls,” he said. 

David glanced at his watch, seeing there were only ten minutes until midnight. He nodded and they slipped behind the bar, filling trays with plastic cups and pouring the champagne. They’d decided to pass out prefilled cups to everyone there then pop another celebratory bottle at midnight, after the countdown. 

Once they served everyone a glass, Marcus flipped the sound on for the TV and they watched the broadcast from Vancouver, which showed a few scenes from the Space Needle in Seattle. For the first time in months a wave of sadness crashed over him as he realized all his friends and family had already celebrated the new year. They had already toasted their champagne and exchanged their kisses and probably gone to bed with hopes of no hangovers in the morning, although it wasn’t a proper New Year’s Day without one. 

He wondered then, if Louna had continued their martini tradition that night. Would she have let him know? He glanced at the TV, seeing four minutes still left on the countdown clock. He leaned against the bar, having not rejoined Marcus and his friends just yet. He still felt like too much of an outsider, though that was slowly changing. He just didn’t want to let himself get too attached to anything in case he abruptly figured out it was time to go back. He didn’t want to leave Halfmoon Bay the same way he’d arrived; he’d already made up his mind about that. Marcus’ trust and friendship needed to be rewarded and not violated. The more he shared with his boss about what he’d done – how he left, how the band had split, how he’d asked Louna to wait for him – the more he saw how horribly he’d executed everything and sabotaged everyone’s trust in him. How could he expect Louna to still love him and wait for him, when he’d simply vanished from her life? If she did take him back when he returned it would be a miracle from the universe, and he would not take it for granted. 

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and opened his email, just wanting to see if there was anything from his friends, but mainly Louna. He’d been missing her more during the holidays, and it had taken a lot of his will power to not break his silence with everyone. The one concession he’d made had been the phone call to his sister on Thanksgiving, because he knew she’d be at their mother’s house and he could talk to them both. The only drawback then had been the wistful feeling he’d had upon hanging up. He wanted to say ‘fuck it’ to his entire plan then and fly straight back to Quebec. He wanted to be with his family and to surprise the hell out of Louna. But he hadn’t done it. Instead he’d hung up and tucked both the phone and his computer away for the night, choosing to smoke a joint and grab his guitar. He’d played until his fingertips were raw, almost bloody, then passed out in bed. It might not’ve been the healthiest solution, but it had kept him from making irrational decisions. 

Now he opened his email, hoping to see something from the person he was missing most, and his heart beat faster – she hadn’t forgotten. He tapped on the message, a simple ‘Happy New Year! XOXO’ accompanied a photo. It made him smile and he knew what he had to do then. He set the phone aside and looked at the time – he had two minutes. He pulled down the vodka, the shaker, grabbed the tub of olives from the small fridge, and expertly made the cocktail. He glanced across the bar as he lifted the shaker, and Marcus met his gaze with a raised eyebrow. David just smiled and finished pouring the drink, skipping the regular martini glass and going with an Old Fashioned glass because honestly it would be easier to carry to the table. He skewered four olives onto a pick, dropped it into the cocktail, and snapped a picture. He uploaded it quickly to the social site he hadn’t updated in six months, with a simple ‘Happy New Year!’ then went to join the table. Even though he hadn’t sent the message directly to Louna, he hoped she’d see it and know it was for her. He slid into his vacant chair, noticing the thirty second countdown was on, but Marcus eyed his glass. He shrugged as he took a large drink of the cocktail before addressing his boss. “My weird New Year’s tradition,” he offered. 

Marcus chuckled. “I can see that.” 

The bar patrons raucously joined in with the countdown then as it reached fifteen, then ten, then five – four – three – two – ONE! 

Cheers rang through the room and David slugged back the entire martini in a few large gulps, chasing it with the olives and a sip of champagne. Thank god both the garden center and bar would be closed the next day because he probably wouldn’t get out of bed. 

“Shit, dude… go big or go home, eh?” Marcus said with a laugh. 

David smiled. “Something like that.” They shared a hug then, Marcus giving him an extra slap on the back before going to the bar and retrieving the unopened bottle of champagne. With more cheers and toasts and laughter, they popped the bottle and all the glasses were refilled. 

He settled at the table with Tommy, Wade, and George, who all bemoaned making resolutions and proposed their ideas for getting out of their hometown finally. It was odd to listen to the men talk as though they just couldn’t leave – as though they had to stay for something. Or was he the odd one because he had done it and not looked back? He knew that Marcus was right – he’d violated everyone’s trust, but he also knew he would make every effort to regain it again. He was already trying to; he just hoped it would pay off in the end. 

Marcus lumbered back to the table then, the bottle of champagne in one hand, and a bottle of vodka and shot glasses in the other. He plunked them down on the table, sunk into his chair, and wordlessly poured the shots, passing them to his friends. 

“All right, gentlemen,” he started, “I know this is usually the time when we make those bullshit resolutions and make promises to ourselves for the new year, but this time I have another idea,” he told them. “This time I want each of you to say what you want to find this year… and it can be anything. It can be love, it could be money, it could be that signature edition of Pink Floyd’s ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ on vinyl you’ve always wanted… just tell us what you want to find, and then we all have to help each other make it happen.” He looked pointedly at his friends then raised his glass. “I’d like to find prosperity, so my brother and I can settle into the lives we work so hard for… and I’d like to find someone who will look past my past and love me for how far I’ve come, and for how far I still have to go.” 

They all nodded together and Marcus looked to his left at George. David looked down at the shot glass; he would be last. 

George smiled a bit bashfully, glancing away from his brother and to the table. “I think I’d just like to find a real house to make a home,” he said, then half smiled. “Not that I don’t like hearing the bar on my days off… just be nice to have a place of my own.” 

David nodded to himself, happy that he’d found the place to stay with Rich and Greta – he probably would’ve moved on long before if he’d just stayed at the bed and breakfast, so he knew how George felt with wanting a place to make as home. 

Tommy and Wade spoke then, and were both a little predictable in their wants of fortune and opportunities to move away from home, but even if those opportunities came it seemed like they wouldn’t take them. They both were the guys who always had plans to leave town, but could never quite follow through. David had met too many of those guys around the world, and he was fortunate to not have ended up as one. 

He knew his life would have been much different if he hadn’t made the choice to leave Matane and go where the universe took him. It had been no fluke that he’d landed on the couch of a friend of a friend’s who then introduced him to some guy in a band, who just happened to be looking for a bass player. The universe had always guided him, and though it had guided him away from Montreal for the time being, he knew it would guide him back eventually. He just had to find the signs to make his way back home. 

Everyone looked at him expectantly as it was finally his turn to speak. He glanced from the glass in his hand, then up to Marcus’ gaze. “What I’d like to find this year is a real truth in my life about what I’m meant to be doing, and where I’m supposed to be. For the past few years I think I’ve been on the wrong path, and I’m still struggling to find the right one.” He took a breath. “I came here, out to BC, to clear my head and start my life over… it hasn’t been easy, and I question every day whether I’ve done the right thing. But it seems like all those moments that I have doubt, I find a sign that I’m headed in the right direction. I think I’d like to find more of those signs, because they lead to some path of happiness… and I’d definitely like to find a little more of that.” 

He smiled at his last statement, because it felt so candid. It had been a long time since he’d been able to sit at a table with four other men and actually say what was on his mind instead of needing to edit everything in his head first. It had been even longer that he’d admit to any of his true emotions in front of another man. Now he didn’t feel bad about doing either of those things, and that was when he realized that those boundaries were slowly disappearing. He no longer second guessed himself before he spoke, because he was his own person again, and he didn’t have the parasitic band consciousness leeched onto his shoulder and brain anymore. When had that happened? It almost felt good not to know because it made him happier knowing that it had gone away on its own. He would get over the band – he’d have a life after them, and he could find the path there on his own. There was no thought more gratifying than that. 

Marcus smiled at him then, realizing there was something more at work in David’s head. He lifted his glass higher and held it to the center, waiting to speak until the other four men had lifted theirs as well. “Gentlemen, here’s to following the paths that will help us find these wishes, and here’s to finding a bit more happiness for all of us. Salud.” 

“Salud,” they all responded, then skulled the shots of vodka. 

David wished he had a few more olives to chase his with, then realized that if he was home for the next New Year, he and Louna would have a new tradition to share. He and Marcus looked at each other and shared a smile. The worst part now about going home would be leaving his new friends, but he knew he didn’t have to worry about it for awhile. 

An hour later it was just Marcus and David left at the bar, everyone else had gone home soon after the new year had been rung in. David had just finished cleaning the bathrooms and mopping the floors and walked back to see if Marcus needed anything else from him before he left. 

Instantly the barman looked up at David as he came back. He raised an eyebrow. “You’re not running out on me tomorrow, are you?” 

David frowned. “No.” He shook his head. “Why would you think that? After what I said tonight?” 

Marcus shrugged. “Just sounds like you’re closer to making up your mind… have you talked to anyone since October?” 

He shook his head again. “I haven’t… thought about it earlier, but decided to wait. Guess a picture of a martini was all I needed.” 

Marcus smiled and laughed slightly. “You know I probably shouldn’t let you drive now that I remember you slammed that martini.” 

He looked at his boss doubtfully. “Do you really want me on your couch in the morning?” 

“Touché… so, tell me the other thing you realized while we were talking earlier… seemed like something dawned on you, but not in a bad way.” 

David nodded, filling a glass of water and gulping it down. “Yeah, I sort of figured out that I don’t feel brainwashed by the band anymore… that I was just saying what was on my mind and how I was actually feeling.” He paused. “Haven’t been that candid with any of my friends in a long time.” 

Marcus frowned. “But did your girl know?” 

“Yeah, Louna knew… she knew everything. I had to have one person who knew the truth, so when I started to lose sight of it she could bring me back around.” 

He nodded. “She send you something tonight?” 

“The martini picture,” he replied, a smile on his lips. 

Marcus laughed. “Would she have slammed it back like that?” 

David grinned. “Faster. And then she would’ve asked for another.” 

He matched David’s grin. “Sounds like a helluva girl.” 

“You have no idea.” 

A few long seconds of silence stretched between them and Marcus’ gaze turned serious. “David, you can leave at any time… you know that, right?” 

He nodded, frowning. “Yeah…” What was Marcus trying to tell him? 

“Okay… because if you want to leave, I’m not going to make you stay. There isn’t any kind of time table to what you’re going through, and honestly I didn’t think you’d stick around past October.” 

The confession made David laugh slightly. “Seriously?” 

He nodded. “Seriously. I thought that for sure that you’d bail in the middle of October or something… get this weird summer of ‘finding yourself’ out of your system, but you’re still here.” He paused. “And now I’m just confused. It sounds like you have an amazing girlfriend, and a whole life that you could go back to, but you haven’t. Why?” 

David shook his head, unsure that he’d be able to articulate the feelings. “If I go back now, I’d just end up doing the same old thing… I don’t want to go back and just try to recreate my old life. I’ll always be a musician… I’ll always have bands to play in and jam sessions and punk rawk karaoke, but I don’t think that’s who I am anymore. I feel like there’s something else that I’m meant to do and I’m here to figure it out. I had to start everything over… start back at the bottom and climb my way up, however long that takes.” He offered a smile. “Believe me, still working in your bar doesn’t factor in to my three-year plan so far.” 

Marcus laughed. “Fuck, it better not… but after you leave, I expect you to come back for a few visits, okay?” 

He nodded. “Absolutely. We’ll do a moto trip out or something.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “Motorcycles?” Marcus clarified. 

“Yeah.” 

“How much do you know about ‘em?” 

“Enough,” he shrugged. 

Marcus looked thoughtful. “There’s some relic in my garage.” 

David was instantly curious. “What?” 

“I don’t know... some crusty old Honda the last owner of the place couldn’t take with him… it hasn’t moved in three years.” 

“Are you serious? A Honda? What style is the tank? Or the mirrors?” 

“Dude, I have no idea… you should just come look at it,” Marcus told him. 

“Yeah, absolutely… when?” He was eager – it shown in his voice. 

He smiled, hearing the excitement and passion in David’s words. He wondered if David recognized that it was the feeling he needed to chase. He needed to follow that passion. “How about in a couple days? Get through tomorrow then we can talk on your next shift, okay?” 

He nodded. “Sure. Great!” 

Marcus smiled again. “All right… now text me when you get to your place, okay? I really feel like I should be insisting you stay the night.” 

David laughed. “You could try, but I’d probably still leave… I promise I’m not fucked up.” He gestured to his abdomen. “Rockstar liver.” 

Marcus shook his head. “That did not make me feel better,” he replied. “So get. Happy new year.” 

He grinned and pushed up from the bar. “Bonne annee.” 

****

# # #

Seven days later, after a few windstorms had ripped through the area and the community had cleared the roads of fallen trees and power lines, David was finally getting to Marcus’ place to see the motorcycle he’d mentioned. He had tried not to let his expectations grow too high, but that hadn’t stopped him from researching. He’d spent hours on his computer, reading through articles and briefs and manuals, studying up on the details of each era of bikes that Honda had released. He was hoping for a model similar to his own, but there was no way to predict what Marcus had in his garage. The surprise was going to be the best part, and he couldn’t be disappointed with anything.

He also wasn’t sure what might happen after they looked at the motorcycle together. Would that be it? Or would it be something more? Secretly he’d always wanted a project bike that he could work on – rebuild and restore it from the edge of demolition. He’d never had time for a project like that before, but he could see these long winter days might be the perfect opportunity. Oh how he hoped this bike Marcus had would be the one… but they’d find out together. 

He parked beside Marcus’ truck in the slushy driveway and the front door of the house opened seconds later, the barman offering a wave to him. David slid out of his SUV and waved back. “Your power stay on last night?” he asked as they met at the front of his car. 

Marcus laughed. “Yeah, barely… yours?” 

He made a face. “It cut out a one so I went to bed… forgot to turn my record player off so that woke me up at five thirty.” 

He laughed again. “Nice… at least it was back by morning this time… no making coffee in the fireplace?” 

“Exactly,” he replied with a nod. “But that’s a badge I earned and am not giving back.” They shared a grin. “Now show me this piece you’re hiding…” 

“Time for Moto 101,” Marcus replied, heading over to the other building on his property. He unlocked the side door, flipping a light switch to illuminate the garage. 

A large workbench stretched along the entire back of the space and shelves were mounted on the far wall, holding ancient paint cans, plastic jugs, stacks of yellowing magazines, and all sorts of other junk. The garage looked like a dumping ground from the 1940s, if not earlier. A newer looking four-wheeler ATV was parked in the main area, but David could see a familiar shape draped with a yellowed sheet in the other corner. 

Marcus gestured to it. “Have at it,” he said. 

Excitement shone in David’s eyes and he walked around to the motorcycle, carefully peeling away the sheet. Dust stirred up instantly, but he continued removing it, revealing the worn leather seat and cracked exhaust pipe. He knew then that the bike would need serious work before it was in any condition to ride. Finally, he pushed the rest of the sheet up and over the handlebars and mirrors, letting it drop in a pile on the floor in front of the bike. 

“Fuck, dude…” His words were hushed – the motorcycle was everything he’d wanted. It was clearly from the same era as his Honda, but not the exact same year – he could tell by the gauges and tank style. It was obvious the bike had been taken care of, until it had somehow fallen into disrepair and forgotten about. The paint job didn’t seem terribly old, but there were other glaring things that needed work besides the exhaust. The engine housing was a rusted mess and both mirrors were cracked, along with the fuel gauge. And he had no idea about the engine. For all he could tell, the motorcycle might not run at all; project bike indeed. 

“Is that good or bad?” Marcus asked, coming to stand beside him. 

“It’s good, actually…” He looked at his boss. “Not every day you find a vintage bike like this.” 

“Yeah?” He could tell David wanted to share the details – tell him everything about the bike, but didn’t want to come across as overly invested. Marcus offered the prompt. “How can you tell?” 

“Well… I have a ’76 CB750 that’s dead similar, but the gauges are different. They started tilting the gauges further up in ’74, so I think this is probably a ’72.” He knelt down, looking at the side mount plates. “And pretty sure this is a 500, not 750.” He stood up and shrugged. “Can’t totally tell without a side-by-side comparison.” 

Marcus nodded. “Think it’ll run someday?” he asked. 

David shrugged again. “Probably… just depends on how much you want to put into it.” 

He shook his head quickly. “Not what I’m putting into it,” he said, then met David’s curious gaze. “This is all you… you want this bike? It’s yours.” 

He frowned, disbelieving. “Marcus, it’s worth like-” 

“Free,” he interrupted. “I got it free with the property, so I’m giving it to you if you want it.” 

David stared at him for a few silent moments, his thoughts spinning wildly. Of course his brain was screaming to take the motorcycle – how could he pass up this opportunity? But he had no place to store it, nothing to work on it with, and really no idea how to get started on such a project. He looked away from Marcus, his gaze landing wistfully on the motorcycle. How could he say no? But how could he not say yes? 

“And look, I know you don’t have a place for it, so you can just work on it here… use anything in the garage you need. George and I have a buddy with an auto shop the next town over so you can borrow what you need from him too… work out a trade or something.” 

“Are you serious?” David asked after another quiet moment. 

“Of course… why would I want this to sit in my garage any longer when there’s finally someone who can do the work on it? Don’t think I didn’t notice all those times this summer you were outside drooling over the bikes that rolled through… I’ve had this idea for awhile but wasn’t sure you were going to stick around long enough for it.” 

David looked back and met his eyes. “And now you think I will?” 

“Now I think you don’t have a choice… the other night, the way you were talking… you know I’ve been there. Right now you’re just in the middle of all this shit and you can’t listen to those doubts. The last thing you should do now is leave, so here’s a project to make you stay.” Marcus looked at him pointedly. “Finish the bike, then you can go home. Or stay longer if you need to…” 

Doubt was clear on his face as he looked at his boss. “I don’t think it’s that simple.” 

“It will be,” Marcus assured him. “Believe me, I know how much you just want to get back to everything now… it’s the new year, right? You have all these hopes and expectations and maybe showing back up at home now you can get a fresh start, but I’ve been there, man… I’ve made that mistake going back too early and I don’t want you to… you need to just wait it out… stay the course. Like we said the other night, we’re all going to help each other find our shit this year, right? So I’m doing my part to help you now… I want you to have those signs and to get on the right path and back to that happiness.” He looked at David earnestly. “I have honestly seen you change so much since the summer, and even if I didn’t know you before, I can just tell that somehow you’re becoming _you_ again. Doesn’t it feel that way?” 

David turned away from Marcus, his face growing hot as he nodded, embarrassed not only from his sudden emotions, but also because someone else could see what was happening. He’d been so unsure months ago that things were actually changing – maybe he was just imagining it all – but Marcus had seen it. He was becoming himself again. The shackles of the label and the band had been shed and the constant pressure and expectations of the fans had been erased almost completely. He was finally feeling like he could move on – discover something new that he wanted to do with his life. He was done being in the spotlight; it had never suited him anyway. He’d developed the masks and façades first to deal with the fame and status, but then to face the band. And those masks had become harder and harder to drop, the longer he kept them on. That was why he only ever felt truly happy with Louna; he didn’t need any of those masks with her. She had always accepted him, no matter what. And she could peel away the masks when he couldn’t see that he still had those guards up. She would ease them down for him. He’d never thanked her for that, and he knew he had to when he got back. She was the reason he needed to do all of this – break free from his old life and build a new one that they could truly live in together. He wanted to give her everything, but before he could do that he had to make his own choices. He had to get his head straight, and find that next life. 

He looked down at the old motorcycle, his hand had come to rest on the dirty side mirror while he’d been lost in thought. The bike would be the first thing he’d do, only it wouldn’t be for himself. He would pour himself into it – for her. He could give Louna the motorcycle when he got back, whenever that was going to be. She could have this piece of his life that he’d forge without her, so they could both remember what they’d gained from their separation. He would stay, like Marcus had asked him to, until it was done. 

He nodded then, turning back and meeting his friend’s eyes. “You’re right,” he replied. “It does feel that way… and I can’t leave yet.” He half smiled. “Not when I have a project I should get started on…” 

Marcus grinned, thankful that David was taking the offer. It was going to help him more than he knew, and it would also give them more time together. Marcus could see his friend needed extra guidance now, to stay on the right path, and he would do everything he could to help him. 

David looked at the motorcycle again, carefully making mental notes about what work the machine would need. There would probably be a lot of DIY tutorials in his future, and definitely several trips to the auto shop Marcus had mentioned, but even facing the prospect of so much work, he knew the outcome would be gratifying, and he couldn’t wait to get started.


	9. Part Nine - I'll Back You Up

The music poured over her as Louna lie on the couch with eyes closed, lost in the voice she missed so much. She had been listening to the same playlist of songs for the past week and a half, finding solace in the lilting vocals and sweet guitar melodies. It had been all she could do to cling to the songs David had left for her and fill that pit in her stomach. She hadn’t heard anything from him, or from Julie, or anyone since the picture he’d posted on New Year’s, and now it was nearing the end of February. In her head she couldn’t help but think that in about six weeks it was going to be a full year since he’d left – how had she made it this far? How could she continue to hold on and have that hope that he was coming back to her? Did his promise still count? How was she even supposed to know? 

_Sometimes we walk – Sometimes we run away – But I know – No matter how fast we are running – Somehow we keep up – Somehow we keep up with each other_

It was harder this week though, because it would be the first birthday of hers that David would miss. Even two years before, when the band had put out their last album, they’d managed to celebrate before he left for the European tour, between the craziness of the album release and his departure. At the time she’d thought it would be one of the worst birthdays, because David had hardly been himself that entire week – too stressed about the band and shows and the California Faction. The few hours together at her place the morning before he’d left were the best, since they had found solace and were insulated from everything. Their brunch had been perfect, but then it was time to pick up his luggage and take him to the airport, and just thinking about that day now brought tears to her eyes. She could tell how much he hadn’t wanted to go, but he had no choice, short of disappearing or intentionally going out to crash a motorcycle. Their good-byes at the airport had been prolonged, with promises of lots of texts and answering the phone no matter what. She hated seeing him so defeated, especially when they were just starting out, and she couldn’t help wondering how he would come back – if there would be any light left in his eyes, or if it would all be blown out and smothered. 

_Do what you will – Always – Walk where you like – Your steps – Do as you please – I’ll back you up_

The music drew her back to her living room and she opened her eyes, staring at the ceiling for a moment before looking to the empty corner where David’s guitar should have been. She needed to replace it before he got back – or maybe not. Maybe she would tell him what she’d done and they could pick out something new together; if he still wanted a guitar. 

Would he still play when he came back? Music had been the only thing he’d found comfort in before. The few days after he’d been back from the disastrous European tours, that’s all he’d done was sit and play. Only he hadn’t played any of his own songs – it was always someone else’s. He’d gone through an entire 90’s grunge catalog the first day, and then back to the late 70’s classic rock the next. Somehow he’d ended up playing through three albums of some obscure nerd rock he’d been briefly obsessed with, and it made Louna glad she insisted on him staying at her house with Yuki while he’d first been back. 

The dog had been the best distraction for him, because otherwise David would lose all track of time and routine. She’d noticed before that he seemed to have obsessive episodes sometimes, when he’d simply forget to eat or even realize he needed to go to the bathroom. Yuki could pull David back into reality and help him keep a routine while he was there, and after three agonizing days of waiting for David’s conscience to clear, it had been a relief to come home and find both David and Yuki curled in bed together – the guitar silent in the corner, and a book on the bedside table, David’s glasses on top of it. His mind had finally quieted, and she wouldn’t have to insist he stay with her again the next night. She could feel calm letting him go back to his place in the morning, but only after he’d taken Yuki out for a nice long walk. She was always making compromises, but more for his sake than he actually knew. 

Louna sighed heavily, tears threatening again, but what was new? The cloud had settled over her after New Year’s and she was barely scraping through the days. They were all the same: wake up, go to work, go for a walk with Yuki if the weather wasn’t totally miserable, melt into her couch when they got back, and pass the hours until she could go to bed; repeat. She hated winter to begin with, because her freedom to ride was restricted, and also because the sun was no one’s friend it seemed. The crisp, bright, cold days were a thing of the past, and now everything was colored with dark clouds. She was certain she wasn’t imagining it. But there was no way to lift these clouds; even her moonstone and fire opal could barely bring her light these days. 

Wasn’t it obvious what she needed? Yet how could she get it? The music could only help so much, and she could see that it was already waning a bit. She needed David back – or at least another reassurance that he hadn’t forgotten about her. Would he send her a birthday gift? She dared not to think about a note from him, but something would be nice. 

Yuki nuzzled her arm abruptly, stretching up off the floor where he’d been lying, and pressed his cold nose to her wrist. She reached to pet his head, scratching behind his ears. “I know what you want,” she told him, frowning. “You want to go back out and play in all that snow, but it’s not happening… I cleaned too many snowballs off you once tonight already.” Yuki gave her a pouty look, as much as dogs could look pouty, and she shook her head again. “Nope. Not til we have to go to bed,” she replied. He nuzzled her arm again, as she’d stopped petting him while talking, only this time Louna relented completely. “Come here…” She patted her lap and Yuki hopped up onto her legs, stretching out and snuggling his head on her chest. She smoothed down his fur and kneaded her fingers into the thick ruff along his neck. His winter coat had grown in the heaviest she’d seen it, which wasn’t surprising given the cold winter they were having – there hadn’t been a day above freezing for the last three weeks. 

After a few more minutes of uninterrupted petting, Yuki was practically asleep on top of her, and she reached over to her computer on the coffee table, pressing play to shuffle the music once more. She closed her eyes as David’s voice came from the speakers again, and she could only hope that another sign would come. She knew he was still out there for her, waiting, but she needed the extra reassurance now. The longer he was gone, the more her fears and doubts seemed to be growing too, and she would take anything to silence them – anything at all. 

****

# # #

Three days later it was her actual birthday and her mother insisted they go to lunch together – they would go to Emadou’s for their official birthday dinner that evening, but Julie wanted to do something special for her daughter. She could tell that David’s absence was beginning to take its toll, and she wanted to reassure Louna that no matter what happened with him, she still had the love and support from her family. They returned to their office building after the short walk from the restaurant, walking arm in arm over the treacherous sidewalks, and they shared a grin as they stepped inside, stomping the snow off their boots and shedding their hats, gloves, and jackets. 

The receptionist looked up at them with a bright smile. “Oh good,” she said, “Louna, someone came-” 

She didn’t hear another word, instead stepped forward and looked instantly to her desk. Had David come back? Had he snuck into the office while they’d been at lunch and was just waiting for her to return, no doubt with that sly Cheshire grin of his if he was. She stared at her desk, half expecting to see him sitting in her chair, his feet propped on the corner of the desk, just waiting for Julie to come scold him. 

But there were no boots to be seen on her desk, and no familiar face seated behind it in her chair. Instead, another enormous floral arrangement was there, nearly blocking her entire computer screen. She shook her head, feeling a bit of disappointment in her chest, but she smiled in spite of it. 

“The delivery person wasn’t sure who they’re from,” the receptionist said, as Louna managed to tune back to the conversations around her. 

She smiled as she looked back to the girl. “I’ll give you one guess.” She stepped away then, walking quickly to her workstation and looking over the arrangement close-up. Lilies and daisies and freesia cascaded out of the vase, all bright pinks, purples, yellows, and even a few orange blossoms. The freesia was fragrant and she took a deep breath of it, feeling summer in her lungs. All at once she was on the edge of some alpine lake, stark naked and laughing as she and David clambered along the rocks after skinny-dipping together. It had only been after they’d taken the plunge that they realized they didn’t have towels, and David’s t-shirt made a poor replacement. It had been one of their favorite motorcycle trips together; certainly one of the most memorable. That had also been the trip when they’d watched the stars one night until three in the morning – camping deep up in the forest away from any light pollution and with a waning crescent moon. The stars had been incredible; the Milky Way galaxy seeming endless and reminding them just how insignificant everything truly was. They’d made love beneath the night sky and slept under the stars until dawn had come. It was the first true time that she remembered being entirely at peace with the nature around her, and now she wondered if David felt the same. 

“Are they from David?” Julie’s voice was quiet as she came to stand beside her daughter. 

She straightened up, withdrawing her nose from the bouquet. “I haven’t looked… can’t imagine they’re from anyone else… this vase practically matches the other one.” 

She gestured to it, and sure enough Julie noticed that it was the same silver mercury glass as the vase Louna had received at Christmas. She wondered if there was any significance to it, but before she could think about it, Louna reached for the small envelope nestled among the blooms. 

She slid it open and read carefully. 

_Lulu ~  
Happy Birthday!  
May your wishes come true and you be surrounded with love and light today.   
J’adore Toujours!  
XOXO - - SpeeDy_

She frowned, the message seeming a bit impersonal almost, but she knew David had sent it because of his stupid nickname. They were the only ones to call each other those nicknames, except for her nieces, who would probably always call her Lulu. But no one else knew about Speedy D or SpeeDy as they’d shortened it. So why did this note seem lackluster? Were her emotions just that dull right now? Maybe she wasn’t feeling this at all because the clouds of depression had grown so thick. Fuck she needed to break out of this, but how? She was doing everything she could think of to help her carry on with her life, but nothing was working. Her routine was stale. She needed a spark or a blow torch or something. There had to be something she would do, and she would be damned if she was going to sit around any longer and depend on David for it. He had left and she had no control over when he would come back. Yes, she’d chosen to wait for him, but that hardly meant she had to wallow in this pit of misery until he returned. Why had she thought she needed to? That was hardly all she was good for, or capable of. David leaving hadn’t caused her to become a weak woman, it had just given her a sudden excuse to. Why had she accepted that? She had her own life, independent from him, that his comings and goings had never affected before, so why was his absence affecting everything now? It didn’t need to. Yes, he’d made her hurt, and yes, she missed him and worried about him, but that didn’t mean her own life stopped. She had her job, her family, and all her friends she’d been neglecting the past year because of what? She was too scared to talk about what had happened with David? Too scared to admit she didn’t know? 

Not anymore. 

She was sick of hiding behind the walls she’d put up. It was time to rip those down and throw around the truth that she had no fucking clue what her fiancé was doing, nor did she know where the hell he was. And yes, she was going to start calling him that. She’d been wearing the ring on that finger since Christmas, so it was time to acknowledge it for what it truly was. She needed to be accountable for the promises she was making, and what better way than to tell the world? 

“Honey?” 

Her mother’s voice was soft and she looked up from the note and the flowers, smiling; her heart felt lighter than it had in months. “They’re from him,” she replied, nodding. “Help me take a picture?” 

Julie smiled back. “Of course.” 

They took the vase to the empty conference room at the back of the office – the one with enormous windows which let all the natural light inside. Louna ruffled her hat-mushed hair, and held her hands around the vase, making sure the ring was in plain view. Julie snapped a few pictures and after admiring the flowers for another minute, Louna took them back to her desk, perching them carefully on the corner so they didn’t completely distract her from the work she still had to do. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and while she wanted to post one of the pictures, she knew she had to wait until later that evening. It had been a tradition for her and Emadou to post a photo together, usually with whatever matching gifts they received. It was silly, but they loved it because they never knew what the gifts would be. She stared absently at the flowers, wondering what it would be this year; hopefully not another set of matching phone cases. 

Hours later it was finally after five o’clock and she was going through her emails for the last time that day, finishing up all the little projects and problems that couldn’t wait until the next morning. Her phone chimed with a new text and she glanced at it, seeing it was from her sister. She sent the email she was writing before she picked up the phone to read the message, swiping it open. 

_OMG you won’t believe what’s here for you! Christmas all over again!!_

Louna smiled, then frowned. If David had sent her flowers at work, why would he have sent more to her sister’s house? Her thoughts spun, then she shook her head, realizing that David hadn’t sent her a second arrangement. _Did you open the card?_ she asked her sister. 

_No._ was Em’s instant reply. 

_You should open the card._ she sent back. 

_Are you sure??_

_Just do it!_ Louna replied, then stared at her phone for the next minute, waiting for her sister’s reply. She hoped that her intuition was right, but really it was the only thing that made sense to her. Finally the bubble came up to show Em was writing her back. She grinned when the message came through. 

_You might have a missing loser fiancé but he’s pretty fucking sweet sometimes…_

_Haha! They’re for you right?_ Louna wanted to be sure. 

_Yes! He makes it hard to hate him._

_Believe me, I know… see you in ~30 for dinner!_

_Pick up more wine? Merci SVP!_ Emadou asked. 

_Toujours!_ Louna replied, then set her phone aside, hurrying to finish up her work so she could get to her sister’s house soon. 

Twenty minutes later she finally left the office, tucking the flowers into a box with packing paper around the vase to steady it as she carried it to the back alley where her car was parked. She set the box on the floor behind her seat and wedged her moto helmet along the side, hoping it would keep the box from tipping over during the drive. She stopped at a corner market on her way to Emadou’s, and arrived there fifteen minutes later. Julie was already there, and Ella ran onto the porch to greet her aunt, smiling brightly. 

“Mama got flowers too!” she announced, holding the door open for Louna to come inside. 

She grinned back from behind the flowers, bringing them inside and not leaving them in the freezing car. “I know. Mama texted me because she thought they were for me.” She set the box down on the entry table. 

Ella closed the door and looked at her aunt, her dark eyes curious. “Why does David send you flowers and not just come visit?” 

She paused as she untied the laces of her boots, watching slush slide onto the wood floor before looking up to meet her niece’s eyes. It was overwhelming to realize just how aware Ella was of David’s absence, but it didn’t make sense to her. Had Ella and David bonded in some way that she hadn’t realized? Why did Ella always question her about where David was and when he’d be back? Had she failed to see how her boyfriend had impacted her niece’s life? They had both taken it for granted that David had always been there, and now he was simply gone. It had been so hard for her to process David’s absence, she could hardly think what it must have been like for Ella, especially since they had never spoken openly about it. Every time Ella asked her questions, she had broken down. She hadn’t told her niece what had happened, and she doubted her sister had either. Would Ella understand why David wasn’t there if Louna explained it? Her niece had a right to know what was going on, even if she didn’t totally understand it. Louna couldn’t lie to her anymore; she couldn’t lie to anyone anymore. It was time for the truth, no matter how much it hurt. 

Ella stepped to the entry table, reaching up to lightly touch one of the flowers, then looking at her aunt expectantly. 

Louna gave her a soft smile, putting her boots aside and shrugging out of her jacket and scarf as she stood up. “Well, you know he’s been on a trip, right?” She started slowly, piling her things on the bench. 

Ella nodded. “Yeah, but it’s the same trip?” 

She picked up the paper bag she’d set aside, the two bottles of wine clanking together. “Kind of… how about we go talk about it in the family room? Get a snack from mama first?” 

She nodded again, walking to stand beside her aunt. They went into the kitchen together and Emadou smiled at them. 

“Happy birthday, Lulu,” she said, reaching to hug her sister tightly. 

Louna returned the embrace, then handed her the paper bag. “Happy birthday.” 

Em laughed, gesturing to the island counter where four bottles of wine were piled already. “Mom brought some too… guess we should’ve planned better.” 

She smiled. “Just so long as one’s opened already.” 

“All yours,” Em replied, handing her an empty glass from beside the bottles. 

Julie walked into the kitchen then, with Abigail in tow. Abby grinned. “Lulu! Happy birthday!” 

Louna stooped down to accept her niece’s hug. “Merci, chere,” she said, then smoothed down Abby’s hair as she stood up. Abigail went back to her grandma at once, and Louna poured herself a glass of wine, finally noticing the flower arrangement on the kitchen table. She sipped the Merlot as she stepped toward the table, gazing at the bright blossoms. It was a slightly smaller bouquet than hers, and it was in a frosted, clear vase instead of the mercury glass. The blooms were vibrant, the same freesia and gerbera daisies that had been in her arrangement, but this bouquet had more orange – tiger lilies instead of the pink and purple Asiatic lilies. The small card was on the table in front of it, face up for her to read. 

_Where one goes, the other must follow –  
But bring light to the shadows and hold fast as the storm passes.   
Happiest of birthdays to you, Emadou!  
May you celebrate with love today and always.   
XOXO – David_

She frowned, not quite understanding the message he’d written, and disappointed that it seemed more personal than hers had. She was sure though, that the messages hadn’t been switched. She took another drink of wine and turned away from the table, surprised to find Ella standing right beside her. 

“What does that mean?” she asked. “Where one goes, the other must follow?” 

Louna exhaled slowly, meeting her niece’s gaze. “Let’s go sit,” she replied after a moment. 

They went to the couch together, Ella sitting close to her – closer than Louna expected she would. It was strange, but the last few months Louna had felt more comfortable around Abby than Ella, and it seemed she had just realized why. Ella had somehow known what was going on with David, and the more Louna pushed that topic away, the further away Ella had grown. She looked down to her hands, wrung around her wineglass; she’d be writing a long email to David later, she was sure. 

“I think,” she finally started, her voice low, “that David is talking about us being twins… because we’re always together… like you and Abby. Because where one of us is, the other is usually there too. Does that make sense?”

Ella nodded slowly, her dark eyes still shining with curiosity. “I guess… but what about the shadows? And the storm? What’s he talking about?” 

She swallowed hard, glancing to her lap for a moment. She and David knew each other too well, and his words had struck deeper than she wanted to acknowledge. But she had to tell Ella the truth. “I don’t know for sure,” she explained quietly, “but I think he’s trying to tell mama to continue being happy, no matter what happens… that even if I might be sad, she doesn’t have to be sad too… or if there’s a storm at my house, it might still be sunny here.” 

Ella stared at her for a quiet moment. “Because you’ve been sad? Because he’s gone?” 

She nodded, biting the inside of her lip to stifle her emotions. “I’ve missed him a lot,” she replied, her voice soft. 

“So why can’t he just come back and see you? Or can he not do that for some reason?” 

Louna shook her head automatically. “He can’t… the trip he’s on… he couldn’t tell us where he was going, or how long he’d be gone,” she took a breath, “because he didn’t know either.” She glanced to the kitchen, seeing her mother and sister engrossed in a conversation and not paying attention to her and Ella; Abby had probably gone back to the playroom. 

“But why didn’t he know?” Ella asked, her lips turned down, clearly upset. 

“He had to leave really fast, and he couldn’t make plans.” Ella opened her mouth, another question brewing, but Louna continued. “But he also didn’t want anyone to know where he was going… he didn’t want anyone to follow him.” 

“Because he was sad?” 

Ella’s question was hesitant and Louna felt her heart nearly rip in two then; her niece had noticed far more than anyone had realized. She took a slow breath, thinking over how to reply, since the conversation was much heavier than she thought it would be. “What makes you think he was sad?” she asked, unsure how Ella would answer such a question. 

She gazed at Louna, her eyes intense. “He wouldn’t smile without you… he used to smile all the time, but before he left… he wasn’t happy.” 

Louna’s breath caught in her throat and her hands tightened around the wineglass. How could Ella have known that David had been depressed? That he _had_ been so unhappy? She shifted beside her niece, setting her glass aside onto the coffee table then reaching to take Ella’s hand. “You,” she said quietly, “are much too smart… and no wonder you’re David’s favorite.” 

Ella looked down at their hands and then up to her aunt. “But I thought you were… that you’re getting married when he gets back…” She blinked slowly. “He is coming back, isn’t he?” 

She looked away from Ella’s gaze, her emotions welling in her throat. “I hope so,” she whispered, unable to bring herself to gloss over the answer. She didn’t want to lie about it anymore, and the longer David was gone, the less hope she held about his return, but whatever thread that remained was all she had to keep her going. His flowers today had brought a bit of that hope back, but it wouldn’t hold her forever. She inhaled shortly, acutely aware of Ella’s dark eyes still fixated on her. “I just don’t know when he’ll be back,” she finally said. “And that’s why I’ve been so sad about him being gone.” 

Ella nodded, squeezing her hand and tracing the outline of her ring. “Why did he leave anyway? If you made him happy, and him leaving made you sad…” She looked up, eyes curious and intent as she tried to understand about David’s absence. 

Louna sighed inwardly, wondering if she could simplify the band turmoil enough for Ella to understand, or if it would be easier to use some other explanation. But even as she thought it, she knew Ella would see through it. She’d noticed David’s emotions, so it was only fair to tell her the entire truth, no matter how long it would take, or how difficult it would be. “Oh Ell… come here.” She dropped their hands and reached around her, pulling her closer and smoothing back the dark flyaway hairs from her forehead. 

Ella curled against her, a frown still on her lips. “I miss him,” she said, her voice quiet. “When he’d take me on his motorcycle… or sing with me.” 

Louna wrapped her arms around Ella and kissed the top of her head. “Me too, sweetie… but he had to go and learn what he wants to do now. Because he’s not going to be in his band anymore.” She paused, thinking about how to explain it. “And that’s a big thing for him to go through… like how you might go to a new school… or how daddy got his new job last year. Do you remember how hard that was for him?” 

She nodded. “He’s happier now… will David be happier? Not just with you?” 

“I think he will be,” she replied. 

“But you don’t know when he’s going to come back?” 

“I don’t…” she said with a headshake. “He’ll come back when he’s ready to… but he’s the only one who knows when that’ll be.” 

Silence held the conversation for a moment and Louna felt relieved that Ella didn’t have another twenty questions for her. It was so hard for her to admit how unhappy David had really been before he’d left – and Ella was absolutely right that the only times it seemed he would smile before he left were when they were together. It had been rare that he looked at ease when he was with the band, or out at any public function really. The mask he’d worn for those appearances was slowly wearing thin, and Louna hoped that he’d be able to shed it while he was away. 

“What will he do when he comes back?” Ella asked, her voice still soft. “If he isn’t doing his music?” 

Louna smoothed her niece’s hair again. “That’s what he had to go figure out… so he might be going to school, or just working at different places to see what he wants to do.” 

Ella looked up at her. “Will he still play his guitar though? Will he still sing with me?” 

She smiled, then nodded. “I think he will… and if he says he doesn’t want to then we’ll bribe him, or tape the guitar to him until he plays it.” 

She giggled, a smile finally gracing her lips as she imagined David with a guitar taped to his chest. “I don’t think he could play that well if it was taped to him,” she said. 

“It would be pretty funny to watch him try though!” she replied with a grin. 

Ella giggled more and Louna kissed the top of her head lightly, feeling better that they had finally talked about what was happening with David. She knew that Ella would probably have more questions later, but for now things seemed to be settled and they would talk about it more openly next time. She also knew that the next time she heard from David’s sister, she would have to tell Ella and assure her that David was okay. She held back a sigh, realizing again just how much his disappearance had affected everyone, not just her. She wondered if Em had noticed the change in Ella after David had left. Would Em have known the cause? Would she have attributed it to David at all, or would she have simply thought it was some moody phase her daughter was going through? Ella had always been the more emotional and intuitive of the twins. Abby was the dreamer, her head constantly in the clouds and never noticing how the world spun around her. Ella saw everything in their shades of gray, and no wonder she had so easily picked up on David’s moods and personality shift. It would be interesting to see what happened when David finally came back – if Ella still seemed as connected to him or not. 

“I hope he comes back soon,” Ella said, breaking the silence of the moment. 

Louna rested her cheek against her niece’s head and held her closer. “Me too, sweetie,” she replied, closing her eyes and pushing the thoughts to the universe. “Me too.” 

****

# # #

David stared at the parts and pieces spread on the sheet in front of him, recalling the information he’d gone over for the twelfth time that morning. Nearly two months had passed since he’d started the motorcycle project, and he was now spending three half days every week at the auto shop with Marcus’ friend, Mike, to learn more about mechanics. Mike was slowly teaching him, but he’d also signed up for an online beginner’s course for the theory and mathematics aspects. He was learning quickly, but with every new build stage he got to with the bike, there was some new challenge. This week it was the brakes and brake lines, and even though he and Mike had gone over it three times that morning, David was second guessing himself as he stared at the loose parts. 

The ring of his phone jarred him from the thoughts and he reached for it, frowning when he saw Marcus’ name on the display. “Hey,” he answered, reaching for his bottle of water as he took the call. 

“Hey, so… were you actually going to work tonight or are you just going to continue that affair with your lady?” 

“Oh fuck…” David looked at his watch, sure enough seeing that it was already after seven o’clock. He hated to be late for work again, especially since Marcus had been so forgiving about it the last few weeks, but he knew that his tardiness wouldn’t fly for much longer. “I’m on my way… is it busy?” 

“Not yet,” he replied. “Just get here as soon as you can… heard a couple people mention spring break so we might have a rush sometime.” 

“Okay, I’m headed down,” David reassured him. 

“All right. See you.” 

They hung up and David stared at the parts for another ten seconds or so, hating to leave right in the middle of the fix, but he had no choice. He set the wrenches he’d been using back on the sheet and made sure his other tools were cleaned up. He knew Marcus didn’t care if the garage was in disarray, but David felt better leaving it at least a little picked up. Once he’s straightened things, he shrugged into his jacket, tugged on his gloves and beanie, and left. He picked his way through the muddy, slushy driveway to his SUV, and zipped his jacket higher. Almost all of the snow had finally melted to piles of brown slush, but the wind howled through the trees and bit any piece of warmth it could find. He’d become truly grateful for the trusty heaters in his car, and especially the seat warmers. He slid quickly behind the wheel and the SUV started easily, the vents blasting as he drove. He made the ten-minute drive in seven and pulled behind the bar to park, blocking in Marcus’ truck by the dumpster. He stripped off his gloves as he walked in the back door and looked at his oil and grease stained fingers – he’d definitely need to clean them up before he started pouring drinks, and then remember to get some latex gloves like Mike had suggested. 

“And he returns!” Marcus teased him as he walked behind the bar. 

He flashed a smirk, stepping to the sink and turning on the water. “Only because I know you couldn’t do tonight without me,” he said, scrubbing his hands with the dish detergent. 

Marcus grinned. “Honestly, I’m beginning to think that Mike’s going to steal you away from me for good. Gonna be too classy and smart to be slingin’ booze anymore.” 

He rolled his eyes. “So long as I’m in this town and there is beer to be poured… you will always have me,” he replied. 

“Careful what you say,” Marcus warned. “Because I might not let you leave if it’s the wrong time now.” 

David gave him a doubtful look, shutting off the water and reaching for a towel. “Will there ever be a right time to leave?” 

A thoughtful silence held between them for a few seconds before Marcus finally nodded. “You’ll know when the right time comes,” he said. “You’ll be ready.” 

David held back an eye-roll, and opened his mouth to dispute his boss, but two groups came to the bar then, looking between the bartenders to see who would serve them. Both men stepped forward, addressing the separate groups and taking orders for pitchers of beer, a few vodka crans, and some rum and cokes – the college kids were definitely on spring break and had come to the bar rather than drink around their too-cold campfires. At least the slight crowd would make the night go by faster, because then David would look forward to going home and then getting back to work on his moto in the morning. 

It was nice to realize then, how much he really was looking forward to working on the motorcycle. It wasn’t just a project to pass the time with; it gave him a purpose. And that purpose was the entire reason he’d come out to Halfmoon Bay in the first place. He’d needed to break away from all the chains of Montreal and breathe again. How close had he been to losing himself in that sinking band? He had made the right decision not to go down with the ship and look for dry land on the horizon. He was happy to have found it, and even happier to have found the purpose that would carry him forward. He’d thrown himself into Mike’s teachings and was blowing through the online courses. Somehow it felt like his brain was simply soaking up all the new information – like it had been a desert flat and the new knowledge was the first rain in ages. He was effortlessly taking it all in and it felt amazing to be learning and actually applying the practical knowledge in the most hands-on way. He knew that having the hands-on experience of being in Mike’s shop was invaluable, but also the work on his own bike was continuing to teach him as well. 

He wondered if he could become a good enough mechanic to work in a shop. It didn’t seem that being a mechanic would just be a hobby. He could see himself working at a shop someday, because the motorcycle work didn’t feel like actual work to him. And that was the way it had been to play shows; why he’d loved being a musician. Playing every night had rarely felt like work to him. 

Of course all the press and media tours were the real work, and same with the endless hours trapped in a recording studio when things weren’t going right. Those hours had been the worst because he had to do the same thing over and over until it was ‘perfect’ and music was never perfect. It was meant to be a bit sloppy and emotions and gritty, and that’s what the band had lost on the last album. It had been too polished and too generic. They were chasing a retreating wave of relevance and couldn’t quite catch it ever again. David had been the first one to see that, and he’d surrendered to it – just not soon enough. If he’d been smart he would have made the move to quit after the fans had dwindled three years before. Everyone relevant had nearly assumed they’d hung it up anyhow, and David couldn’t count the phone calls and emails he’d fielded to go on tour with other bands or record with artists in Montreal. He’d certainly been tempted to go on the road with other artists, and he and Jeff had even tossed around ideas of creating some new project with some other guys in town, but they never brought it to fruition. It seemed that every time they became brave enough to make a move, some phone call or visit from Pierre or Chuck came crashing onto them and there was no clean break. 

That was why he’d disappeared. 

He wasn’t going to let them reign that power over him anymore. He was going to live his life the way he wanted and if that was living on the west coast in some remote fishing community, tending bar and working on motorcycles, then he’d found his Mecca. 

But he knew better. 

He knew the pull he felt every time he checked his email and found a message from Louna. He wanted to get back to her; he needed to get back to her, because every time he read her words it was new life breathed back into his lungs and his resolve strengthened all over again. He would know when he was ready to go back, like Marcus had said. There didn’t need to be a set time, because it would just happen. It didn’t matter if it was before or after he finished the motorcycle, because he was taking that with him either way. Somehow he’d just know that it was finally time to go back, and though he was headed home, he knew that he’d always have a place in Halfmoon Bay. The same pull he felt with Louna’s words, he felt in the town, keeping him there for the time being. He had no doubt that when he was ready, the pull from Montreal would be overwhelming. 

He could imagine the lighthouse in Matane, lit up as a beacon and lighting his pathway back to Quebec. He missed the winter there – the frozen, desolate tundra of the cities on the river and the flat, icy plains. 

“Dude! Spaced much?” 

Marcus’ voice cut through his thoughts and he blinked in surprise, looking over at his boss. “Shit, sorry… just thinking about stuff… what you said.” 

He frowned. “What I said?” 

“Yeah, how I’ll know when I’m ready to go back… or were you just bullshitting me on that one?” 

Marcus laughed. “Nah, not on that,” he said with a smirk. 

David rolled his eyes, just guessing what Marcus had been bullshitting him on; the man couldn’t be trusted beyond the bar and his official word, that much David had certainly learned the hard way. 

“Well anyway, if you’re done contemplating the universe, I have a proposition for you, before you go bus those tables.” 

He looked up at his boss doubtfully, slinging a rag over his shoulder and suddenly noticing that his hair was catching under it at the back of his neck. When the hell had that happened? His hair was a shaggy mess since he hadn’t seen a barber in a year, and that was only his own fault. Of course there was a shop in town, but he’d been too lazy or preoccupied to make an appointment. Why worry about cutting his hair when he was finding his new career path? He pushed his fingers back through the strands, freeing it from beneath the towel, and wondered if he needed to go for a quick trim soon – if only to at least tame the wild mess growing on his head. 

“What sort of proposition?” he asked warily, hoping for none of the sexual kind; Marcus definitely couldn’t be trusted. 

“Well, George found this fishing spot that’s still froze over, and we’re thinking with the forecast next week, we can close the bar for a few days and head up… but we think you should come with us. It’ll certify your place in BC.” 

David laughed, since he’d just sort of had that same thought, but he shook his head. “No… thanks, but I think I’ll hold down the bar.” 

Marcus’ face was painted with disappointment. “Dude, come on… the bar is going to be dead if this storm comes in. We’ll all be snowed in at home, and you’ll be pissed you can’t work on your bike, so just come with us. You don’t even have to fish. You can just sit there and drink beer… keep Fredo entertained.” 

He looked more doubtful. “You’re taking Fredo?” 

“Yeah, every year he’s gone with me.” 

“Dude! Bears? Wolves?” 

Marcus shook his head. “Never seen either… too early for bears anyway. They don’t come out up here til mid-April at least.”

He frowned. “You’re not making a good case for this.” 

Marcus laughed. “Just come with us! I promise you’ll have a good time, and it’ll be the break we all need before we have to grind through the spring and summer, all right? Cause after April this shit picks up and if you’re not stayin’ on at the garden place then I’m bumpin’ your hours.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “Really?” 

“Of course… You know the drill now. I don’t have to train you, the customers actually like you, and I don’t think you’ll have a high flight risk during peak season.” They looked at each other. “Or you’ll be training your replacement before you take off.” 

David half-smiled. “Fair enough… I can probably survive another summer,” he made a face. “But only if I survive this ice expedition first.” 

Marcus laughed, grinning. “I’ll make sure of it.”


	10. Part Ten - Into the Frozen Wilderness

David stared absently out the window, crammed into the backseat of Marcus’ Jeep with Fredo, Marcus’ husky, beside him. Marcus was up front driving, and George had gotten shotgun. They were halfway through the seven hour drive to the fishing spot, and he wasn’t sure he could make it another three and a half hours without a break. Sure, he was used to long drives cross-country, but most of those had been on a tour bus. He’d been able to get up and walk around and take a piss, and not have a sixty pound dog drooling onto his arm. 

“Fredo…” he said to the dog, disdain in his voice. 

Fredo licked his mouth lazily and looked up at David, his eyes almost daring the man to do something about the drool on his arm. 

David made a face at the dog and reached for the already too-used napkin to wipe up the damp spot. Fredo yawned, letting out a slight yowl, then settled back down, his head once more on David’s arm. He rolled his eyes and looked away from the animal, catching Marcus’ gaze in the rearview for just a moment. 

“Everything okay back there?” he asked, trying to hide the smirk on his lips. 

“Peachy,” David replied, “but I might need a cup to piss in.” 

Marcus laughed. “We’ll stop in fifteen… Fredo probably needs a stretch after sharing the backseat with you anyway.” 

“Oh, because I’m all up in his space?” he asked, looking back down at the dog, who had nestled against his knee, one front leg over David’s, with his head still on David’s arm. David’s hand had been lost beneath the thick fur coat and body mass, mostly without feeling at that point too. 

Marcus grinned. “Yup… he’s used to having the whole seat to himself. You’re probably seriously harshing his gig… surprised he hasn’t given you the business yet.” 

David looked up. “Lucky for me, my girlfriend liked to train her border collie in her spare time and I picked up on a few things… Fredo and I have an…” he paused for effect, “understanding.” 

George laughed then. “No wonder… I thought for sure I’d end up in back with you when Fredo demanded more room.” 

“He tried, but sometimes you need to stand ground. Gain that respect…” 

Marcus nodded. “Definitely… you’re probably the only other person besides me that he’ll actually listen to… noticed that the first couple times you were over working on the bike.” 

“Yeah, how’s that comin’ along?” George asked, voice genuinely curious. “I saw it all in pieces some night I was over and went to the garage to get more beer.” 

David half-shrugged, his one arm still lost beneath Fredo. “It’s slow and steady… Mike wasn’t too happy about losing his intern for the week, but then he saw the weather and figured he’d just be running a bunch of tows and doesn’t want me near that, so…” 

Marcus laughed. “Yeah, that sounds like Mike… let you do the grunt work around the shop but won’t actually use you for anything useful… old man’s gonna need help with those tows after this winter I think, and no one else is moving to stay in the Bay.” 

He frowned. “Why is that? I mean, I noticed I’ve been the anomaly… I’ve stuck around this far…” 

“Yeah, but you’re not looking to jump on the next fishing boat to make quick cash,” George replied. “All the guys who come through, that’s all they want. They want to haul ass on whatever boat for the month, then catch the next one. The tough guys who work hard, they get referred to Alaska boats and go make bank. All the others just drift from ship to ship, up and down the coast. Sometimes a couple stay and find work, like in the bar if we don’t have a good crew going… but business hasn’t been that great and Marcus doesn’t pay so good.” 

“Hey!” Marcus cried out in offense. 

George smirked. “You know you don’t… Frenchy deserves a raise after you put him through this torture.” 

“Ah, he came willingly… we’ll call it lapse of judgment if something happens.” 

David shook his head. “Lapse of nothing. I turned your offer down, so technically that isn’t willingly, last I checked.” 

Marcus flashed a grin. “Then we’ll make sure no one finds a body.” 

And all at once David realized how little he knew about these two brothers and it seemed entirely plausible that they just might be taking him to the middle of nowhere to stage a ‘hunting accident’ and no one would ever know what happened. He would never get back to Louna, or Montreal, or his family. Fuck. How could he have been so stupid? 

“Dude.” 

Marcus’ voice was sharp and David reluctantly met his gaze in the mirror. 

“Jokes. We’re here to murder fish, not people… and now I realize this is even weirder because you’re fucking vegan.” 

David half shrugged again, feeling at ease with the sudden, random observation. “Figure this way might be more humane than the fucking nets just dragging everything out of the ocean.” 

“Touché,” George replied. 

Seconds later Marcus veered off the two-lane highway onto a small turnout and unbuckled his seatbelt, the car engine still running. “All right, gentlemen, let’s go make some lemon sno-cones.” 

David laughed, having made that joke one too many times before, to no one’s appreciation. 

Marcus grinned at him. “Finally, someone who gets that joke.” 

George rolled his eyes. “You’re both immature delinquents,” he told them. 

“And loving every minute of it,” Marcus replied, his grin not fading a bit. 

David matched his grin then, nodding. “Toujours.” 

****

# # #

Dusk faded over the landscape, the sunset a bit earlier than normal since they were much further north. David, Marcus, and George had finally arrived to their cabin just after three o’clock that afternoon, and decided not to go onto the ice just yet. They wanted to get unpacked and settled and would head out at dawn the next morning to catch the first round. The average high for the day had been negative six, and David wasn’t totally looking forward to sitting in a small shed all day in that kind of weather. He didn’t hate the bitter cold completely, but it was something that he would opt out of if he could. However, Marcus was definitely not letting him off the hook for this trip. David just hoped that he would gain something from the experience, aside from taking innocent fish lives and hearing more of Marcus’ drug smuggling stories. He’d been regaled with them in the car that day, and was assured there were many more adventures to be shared. 

David glanced away from the darkened trees and to his watch, seeing it was nearly seven already. They’d have to think about dinner soon and he’d been put in charge of the first night’s meal, which had been somewhat of a challenge to come up with something that would suit all three of them. He’d settled on a stir-fry recipe that he could add some chicken to if Marcus or George couldn’t live without meat for one night. He closed his book, shifting to sit up from where he’d been slouched in an armchair near the window, but Fredo was faster. 

The dog bolted into an upright position, looking fiercely out the low front window of the cabin and growling deeply. David instantly put aside the book and looked back out the window, but he could barely make out the tree shapes against the darkened sky, much less anything that might’ve been lurking in the shadows beneath them. 

Fredo didn’t quiet though. He stayed alert, the hackles raised on the back of his neck. David was certain there wasn’t a person outside then, but an offending animal. He stared harder into the darkness, wanting to see what it was that had brought Fredo to such stark attention. 

“Fredo,” Marcus called to him quietly, snapping his fingers. Fredo gave no notice to his owner, still focused on the outside. 

David shifted a little further forward on the chair, reaching to hold a hand out to the dog, knowing the familiar smell might break him from the trance he was in, but the sudden glint of gold caught his eye as he moved. 

He blinked hard. What the hell had he just seen? He shifted back just slightly and his breath died in his throat. 

Eyes. 

Shining gold eyes started out at him from the depths of the distant trees, and chills raced through his veins and down his spine. Whatever animal was out there watching them seemed to be intent, and Fredo growled once more. 

“Oh fuck…” he breathed, not daring to break his gaze. Some irrational fear told him that if he looked away there would be a consequence, and he didn’t want to take that risk, so he stared at the glowing eyes. 

“Dude, what?” Marcus asked, his voice low. 

David could see the man was moving to get up, and he inhaled sharply. “Don’t,” he warned. “There’s something out there,” he said, talking from behind his lips. God help him if he made a false move while in a death stare with whatever animal was out there. “An animal,” he clarified, then added a second thought after a short pause. “A big animal.” 

“Can you see it?” George asked, his voice a whisper, a hush stealing over the cabin as they were all frozen into their seats. 

“I can see its eyes,” he replied, then took a breath, a surge of intuition going through him once more. “They glow gold.” 

A howl ripped through the silence around them and David flinched at the sound, his hand blindly reaching out to push Fredo away from the window. He’d heard that devastating sound once before, and it had lived in a hollow place in his chest ever since. It was the most haunting sound he’d ever heard, and it was all he could do not to want to comfort the animal. The wolf. 

Now he was certain that’s what was in the woods, but it made no sense that the wolf would have come to them, unless it was attracted to Fredo’s scent. He looked back into the darkness, hoping to see those glowing eyes once more, but it had all gone black, no matter where he looked. 

“Holy shit,” Marcus said after a moment, only speaking once David had looked away from the window. “Was that…?” 

“A wolf,” he answered, certainty in his voice. 

George looked doubtful. “Not just a coyote?” 

David met his eyes. “I’ve heard wolves howl,” he assured George. “That was a wolf.” 

“Shit… do you think it’ll stick around?” Marcus asked. 

“Doubtful,” he replied, shaking his head. “Don’t know why it was even here tonight, except for maybe Fredo…” 

“You think?” 

He shrugged. “Only thing that makes sense… wolves don’t really like people,” he said, then glanced at the dog. “I’d be keeping an eye on him, if I were you… don’t know how many might be hanging around.” 

Marcus nodded. “Yeah, absolutely.” He looked at the husky, who was finally coming off alert and looking more at ease. “No solo bathroom trips for you, mister,” he said. 

David half smiled, glad that Marcus was taking his advice and knowing that he and Louna probably would have done the same with Yuki. A pang went through his chest then and he looked back to the window as he remembered the last time he’d seen the dog, then wondered when he’d see him again. 

****

# # #

Three days later found the men in the small shed on the lake, after two full days of fishing without further wildlife incidents, save for some errant deer. Fredo had protested the constant supervision, but halfway through the second day the dog had relented. David wasn’t going to say anything to Marcus, but it seemed that Fredo was the most at ease when they were out together. The dog still seemed skittish with both Marcus and George. There was no reason for that behavior, because he knew they hadn’t bonded that much during the car ride, or even before, so he wasn’t sure what was transpiring.   
He shivered in the cold of the shack, his thick down jacket making little difference in the below freezing temperatures on the lake. He looked up as Marcus snickered. 

“Need another layer?” he asked David, teasing a bit. 

He held back a sneer, shaking his head. “Nah, just still recalibrating my Quebec blood… but I think it’s time to grab lunch from the truck,” he said. “Want me to go and I’ll take Fredo out too?” he offered. Fredo perked up at his name and sat up, looking eagerly at David. 

“Sure,” Marcus replied. “I left it unlocked.” 

David nodded and moved off the small camp chair he’d been sitting on. They had gotten onto the lake at seven that morning and while both Marcus and David had taken breaks to get up, George hadn’t so much as moved once, and it was closing in on one o’clock. David stretched, securing his line to the anchor George had set and then locked his reel. 

Marcus nodded to the small soft-sided cooler near the door. “Grab a couple more beers too,” he said. 

David half smiled. “Sure thing.” He grabbed the cooler and quickly ducked out the door with Fredo, trying not to let the little heat coming from the portable heater escape all at once. 

The lake and forest looked spectacular that day in the high midday sun. The rays shone on the frosted surface, the ice a meter thick over the entire lake. He breathed in the brisk air, but a growl from Fredo cut his appreciation short. 

Instantly his gaze went to the dog, and he followed Fredo’s eyes to the far edge of the lake, where the trees grew closest to the bank. Goosebumps rose everywhere on his skin and he felt a rush of seeming electricity course through him. 

The wolf. 

Striking gold eyes stared at him from across the lake, the animal sitting unmoving in the sunshine and their presence. Again, confusion rang through his thoughts – this was not typical wolf behavior. They were always wary of intruders – especially humans. 

Fredo stepped forward, another growl coming from his throat. 

“Fredo, come,” David commanded, snapping his fingers and keeping his voice low. 

The dog halted, but didn’t back down. 

David gave a short whistle. “Come,” he commanded again. 

Fredo ignored him, but an answering yelp came from across the lake, the wolf’s head tilted back as it responded to the whistle. 

Another shock spread through David, knowing the only time he’d witnessed this kind of interaction had been at the wolf sanctuary. But this was not a rehabilitated wolf, or a socialized one. This was a true, wild wolf, that was ultimately a predator and wouldn’t think twice about taking down a husky, no matter how much fight Fredo might put up. 

The wolf stood up then, stretching onto its tiptoes before taking a step forward. 

Fredo advanced another step, but David did too, snapping his fingers quickly. “Fredo, stay!” he barked, voice tense. 

Behind them he heard the shack door open, and a surprised inhale followed. David hoped that whoever had just stepped out would stay put; he wasn’t sure there was anything he could actually control in the situation, but he was going to try. 

“Fredo,” he called, keeping his voice calm as he took another step forward, “back.” He snapped his fingers again and finally he could see that Fredo had dropped his territorial stance, instead now simply staring at the wolf. However, David could see that the wolf wasn’t as interested in Fredo as he’d originally believed; the wolf seemed to be tracking his movements. 

Fredo backed up two steps as David snapped his fingers once more, taking one step forward so he now stood in front of Fredo. The husky lingered on his peripheral vision for only a few moments, steadily backing up now that David had advanced. The wolf’s intense eyes were still locked onto him from across the frozen lake. What would be a wolf’s top speed on ice, he wondered. The claws would no doubt help with some extra grip, and the human throat didn’t stand a chance against the animal’s massive jaw. 

David inhaled slowly, watching as the wolf gathered himself (herself? He couldn’t tell) up from the snow and shook it off, still facing David’s way. It moved gracefully and silently, taking a few steps away from where it had been sitting, then tentatively moving forward. 

Ice fused through his spine; he needed to act. He licked his lips, chapped from the freezing cold, and let out a long, steady whistle. He let it sweep up at the end and took another breath. The wolf cocked its head, still staring at David. He licked his lips again and whistled once more. Halfway through, he watched the wolf throw its head back, and a wrenching howl split the silence of the lake. His whistle tapered off, but the wolf howled again beneath the bright sun, the sound echoing off the ice and through the trees. Chills permeated every inch of his body, entirely unrelated to the cold around them. He hadn’t believed that he’d ever hear that sound again, much less in the frozen wilderness. 

Only another moment passed before the wolf went quiet, lowering its head and staring back across the lake. David’s heart pounded in his chest; were they safe, or dead?   
The wolf blinked, its huge gold eyes finally showing a hint of fear. David didn’t think twice – he gave three short, high whistles and the wolf turned abruptly, running back into the trees and away from the lake. He heard a relieved sigh behind him, but he held his hand out in a ‘wait’ gesture. He stood on the ice for another minute, his eyes scanning the distant trees the wolf had disappeared into. He wasn’t going to take any chances. 

He slowly backed up from where he stood, sensing when he’d nearly reached the shack and surprised at how far away from it he’d moved. 

“Holy shit,” Marcus said, their eyes finally meeting. “Are you the wolf whisperer too?” he asked, his voice a little shaky. 

David shook his head, reaching down to smooth back Fredo’s ears, knowing the dog was probably as shaken as they were. “No, definitely not,” he replied. “And I think I’m done fishing for today,” he said, a pointed look at his boss. 

Marcus almost smiled. “Yeah… ya think?” 

****

# # #

David stretch lazily as he rolled over onto his back and looked at the old alarm clock on the nightstand. It was just before noon, which wasn’t surprising for Sunday morning, especially since he’d gotten home at three from the bar. It had been a steady night of customers – more spring breakers and early campers, eager to get into the woods even though it was only mid-April. 

His brain tripped over the date then, as he realized why today was of any significance: he’d officially been gone a year. 

Panic tried to seize his chest, second guessing all the decisions he’d made up til now. Should he have gone back by now? Was a year too long to make Louna wait? But he wasn’t ready to go back yet. Did he need to let her know that? Tell her that it would still be awhile longer before he returned? He reached for his tablet, on the floor beside the bed, and opened his email, staring at the last message from her. 

She’d sent it two weeks ago, only a few days after they’d come back from the ice fishing trip (which they’d survived without further wolf incident). The email was short, and included a picture of her and Abigail and Ella. His eyes had caught on three things in the photo: one, his ring still on her finger, which meant she hadn’t given up on him yet, two, her hair styled into a long bob as it was growing out and now dyed a brilliant ashy blonde color instead of the bleachy yellow-blonde she’d always had, and three, how much both Ella and Abby had grown while he was gone. 

He stared at Ella’s dark eyes, seeing a familiar emotion that was usually reflected in Louna’s gaze – a reluctance or hesitance with the current situation. He had no idea why Louna had been with her nieces, so he couldn’t speculate if everyone’s non-favorite Aunt Deidre might’ve been at whatever party, or if maybe Ella was just having an off day. David recognized from his first meeting with her that the girl was attuned to things a little differently than most people, and he hadn’t taken it for granted, until he left. He had never accounted for Ella’s emotional reaction to his absence, until Louna had written him just after her birthday. Now he realized his error, and he hoped he could make it up to her eventually, and explain just why it had been so important for him to leave. 

He scrubbed his hands over his face, pushing his hair back and blinking tiredly. He had made the best decision he could have for the time, and even though there were times he wondered if he should just drop everything and run back to Montreal, he knew that wasn’t the answer. Louna had decided to wait for him; he glanced at the tablet again to see the ring on her finger. She had turned up wearing the ring when he’d been doubting his resolve, and he had no doubt that there were other pieces at work in the universe now, both guiding them down their respective paths. Just as he knew Louna was practicing patience, waiting for him to come home, he had to practice the same and recognize when to not jump ahead of the game, or second guess himself too badly. He would know when the time came, as everyone liked to remind him now. Things would play out the way they were meant to, and he had to be patient. He couldn’t email Louna today just because it was the anniversary of his disappearance – god knew she probably already had enough heartache because of that alone and she didn’t need an added shock of the first contact from him in however long. 

He really didn’t know how long it could be considered, because even though he’d sent her flowers and everything, it was a gray area of whether that counted as ‘contact.’ He rolled his eyes, setting the tablet aside and reaching for his glasses as he sat up. He definitely didn’t need to be worrying about this kind of thing on one of his only days off. He needed to refocus his energy and go hammer out a few good hours of work on the Honda, then see if Marcus would need him for an evening back-up. Sunday nights at the bar were always weird this time of year, because they could either be busy, or really dead. David never hoped for one over the other though, because if he worked then it was cash for him, but if he didn’t then he’d get more rebuild time on the bike. Really, he would take either one. 

He rolled out of bed lazily, tugging on discarded black sweatpants and a t-shirt. He padded to the bathroom, taking time to wash his face and brush his teeth after he’d peed, then tried to comb the rat’s nest his hair had become. The more he thought about hacking off the unruly curls himself, the more he realized he couldn’t. It was entirely irrational, and perhaps stupid, but the hair had become symbolic, especially when he’d seen Louna’s new hairstyle. They were both changing while they were apart, and he needed to show her how much he’d changed when he got back. It also didn’t escape his notice that Louna had always liked his hair longer, but he had to clean up his look because it no longer conformed to the California Faction’s standards. David rolled his eyes in the mirror; just because both Chuck and Pierre had both had virtually the same hairstyles for the last ten years didn’t mean they could dictate his look, except they thought it did. 

He shook his head, thinking over all the boundaries he’d continued to push with the band, and all the so-called rules he’d broken with what he’d worn, how he’d talked, and all the taboo subjects he’d continued to bring up. The outfits and the interviews were how he lashed out against the restrictions the California Faction had set, and they struggled to contain him. That was when he knew not only was he rallying against the band and the control it had over him, he was rallying for his own freedom as an individual. They’d decided to try eradicating the black sheep, but surprise, the black sheep had another agenda. The black sheep had escaped and was finally – finally! – letting its dark coat shine. 

David set the comb down, the curls hardly tamed, but at least not the tangled mess that had been. He left the small bathroom and stepped into the kitchen, grabbing the carafe and used filter from the coffee maker. He dropped the day-old grounds and filter into the trash and turned on the faucet as he emptied the carafe into the sink, rinsing it slightly before putting it on the drain board. He readied the new pot of coffee automatically, grabbing a new filter and the bag of ground coffee from the small pantry. He poured three scoops into the filter basket, then added a fourth because somehow it felt like that kind of morning – the clock reading 12:27 so technically morning was over. Oh well. He put the bag back in the pantry, clicked the filter basket back into place, and stepped back to the sink. He shook the excess water from the glass pot and turned the tap to fill it with cold water. Sun streamed into the kitchen through the window over the sink, and it was just as he turned the water off, the carafe nearly full with eight cups of water, that he finally looked outside. 

His knuckles went white around the handle of the coffee pot, blood draining from his face as shock set in. 

The wolf. 

He blinked hard, certain he was hallucinating what he saw, but as he opened his eyes, the wolf remained, and he couldn’t delude himself to thinking he was dreaming. 

No. This was real. There was a wolf sitting in his backyard, staring at him through the kitchen window. 

The gold eyes followed his movements as he reached to put the carafe aside onto the counter; making coffee could definitely wait for the moment. 

He leaned against the counter then, staring out to where the wolf sat at the tree line in the backyard, maybe fifty yards away. He had been closer to wolves than this, but with handlers and wolves who had been born and raised in captivity, around humans. This wolf, like the wolf at the lake, were offspring of the wild. They were unpredictable and their instincts could take over at any moment. But even as he thought those things, somehow he knew he didn’t have to be afraid. Fear was not what he felt while looking at the wolf. Instead he felt an unnamed power – the universe was trying to tell him something with the animals. 

The wolf shifted then, stretching to stand up, rising onto its tiptoes and shaking its body. 

Cold intuition washed over him; déjà vu. 

And all at once he knew that there hadn’t been multiple wolves to visit him – there was only one. This wolf had tracked him from the lake – had probably been traveling for days to find him. But why? He stared at the golden eyes, searching for some unknown answer and of course finding none. There was no logical reason for the wolf to follow him, yet here it was. 

He had to be certain. 

He licked his lips, still chapped though the weather had warmed considerably. He let out the low whistle, drawing it up at the end before taking a breath to whistle again. Just as it had the last time, the wolf howled with him partway through the second call, then howled a second time before looking back at him through the cabin window. However, this time the wolf didn’t wait for the signal to depart. Instead, it gave a short yip, shook out its coat again, and disappeared into the trees. 

David stared after it; what the hell had just happened? Why had this wolf followed him six hundred kilometers for a second look? There had to be more to this. There was something else at work here, he just couldn’t pinpoint what. 

From the bedroom, his phone chimed with a new message, startling him from the trance. He took one last, hard look out the window after the wolf, but all was still and silent in the forest once more. 

David turned away from the sink, retrieving his phone from the bedroom nightstand and reading the text from Rich. 

_Just heard something like a wolf howl… had them come thru our property before… let me know if you see or hear anything. We’ll get Fish & Wildlife to relocate. _

He stared at the message, imagining the wolf being captured and taken somewhere else, or worse, killed. He knew most captured animals ended up in facilities, and he didn’t want that for this wolf. He couldn’t let that happen, but what could he do about it? The wolf was wild and would go where it pleased. If that was now following him around, then he would deal with it – somehow. 

He sent a short text back, relaying that he’d keep an eye out, because that was all he would do. He wouldn’t tell Rich if he kept seeing the wolf, unless it became a problem. Hopefully the animal meant no harm and was simply a sign that morning, but David knew better. There was something more to this, and he’d have to see it through to the end to find out what it was. 

****

# # #

The sun was bright, the sky cloudless, and the wind was edged with cold. It was the perfect day for a spring ride, and Louna was glad she and Jeff had agreed to meet earlier and get a little cruise in before going to pick up his daughters for the afternoon. The ride also gave her head a break from the constant thoughts and worries about David. 

The last few days had been torture as she wondered if he would simply turn up on the year anniversary of his disappearance, or even before. She knew he had no set timeline for anything, but that didn’t stop her from hoping. It was almost a relief when Jeff had texted her, confessing that he was disappointed he hadn’t heard anything from David yet. She admitted the same and they’d decided to get together instead of moping around alone on the anniversary. 

But then their plans had changed as Jeff realized it was the start of spring break, and he would have his girls with him that week; he’d already arranged with their mother to pick them up that day. Louna assured him it was no big deal, and then suggested the ride before going to pick them up. He’d been a little reluctant at first, not really wanting to pick the girls up on motorcycles (their mother would hate it), but a day later he changed his mind, as both Maya and Zoe wanted to ride with Louna. They’d ridden with her, David, and Jeff a few times, but she hadn’t realized they girls would remember it. Their insistence made her smile, and reminded her of how every time she and David would take their bikes to Emadou’s, Ella demanded she get a ride. Usually it was David who accommodated the request and they would be gone for a half hour – Ella’s cheeks always flushed with excitement when they got back. 

Louna realized then that her niece had never asked to go on a ride with her during the summer, and she knew that it was because Ella loved to go with David. The more she thought about it, the more she came to realize just how much they had bonded, which was unusual for a young girl and a man who was not her father. She wondered if Emadou or Judah ever realized or talked about it – if they had, they had definitely not mentioned it to her. But then, why would they have? Emadou was probably confident that David would be Ella’s uncle at some point, and then their bond would become more important. 

She glanced reflexively to her hand then, taking her eyes off the road for a moment and looking at the opal ring. Would there be a time when David would come back and see his promise through? How many times in his letters and cards had he told her – assured her – that their story wasn’t over? When was he coming back to finish it? Or was he? She could feel her hope waning again, but she knew she had to sustain. There were no anniversaries, or birthdays, or holidays that David could send her flowers for now. Now she could only hope he might send her a note in the mail, or just a short email or picture. Anything. Anything would be better than the absolute silence; that was what had killed her the first few months. She had wanted some sign so badly, and let herself be entirely disappointed when nothing had come – until she needed it most. 

It would be the same now – nothing had changed in a year. David’s resolve was probably stronger than ever to maintain his distance, but her patience was dwindling. And she wasn’t the only one. Every time she went to see her sister and nieces, she could feel Ella’s disappointment. David’s absence had been profound for her – an emptiness that Louna was sure Ella had no idea how to fill, or even how to deal with, if she could even recognize what it was. The dark cloud Ella was carrying because of his absence was slowly growing bigger and darker, and only one person could truly make it go away. She hoped he would read between the lines of her last email, and see the picture for what it really was. Ella needed his help, Louna was sure of it, and she hoped if he realized that it might be enough to force his hand in coming home, because it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try. 

“Earth to Louna?” 

Jeff’s voice crackled through the Bluetooth link in her helmet and she glanced over, seeing him flanking her in the lane. She blinked, bringing her thoughts into rapid focus before clearing her throat. “Sorry… thinking,” she said. 

“I noticed,” Jeff replied, a smile in his voice. “But time to get outta those clouds and follow to my ex’s house… unless you miraculously know where she lives?” he teased. 

She smirked. “No GPS on that one… lead the way,” she said. 

Jeff nodded and pulled ahead of her, still cruising down the main arterial for nearly a mile before cutting off to the left and winding back into a sprawling neighborhood. They were on the west side of the city, in sort of a suburb that Louna definitely didn’t frequent. All her and David’s friends and family lived mostly north or southeast of the city, only going west when they had to see Sebastien, and they always gave him a hard time about how far they had to drive. 

Finally, about fifteen minutes later, Jeff pulled up into the driveway of a modest two story house, which reminded Louna of her childhood home. Even before she had the chance to kill her engine, Jeff’s daughters were out the front door and hurrying toward them. 

“Papa!” Zoe called to him, flinging her arms out. 

Jeff grinned, pulling his youngest in for a hug before even taking his helmet off. 

Louna couldn’t help smiling as she pulled her own helmet away, hanging it on the handlebar. Maya gave her a shy wave. “How are you, Maya?” she asked, stepping closer to Jeff’s bike. 

She shrugged slightly. “Okay… you?” 

“Good,” she replied with a smile. Jeff had warned her that Maya had reached the start of her moody pre-teen years and lucky for him she remembered how awkward she’d been during that time. She wouldn’t engage Maya any more than she really wanted to, and was certain Maya would be grateful later. 

When Jeff and Zoe broke their hug, Zoe turned to smile at Louna, remembering her from many shows. “Hi Lulu!” she called, stepping over and giving her a brief hug. 

Even Jeff looked surprised at his daughter’s action, but Louna accepted the embrace easily. “Hi Zoe. Excited to go on a ride with us?” she asked. 

Zoe pulled away, nodding rapidly. “Dad hasn’t taken us out for a long time… Mama said because she doesn’t trust anyone else besides him and David… but you rode with David, right?” 

“Zoe,” Jeff tried to intervene on his daughter’s commentary. 

Louna nodded at her, ignoring the slight protest from Jeff. “I did. We would ride a lot together, but my dad was who taught me how to ride.” 

“Really?” Maya asked, her gaze suddenly curious. 

Louna nodded again. “Yup… probably just a few years older than you when he got me my first bike. Been riding even since.” 

“And how many accidents?” came a sharp voice from the front porch. 

Louna looked up to see Frances, the girls’ mother, eyeing her warily. “None,” she replied. “My father was an excellent teacher and he hasn’t had any accidents either. We renew our permits every three years together.” 

Frances looked vaguely satisfied. “Good. Any word from David?” she asked, stepping off the porch and joining them in the driveway. 

“Not since February,” she replied with a slight headshake. 

Maya looked at her, more curiosity in her eyes. “What was in February?” 

“My birthday,” she said, her voice lowering just slightly. “He sent both my sister and I flowers.” 

“Your sister too? Why?” Zoe asked. 

“Because Louna’s a twin,” Jeff told her. “We can look at pictures later and you can guess who’s who… for now we should get packed up, okay? Go grab your stuff.” 

The girls both nodded and left the driveway abruptly. Louna glanced at Jeff then, mostly to pretend she hadn’t noticed Frances’ gaze snap right back to her. For a feeling in her gut she couldn’t explain, Louna didn’t have a good vibe on Frances. Something about the woman didn’t settle right with her, and that only heightened when she next spoke. 

“Do you really think he’s going to come back after being gone a year?” she asked, her voice seemingly accusatory. 

Louna looked back to Frances; the words stinging in her chest. She wasn’t sure why the remark offended her so deeply, but she couldn’t ignore the hurt. Frances had never met her, and probably hadn’t seen David much the last few years, so who was she to judge their relationship? Although Louna didn’t know the sordid details of David’s past relationships before her, she knew enough to know that the old David would’ve been strung out clear to Thailand with a slew of one-night stands in his wake. But he’d changed, even before they met. Jeff had assured her of that one night before they were leaving for some tour. He’d promised to keep an eye on his friend for her, but it hadn’t been necessary. Nor was this judgment necessary now. 

She blinked hard before replying. “Yes, I do. He asked me to wait for him, and lucky enough also left a ring to remind me to do that. Call me naïve, but that doesn’t exactly tell me he ran off to Amsterdam to sleep around. Or am I mistaken?” 

Jeff cleared his throat. “Lou,” 

But Frances just laughed, nodding. “Well, you’re just as fiery as he used to be,” she said. “No wonder he likes you.” 

Louna frowned, wanting to ask what she meant about David being fiery, but Maya returned to the porch, her backpack on her shoulders and a small overnight bag in her hand. She looked hesitantly between the adults, and stepped slowly off the front steps. 

Jeff motioned her over, grateful the discussion between Frances and Louna could go no further. “C’mere,” he said, taking her bag when she finally came over. “Do you want to ride with me or Louna? You get to choose since I know Zoe won’t care.” 

Maya looked between them, chewing her lip slightly. She shrugged after a moment, but was still thinking. She could ride with her dad any time, but she might not get to see Louna again. She caught the woman’s gaze, thinking about her dad teaching her about motorcycles. Maybe she’d have that chance too. “Louna,” she finally said after a moment. 

Jeff smiled. “Done! Now get your helmet and we’ll take the long way home.” 

Her eyes lit up. “By the river?” she asked. 

He nodded. “Your favorite, so come on.” 

Maya rushed past Zoe, who’d just come out with a backpack and three more bags. Jeff shook his head, holding back a laugh as Frances instantly chided their daughter, taking her back inside to leave some things behind. Maya came back out after another moment, rolling her eyes and making Louna grin, happy to know that the sisterly disdain ran deep in families other than hers. 

Ten minutes later the girls were secured on the motorcycles with Jeff and Louna, and they headed back for the forty-minute drive to Jeff’s condo, taking the long way and riding east along the river. Louna stayed in the far outside lane, grinning as she caught Maya’s admiring gaze in the side mirror. The girl was enamored with the river and the wind and the ride. She was happy she could witness it, and happy that she and Jeff could ensure another generation of female riders. She had no doubt that in five or ten years she would be going on rides with both Maya and Ella, and it would be thanks to Jeff and David, and maybe a little her too, but she didn’t deserve all the credit. 

When they finally pulled up at Jeff’s place, Louna couldn’t help noticing the slight disappointment on Maya’s face that the ride was already over. She smiled as they dismounted together and took their helmets off. “Next time we’ll ride longer,” she said. 

Maya rolled her eyes a bit. “If there is a next time.” 

Louna shrugged. “You’re with Dad til Saturday right? So I’ll come over Saturday morning and we’ll go out… something to look forward to, okay?” 

Maya nodded, a small smile on her lips. “Okay.” She grabbed her bag from the cargo net on the back of Louna’s bike and bounced up the steps to the front door. Jeff followed her, carrying one of Zoe’s bags and unlocking the door. 

She stood back, lingering near her motorcycle and wondering if she should maybe just go home or to Emadou’s. It felt like she was intruding on Jeff’s time with his girls now, and that was the last thing she wanted. 

Maya and Zoe disappeared inside and Jeff looked back to her with a frown. “You’re not thinking about leaving, are you?” he asked. 

She shrugged. “Maybe… you need to have family time,” she rationalized. 

“And I have all this week for it, because you and I said we weren’t going to be alone today. Now get inside and laugh while I fight with my kids about what pizza to order.” 

She smiled, walking up the steps and into the entryway. “How would they feel about vegan?” 

Maya was just coming back downstairs and made a face. “Yuck! Fake cheese like David would get? Gross.” 

Both Jeff and Louna laughed, Jeff shutting the front door and following them into the kitchen and family room. “Guess we’ll be having it in his honor,” he said, smirking at Maya. 

“Really, it’s only fitting,” Louna replied. “Much better than the meal he missed last year.” 

He laughed slightly, then looked at Louna with serious eyes. “You know, I’ve never gone back to his house… to check on it or anything.” 

“I haven’t either,” she replied after a second. “Figured he would’ve told me to look after it if he wanted me to…” 

“Where is he?” Maya asked after a moment, looking between them. “Why hasn’t he just come back?” 

Louna held in the sigh she felt every time someone asked her the same question. 

Jeff shifted just a bit closer to her before replying to his daughter. “We don’t know where David went,” he explained. “And we don’t know when he’s coming back. But we know he’s safe, and he’ll come see us again when he’s ready to.” 

“Will he still be sad?” 

Both Jeff and Louna turned to look at Zoe, who had come back down and stopped in the kitchen doorway. She had probably heard her sister’s questions and decided to listen rather than interrupt. Jeff opened his mouth, at a loss to reply. 

Louna mustered a smile, finally seeing the same quiet observation in Zoe that she saw in Ella. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t think he’ll be sad anymore. He’ll be happier when he comes back.” 

Zoe walked to stand beside her, glancing up at her, then to her father. “It was the band, wasn’t it? Why did it make you sad?” 

Jeff inhaled thickly; he hadn’t realized his daughters had noticed so much. He had already explained, when he’d quit the band last year, that he wanted to spend more time with them and work on other projects, but the girls had never let on that they’d suspected some other reason for it. Now it was clear that they had seen how unhappy both he and David had been. How could he explain that without disparaging Chuck and Pierre? He couldn’t. 

“Girls, I don’t think,” he started to say. 

“Jeff,” Louna kept her voice quiet, but looked at him earnestly. “Tell them the truth. It’s better for them to know.” 

Maya frowned and looked at her father. “Papa? What’s she talking about?” 

Jeff sighed and leaned forward onto the counter, looking at Louna as he thought over his words. He wasn’t sure if she was right or not, but there was no going back now, so he figured he should start with what came to mind first. Louna gave him an encouraging nod and he looked back to his daughters, taking a slow breath. “Do you remember the night you came over and we listened to the final version of the last album?” he asked quietly. 

Zoe nodded instantly. “Yeah, and there was that surprise song,” she said. 

Jeff’s nod of agreement was hesitant. “Right.” He paused. “Well, it was a big surprise to me too. And for Seb and David.” 

“But you recorded it,” Maya said, not understanding what Jeff was trying to tell them. 

“Not that song,” he said. “David, Seb, and I… we’d never heard that song before, and two songs that we’d been told would be on the album were somehow left off because the files were damaged.” 

“What? But how?” Maya’s voice was sharp and Louna could tell she was beginning to realize what had happened. 

“We don’t know. All Pierre and Chuck could tell us was that the label needed the tracks and there was no time to get us involved to record something else,” Jeff told them. 

“So they just did it? They didn’t even ask you first? How was that fair?!” 

Jeff could hear the outrage in Maya’s voice and he shook his head. “It wasn’t fair, and Pierre and Chuck started to do a lot of things like that, which is why David and I weren’t happy with the band anymore.” 

“Is that why he left?” Zoe asked, her eyes wide as she gazed at Louna. 

“One of the reasons,” she replied, then glanced at Jeff. “But let’s get dinner first, then we can talk more about this, okay?” 

Both girls nodded solemnly, and that’s when Jeff and Louna knew they wouldn’t be getting off the hook so easily. Suddenly it was going to be a long evening, but there was no better time to explain what had happened. At least the anniversary would be good for something, even if it hadn’t made David come back.


	11. Part Eleven - The Wolf Whisperer

David frowned as he pulled into the small parking lot of the bar, seeing a government truck parked in the front space. An emblem for the ‘Department of Fish and Wildlife’ was emblazoned on the door panel and he couldn’t help be curious why they were there. It was the first time he’d ever seen agents in the area, and he instantly wondered if it had something to do with the wolf. He really hoped not. 

He drove around the building, parking next to Marcus’ jeep, and headed inside. He was an hour early for his shift, coming straight from the auto shop instead of going home for a quick twenty minutes or so. “Hey George!” he called, walking into the tiny kitchen. 

He looked up, smiling slightly. “Hey Frenchy.” 

“Can I get the vegan special?” he asked. 

He laughed, but nodded. “Comin’ right up. I’ll bring it out for you.” 

“Merci, s’il vous plait.” He ducked out of the kitchen then, and went for his usual place at the back corner table, but Marcus stopped him first. 

“Yo! Early?” 

He shrugged. “Figured I’d just eat here tonight. Want me to prep stuff while I wait?” 

“Nah, but you might need to talk to the fish feds… heard something about them tracking an animal north of Trout Lake. Think it’s out by you?” 

David’s stomach dropped to his knees. He hadn’t told anyone about the wolf, but what other animal could they have been tracking? How had the feds even found out about an animal in the area? His only slight relief was that Marcus had said ‘animal’ and not named it outright. But that only meant Marcus didn’t know. If the feds had tracked the animal, then they probably knew exactly what animal it was, and soon enough everyone else would know too. Fuck, he hoped it wasn’t the wolf. 

He shrugged. “Could be,” he finally replied. “But I doubt they’d appreciate me interrupting their dinner.” 

Marcus rolled his eyes. “Just go eavesdrop and butt in when necessary… aren’t you good at that?” 

David smirked back at him. “Depends on who you talk to,” he replied. He sidled away from the bar then, going to a table within earshot of the two wildlife agents. He was a bit surprised to see there was more than just the one officer he’d expected, but somehow it made sense that there were two officers on this case. A wolf was sort of a special circumstance, especially since this one had chosen to hang around for a few weeks. He settled back in the chair, glancing to the baseball game on the TV over the bar, and took a drink of his water, wondering how far the agents had tracked the animal, but then wondering if any of it related to what he thought it did. There was a chance this had nothing to do with the wolf, but somehow in his gut he knew that it did. There was a reason they had come to Halfmoon Bay, and a reason they were at this bar. He didn’t believe in coincidences anymore. 

“All I’m saying,” the woman agent told her partner, “is that if she was causing damage and hunting domestic animals, we would’ve had reports by now. She’s been here a month and there hasn’t even been one phone call.” 

“And I’m not refuting that. We’re just here to see if she needs help or if there’s something else going on. She shouldn’t have left the pack like she did,” the man replied. 

“But Shawn, her mate was killed. She could’ve been driven out by another pack member,” the woman said. 

David stared down at the table, hands wrung around the water glass and listening hard to their conversation. It was clear he would have no choice but to interrupt the officials. He just hoped it wouldn’t cause too much of a scene, and was thankful for only a few other patrons in the bar so far. 

“It just doesn’t add up,” the man said. “She would’ve tried to come back to the pack before giving up and leaving… all the data shows it happened overnight.” 

She sighed. “I know. I’ve studied it as much as you have… and neither one of us has any answers.” 

David cleared his throat then, turning in his chair to look at the officials; the woman met his gaze, but the man dismissed it. “Are you talking about the wolf?” he asked, keeping his voice low. 

Instantly the man’s gaze locked back onto him. “You know about the wolf?” 

Marcus, who had come over to top off the water glasses, paused at the table, raising an eyebrow at David. “The wolf at the lake?” 

“Not at a lake here,” the woman replied. “We tracked her from Spout Lake, where she left her pack… have you seen her here?” 

David stayed quiet, wanting to bide his time for the explanation, and also studying the interaction between Marcus and the woman. There was something in the way they’d just looked at one another he couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it seemed that the woman was holding Marcus’ gaze just a second too long. 

Marcus, however, didn’t seem to notice the look, and couldn’t hold his words back. “Wait, Spout Lake?” His eyes were intense as he looked at David. “That’s where we were…” 

“Is that where you saw the wolf?” The man, Shawn, asked. 

David remained silent. 

Marcus nodded slowly. “We were there the end of March… had a wolf encounter on the lake while we were fishing… thought for sure my husky was a goner… but he scared it off,” he said, tipping his head toward David. 

Shawn nodded. “And where’s your husky now?” 

“My place… off Redrooffs… why?” 

Shawn shook his head, looking at his partner. “Then she’s not after the husky…” 

“But she had to come here for a reason,” the woman said. 

“Hold on,” Marcus interrupted then, understanding suddenly flashing through his eyes. “Are you saying the wolf we saw at Spout Lake is here? You tracked it from there to here?” 

The woman nodded, turning in the booth. David could see her name badge then, but just the first initial and last name: K. Lancaster. “She must’ve followed you,” she said. “Took her about three weeks to get here and she’s just hung around the area. Mostly up north off Trout Lake road.” 

Marcus looked at David then, his gaze even more intense than before. “Seriously? Still gonna deny being the fuckin’ wolf whisperer? That’s gotta be by your place.” 

He gave a slight headshake, looking down at the table. “I’m really not,” he said. “I don’t know why she followed me.” 

The woman’s eyes brightened. “So you have seen Luna here?” 

David balked, looking up at her. “Louna?” 

Her cheeks flushed a bit. “Luna, after the moon… that’s what I’ve taken to calling her anyway.” 

Shawn looked annoyed. “Yes, Kate likes to name all the animals we take an interest in… surprised she hasn’t adopted one yet.” 

Kate rolled her eyes. “And Shawn is the heartless one, obviously.” She said the word pointedly, with an equally annoyed look at her partner. 

“Wait, dude,” Marcus said, still staring at David. “You saw the wolf? You _knew_ the wolf followed you and you didn’t tell anyone about it?” 

He shrugged. “What was I supposed to say? She hasn’t done anything… she’s not… after me. I’ve seen her like three times. Just a look, and that’s it.” 

Marcus and Shawn stared at him, incredulous. Kate’s gaze radiated curiosity. “So she’s kept coming back to see you? Have you engaged with her at all?” 

He shrugged again. “I’ve whistled at her… she howls back.” He glanced at Marcus. “That’s how I knew she was the wolf from the lake.” 

“Holy fuck, dude.” Marcus shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. 

David met Kate’s gaze, wondering what the wildlife agent would have to say. He knew the situation was entirely out of the ordinary. 

“She isn’t hurt or anything, is she? And you’re not giving her food?” she asked. 

“No, definitely not giving her food. And she isn’t hurt, that I can tell… just comes around every week or so, like she’s checking up on me,” he said, cracking a smile. 

Kate returned the smile, nodding. “Do you like wolves?” 

“I do,” he replied easily. “I visited a sanctuary in California once and it was amazing… they’re incredible animals.” 

“Hey, is there a bartender on duty?” George asked, walking over and setting a plate in front of David, the baked potato still steaming. 

Both David and Marcus looked back to the bar, where two people were waiting. “Shit… eat fast?” Marcus asked. 

David nodded as his boss walked off, leaving him with Kate and Shawn. He forked a mouthful of salad into his mouth, letting the potato cool a bit more before he touched it. 

Shawn still looked skeptical. “So you’ve had experience with wolves before… but that shouldn’t make a difference to a wild one,” he mused. 

“They’re intuitive,” Kate countered. “Just like how other domesticated animals know who to trust, any wild wolf would too. Luna probably could feel his intentions and knew he wasn’t going to harm her, like that asshole did her mate. And why would she stay with a pack who let that happen, and then stay in the same area after? She needed to go away; she needed to mourn… who knows why she followed him,” she gestured to David, “but clearly she’s here and it’s our job to check on her.” 

Shawn nodded. “And we will.” He looked at David. “When can we go to your place?” 

David shrugged, having not anticipated that question. He swallowed the mouthful of salad he’d been chewing and looked between the two agents. “Uh, whenever, I guess… I’m here for work til the bar closes tonight, but if you want to show up tomorrow morning, I’ll be there until noon or so.” 

Kate nodded with a smile. “That’ll be perfect. We’ll just put up a trail camera… see if we can get some pictures if she comes back.” 

He nodded, meeting her gaze apprehensively. “And that’s it? You’re not going to try to take her away or anything, are you?” 

“No, nothing like that. We’re trying to protect them and only intervene when the animals need help. If Luna’s just here because she needed to break from her pack, then that’s all we have to know. If she’s hurt, that’s another matter.” 

David’s nod was slow, suddenly understanding the wolf more than he’d first realized. There were no coincidences. This wolf, Luna, was definitely part of his journey now and he wondered what the next part would be for both of them, because he was certain he couldn’t predict it at all. 

****

# # #

Sun shone bright onto the dirt in front of Marcus’ garage and David wiped the sweat from his forehead again, dust smearing on his arm as he fought to weld the last piece of piping in place. He knew he was only hours away from completing the motorcycle and taking it for a test drive. He wanted to show up at the bar on it, but he wasn’t quite sure that would actually happen. He clicked the blowtorch off, holding the metal pieces in place and counting for half a minute in his head before slowly releasing his grip. The pipe didn’t shift, so he knew the weld was good. It was one of the many skills he’d learned the last few months; before this he would never have imagined knowing how to operate a blowtorch, much less perform a weld or solder, or fix any kind of motorcycle issue that wasn’t simply a spark plug or wound clutch. Now he knew how to do all of it, and Mike had even let him come on a few tow operations; he was a pro at rigging the chains and cables – oddly his stage rigging days of long past had helped with that. 

While he still waited for the fresh welds to cool, he drank half a bottle of water – the mid-June weather much warmer than was typical. He set the bottle aside after a moment and checked his phone. To his surprise there was a new message from Kate, the wildlife agent. After the agents had installed the trail camera at his house, directly below the kitchen window where he had always seen Luna, she had only been seen once. Kate surmised that while Luna wasn’t hurt or sick, there was definitely something different about her. Now, looking at the pictures Kate had sent him – captures from the trail cam with timestamps of seven that morning – he knew exactly what had been going on. Luna had been pregnant, and there were three small pups finally out of the den and cautiously exploring his backyard. Luna lie at the tree line, like she had before, and kept a watchful eye on the pups. 

He grinned, zooming in on the photos and looking at the small wolves, their fur a dark, thick fuzz, with too big ears and paws already. He swiped to the next photo, wishing he would’ve been awake to see the family, but somehow he knew this wasn’t the last time the pups would be in the yard. He texted Kate back once he’d scrolled through the other pictures. _Amazing! Guess I’ll be more careful getting home at 3AM :)_

Kate replied quickly. _Proceed with caution for sure. The pups will be wary and mom more protective, but you shouldn’t have to worry much yet. Looks like they’re four or five weeks old._

_And so cute! Keep sending me pics if you get more._ he told her. 

_Absolutely! We’ll need names too, once we know if they’re boys or girls._

David smiled, one name coming instantly to mind, but he didn’t suggest it yet. If Kate and Shawn came for another visit, probably to tag the pups if they could, then he’d offer name suggestions. After all, the wolves were still wild, even if they were temporarily living in his backyard. He smiled, scrolling back up to look at the pups again. He hoped there was a girl in the litter, because the name would be a perfect fit. 

He slipped his phone back in his pocket after another minute and tried to turn his attention back to the motorcycle, but he kept thinking about the new wolf family. Why had Luna traveled six hundred kilometers away from her pack to settle in his backyard and have her pups? It wasn’t just because she’d lost her mate. Or was it? She had broken from her pack – her so-called family that had cowered and hid while her mate had been killed – because she needed to start a new life. Didn’t that sound all too familiar? Maybe no one had died in a physical sense in his life, but the band had died an agonizingly slow, painful death. They’d been ripped apart from the inside, with the ‘alphas’ insisting things could still go on. He’d had to break away, before they’d all attacked each other and left nothing but bloody carcasses behind. As it was, the vultures had practically been circling, so he’d gotten out just in time. But what about Luna? Had the wolf known to come to him? Had she felt some intuition that he could be trusted? Was it his actions on the lake that made her feel safe and she’d sought him out over half the province? He would probably never know, but knowing that she and her pups were at least safe for right now brought him piece of mind, and he was glad that of all people, Luna had chosen him to track, because it seemed that now their journeys were linked together more than ever. 

He ran his hands over the motorcycle then, feeling the piping hold solidly together, and he knew it was time for the last stage of the rebuild: resetting the gas tank and running the line and fresh fluids. After that it was all cosmetic details on the bike, and he had already planned the color scheme for it, because he didn’t want it to be all black like their other bikes. He’d chosen a deep, slate gray for the tank, with a double band of pin striping in a lighter, more gray-blue color, with accents of metallic silver. The colors had looked brilliant on the computer model, and he was excited to see them in person. 

He drank the rest of his water, wiping his forehead again and glad he’d brought a few more bottles with him, because he was going to need them. His focus zeroed back in on the motorcycle then, hands and mind working effortlessly together as he carefully reattached the tank, then meticulously threaded the gas line in the machinery. It was arduous, but he’d practiced more than a few times with Mike, so he knew he could get it on the first try. 

Two hours later, his hands were nearly raw from twisting all the tubing and unscrewing and screwing the various nuts and bolts, but the line was laid, the tank attached, fluids were topped off, and now came the real test. He grabbed the can of gas he’d filled the day before, and emptied it into the tank. Carefully he primed the engine, shifting gears and keeping a watchful eye on the ground for any leaks. He checked the oil once more, to make sure nothing was leaking there, and finally he reached to start the engine. 

Click. 

He slammed his foot down again, but the engine refused to fire. He tried three more times, to no avail. What had gone wrong? He’d gone over every part, every line, every spark plug, and every screw. What had happened? Had he kinked the fuel line somehow? Plugged the oil filter? He glared at the handlebars in frustration, not knowing what could have gone wrong. But all at once the flash came to him – the untouched box he’d put on the workbench three weeks ago, because he knew it needed a full overnight charge before he used it – the battery. He hadn’t changed the old one out for the new one.   
He slid off the bike and walked into the garage, seeing the battery box on the workbench, and an extension cord next to it. Of course. 

He sighed; he wouldn’t get to ride the bike today, but maybe tomorrow. After six months of work, he could wait a little longer. He unpackaged the battery and hooked it to the charger, then turned to look back at the motorcycle. There was nothing left to do that day, and he didn’t want to tempt himself to ride early without full battery life, so he was finished. He cleaned up the tools, wheeled the bike back into the garage, and, after a few more minutes of stalling, finally got in his car to leave. 

He rolled the windows down as he pulled out of Marcus’ driveway, knowing the air conditioning would hardly get cool by the time he reached his place – it was one of the things he needed to repair on his car before he made the trip back cross country. He slicked his sweaty hair back as he pulled onto Redrooffs and headed north, absently humming along with the song on the radio. As the track faded and the next song came on, chills ran over David’s arms, and it wasn’t anything to do with the breeze in the windows. Instantly it was February three years ago and all he could remember was he and Louna speeding down the Pacific coast highway on motorcycles, with sunshine and ocean views everywhere they looked. He’d made playlists for them every day, and he had been obsessed with a few bands in particular, and somehow the track that had just come on the radio had stuck out to both of them, probably because it mentioned February and insinuated a blatant androgyny, which they both liked to play up in their more darkly humorous moments. 

He took a deep breath, the ocean air filling the car as he reached to turn up the volume. 

_Never thought I’d let a rumor ruin my moonlight_

All at once he heard her laugh, felt her hands sweeping over his shoulders, and smelled a hint of the flowery perfume that always kissed the back of her neck. He swallowed hard; how many times had he tucked his nose against the back of her neck, breathing in that same smell and losing himself in their wonderful little universe? It felt like he hadn’t truly missed her until now, and now all he wanted to do was reach out to her – to just hear her voice and know that they would be together again. How had a song dredged up all those memories that he’d so expertly repressed? His grip tightened around the steering wheel as he tried to focus on the road and not be completely sucked into the tidal wave of memories. 

Ten minutes later he pulled up at his place, mind still reeling through everything Louna. Her eyes, her lips, her hair, the way she crossed her legs while she slept, and how she always perfectly rolled her Rs and how that always added to how she pronounced his last name. And that was all he wanted to hear right then; he just needed her to say his name and he would know. 

He’d know whether it was time to go back yet, and if they’d survived his departure when he returned. Because wasn’t there a real possibility that he’d made the wrong decision all those months ago? What if their time apart had changed them for the worst? Would Louna even still love him when he got back? Would he still love her? He’d lived in his memories of her for the last year, but she had probably changed in his absence just as much as he had. Could they reconcile all that and reconnect with one another or would it all be for nothing? 

He sat in the car with the engine off and the windows down, staring into the forest beyond his backyard, and wondered what might become of his life when he finally returned to Montreal. He had never pondered it before, and now it was looming over him like an unexpected storm cloud. There was no real reason he hadn’t considered his return before, because it had seemed so far off. But now… Now it was within reach. He knew that he’d need to return before the end of the year. The sudden flood of memories with the song had been the first sign, and he couldn’t ignore the pull he felt. Louna was calling him to come back, and he didn’t want to deny her for much longer. He had to finally make his choice, because he didn’t want it made for him. 

****

# # #

Ugh, morning. He groaned, shifting over and snuffling back into the pillow, not sure what had woken him up from the deep sleep. It was another Sunday morning, after an exhausting late night at the bar. They’d been slammed until last call at two-thirty, and he hadn’t gotten home until after three-thirty, even having to help Marcus kick a couple completely shitfaced guys out at three before they could close and clean up. He’d appreciated the irony, because he vaguely remembered a few times of being escorted out of bars in the early morning hours after a few too many drinks. Perhaps it was his karma. 

He sighed into the blankets, opening one eye to squint at the bedside clock; 10:13 was just way too early for his eyes to be open. He pulled the blanket back up, burrowing into the covers, but his thoughts were already starting to spin; he probably wouldn’t get back to sleep. 

The last two weeks at the bar and auto shop had been tough, and Marcus had finally confronted him the night before. His decision was now imminent. The signs were getting clearer and clearer that his path was leading back to Montreal, and the email from Jeff the week before had solidified it even more. 

It was a surprise message from his friend, and even more surprising was the actual reason he’d emailed. There was a link to a one-off story, that had been a long time coming. 

_Chuck Comeau, officially solo  
Chuck Comeau, songwriter and producer, formerly of Simple Plan, announced Monday July 2nd he had officially terminated relations with his long-time songwriting partner, Pierre Bouvier. Comeau cited creative differences as the reasoning for the split. The duo’s separation comes more than a year after the break-up of their band, which dissolved abruptly after both guitarists Sebastien Lefebvre and Jeff Stinco quit. Simple Plan bassist, David Desrosiers, also terminated from the group, following rumors of his disappearance. While the rumors were never confirmed, Desrosiers remains absent from the Montreal music scene where his presence had been a constant. Comeau declined to comment on the whereabouts of his former bandmate, and reaffirmed that Simple Plan is a thing of the past. Bouvier could not be reached for comment regarding the announcement, however according to his website, he is working on new solo material. # _

When David read the brief, a sense of relief had come over him, knowing that what he had slightly feared, could no longer happen. He’d known that as long as Chuck and Pierre continued to work together, there would always be a chance that they’d come back to convince them for another shot; that the band deserved one last try; that they’d all thrown it away for nothing. Now he had the final reassurance that the ‘reunion’ would never happen. Chuck and Pierre’s friendship and work together had finally met its end, and there would be no recovery from it. ‘Creative differences’ had almost made him laugh. He could guess what had finally driven the pair apart, and it certainly hadn’t been their wanting to bring up and mentor new artists. He could only think that it had come down to money, just like everything had before. Pierre had never been happy splitting what he’d ‘earned’ and always wanted more. Perhaps his greed had finally cost him the friendship he couldn’t afford to lose, because everyone but Pierre knew that it was Chuck who had the talent and brains and motivation for success. Pierre’s charming façade would only get him so far, and David half smiled, thinking the singer would finally get his karma. It was just too bad he wouldn’t be around to see it. 

He’d closed the article then, grateful that Jeff had shared it with him, and knowing that it was finally time to break his vow of silence. The band threat had been lifted, and with the motorcycle finished and summer reaching its peak, he knew he was closer to coming home, and Jeff had more than earned a reply. 

He’d kept his response simple:   
_About time he wised up to what we all knew. Thanks for sharing.  
Guess we don’t have to worry about a reunion tour anymore!   
Hug the littles and tell Lou I love her. XX _

After he’d sent the message, he hadn’t checked his email for a week, almost too scared to see any reply from either Jeff or Louna, but there had been nothing bad – simple messages from them both that they missed him and were ready for him to come home. And just as he knew it would, the statements stirred all the emotions he’d been fighting to keep back. The homesickness was growing each day, as was his want to be with Louna. If he thought he had missed her that one weekend in June, he had been thoroughly mistaken. That had just been the start of it. Now it was a constant ache in his chest that he couldn’t get rid of, and tried hopelessly to fill with old pictures of her. He couldn’t ignore what was happening; how the signs were starting to come faster now, all pointing him back home. Jeff’s message had been the push to put him off balance with it, and Marcus had finally noticed the night before. 

After nearly two weeks of attempting to cover up his sudden desire for home, he’d failed miserably the night before and brought on the confrontation, though to Marcus’ credit he’d been subtle about mentioning the obvious. 

They’d finished closing the open tabs after last call, keeping an eye on two drunk guys at the pool table, and the song on the jukebox changed. Every song now triggered some memory for David, whether Louna was involved or not. This time it was an old Green Day song and it felt like a lifetime ago that he had actually _toured_ with the band. He’d played shows with them; jammed backstage in some shitty dressing room, and shared a bottle of wine with Billie Joe. What had happened? Why had they let the band fail so spectacularly? Had he really needed to run away from his entire life like he had? What had that accomplished? He was probably so hated in Montreal for simply disappearing… What would happen when he went back? Did Jeff and Louna actually miss him, or was that all an act to be dropped the moment he returned to town? Fuck. Where and when had everything gone completely wrong? 

“Dude,” Marcus interrupted his nonstop inner monologue, “is everything okay?” 

He shook himself out of the spiral. “Yeah, fine.” 

Marcus laughed. “And that I don’t buy… are you checkin’ out on me?” 

They met eyes and David chewed his lip, unsure how to answer. It took the barman half a moment to realize his friend’s hesitance. 

“Oh fuck… you’re ready to leave.” And it was clear the way Marcus said it that he didn’t just mean David was ready to leave because it was three in the morning and they were closing the bar. He could see that David was finally ready to get out of Halfmoon Bay and on with the rest of his life. 

David took a breath, the air halting in his throat. “I… am,” he confessed. “But I’m not gonna leave you hanging, okay? I promised you in January that I’d stick this out, and I will.” 

Marcus frowned. “David-”

He flinched at his name coming from the man’s lips because it sounded so foreign to him. 

“Dude, you don’t-”

He didn’t let Marcus finish the statement. “No, I made you a promise, and I’m keeping it. I’ll go home when the season’s over.” A crash came from the front of the bar then and they looked over to see one of the drunk guys on the floor, a tipped chair beside him and his friend laughing stupidly. He smirked as he looked back at Marcus. “I get the one still standing.” 

He scoffed. “Note to self, don’t hire has-been rockstars again… too fuckin soft.” 

David grinned. “Has-been rockstar has nothing to do with it… it’s hipster trash from Montreal you need to watch out for.” They shared a laugh as they left the bar, walking over to the drunk guys and hauling them out. Marcus locked the front door then and David grabbed the mop bucket to clean the bathroom, thinking the end of summer couldn’t come fast enough. 

Now, in the bright light of morning, he was rethinking his promise to Marcus. He’d avoided any further talk about his decision with his boss, because he wanted to keep his word, regardless of Marcus trying to convince him otherwise. But was that the right thing to do? He wasn’t so sure. Maybe, if Marcus really did want him to go, he’d take up the offer. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face; or not. He’d made it this far, what was another eight weeks? It was already mid-July and the season hadn’t lasted much past the middle of September the year before. He could make it eight weeks. Two months. It wasn’t that long, really. He’d been on tours longer than that, so this would be a cakewalk in comparison… right? He covered his face with his arms and pushed the doubts away. Yes. He could do this. He had no choice. 

He heaved a sigh and shoved the covers aside on the bed, rolling out of the cocoon and padding to the bathroom. He auto-piloted through his usual routine, grabbed his glasses and phone from the nightstand, and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He froze mid-step before he reached the sink, thankful he’d put on his glasses to see the sight out the window. 

Luna. 

She sat at the edge of the trees, just like she had before, but instead of her gaze going to the window, it was drawn to the side of the house, where David usually parked his car. He narrowed his eyes, realizing that he’d parked the motorcycle next to the SUV the night before. Usually he wheeled it close to the porch on the other side of the house, but last night he’d been too tired to bother. 

Luna shook her head then, mouth moving with what were probably calls to her pups. Wait – where were the pups? Was that what she was staring so intently at? Were they this close to the house? 

David stepped away from the kitchen window and took three steps over to the side window, looking out at the motorcycle and SUV, not believing what he saw. Instantly he held up the phone, swiping the camera open and bursting photos as fast as the shutter would click. All three pups were at the side of the house, but one little wolf had climbed up onto the seat of the motorcycle. The other two sniffed at the tires, then each other, then the motorcycle again. David grinned; the pups had now christened the bike. He swiped to video and hit record, staying silent as the two pups circled the motorcycle, looking up at their littermate who was still perched contently atop the machine. He had never seen wolves so curious before, especially since he knew how they were so fearful of change. If anything, the motorcycle should have made them warier of the house, not brought them closer to it. 

All at once the two pups beside the bike were in a scuffle, yipping and biting at each other as they fought for dominance of the space. Seconds later a louder call come from a distance – mama calling to the pups. The two wolves scrambled away from one another and the pup on the motorcycle bounced down and loped away, chasing after the other two. 

David stopped the recording, letting out a long breath. Finally, he had seen them in person. Not only that, but they had been so close. He laughed silently, shaking his head. A wolf pup on a motorcycle? He would never have believed it if he hadn’t seen it for himself, and he had pictures and video to prove it. Out of habit he opened the message app, wanting to share the moment with Louna, because she would appreciate it more than anyone else, but he stopped cold. 

He couldn’t send the picture or video to her, not only because it was too soon, but because he didn’t have her phone number anyway. He had deliberately not stored anything in the phone he borrowed from Marcus, to relieve the temptation of what he wanted to do right then. He closed the app with a sigh, knowing he could simply email her a photo or two, but it wouldn’t be the same. This moment would be just one more thing he would share with her when he finally got back. 

He stared at the motorcycle, the creamy blue-gray paint job shining in the sun. Why was it so important to maintain his distance still? There was no longer a threat of the band swallowing his life again, nor was he at all worried about being found out anymore. He was long past being recognized anymore – his semi-lumberjack physique had taken care of that. The long hours at the garden center and auto shop had toned muscles he’d never even noticed, and his body had changed – finally growing into what it was always meant to be like. He no longer had the lanky, sort of soft, hidden muscles. Now his back and chest and arms were firm and defined, his legs strong and hard, and his skin the darkest he’d ever seen it. The color he’d gained the summer before had carried over and was deepening now. Marcus joked that between his hair and skin, the natives might come to adopt him any day; David fired back that they’d have to fight his tribe back home. He brushed his hair behind his ears then, still thinking. 

Did he have to still stay out of contact with his friends and family now? He’d made that decision in the beginning to protect himself. He needed to make sure that he followed through with the path he’d chosen, but now it didn’t seem so important to stay on that course. What would be the worst that would happen if he reached out to Louna? He’d just want to see her much more than he did already, and it was already hard for his heart to take. 

He discarded the phone onto the coffee table and walked back to the kitchen, finally going to make coffee, and maybe have breakfast. But as he stepped back to the sink, he discovered that the wolves hadn’t left as he assumed they had. The family was together at the tree line, Luna lying on her side as the pups still nursed from her. One pulled away, stretching and shaking its coat then looking back to the cabin. David stared silently, still wondering why the wolf had followed him. There had to be a reason. 

He watched as Luna lifted her head and groomed the pup, her long tongue making short work of the baby’s fur. The pup shook itself again and David grinned, a vivid memory coming to him of when he and Louna had taken Abigail and Ella on a trip together. Abby had had no problems wearing the cute floral outfit Louna had chosen, but Ella had protested mightily, her dark eyes indignant. Louna had combed their hair into smooth ponytails, and handed each a hat to wear, but Ella had yanked the elastic from her head and tossed her hair, refusing to wear the hat. It had been at that moment precisely when David realized that Ella had received her aunt’s fiery independent streak, while Abby was a bit mellower like her mother. The fierce independence was only one reason he loved Louna so much, and it was amusing to see what she might’ve been like at five years old. The trip with the girls had been interesting, to say the least, and he and Louna had agreed to only do it again if Emadou was desperate for their help. 

And suddenly he didn’t just want to see Louna again, but also her sister, and the girls, and Louna’s parents. He knew that Louna’s father would probably be the most surprised to see how he’d changed. Although the man had never said it, David could always tell that he’d expected someone different for his daughter – maybe someone a bit more like himself. And funny how it had worked out that that’s who David had grown into. He hadn’t seen it at the time, but it was certainly evident now. He wondered then, what her father’s reaction would be when he returned: if he could accept that David had needed to leave and change, or if he would still think no one was good enough for his daughter. He smirked; probably the latter, because men like him never truly let go of the opinions they held, regardless of if the changes had actually been made. 

His eyes drifted back to the wolf family then, seeing the pups all stretched out beside their mother, napping in the sunshine after finishing their feeding. He frowned, thinking then of Luna losing her mate. Would she be able to raise the pups by herself? Would they all survive? Would she survive losing a pup after losing her mate? Animals felt emotional trauma just the same as humans, and he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have Louna taken away from him. 

His heart skipped, still hating himself for having done that to her. 

No matter how he justified it, or what he’d told himself, or written to her, he had left her just as coldly and emotionally vulnerable as if he’d died. He wasn’t sure what was worse to imagine: his sudden disappearance, or his sudden death. There was no good way to reconcile either, and somehow it made him realize that he did need to send Louna a message. She didn’t need a text or an email – she needed a sign. 

He needed to give her a sign that he had made up his mind, and that her waiting hadn’t been in vain. She deserved to know he was coming home – that his return was imminent, and they were reaching the end of this part of their journey. 

But what sign could he send her? What would let her know of his resolution? 

A chorus of yips broke him from his thoughts then, and he smiled as the pups tested their growing howls. They definitely sounded more like shrill puppy howls than the deep yowls that usually characterized a wolf’s howl. He listened closer then, almost hearing a harmony in the cries before they tapered off. He knew then what sign he could give to Louna. He glanced back at his acoustic guitar in the corner of the living room, glad he hadn’t yet given up music completely. He knew he’d probably never part with his instruments and music entirely, but they had definitely become his hobby and no longer his mainstay. 

Another howl rang through the air then and he looked out the kitchen window, seeing Luna on her feet, arching her back as she stretched, then called out to the pups. He watched the family fall in line and they disappeared through the trees, back into the forest and out of his backyard. He stared at the trees, sunshine filtering down through the branches as they moved with the wind. He blinked hard as he thought he caught a distinct gaze of golden eyes, but he knew it was probably just his imagination. He turned from the window a moment later, finally making the pot of coffee as he thought about the music he wanted to send to Louna. 

Should he just make her a playlist? Or should he do what he always did and record a few acoustic covers? He glanced at the guitar again, already knowing the answer, just not knowing what songs to do. They needed to be special, and relate to their relationship in some way. He couldn’t just pick out a few songs with ‘love’ in the title or anything. He smiled to himself, remembering a fateful trip they’d taken together a few years before that had ended up involving a too-long drive, a broken down car, a bus trip, and culminating in more than enough hours together. The only upside had been their cheesy sing-alongs with each other. He was sure he still had the videos saved to his computer, and maybe he needed to revisit those for a little inspiration. 

He settled on the couch a bit later, steaming fresh coffee in his mug and his laptop open to his music library. He scrolled through it absently, thinking over songs and moments and mostly just missing her. He wanted to see her more than he’d realized, even just the week before. He clicked play on a song and sat back into the sofa, taking a drink of coffee, thoughts drifting lazily in the quiet morning. How much had Louna changed while he’d been gone? Aside from the physical changes, because growing her hair out didn’t mean much and he knew firsthand about that. But what about how she felt about him? Did her heart still feel the same as his? How would they know if they’d grown too far apart? He didn’t want to waste a month, or six, or twelve trying to make things work with her if they’d both changed too much to be connected anymore. It wasn’t fair to either of them if that was the case, but how fair had it been to even ask Louna to wait for him during all this? It wasn’t at all. He’d had no right to make that request, but Louna had indulged and obliged him. And now they had to see if it was going to pay off. 

Fuck, he hoped it would. 

He couldn’t lose her. 

The song changed abruptly, a rough transition as the library was on a permanent shuffle so he never had to really choose his music, but the new song couldn’t have fit the theme better. Somehow the music program always knew. 

He set his coffee mug aside and reached for the dwindling pad of sticky notes beside the computer. He wrote down the titles of the two songs that had played, his mind still wandering through the memories of their time together. He had promised her that he would come back, and now he was fulfilling that promise, but the outcome still remained uncertain. He took a long drink of coffee, listening as another song played. It was slower, softer, but the lyrics more poignant. 

_I didn’t fool you, but I failed you. / In short, made a fool out of you, and a younger heart._

He stared at the mug, still torn with what he’d done to her. He thought he’d come to terms with his actions, and made peace with the departure, but these songs were showing him otherwise. 

_But perhaps I will come of age … and be ready for you._

Had he changed enough to go back now? Had he truly moved on from what his life had been for seventeen years? It was so hard to know if he was truly ready, but he couldn’t ignore the signs. They were finally there for him to read, and to feel, and he just didn’t want to fuck it up. 

He needed to do things right this time around, and he needed Louna to know that things would be different from now on. He couldn’t lose her. There was no way that after everything they’d been through they would simply throw it away. Their relationship held more than that. There was a reason she had chosen to wear the ring he’d left for her. Just as there was a reason he’d hung the wolf ring she’d given him from the rearview mirror in his car. There were unknown reasons that had brought them together and he would fight now against anything that tried to break them apart. He hadn’t been so certain of things in a long time, but the song had solidified his resolve that it would happen the way it was meant to, and he needed to let the universe guide him. It was finally time to stop fighting what his heart wanted, and let it go where it was meant to. He wrote the title of the new song then, a faint smile on his lips as he listened to the last line, and knew he was doing the right thing. 

_Didn’t they say that only love will win in the end?_

It was finally time to go back.


	12. Part Twelve - Send me up a Flare, Sailor

The cool breeze rushed in through the open windows and back door, the wind chime tinkling softly with the movement and Louna smiled, looking into her backyard where Yuki was stretched out on the cool grass. It was a hot, late August evening and she was sitting at her kitchen table, updating a spreadsheet on her computer while eating dinner and trying to cool the house off with open doors and windows. The summer had dragged along, with only a few trips out of town, and definitely more work than play. She’d earned too many overtime hours, and she knew the conversation she’d had the week before with her mother and Yanick, her mother’s business partner, would inevitably lead to a promotion. She wasn’t sure that she wanted more responsibilities at the firm, but she wouldn’t turn the offer down either. If anything, the promotion would ensure she stayed in Montreal instead of following David’s footsteps and running away to who-knows-where. However, nothing was certain. She had to get through this major project at work first, see what the outcome of it was, and then maybe the promotion conversation would continue. It was still a few weeks off, and for that she was grateful. 

She finished the spreadsheet half an hour later and uploaded the new file to her dropbox, taking a long drink of wine as she looked back outside. She laughed to herself, seeing Yuki sprawled on his back, his paws up in the air and his tail swishing lazily in the breeze. She wondered if she should join him; maybe after she finished dinner. She set the wine aside and picked up her plate, eating the quinoa salad and cold pickled beets, one of her favorite summertime meals. It always reminded her of camping trips with David a few summers ago, because he loved it as well, so they always packed containers of it for their moto trips. She finished the beets with a sigh. She’d been thinking of him more the last week because it was his birthday in a few days. It would be another milestone without him; the second birthday he’d been gone. Somehow that made the time he’d been gone seem much longer than it really was, even though it hadn’t been quite a year and a half yet. She hoped it wasn’t a full two years before he returned, but she had no way to know. 

The email he’d sent Jeff at the end of June had been the last time they’d had any sign from him. All she could hope for now was maybe another phone call from his sister, or more flowers on some special occasion. She wouldn’t let herself wish or hope for his abrupt reappearance, because that seemed like too much to ask for after the six-month silence. She’d rather have a little sign, a little heads-up that maybe he was closer to coming back and in a better place than when he’d left. She wanted him to be better, and happier, and have found the peace and solace for which he’d been searching. It would be cruel if he’d gone away and used all the time to gain nothing. She knew though, that it wouldn’t have been in vain. David would find what he needed, and probably in the most unlikely of places. That had always been something that surprised her – how they could both make something from nothing. Their shared knack for spinning a situation always proved amusing, and she hoped he’d kept that part of himself, because she couldn’t imagine him without it. 

As she set her empty place back on the table and reached for her wineglass, her eye caught on the notification box that had just popped up on her computer. Six new files had been added to her dropbox. She frowned, wondering who was working so late at night besides her. She opened the dropbox folder, her eyes scanning down the dates on the various folders to see which had been modified that day. She saw the one with the spreadsheet she’d added a half hour ago, then scrolled down. Her breath halted in her throat as she found the next folder. It wasn’t a work related folder – it was one of her personal ones, and there was only one other person she’d shared those folders with. She stared at the folder, the cursor hovering over the icon while her heart raced. She imagined him sitting in a café somewhere, adding the files to her folder and waiting while it updated, not knowing that she sat in her kitchen, watching the folder update in real time. This was the closet connection they’d had in months, but it was still so superficial. She felt like she’d walked past a payphone a minute too early, and the next person to pass intercepted the phone call that was meant for her. She shook her head; what the hell was she even thinking about? 

She clicked the folder, opening it to see what had been added, and her heart leapt. Music files. He’d recorded more songs for her. A grin spread over her face and she could feel the electricity race in her skin as she saw a picture had been included with the files as well. David had gone all out with this offering. She opened the picture first, and grinned more as she saw the image of a wolf pup and a motorcycle – her two favorite things. It seemed that the image hadn’t been photoshopped, and she wondered how she’d never run across it before. She shrugged the question off and read the text overlaid on the image – a track listing and title of sorts. “Covers 2018 – For the Return” was the main heading, and five titles were listed below it, but her breath stopped on the last one. 

“Comin’ Home” 

All at once she was in the car with him, driving back from some show the band had played in eastern Canada and they were singing that song together. They’d just passed into Quebec and couldn’t have predicted the rest of their trip to get back to Montreal, because it had been a doozy. David’s mp3 player had gotten quite the workout that trip, and they’d listened to this particular song more than a few times. 

She read through the track listing again, thoughts spinning wildly in her head as she realized the message David was actually sending her with the songs: he’d made up his mind, and he was going to come home. Her excitement plummeted as fast as it had risen; when was he actually coming home? She scoured the picture, but there was no hint or clue to tell her of his plans. These songs were only the first step of it; his small sign to her that he was going to follow through and fulfill his promise. She raked her teeth over her lips, still staring at the song titles. He’d chosen these songs for particular reasons. She remembered how carefully he put together playlists and mixes for her before, so she knew there was more in these songs than met the eye. Was she ready to listen? She was ready to have him back, that she definitely knew. She closed the picture and moved the cursor to open the first song, but she stopped. 

She couldn’t do this alone, and she knew there was someone else who’d be just as excited to hear the songs and know David was going to be on his way home; hopefully Em hadn’t insisted the girls go to bed early that night. 

Half an hour later, after a flurry of texts with Emadou, Louna arrived at her sister’s house. She pulled into the driveway and quickly headed inside, her computer tucked safely into her backpack. She pulled off her helmet and glanced at her motorcycle in the driveway while she waited for the front door to open; Em hadn’t told the girls she was coming over, and she wasn’t quite sure why. That question was answered a second later as Emadou slipped outside to join her on the porch, closing the door silently behind her. 

“Are you sure about this?” she asked her sister in a hushed tone. 

Louna frowned, not understanding the question. “What?” 

“Sharing this with Ella… I don’t want her hopes up thinking David’s coming back tomorrow, when it could be weeks or months still. I know you’re excited to share this with her, but I…” she trailed off, her eyes wistful. 

Louna deflated, seeing then exactly why Emadou didn’t want her daughter’s hopes raised. It was entirely possible that David could remain gone for awhile longer, be it another few weeks or even months, like Em had suggested. There was no justification to subject Ella to that. Louna had hardly realized the implications herself, too caught up in her own emotions at David’s gift to see the reality of what was there. Of course her sister was right. But that didn’t stop her wanting to still share the songs with Ella. 

She wrung her hands around the helmet strap, looking down at her chipped, gray nail polish in the dim porch light. “Can she just listen to them with me? With us?” she asked, looking up at her sister hopefully. “And we don’t have to tell her why he sent them, or anything… we’ll just listen and that’s it.” 

Emadou sighed, knowing Louna wouldn’t relent without a fight. “How many did he send?” she asked after a moment. 

“Five.” 

She nodded to herself. If they listened to all of them, Ella would realize why David had sent them. Her daughter was much smarter than she gave her credit for, and she was glad Ella had strong figures in her aunt and grandmother to look up to. “You can listen to three… but I get to choose them,” she finally said. 

Louna smiled slightly; it was a better deal than nothing. 

They went inside together a minute later and Louna settled in the family room while Em went upstairs to get Ella. She opened her computer and clicked the folder to bring up the music files. She didn’t want to show Ella the picture anymore, because for sure she would see the ‘Comin’ Home’ title and have more questions. Emadou was right; they could listen to a few songs together and reassure Ella that he was still thinking of them, even if he hadn’t come back yet. 

Footsteps skipped down the stairs and into the family room, Ella’s face bright as she beelined to Louna, giving her an enormous hug. She couldn’t help grinning – it had been almost two weeks since she’d seen her nieces, and clearly that was too long. The summer was flying past with too much work and not enough of anything else. It hadn’t been until David left that she realized he’d always planned their ‘play’ trips. He always had a ride to go on, or show to see, or some suggestion of where to travel to next, and Louna had always been up to go along. Without him, she’d stuck to the same five or six rides around the city, and those hadn’t even varied much while she was with Jeff. God she needed a change. 

She smoothed down Ella’s dark hair, smiling and vowing to see the girls more often the next couple months. “Hi sweetie,” she greeted her, gently breaking the hug after a long moment. 

Ella smiled, looking up at her. “Mama said you have a surprise for me.” 

She nodded. “I do… I got something earlier today and wanted to share it with you.” 

Emadou walked in then, giving her sister a stern look as she sat down in the armchair at the side of the couch and picked up the computer. 

“Mama’s gonna show us, okay?” Louna asked. 

Ella frowned, looking doubtfully at the computer. “What is it?” 

“You’ll figure it out,” Louna reassured her, guiding her to sit beside her on the couch. “Just listen, okay?” 

Ella glanced up at her, excitement in her eyes. “Is it music?” she asked, voice hopeful. 

She smiled back. “Just listen,” she said again. 

Ella instantly pressed back into the sofa, snuggling beside Louna and linking their fingers in a handhold. Louna tucked her head to Ella’s, extremely glad she’d come over to share this moment together. It would make it easier and harder all at once, but she knew it would be worth it. 

A quiet moment passed while Emadou stared at the computer screen, then finally moved her finger over the touchpad to choose a file. It opened and a soft guitar strum came from the speakers. She turned the volume a little louder and looked back to her daughter and sister, wondering what would come of tonight, and if David’s promise would really come true in the end. 

His voice came on then, and Ella gasped, looking up at Louna, her eyes wide. “David?” she whispered. 

Louna nodded, pulling Ella a little closer and kissing her forehead instead of replying. David’s voice crooned through the speakers, a little rougher than it had been, but unmistakable all the same. She closed her eyes, listening intently to the song she knew so well, and pondering why he’d chosen it. Perhaps she’d know in time, but tonight she just needed to hear his voice and know that he was still thinking of her. He’d given her songs to hold onto now until he came back, and she wasn’t going to waste any more time without him. 

****

# # #

David pushed the mop bucket back into the closet of the back room, then quickly washed his hands in the kitchen sink. He was definitely not going to miss cleaning the bathrooms of the bar, nor the sight of puke-soaked paper towels in the garbage. He smirked; it was the little things. He walked back to the bar, wondering if Marcus had already closed both the tills, or if he’d be doing that one last time too. He came around the corner and instantly raised an eyebrow. Marcus leaned against the back counter, two shot glasses and a bottle of top-shelf whiskey next to him. David shook his head as he walked over to the barman, the memories of last September rushing into his mind. 

Thank god Marcus had discovered his secret – found out who he really was, and confronted him about it – it was the only way he’d been able to make it through this far. Marcus had known then how to help him, and they’d been able to work through it together. Thinking back on it, David felt so silly about how scared he’d been. He’d thought for sure that he would be fired for lying about his past and himself, but those lies had somehow tightened their friendship. They both shared having to start their lives over, and David was forever grateful for the forces that had brought him to Halfmoon Bay and to Marcus’ bar. There had been reasons for everything that had happened the last year and a half, and he hoped the last missing piece would still be waiting for him in Montreal. 

“Remember that night?” Marcus asked him. 

David stopped at the counter and looked at the whiskey bottle, nodding slowly. “Absolutely.” 

“Still think I should’ve fired you?” he asked with a smirk. 

He laughed. “No… I know better now.” 

“You sure about that?” 

They looked at one another, David knowing what Marcus was really asking, but the answer wasn’t going to change. He was ready to go home; ready to put together this new life he’d built for himself and see if it really would work out. And, more than anything, it was time to see if what he’d left in Montreal could still fit into his new life, because there would be a lot more to lose for him there if it didn’t work, and he wasn’t prepared to drive back across the country if things went bad. 

“Yeah,” he finally said after a minute. “I’m sure.” 

Marcus smiled and poured the shots then. “Just checkin… so here’s to you packing your car tomorrow, and not showing up for work.” 

David laughed and lifted the shot, tipping it to Marcus’. “And the long-ass drive back to Montreal.” 

They grinned at each other. 

“Salud.” 

“Salud.” 

They slammed the shots, discarding the glasses back to the bar and staring at the upturned chairs. It was surreal that this night had finally come, because it seemed not too long ago that David had doubted ever getting to the point of wanting to go back. He knew that the official split of Pierre and Chuck’s friendship had been his turning point, and how fucking sad and ridiculous was it that two other people had controlled his life and happiness so much? And how he hadn’t truly realized it, until it was much too late. How naïve he’d been. 

Now he knew what it actually was to live his life, and not have someone else dictate it. He was finally free to do all the things he wanted, and not have to worry about any protocols, other than what was expected of society. He smirked to himself; society’s expectations were low compared to the standards the band leaders had held. 

Marcus pushed up from the bar a second later, wiping his hands on the towel over his shoulder. “Know what time you’re comin’ over for the bike?” he asked. 

David shook his head. “No… not really on a solid timeline tomorrow. I’ll text you when I’m on my way though.” 

Marcus nodded. “All right… I’ll be around til four.” 

David half smiled. “Well then I guess it’ll be before that.” 

He laughed. “Yeah, just give you a little more incentive to get that six o’clock ferry back to the mainland.” 

The sarcastic note in Marcus’ voice on the last word made David laugh again, moreso because it was a subtle dig at all the patrons who just assumed they were on an island because they’d taken a ferry. He could hear Marcus’ snarky comeback instantly; “It’s a peninsula, thank you very much. Water on three sides, not four.” David was thankful he’d never made that mistake, since he’d actually looked at a map and not just blindly gone along with things. 

“Guess that’ll do it,” he said with a nod. 

“You stayin’ in Vancouver for the night, or…?” 

He shrugged. “Just gonna depend on what’s what tomorrow.” 

Marcus nodded. “Sometimes it’s better not to have a plan… just go with the universe.” 

David smiled. “Tell me about it.” 

The next morning, David was up at ten, despite not getting to sleep until after 3:30. It was just as well; he had a lot of shit to do. The first two hours he was up, he spent packing his car with the few belongings he’d accumulated. There wasn’t much more than what he’d come with, but a couple boxes and an extra suitcase of clothes took up more space than he’d planned for. 

When things were finally packed, he went inside to clean. He’d borrowed the supplies from Rich and Greta so he didn’t have to throw away or pack those too. He shook his head as he mopped the bathroom and kitchen, having vivid flashbacks to cleaning his house before he’d left. It had felt so empty – so lonely. He’d hardly been living there; just existing. The only times there had truly been any life in the house was when Louna and Yuki were there. 

David blinked hard and glanced out the kitchen window. He hadn’t thought about Yuki in ages, or at least not since the last time Louna had sent him some random picture, but he could hardly remember when that might’ve been. Thinking of Yuki made him realize that he hadn’t seen the wolf family for a few weeks. It had been a random Friday evening when they’d last been around, David seeing them at the trees when he’d driven in from work at the auto shop, before heading to work at the bar. The wolves had been languishing in the quiet evening, sprawled on the grass in the lowering sun. But as soon as his tires hit the gravel of the parking strip, they’d bolted into the cover of the trees, protecting themselves from the oncoming predator. He’d sighed and climbed slowly from the car, shutting the door quietly. He’d hoped they would’ve learned he wasn’t a threat, but he knew it would never happen. They were wild, and he had to let them be. 

He stared out the window, wondering where they were; if the family had moved on to a different place. He wasn’t certain about the migration patterns of wolves, except that they followed food sources, and he couldn’t imagine there were many more deer or elk around for them to hunt. It was definite wishful thinking on his part, but he hoped to get one more glimpse of them before he left, because he knew somehow they were part of his journey too, and he wanted to have a proper goodbye. 

He tore his eyes from the window after a moment and finished mopping the house, focusing instead on the music coming from his laptop. He hummed and sang along while he worked and before he realized it, it was just before two o’clock. He finished cleaning the windows and counters in the kitchen, did a quick scrub in the bathroom before he showered, and then finally emptied the fridge. He’d thrown most everything away, and what he wasn’t taking for the first part of his trip, he was giving to Rich and Greta for the bed and breakfast. 

He packed up quickly, keeping an eye on the clock now. The last things into his car were the bag of groceries, his travel duffle, and his backpack with his laptop. He walked back into the small cabin after the few items were loaded, and let his eyes sweep the walls and rooms, unsure when he’d ever see this place again. His throat tightened; this had felt more like a real home to him than any place he’d been the last few years. 

Fuck. 

Now all the doubts and fears came at him, asking if he was making the right choice. Was he ready to go back to Montreal? Or did he just miss Louna so much now that it had clouded his judgment? 

No; no matter how much Halfmoon Bay had felt like home it had never truly been home without her. Her smile and laughter and spirit were what his real home needed, and it was more than time to get back to them. 

He stepped back onto the porch then, closing the front door quietly and locked the deadbolt, the key slick in his sweaty palm. There was a reason he was leaving; a reason why he was going back. He’d made a promise, and it was time to fulfill it. God, he hoped he could. 

He turned away from the door, heading down the steps and to his loaded SUV, reflexively looking back to the trees as he passed the front bumper and he froze. 

Luna stared at him from the tree line, her golden eyes intense. This was the closest they’d ever been, and she wasn’t bolting. She merely sat, watching him. David tightened his grip around the keys. Could she sense he was leaving? That this was going to be the last time they saw each other? He still didn’t know how or why they were connected. It was the one mystery he’d yet to figure out, but he couldn’t stay any longer to try to solve it. It was time to go. 

She threw her head back then, a heart wrenching howl splitting the silence of the peaceful afternoon and piercing David’s chest. He’d heard the same desperation before, and he knew it was because of him. He closed his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her. “I have to go.” 

He slipped around the car, scrambling into the driver’s seat and starting the engine. Luna stayed at the trees, howling again as David backed down the driveway. His heart twisted beneath his ribs and blood was hot in his face, but he knew he couldn’t stay. He had to say goodbye, and hope for the best. 

His goodbyes with Rich and Greta were somber, and he promised he’d come visit sometime, because he knew he’d be back eventually. After the last year, Halfmoon Bay would be with him forever. That would never change. 

He pulled into Marcus’ driveway, emotions heavy on his shoulders, and he stared at the open garage doors. He was really leaving. Picking up the trailer and motorcycle was the last thing, and then it would be time to head east. How strange that his life seemed to continue on trajectories of cardinal directions. He’d been headed west for so long now, chasing every sunset, that it seemed incongruent to now turn around. But he had to; he had no other choice. 

He carefully steered his SUV, backing up to the garage so they could hitch the trailer and not even a minute after he shut the engine off, Marcus was out his front door, striding over. He swallowed hard; there was no way he could ever thank or repay Marcus for what he’d done for him, and he didn’t want this to be their goodbye. 

Marcus grinned as David climbed out of the car. “Cuttin the time close, dude,” he teased. 

He smiled weakly. “Always pushing the boundaries,” he retorted. 

He laughed. “No shit. Let’s get you loaded up and outta here, yeah? Start this drive off right.” 

He nodded, grateful for his friend’s nonchalance. If Marcus was feeling anything about their upcoming goodbyes, he was doing an excellent job of hiding it, but then, David knew he’d always been a bit more sensitive. It was his emotional streak that was both a detriment and an advantage to his relationships. He still struggled with it both ways, but it wasn’t often anymore that it got the best of him. He just hoped that it would stay true now; he didn’t want Marcus’ last memory of him as an emotional wreck. 

They made short work of hitching the small trailer to the SUV, then loaded up the motorcycle. Mike had given David the old trailer, along with blankets and straps, and Marcus had an old tarp they’d use as the final cover. They strapped the lines carefully, anchoring the bike down first, then adding the blanket over it for some protection. The last piece was the tarp over the trailer, which they tied to the corners before adding one final cross strap. 

Marcus looked at his watch when they were finished, seeing it was twenty to four. He looked back at David, a hint of a frown on his face. “I guess that’s it then,” he said quietly. 

“Looks like it,” he replied, not knowing how to say this goodbye. He didn’t want to. He knew he’d be back, and he’d told Marcus as much, but it didn’t make it any easier. 

“David, I”

He looked up, shaking his head. It was still too strange to hear Marcus call him ‘David.’ Something about it just didn’t fit. “No,” he interrupted. “I’m going to be back, and we’ll text and… whatever.” He waved a hand, taking a step toward his friend. “Dude, you have given me so much this last year, and I can’t thank you enough for it. I don’t think I would’ve figured anything out without your help, and to know someone else who’s started life over and been able to make it through that…” He cracked a smile then. “And for seriously not firing my ass when you found out my secret and my past and all that shit…” 

Marcus nodded slowly, a half smile on his face. “I have to admit, things made way more sense once I finally knew who you were… not that it would’ve changed anything.” 

“You think?” David’s voice was doubtful.

He smirked. “Like you said… rockstar had nothing to do with it. I already liked you for the hipster trash you were.” They laughed. “Which is why this sucks so goddamn much,” he continued. “You’re one of my closest friends and I just have to…” He shook his head, sighing. “I want you to go, but I don’t. That sound fuckin’ crazy or what?” 

He shook his head. “Not at all… I keep thinking the exact same thing.” 

Marcus smiled and grabbed him in a hug. “M’gonna fuckin’ miss you, dude.” 

He returned the embrace, nodding. “Me too.” 

They pulled away a moment later and Marcus pushed him toward the car. “Now get the hell outta here,” he said. “Your fair maiden awaits.” 

David grinned, glad that it wasn’t an overly emotional departure between them, and opened the car door. Indeed, he did have to find out if he still had a girlfriend, or fiancée, or anything, because if there was one thing that he’d learned from starting over, it was that everything in life would always be unpredictable. However, if he paid a little more attention to the universe, the tides wouldn’t rock the boat quite as much. 

“See you when I see you?” he called to Marcus. 

The barman nodded, giving a little wave. “Send me up a flare, sailor. Godspeed.” 

He grinned and dropped into the driver’s seat, ready to finally head east and chase every sunrise along the way. 

****

# # #

The afternoon sun glinted off the river and David counted three barges chugging through the waterway. It was one of the most typical late September afternoons in Montreal, famous for their Indian summers that could last into October if they were lucky. Today the sunshine meant he could ditch his SUV at his house and surprise Louna with the motorcycle (and his return to town, but he didn’t want to be too presumptuous). 

Finally, after the last eastbound stretch of highway, he hooked north and took the exit for Mont Royal. And all at once it was like he’d never left. The shops and streets were still the same, the parking a nightmare on the street, and the same hurried faces of all the bustling pedestrians. The city hadn’t cared that he’d been gone, that his band had broken up, and that he’d started his life over. The city had carried on without him, and he hoped that his family and friends had too. 

He wound through the streets and neighborhoods and pulled up to his house a few minutes later. It looked just like he’d left it – the landscape maintenance company probably thought he was just always gone when they came over. He laughed to himself, little did they know. And maybe now he could let them go and start doing his own yardwork. Working at the garden center had given him a greater appreciation for the plants and trees, and the sad state of his overgrown front yard seemed embarrassing now. He shook himself from the thoughts and carefully pulled up the street a little further before backing up into the driveway. He shut the car off, then glanced up to the visor, wondering what he’d done with the automatic garage door opener – he’d ditched it in the car somewhere on the drive to Vancouver; too many memories of the home he’d been running away from had kept haunting him, so he’d tossed the remote into the backseat and forgotten about it. He shrugged it off and took the keys from the ignition, then retrieved another set of keys from his glove box – his long-buried house keys. 

The deadbolt turned over easily as he let himself in the front door, squashing all the flashbacks his brain wanted to dredge up of the night he’d left, and stepped inside. The musty smell overwhelmed him and he coughed, waving his hand in front of his face and trying not to breathe. He’d definitely have to open the windows and air the place out while he went to see Louna. He left the front door open and walked through the kitchen to the garage door, but stopped before opening it. He stared at the kitchen table, which was covered with a noticeable layer of grime. He looked around the kitchen and back into the living room, finally seeing that a thick dust had collected on every open surface. The dust practically mocked him then, floating in the lone sunbeam coming through the kitchen window. Now he understood why people always put sheets on their furniture in the movies, because this was a mess he was not going to tackle tonight. He shook his head, thinking about his couch, and then his bed; maybe he could stay at Louna’s… if she didn’t kick his ass to the curb. He made a face; there was always his car, or maybe even Jeff’s couch. 

He slipped into the garage then, pressing the button to raise the door, and he glanced to the random tools he’d left. He could probably get rid of half of them now. In fact, he could probably get rid of most everything he’d put in storage before he’d left. He hadn’t needed any of it for nearly two years – why would he need it now? He looked back at the door he’d just come through; why the hell hadn’t he just sold his house? Did he really think he’d want to live here again? He hadn’t been ready to let it go when he’d left, but now he was. Now he wanted to be rid of everything that had weighed him down for so long, but he could deal with all that later. Right then he had to get things unloaded and get downtown before the offices started to close. He smiled to himself; she wouldn’t be expecting this at all. 

An hour later he had everything unloaded from his car, shoved into hasty stacks against the garage walls. He unloaded the motorcycle, parked it on the sidewalk, and backed the trailer into the garage before unhitching it. He left his SUV parked in the driveway, going back through the house to close the garage door. He stopped in the kitchen, opening the only drawer he knew he’d left anything in, and stared at the sack of storage keys for just a moment. It felt like a lifetime ago that he’d thrown them in the drawer. So much had changed since he’d left, and he knew that even though it was all for the better, things would never be the same. 

He pushed the drawer shut with a sigh and walked away, going through the house to open a window in each room, and then finally back out the front door, locking it behind him. He wasn’t sure if he’d be back later or not, and he really didn’t care. He slung on his old leather jacket, pulled his too-long hair into a small ponytail, and tugged on the plain black helmet he’d gotten in BC. His sunglasses went on last and he knew that there was no way anyone would recognize him, not that anyone was probably looking for him anyway. He slid onto the bike, kicking it to life; now he really had the anonymity he’d always wanted. 

He ripped down the street on the motorcycle, the gears shifting effortlessly and the engine humming smoothly. Even Mike had been impressed with his rebuild job on the bike, and he couldn’t wait to share it with Louna. 

The streets flew past in flashes of color and trees and glimpses of the lowering sun, and the nervousness he’d felt at the beginning of the ride faded. No matter what she decided, how she felt about him – about them – he would be okay with it. He had survived starting his life over and searching for a new career (he couldn’t forget he had an interview at a shop the next Tuesday – the brilliance of online résumés and applications), so if Louna truly didn’t want to be with him any longer, then he could survive that too. He just had to find out the answer first. 

He circled the block where her office was, looking for her motorcycle, but then finally spotted her car parked in the alley lot. He parked the motorcycle at the back of it, took his helmet off, then headed around the building to go inside. This was going to be it. He was sure they’d know as soon as they saw each other. 

He slipped through the office door and set his helmet on one of the open chairs, the receptionist raising her eyebrows slightly. He didn’t recognize her, which would be good or bad. He tried his luck, glancing back to where Louna’s desk had been, but a guy was seated at the work station. 

“Sir? Can I help you?” the receptionist tried to get his attention. 

David glanced at the next workstation, and instantly recognized the woman who’d been one of Louna’s close co-workers. Her face was painted with shock; she definitely knew who he was. He smiled, thinking it was a good sign, and looked back to the receptionist. 

“Is Louna in?” he asked. “I’m just dropping by to say hi.” 

She frowned. “She’s in her office,” she said, gesturing to the middle office at the back of the building. “But really-” 

David walked away before she could finish the sentence (“you should have an appointment…”) and covered the office in a few long strides, flashing a smile at the still-shocked co-worker. He stopped just shy of the doorway, seeing Louna staring intently at the computer screen, and took a moment to gather himself. Everything and nothing had changed; so here went nothing. 

He stepped into the doorway, looking out the window into the city, and smiled. “You know, before I left you swore you’d never have an office back here… so what changed?” 

Louna froze, her fingers still poised on the keyboard as she stared straight at the monitor, not believing the voice she’d just heard. Was it for real? Was she asleep in her office and dreaming? Was she finally having a major psychotic break and hallucinating her deepest fantasy? 

God she fucking hoped not. 

She inhaled unsteadily, her lungs stuck behind her thundering heart. This had to be real, but how could she make sure? How would she know? Maybe whatever dream this was would be better than the reality, but if it was reality then holy. Fucking. Shit. 

She turned her head just slightly, staring hard at the floor where he stood in the doorway. The thrashed, black Doc Marten boots weren’t enough to reassure her, and neither were the worn blue jeans, but she did notice the pants fit differently than she remembered. His body seemed thicker somehow, more muscular than she’d seen and no longer the skinny stork legs. 

Oh fuck – the jacket. 

She gazed at the hem and cuffs of the jacket, somehow still able to smell it on him, and she could see his hands seemed rougher. They were no longer the hands of a musician who’d never truly worked. No, his hands had changed, and she knew then that he had as well, but she didn’t care. The only thing that mattered in that moment was that he had fulfilled his promise. He had finally come home, and she had to make her decision. She met his eyes, his gaze hopeful and a little scared all at once; he felt the same. 

“David.” 

His name came out in a rushed whisper, and before he could say anything in reply, she was up from her desk and in his arms, her hands reaching up around his neck as their eyes met. 

“You’re really here?” she asked, her voice quiet. 

“Yeah,” he replied, smiling softly and pulling her closer. “I really am.” 

It was all she needed to hear. She leaned forward into him, their lips crashing in a heated kiss. God she had waited for this moment. She had imagined so many times how David would come back, how he would make some grand gesture or entrance, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her into oblivion. Never once did she see it happening like this. She had never thought of him simply walking into her office, nonchalantly interrupting the end of her work day, with the simple question of when she’d been promoted. She realized in the middle of the kiss that she’d never answered his question of what had changed; everything and nothing, she’d thought, but now she knew it really was everything. 

Everything had changed. She had, he had, and all their lives had. Did she still love him? Want to be with him? Continue to wear his ring on her left hand? She had no idea. All she knew was that he was there, and she didn’t want to let go of him for anything.   
The kiss ended a moment later and they stared at each other, foreheads leaning together as they caught their breaths. 

“Fuck,” David said after a pause. 

“Yeah…” Louna echoed his sentiment, her hand still twisted around his hair as she became hyperaware that they were still standing in her doorway, and in plain view of everyone in the rest of the office. David raised an eyebrow, following her gaze to her staring co-workers. She grinned wickedly after a moment, then pulled him into her office and shut the door. She couldn’t have cared less what her co-workers would say; she’d heard it all before. 

David smirked. “Is this the part where we bang against the door and pretend to have sex for ten minutes or should we give them the real thing?” 

She raised an eyebrow at him, deeply amused. “Why use the door when I have a perfectly good couch?” she asked, pushing him toward it. 

He laughed and shook his head, backing up into the room as Louna continued to advance on him. Seconds later his legs collided with the furniture and down he went, Louna easily straddling his lap. He ran his hands over her hips and down her ass, squeezing it lightly as she leaned into him again. The kiss was more intense than the first – that one had been driven with pure shock, and this one held all the emotion from the last year and a half. God it had been a lifetime since they’d last kissed, and all the anger and heartbreak and desire were flooding to the surface as she finally had David back in her grasp. She truly hadn’t realized how much she had missed him – had just wanted him back so badly – until this moment. She had been so scared that he wouldn’t come back. Her worst fear was that he would never actually return, so she’d locked those feelings away. She’d shut them out and poured herself into everything else in her life. And now… Now David was here. He had come back to her, ready to be with her again, despite all the time and doubt and fear. 

“Oh, Lulu…” 

His quiet voice broke through her thoughts and she realized that the kiss had long since stopped. David was holding her, one hand strong on her shoulders and the other light on her hair. She was crying, and she couldn’t help it. She grabbed his jacket, pushing closer and burrowing against him. He yielded, sinking lower on the couch and enveloping her in his arms, their heads nestled together. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he apologized quietly. 

But Louna didn’t want an apology. All she wanted was him. 

“I just didn’t know if you’d come back,” she murmured, her voice breaking as the tears continued. She hated to admit it to him, but it was better for him to know. She hadn’t wanted to wait for him forever, and in that dark part of her mind, she truly had been terrified that she would’ve been. 

“But I told you, I-”

“I know,” she said, cutting him off. “It’s just been so long…” 

David nodded slightly, then pressed a kiss to her temple, knowing there was nothing he could say that would erase the time he’d been gone. He couldn’t change what had happened, and he hated to see the heartbreak he’d put her through, but now they could move on together. He just hoped that would be what she wanted too. 

A knock came at the door then, and was opened without waiting for a response. Louna froze against David, and he turned his head to stare at the doorway. 

“Louna, Margot said someone-” Julie stopped in mid-sentence as her eyes met David’s and she finally saw her daughter. Shock paled her face. “David?” Uncertainty was thick in her voice. 

“Julie,” he greeted her. 

“When did you…?” She blinked hard, trying to comprehend the situation. 

“Just today,” he replied easily. “Close the door?” 

Julie didn’t question the request, merely closed it and walked closer to them, concern in her eyes. “Where have you been?” 

“British Columbia,” he answered, figuring it was easier to tell the truth now than to keep brushing off the questions. 

She stared at him incredulously. “Doing what?” 

“Working… at a bar, and a garden center, and an auto shop.” 

Her concern turned to surprise then. “But you-” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake do you have to do this today?!” Louna sat up, angrily brushing tears from her cheeks as she stared exasperatedly at her mother. “He just got back!” She shook her head, sliding off of David and standing up, brushing her hair back and taking a deep breath. “We’re fucking going.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him up from the couch, ignoring her mother’s protests as she gathered her purse and jacket and went to the door. 

“Louna, honey,” Julie tried to stop her, but Louna wasn’t having it. 

“Later!” she snapped. 

She opened the door and pulled David through the office behind her. He struggled to keep the grin off his face, forgetting how fiery she could be when the mood struck. They passed the receptionist, who looked as confused as ever, and he scooped up his helmet from the chair as Louna plowed through the door. She didn’t drop his hand until they came around the corner of the building and she saw the motorcycle. Her surprised gasp was audible over the passing street traffic. 

He grinned. “What do you think?” 

She glanced back to him for just a moment, then went closer. “It’s beautiful.” She ran her hand over the tank and seat, the leather smooth and clean, as though it was brand new. “When did you get this?” 

He walked to stand next to her, hanging his helmet on the handlebar. “The guy I worked for… he had an old piece of rusting junk in his garage… told me I could have it if I wanted.” He paused, looking at Louna then. “So I took it. And I spent the last nine months rebuilding every last piece of it… for you.” He held out the key to her. “It’s yours.” 

Louna looked at him incredulously, not quite believing what he was saying. She couldn’t comprehend that David wanted to give her the motorcycle, but also that he had restored it? She recognized that it was a bike from the early 70’s, and there had been an enormous amount of work done on it, but had he really done it? And hadn’t she seen this bike before somewhere? Had it been in a picture? Her brain was too overwhelmed to properly remember, but it seemed so familiar to her. She looked over the bike again, chewing her lip. The last she knew, David barely knew how to change a few sparkplugs on his motorcycles, much less overhaul and rebuild an engine on one. She frowned. 

“You know you don’t have to impress me,” she said, not wanting to outright call him a liar. 

He laughed, shaking his head slightly, still holding the key in his hand. “I’m not trying to… this is what I decided I wanted to do,” he explained. “I started to work on the bike, to just see what I could do, and it didn’t feel like work. I spent all my free time rebuilding it, then went to work and train at a local auto place… got a couple certifications online, and I have an interview at a place here next week.” He shrugged then, not knowing what else to say. 

Louna gazed at him, taking in all the physical changes she could see, but now able to hear just how much he’d really changed his life. He had done what she thought might not be possible: he had found his second career; his second life. His absence had not been in vain. She smiled half-heartedly. “No more music?” 

He shook his head slightly. “It’ll be a nice hobby… I’m happier without that spotlight.” 

She nodded, knowing he was right. She hadn’t been able to pinpoint that last difference, but as soon as he said the word, she could feel it. He did seem happier; he no longer had the dark shadow behind him, weighing on his every word and choice. He’d been able to shed the shackles of the band and heal himself. Was she ready to accept the changes? Embrace him back into her life and see what a different the year and a half could make in their relationship? There was only one way to really find out. 

She met his gaze again, taking an unsure breath. “Good… because I kind of smashed your guitar in a fit of rage.” 

David’s eyebrows rose and they held each other’s gazes for a long minute. He wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth, but when she failed to even offer a hint of a smile, he realized she wasn’t joking. “Fuck… okay. Guess it’s a good thing I have a few spares.” 

Her lips turned down into a grimace. “I honestly didn’t mean to… it just… happened.” 

He waved it off after another second, then cracked a smile. “Probably would’ve been more worried if you didn’t destroy something of mine,” he said. “After all, I did ask you not to murder me outright when I got back, and we’ve successfully avoided that so far.” 

She laughed then, the earlier tension gone from between them. Murder or other bodily harm had been the furthest thing from her mind upon seeing him, and she knew it would stay that way. “Only because you’re lucky,” she replied with a smirk, then leaned in to kiss him, his hand going instantly to the small of her back. She leaned further into him, the kiss lingering for several seconds. She sighed as they pulled away from each other, not sure then what she wanted to do. Her heart was in a million places. Did she want to go on a ride with him? Test her new motorcycle and David’s handiwork? Or did she just want to go home with him and hold him captive in her bedroom for the next three days to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere? 

David rubbed her back and she took a slow breath, but the chime of her phone interrupted whatever she’d been about to say. She groaned exasperatedly, fishing the mobile from her purse and readying to silence it completely. However, it was her sister’s name on the display, and the message had several exclamation marks. 

_Mom just told me David’s back!!!!!!!!!! Is it TRUE?!?!?!?!_

David snuck a look at the text, then kissed along her jaw. “You should tell her the good news,” he said quietly. 

Louna nodded absently, suddenly realizing what they actually needed to do that evening. She couldn’t be selfish and keep David’s return all to herself. She had to share him with the other people who would be just as excited and happy to see him as she was. She nuzzled their noses lightly, then pulled back and met his gaze. “We need to go to Em’s,” she told him. 

He frowned just slightly. “She needs to see me to believe I’m back?” he asked doubtfully. 

“It’s not just her,” she replied, her voice quiet. 

A flash of recognition went through David’s gaze and his face softened. “Ella.” He nodded then, knowing that things between he and Louna could wait, as could their bike ride together. “Let’s go.” 

They pulled up in front of Emadou’s house a half hour later, Louna parking her car at the curb and David angling the motorcycle behind it. The sun was starting to set, the clouds growing dark as he dismounted the bike and noticed only one car in the driveway. He pulled off his helmet and went to Louna’s car, tossing it in the passenger’s seat as she got out and joined him on the sidewalk. 

“Think she’ll be surprised?” he asked. 

Louna smiled. “Understatement.” 

They walked up the driveway together, and the front door opened as they came onto the porch. Emadou’s eyes were wide and relief painted her features. “You’re really back!” Her voice was slightly hushed and she stepped forward, pulling David into a large hug. 

He couldn’t help smiling; Emadou had always been genuine with her feelings toward him, and tonight was no exception. No doubt was she relieved to finally see him come back, not just for her sister, but for their whole family. It was becoming clearer that his absence hadn’t just affected Louna, and that was something he should have realized sooner. He gave her a tight squeeze before pulling away, nodding. “Yeah. This time to stay I think.” 

Her gaze narrowed. “Better be… or you’ll have two sisters out for homicide.” 

He smirked. “Point taken.” 

She ushered them inside and closed the front door. 

Louna started to take off her jacket, but then stopped, frowning as she noticed Em had on a heavy sweater, and the house seemed unusually cold. “Why is your house freezing?” she asked. “And where are the girls?” 

Emadou rolled her eyes. “They’re in the playroom, probably under blankets. Judah’s latest eco-trip is conserving our electricity and building fires in the evening when he gets home. Only he’s been working super late this week.” She gave her sister a pained look. “So I’m in an icebox until he’s back from work.” 

David raised an eyebrow. “You can’t make a fire?” he asked. 

Both Louna and Emadou looked at him skeptically then. “You learn how to build a fire while you were growin out that ponytail?” Em asked him, her voice dry. 

He laughed. “Yeah, actually… where’s your kindling?” 

She half smiled and took him through the kitchen, showing him the wood rack on the back porch. Five minutes later, David had built an easy fire and the flames danced away in the stove. Louna settled on the couch, watching David carefully tend the fire, and gladly accepted the glass of wine her sister brought her. He put another piece of wood onto the burning pile and suddenly footsteps sounded behind them on the stairs. He closed the fireplace grate and started to stand up. 

“Daddy, when-” Ella’s voice was bright, but she gasped loudly, seeing that it wasn’t her father beside the fireplace. “David!” 

He grinned as she ran to him, and he scooped her up, holding her tightly. “Hi sweetheart,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair. Ella clung to him, falling silent in his embrace. David held her close, and met Louna’s eyes. Her gaze was thoughtful, and he wasn’t sure what she could’ve been thinking. Somehow the moment felt similar to Louna’s reaction in her office – how overcome she’d been, only David knew that Ella probably couldn’t articulate all the emotions she might’ve been feeling. He questioned why she was so affected with his reappearance, compared to Abigail, who stood back with her mother and regarded him curiously. It seemed Abby hardly remembered him. Of course he’d spent time with the girls, but there had always been an extra connection with Ella. Now he was seeing the unwanted result of his absence. He kissed her hair again, rubbing her back lightly. “You really missed me, huh?” he asked her quietly. 

Ella lifted her head from his shoulder a second later, her dark eyes intense. “Are you better?” she asked. 

David blinked, caught off guard with the heavy question. 

“Happier?” she asked, when he still hadn’t answered her. 

And all at once his stomach hollowed, knowing what Louna had tried to explain to him all those months ago. He should have known. He nodded, meeting her eyes. “A lot better, and a lot happier,” he told her. 

She smiled, her fingers threading through his ponytail. “And you won’t go away again? Or you’ll tell us if you are?” 

His heart skipped as her voice grew soft, and he shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere now that I’m back,” he reassured her. “Not for a long time, okay?” 

She nodded, holding her bottom lip between her teeth, then looking back at Louna for reassurance. 

She offered her niece a smile. “Want to sit with us and hear about David’s trip?” she asked. 

Ella nodded eagerly and David walked over, sitting on the couch and holding Ella in his lap. She settled against him easily and Louna smiled, reaching to take his hand. 

Her answer was clear then, and really hadn’t it always been? The pendulums were swinging together effortlessly, just as the moon always pulled the tides. Her moon had returned, and the waves were settling again. She had no doubt that after this they would be able to work through anything together, and it made her grateful for the experience. Although it had been fucking hell at some points, she knew they were stronger for it. 

David lifted her hand and kissed the back of it, his eyes lingering on the ring on her finger. 

Ella watched them curiously, then looked up at David. “That ring means you’re getting married, right? Now that you’re back?” 

His cheeks flushed with the sudden question, but he looked at Louna. “I think,” he replied slowly, “that I have to ask Auntie Lulu a question first… before we know the answer to that.” 

Instantly Louna’s fingers tightened around David’s and Emadou came sweeping into the room, her eyes wide. 

Nothing like being put on the spot the first few hours they were back together…

Ella still looked at them curiously. “What question?” 

Was she truly that innocent, or was she playing them all for fools, Louna wondered. Either way, there was only one question coming next, and if she hadn’t made her decision before now, she was going to have to figure it out, and fast. 

David licked his lips, his voice slow as he met Louna’s eyes, their fingers still linked together in a death grip. “Will you marry me?” 

_Finally._

How long had she waited to hear that question? That unasked proposal from all those months ago, and it had taken them eighteen months apart to finally come to this revelation? She had known her answer all along, but she needed to hear the question. She needed to have him here to ask it. It had been too hard to accept it when he’d left – the promise a burden more than a blessing, and now it had finally been lifted. She could give her answer and not have the weight of it drag her down like it had while he’d been gone. Now she could answer and be free from the stares and the questions and the stigmas. Now they could finally be together. 

She nodded her head, words sticking in the back of her throat, and more tears in her eyes. God she hoped she wouldn’t cry after tonight, because she was really sick of all these tears. 

“Yes,” she finally breathed out. “God, yes.” 

David smiled widely, leaning over to kiss her above Ella’s head. Ella giggled, but watched them with a grin. They tipped their foreheads together when they broke the kiss, and David’s eyes were bright. 

“J’adore,” he said quietly. 

Louna smiled. “Toujours,” she replied. They kissed again and Louna melted into him, her heart content with her decision, and the satisfaction of knowing her fiancé wouldn’t be going anywhere any time soon, at least this time not without her.


	13. Epilogue: Déjà Vu

Tall evergreen trees sped past on both sides of the small highway, and overhead the sky was cloudless blue. It vaguely reminded David of the last time he’d driven the highway, six months ago as he started his journey home. He was surprised that he’d come back so soon, but he’d received a strange message that started him down a rabbit hole, which led straight back to Halfmoon Bay. However, this time he was coming just for a visit, and he definitely wasn’t alone. 

He glanced at Louna, who was asleep in the passenger’s seat of the rental car. They’d flown into Vancouver the day before and stayed overnight before getting the car and heading to the bay, but Louna had been fighting an illness the last week or so, and her low level nausea had escalated quickly during the ferry ride. She still looked too pale, and David knew she probably needed to just rest and let the sickness pass that day. He’d called Greta once they were off the ferry and parked for a few minutes, letting her know they’d be there a bit earlier and hoping the short time in the fresh air and on solid ground had settled Louna’s stomach a bit. 

He frowned, looking over at her again and wondering if there was something more going on. The doctor she’d seen before they left had assured her she was fit to travel and it was probably just a digestive issue or bit of food poisoning that would pass. They’d taken blood and urine samples just in case, but no results had come back yet. He shook his head; it was probably nothing. 

Thirty minutes later, David slowed the car and turned north onto Trout Lake road, cruising for half a mile before he saw the sign for the bed and breakfast. He turned down the driveway and pulled alongside Rich’s pick-up near the garage, shutting off the engine. Louna stirred finally, the lull of the car in motion gone, and she swallowed thickly, still feeling vague remnants of nausea at the back of her throat. David’s hand was light on her arm and she met his eyes, offering a weak smile. 

“How you feeling?” he asked, keeping his voice quiet. 

She wrinkled her nose. “Better, but not great.” She glanced at the garage and saw they were parked. “Where are we?” 

“At Rich and Greta’s… the bed and breakfast,” he said, gesturing to the house. “You slept the whole way from the ferry. Want to stay in the car or get some fresh air?” 

“Fresh air sounds good,” she replied, taking off her seatbelt. 

He smiled and leaned over, kissing her lightly before they got out of the car and went to the house. Louna sat on the porch steps in the sunshine, taking deep breaths to clear both her stomach and her head while David went inside. It was surreal to her that she was finally in the place where he’d lived for a year and a half without her, and that he’d insisted on coming back so soon. She knew there was a reason for his visit, but David had only promised to tell her what it was once they were there. She hoped he would tell her soon, because after their time apart, she had grown to detest secrets and lies. They seemed to only bring hurt and destruction to whatever they touched, and she no longer needed that in her life. 

She turned slightly, as she heard the door open behind her a few minutes later, and David walked out, two people following him. The woman offered her a bright smile and a warm mug as she came down the stairs. 

“Louna, this is Greta and her husband Rich,” David said, smiling at the couple. “My fiancée, Louna.” 

Greta beamed, holding out the beverage. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said. “David told us you weren’t feeling that well… it’s lemon ginger tea. Usually helps to settle my stomach.” 

She accepted the mug and returned Greta’s smile, seeing instantly why David had bonded with the woman. “Thank you. It’s nice to meet you too… he’d told me a lot about living here… what you both did for him.” 

Rich nodded, giving David a glance. “He did a lot for us too. Could hardly keep up with all the maintenance this winter after you left.” 

David looked sheepish, and Greta shook her head. “Oh honey, don’t make him feel guilty for leaving… we knew he wouldn’t stick around forever.” She gave Rich a pointed look. “Besides, since he fixed up the cabin we’re making enough to just hire someone.” She looked back to David. “We’re booking the cabin as the ultimate ‘getaway cottage’ now, and there’s only been a few weekends we’ve had vacancies… couldn’t have done that if you hadn’t fixed it up so much while you were here.” 

He smiled bashfully. The cabin had been his project after he’d finished the motorcycle, and Rich had taught him a lot about home handiwork and carpentry. Just the last weekend, David and Judah had done an entire rebuild of Judah’s old chicken coop, and both Louna and Emadou simply watched them, baffled at how the men now worked together. Before, Judah hadn’t seen David as anyone beyond Louna’s rockstar boyfriend, but now they were able to connect on a different level, and were always planning new projects together. It also helped that their relationship was growing, because Ella still continued to be close with David. Louna sensed that the relationship between David and her niece would always be dynamic, and she was glad that Judah had finally come to accept David. It would make Ella happier, knowing her father and soon-to-be uncle were friends too. 

She looked up at David, hands still wrapped around the mug and her stomach finally feeling more settled. “Will I at least get to see this ‘getaway cottage’?” she asked, raising a curious eyebrow. 

Greta smiled. “You didn’t tell her?” she asked David, then looked at Louna, a glint in her eye. “That’s where you get to stay while you’re here… family and friends get first pick for it, especially David.” 

He shook his head. “You don’t have to give me special treatment,” he said. 

Rich chuckled, handing David the key he’d pulled from his pocket. “Wouldn’t let you stay anywhere else. It’s your second home.” 

He smiled and nodded, looking down at the familiar key in his hand; it was still on the same keychain he’d bought for it at the garden center – a flat, metal bottle opener, etched with a design of a wolf howling at the moon amongst some trees. He hadn’t known then how appropriate it would become, and it was only one of the many coincidences he’d experienced in Halfmoon Bay. He was also sure there were a few more yet to come, and one he needed to investigate for himself. It was the reason he had come back to visit, and if what he thought had happened was true, then it had certainly been no coincidence. 

He flipped the keychain over, showing it to Louna, who smiled. 

Greta looked at it too, and met his eyes. “Did you ever see the wolf that was around last year?” 

Louna raised her eyebrows in surprise; apparently David hadn’t shared his wolf encounters with everyone. 

He nodded after a moment. “A few times, actually… that’s why I’m here. One of the wildlife agents contacted me… said she-” he corrected himself, “the wolf was back in the area.” 

Louna gazed at him knowingly, understanding then that there was something about the wolf that had brought David back, but she still didn’t have the whole story. 

Rich frowned, looking at David. “Are they going to trap it? Why would wildlife be tracking it?” 

David shook his head. “I don’t think there’s any reason for them to intervene with the wolf,” he replied. “They tracked it last year to make sure it wasn’t hurt or sick… because it had left its pack.” He had to speak slowly, so he wouldn’t give away too much about the situation, but he could already see Louna’s mind turning. She’d know everything soon enough. He shrugged then, trying to brush over the awkward moment. “Figured if the wolf was passing through we might get lucky and see it again…” He gave his fiancée a look then, silently asking her to corroborate his story. 

She smiled at both Greta and Rich. “I didn’t want to miss a chance to see a wolf in the wild… one of the most beautiful animals, I think,” she said, hoping it was half of what David wanted her to say. 

Greta looked skeptical, but Rich simply shrugged. “Well, if it’s around it certainly hasn’t come down here.” He glanced to David then, just as another car turned into the driveway, parking near the garage as well. 

“Are we still on for dinner later?” David asked them. 

Greta smiled. “Of course! Vegan potluck all around?” 

He laughed and nodded. “Sounds perfect. We’ll see you at seven?” 

Both Rich and Greta nodded, then waved at the family who’d pulled up. Louna stood up, offering the mug back to Greta, but she shook her head. “You can take it with you… finish it at the cabin and bring the mug back tonight. Hopefully you’ll feel better by then.” 

She nodded. “Already starting to, actually… See you tonight.” 

David wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked back to the car. He kissed her temple as they paused near the trunk. “Are you actually feeling better, or did you just say that?” he asked quietly. 

She half-smiled. “Both… feel like I need another nap if I’m going to make adequate dinner conversation though.” 

He smiled. “Then let’s find you a bed… hopefully it’s as cozy as I remember it.” 

Louna smirked. “That’s not exactly a glowing recommendation,” she said. “Wasn’t there a time when you thought anything besides a bus bunk was luxury?” 

He grinned. “Yeah, but this bed actually has an entire mattress set, and matching duvet cover and pillow cases… so basically it’s five-star accommodations.” 

She laughed, shaking her head. “I’ll be the judge of that.” 

****

# # #

Louna looked doubtful as David turned into the small parking lot of the bar. Although the sign in front was nice, an eye-catching blue color, and she liked the name, Selene, and the logo of the crescent moon behind the name, it still sort of looked dumpy. Really, it looked like the trashy neighborhood saloons they sometimes went to on their moto rides, and didn’t seem like it would attract half the amount of customer David swore it did, but she had to take his word for it.

He shut off the engine and climbed out of the car, waiting for Louna to join him before they walked around the building to the backdoor. Marcus’ jeep was parked in the alley and David smiled, suddenly happy to be seeing his old boss again. 

The day so far had been noneventful. After dinner the night before with Rich and Greta, he and Louna had returned to the cabin and gone to bed a little early. They were both feeling a little jet-lagged, and Louna’s nausea had crept back after dinner. Unfortunately, she wasn’t feeling any better that morning, so they’d stayed at the cabin instead of trying to go anywhere. 

David had watched out the window mindfully, looking for any hint of golden eyes or stealth movement through the trees, but there had been nothing. He knew he shouldn’t have been disappointed, since it was only their second day there, but they only had three more days. It was a purposely short trip, mostly because David was still wary about taking too much time off from work. He hadn’t been hired at the first two places he’d applied, but the third shop had accepted him almost right on the spot. It was a small place that specialized mostly in the café racer style motos that David liked, and he and the owner, Vander, had hit it off during the interview, swapping road stories. Now he’d been at the shop for close to five months, and even though Vander assured him it was no big deal to take a few days off, David still felt guilty. 

When he’d shaken himself from his thoughts, he realized Louna had gone back to the bedroom to lay down. He hoped that she’d get a call from the doctor’s office soon, because the prolonged sickness-but-not seemed to be escalating a little. He knew it was best to just let her rest, so he slipped outside to take a walk, texting Marcus that they’d come over to the bar a bit before it opened so they could catch up. Marcus replied that he’d be there any time after three, and to let himself in the backdoor. After sending a quick reply back, David started for the worn trail into the woods behind the cabin. He’d only walked it a few times while he’d lived there, and mostly all before Luna had arrived. Now he walked it to search for clues; to find any small hint that she or the now year-old wolves had been there, but again he came up empty handed. He truly hoped he wasn’t making the trip for nothing, but only time would tell. 

“Marcus?” David called for him as they came in the back door, guiding Louna down the dim hallway. 

“Frenchy!!” 

David laughed as Marcus called back to him, and Louna again looked doubtful. This place was not what she expected at all. 

They rounded the corner into the bar, and Marcus stood at the edge of the counter, a towel draped over his shoulder, beard bigger than David had ever seen it, and an even bigger grin. “Dude!” 

David grinned back and they shared a bear hug. 

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away,” Marcus said, clapping David on the shoulder. 

He shook his head. “Definitely not… but at least this time I have company.” He gestured to introduce them. “My fiancée, Louna.” 

Marcus’ smile softened and he offered her a hand. “Louna, nice to meet you,” he told her, shaking her hand lightly. 

She nodded, still trying to process the entire situation. Marcus was definitely not who she’d imagined David befriending in the small town, and the bar was really just as shabby on the inside as it was the outside, but did it really matter when it came to drinking? She supposed not. 

“You too,” she replied after a moment, then mustered a smile. “You’ll have to forgive me,” she looked at David, “haven’t been feeling that well.” 

He frowned and Marcus cocked an eyebrow. “Need a tonic to settle the nerves?” he offered, a smirk in his voice. 

She laughed then – no wonder he and David had become such good friends. “No… probably just a ginger ale, if you have it.” 

He nodded, then looked at David. “Well go ahead and serve your lady! I got prep to do and these limes aren’t gonna cut themselves.” 

Both David and Louna laughed and finally sat down at the bar a minute later, after David had poured the ginger ale and gotten himself a beer. Marcus resumed slicing the limes and looked between them, wondering what to talk about first, but David spoke before he could. 

“How’s George?” he asked. 

Marcus scoffed. “Gettin’ soft in his old age… said he needed to take a few days and recover from the spring break rush. Told him he’d miss you and he just said, ‘give him my best,’” he paused, smirking again. “So I got two vegan specials comin’ up if you still want to stick around for dinner.” 

David laughed. “Wouldn’t pass up one of the overcooked potatoes for the world.” 

“Right? But seriously, we’re good… business is good so I can’t complain… just miss havin’ my right hand man with me on busy nights.” He looked at Louna. “This guy is a fuckin’ pro… didn’t even give me a résumé, just started pourin beers one night when I got slammed. Both George an I still talk about that… the balls you had for that move…” he shook his head. 

Louna smiled slightly, looking at David. “You never told me that’s how you got this job…” 

He shrugged. “I’d probably never do that again, but somehow it worked out.” 

Marcus shot him a look. “Seems like a lot of things just happen to work out for you… how else can you explain her actually waiting for you and not just dumping your runaway ass?” 

Louna laughed loudly. “Believe me, I thought about it,” she assured him. 

Marcus flashed a smile. “Good… it didn’t need to be too easy for him to win you back.” 

She shook her head. “No… just needed the cosmos to align and spare us all the suffering of the next universe.” 

Marcus looked at David then. “Fuck, you are perfect for each other, aren’t you?” 

He smiled. “On our good days… bad days I need to hide the axes and the shotguns, but you know…” They shared a laugh and David took a long swig of his beer. It seemed like no time had passed then, and that it was entirely normal that he and Louna were there in the bar together. It almost made him regret not simply insisting that she come with him two years ago, but he knew it wouldn’t be the same now. They had both grown from their time apart – it had served their relationship better to be separated and able to reconnect, rather than having no time apart at all. And it made him more grateful to share now where he’d been while he was gone, and have her meet the people who had helped him find his way again. Everyone here had played a part to redefine his life, and she needed to see how.

And they had to find out together what the missing piece was with the wolves, because that was the only thing David still hadn’t solved yet, and he was determined to put the mystery to rest. 

“So, I’m thrilled you’re here, and that you brought your beautiful fiancée with you,” Marcus started, “but why the hell did you come back so soon? I had you down as gone for a year at least,” he said. 

David’s laugh was quiet. “I know.” He nodded. “It was kind of an unexpected trip, but something came up and I needed to come back.” 

Marcus eyed him, curiosity, but also a certain understanding in his gaze. “It’s about the wolves, isn’t it?” 

Louna looked at David, confusion on her face. “So he knows about the wolves? But you didn’t tell Rich and Greta?” 

He sighed. “I wasn’t sure how they’d react… Marcus was with me when we saw the wolf for the first time. He had a right to know.” 

“She’s back, isn’t she? The wolf we saw?” he asked. “Kate was up here last week for a few days… told me they were trying to tag the others.” 

David nodded and he could see Louna’s gaze growing more curious. “That’s why I came… Kate emailed me that they were back in the area,” He shrugged. “Something just feels weird about it still.” He took a breath and looked between them. “You know she showed up on the day I left last September? The wolf, I mean.” 

Louna’s eyebrows rose and Marcus looked incredulous. “Shit, really?” 

He nodded emphatically. “I’d already taken the last of my stuff to the car, and when I turned around she was right there. And I swear she was still there when I drove away… howling as I left.” 

Louna stared at him, dumbfounded. “How come you never told me that?” she asked. 

He shrugged helplessly. “Because it’s fucking crazy? There’s no reason for a wolf – a wild wolf – to act like this,” he admitted. “I can’t explain any of it, and fuck knows why I came back to see if there were any more answers now…” He looked at Louna intently then, virtually forgetting that Marcus was still there with them. “I just feel like there’s something more to all of this… and maybe you can help me figure it out or not, but I know I’ll feel less crazy having someone with me to witness what happens… if we even get to see them this time.” 

Louna nodded, thinking over David’s words. It made sense that he’d want her there with him for the encounter. She knew he hadn’t told her the whole story about the wolf quite yet, but she sensed they were leading up to it. The pieces were slowly falling into place, to reveal the whole scene, but there were still large chunks missing. Maybe they’d be filled by the time the trip was over, but Louna wasn’t going to hold her breath on that one. 

“Well, shit,” Marcus said, “the way you’re talking it seems like they’ll just magically sense that you’re back and reappear…” 

David laughed. “See, that’s what I was hoping for, only it hasn’t happened.” 

Again, Marcus gave him a pointed look. “Yet.” He let the word settle between them, then smirked. “Now do me a favor and unlock the front door and flip the open sign? About time to get some paying customers in this dump.” He gave Louna a wink as he flipped David the key and she laughed, finally feeling better and happy to be there with them. It was easy to see now what had made David change and grow into himself. His time with Marcus had been invaluable, and she knew that no matter how far apart they were, they’d always share an easy friendship. She knew that it had made all the difference for David, even if he couldn’t quite see it for himself. 

****

# # #

David picked up his phone from the coffee table, discarding his book onto the couch as he stood up to answer the phone call. “Hey, Jeff, hold on,” he said, voice quiet.

“Sure thing,” Jeff replied. 

He stepped away from the couch and glanced into the bedroom. Louna was curled beneath the blankets on the bed, hopefully asleep and not fighting with the ongoing nausea. He slipped out the front door, closing it softly behind him. “What’s up?” he asked, sitting on the small bench on the porch. 

“Just kinda checkin’ in… might need a favor when you get back.” 

David smiled. He’d become one of Jeff’s on-call maintenance guys since he’d been back, and the only reason he even accepted the work was because his friend paid an obscene wage for it. “Well, we’re flying back tomorrow night, so I’ll be around on Tuesday,” he said. “Might be a zombie, but I’ll be back.” 

Jeff laughed. “For sure. The project doesn’t have to be done until next week, but I wanted to give you first pick. We’re putting in new wall paneling and updating the countertops at Mimi and my regular contractor just went down a guy… told him I could make a few calls.” 

David nodded. “Count me in. Just text me the days and hours and I can work something out for the shop.” 

“Sure thing. How’s the trip going? Lou over whatever bug she had?” 

“No, actually still just fighting the weird nausea every day… kinda just comes and goes. She’s down for a nap right now.” 

“That’s too bad,” Jeff replied. “I thought she went to the doctor before you guys left.” 

“She did… they told her everything was normal and it was just a digestive thing. So, I think we’ll be getting a second opinion when we’re back.” 

“No shit. So really, anything exciting on this trip? Is she just tripping out to be where you were while you were gone?” 

David shrugged. “I guess… she thought Marcus’ bar was a total shit show, but that’s because it is.” They laughed. “We’re spoiled with nice bars at home… this is the typical small-town shitty roadside bar that caters to the local fishermen and tourists out camping. It’s not intended to be fancy, you know?” 

Jeff laughed. “No kidding… didn’t we try to play a few of those?” 

“And failed miserably, if memory serves.” They laughed together again, David shaking his head as he recalled nearly getting thrown out of one of the divey bars they’d played. The locals had had no interest in their music, and after that they’d learned their lesson. 

“Ah, those were good times,” Jeff said. “Sadly, I don’t miss them.” 

David nearly snorted. “Really? You don’t miss the two tyrants lording over us? I thought for sure you were all about that slave lifestyle…” 

“You know, I really realized that I had a thing called ‘free will’ and have been quite happy exercising that. You should really look into it.” 

He grinned. “Dually noted.” 

“But hey, I actually did talk to Chuck the other day.” 

“Oh fuck,” David groaned. 

“It wasn’t anything bad… just wanted to know how you were… saw Louna’d been out with Laurence and Seb and wondered if you’d been around too.” 

“What’d you tell him?” David asked, a slight sneer in his voice. 

“That you probably took the picture so you didn’t have to be in it…” 

He laughed. “True. And what’d he say to that?” 

“Not much… just wanted to pass on his hellos… well wishes, the like.” 

He rolled his eyes. “I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you?” 

“Maybe, but at least he’s trying. He wants to make up for what he did, which is more than I can say for some other people.” 

David nodded, staying silent as he thought the name, but dared not say it. It had been nearly a year since he’d even heard what their former frontman was up to, and it was just as well. He figured that no news was good news as far as the singer was concerned, and he wanted to keep it that way. 

“Ah, shit,” Jeff said suddenly. “I’m getting another call… catch up when you’re back?” 

“For sure.” 

They hung up then and David stared out into the front yard. It was strange for his mind to reconcile that his two lives had finally met, and now it seemed entirely ridiculous that he’d kept his code of silence for so long while he was here. There had never been an immediate threat of someone coming to kidnap him and throw him back in a recording studio or something. But he’d needed the break. He needed that time away from everyone to finally shed his facades and personas. And even though he hadn’t outright told Marcus who he was, that was the realest he’d been with anyone. He was still struggling with his multiple identities back home too. He always wanted to default to his previous self when he was out in public, but he was getting better at keeping that guard down. He sighed, wringing his hands around the phone. So much had changed, but still so much had stayed the same. He was thankful to have Louna as a constant. She’d kept him grounded and focused once he’d been back, and now their relationship was stronger than ever. 

He’d basically moved in with her after he came back, and there had been no reason then to keep his house. He put it on the market after a month and a few renovations, and it was sold, with the furniture and all, after only six weeks. He’d been glad to be rid of the burden, and then set about consolidating all the shit he had in storage. It was an ongoing project, and one that could be good or bad, depending on his mood, but he was looking forward to getting it done, and he definitely wanted that to be sooner rather than later. 

He stood up from the bench then, glancing to the sky and sensing they were in for a rainstorm that night. Rich had brought up some extra firewood and stacked it on the porch, so at least they wouldn’t get too cold. He glanced at his watch, seeing it was now just before six. He wondered if Louna would feel up to going out, or want to stay in again. Either way, he hoped she was feeling better than she had earlier that day. He went inside, locking the door behind himself automatically, and was surprised to see Louna standing at the kitchen sink, her eyes wide and cheeks pale. He immediately went to her side. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, reaching up and tucking her hair back. 

Her forehead was slick with perspiration and she shook her head. “Fuck,” she said, her voice quiet. “I just threw up so much…” 

“Oh, babe,” David started to say. 

Louna kept shaking her head. “But David the wolves…” 

She gestured out the kitchen window and instantly his eyes went to the trees. However, there were no animals to be see. “Were they,” he began, Louna once again cutting him off. 

“There were _five_. I thought there were only…” she trailed off, not exactly remembering how many wolves David had said there were, if he actually even had. 

He looked back out the window, his intuition growing stronger. Five wolves meant that it was no longer just Luna and her three pups. Another wolf had joined the pack, and David needed to see the new wolf to know if what he thought had happened was true. He knew it could be confirmed with a few phone calls, and tracking information, but he needed to see it for himself. And Louna needed to witness it so everyone else wouldn’t just think he was crazy and making the whole thing up. And he knew that in this case, the truth might indeed be stranger than fiction. 

“Oh fuck.” Louna’s face grew paler and she reeled from standing at the counter, heading straight to the bathroom. She crouched in front of the toilet, the nausea pummeling her stomach once again as she struggled to breathe slowly and not throw up again. She failed. 

David stopped in the doorway, cringing as he watched his fiancée’s shoulders heave. He wasn’t sure if she’d want him to try to comfort her or not. When he was sick, he preferred to be left alone, but everyone was different. And even on their worst days with hangovers, Louna had never been one to puke. Now she’d done it twice and there seemed to be no sign of it letting up. He shook his head; they were calling the doctor in the morning for a follow up appointment. 

“David?” 

Her voice seemed weak and he stepped into the bathroom, kneeling beside her. “Right here… gonna make it?” he asked, smoothing her hair again. 

Her smile was faint. “It’s touch and go… can you get me water? And maybe a washcloth for my face?” 

He nodded. “Hot or cold?” 

“Cold… for both.” 

He smiled. “No stomach transplant to go along with that?” 

Again, she smiled weakly. “Get back to me on that one…” 

He got up then, retrieving the items for her, then helping her back to bed after another ten minutes in the bathroom. Finally, the nausea seemed to be backing off, and she was able to sip some of the lemon ginger tea David made for her. He settled next to her on the bed, bringing his book in from the living room. 

“M'sorry we can’t go out again,” she apologized, looking down into the mug. 

He shook his head, reaching for her hand. “Don’t apologize… you can’t help that you’re sick. I feel bad that you feel so shitty.” He paused. “Shouldn’t have made you come all the way out here when you weren’t feeling well.” 

She shrugged. “I’m still glad I came.” 

“I am too… I really wanted you to see all this… visit all the places I’ve been telling you about… see where I lived.” 

She smiled then. “Meet your wolves.” 

He laughed, but nodded. “Yeah… meet these wolves that I swear are connected with my crazy story and still have something to do with us… see what it’s all about.” 

Louna sipped the hot tea carefully, gazing at David. “You really think there’s something more to this than them just being here? It wasn’t just a safe place to have her pups last year?” 

He met Louna’s eyes, and shook his head slowly. “Call it a hunch, but if we see them again, I think I’ll know why all this happened.” He looked at her intently. “And I think you will too.” 

Confusion flickered in her eyes. “You think I’ll know something about why the wolves are here? Hate to remind you, but I gave up that animal behavior degree awhile ago.” 

He laughed slightly. “Don’t tell that to Yuki,” he replied, then turned serious again. “I know, it doesn’t make sense now, but if we see the wolves again I think it will… trust me?” 

They stared at one another for a long, thoughtful moment, until Louna finally nodded. She’d known David long enough that when he asked her so sincerely to believe him, she had no choice. She also couldn’t deny that she’d had some strange flash of intuition or déjà vu when she’d seen the wolves earlier. They had all seemed eerily familiar, especially one in particular, but she knew she was probably just remembering them from David’s photos… at least that’s what she was going to tell herself right then, because it seemed that there was more to this story. She hoped they could piece it all together before they left. 

****

# # #

David settled on the back steps of the cabin, hands wrapped around a mug of hot coffee as he stared out at the trees, the sunshine warm on his bare feet. Although he and Louna hadn’t seen the wolves again the night before, they’d heard them. It was just after midnight and he’d turned the cabin lights off to finally head to bed when the chorus of howls broke the peaceful quiet. He’d frozen, looking out the window into the darkness, but there was nothing to see. Now he was simply willing the wolves to appear. He and Louna were only there until the afternoon, and then they’d head back to Vancouver for their flight home. He wanted the trip to be worth it, because even though it had been important to share this piece of his life with her, it wasn’t the reason they were there. The real reason was hiding somewhere in the forest before him, biding its time to reveal just what David thought he knew. He didn’t want to be disappointed.

From inside the cabin he heard movement, and the muffled sound of Louna’s voice. He looked back through the window to see she was on the phone, and gave her a slight wave, letting her know he was out back. 

She absently motioned back to him, then turned away from the window. 

He wondered if she still wasn’t feeling well and recalled wanting to phone her doctor and make another appointment. He took a drink of his coffee, looking back to the forest and making a mental note to ask her about that when she came outside. 

The morning was quiet, and a bit overcast – the sun peeking out from big billowy clouds that looked as though they’d either dump rain or simply blow away. The rainstorm had gone through early the night before, coming down in thick sheets as he made a later dinner and stoked the fire. The cabin had been cozy, and he was thankful that this spring hadn’t been as cold as the last two. He took another drink of coffee, his mind wandering, then glanced up as he heard the backdoor open. 

Louna walked out, her phone still in her hand, and a peculiar look on her face. 

David couldn’t pinpoint if it was the sickness or something else. “Lulu?” He reached for her hand as she came to sit beside him. She shook her head slightly, her eyes a bit glazed. He frowned. “What’s wrong? Who was on the phone?” 

She blinked slowly, still processing the news she’d just received. How had she not put two and two together earlier? God, it seemed so obvious now… 

“Lou?” 

Worry was thick in David’s voice. She met his gaze, swallowing dryly and wishing she’d finished making her cup of tea. “I… that was the doctor’s office,” she finally told him. 

Relief and worry passed through his eyes all at once. “What’d they say?” he asked, then balked. “Fuck, it’s nothing bad, is-”

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out, interrupting him. “The blood test…” She stared at him. “They think I’m like eight weeks.” 

David’s eyes were intense as the news sunk in. Pregnant? Holy shit. The thought had never once crossed his mind. Were they ready for this? Did Louna want to have a child? Did he? They’d never talked about it. The furthest they’d even gotten after their engagement was picking out a couple potential wedding dates, but they hadn’t talked about it since her birthday. _Her birthday_. The night flashed through his head and he was suddenly certain of when this surprise had been conceived. He blinked hard, a reply failing him. “Are you serious?” he finally asked. “You’re… we’re going to have a baby?” Just saying the words brought a certain excitement to him and he squeezed her hand. 

She shrugged uncertainly. “I have to go in for more tests, but they ran it twice… both were positive.” 

He nodded, a half smile on his lips. “We never really talked about this… are you… okay with it? Happy?” 

She matched his half smile. “I’m in shock.” She rolled her eyes then. “But at least now we know why I’m throwing up… so much for ‘morning’ sickness.” 

He laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her temple. “No kidding… have to ask Em if she had ‘anytime’ sickness while she was pregnant.” He paused then, meeting Louna’s tired gaze. “What if we have twins?” 

“Oh fuck, don’t say that… I can barely keep up with you, what would I do with three?” He grinned and she leaned against him, happy he’d taken the news so well. Really, she knew that she didn’t have to be worried telling him, but it was still going to be a huge life change. She was also grateful then, that David had gotten his life back in order before this happened. She couldn’t imagine what Laurence and Sebastien had gone through with him being gone on the road so much after their first daughter was born. It had always been tough for her while David was gone anyway, and she didn’t want to think about adding a baby to that scenario. It never would have worked. 

“Louna.” 

David barely breathed her name into her ear, his arms a little tighter around her. In the quiet, still morning, she could hear a distant rusting sound, and David’s heart thumped fast in his chest. 

The wolves. They had to be there. 

She turned her head slowly, millimeters at a time, for fear that any movement would send them scattering. But it wasn’t necessary. The pack of five stood clustered at the tree line, their eyes fixed on the cabin. 

On them. 

Louna could barely feel David breathing, their fingers locked together in a fierce handhold. This was it; this was the moment they were here for. 

David stared at the animals, studying them all closely and tracing the distinctive markings on each. Luna stood at the front of the pack, her forehead still distinguishable with the light gray V shape and a dark patch over her right eye. He also recognized two of her pups, one marked with a dark gray stripe across the nose, and the other with black-tipped ears and a black patch like Luna. The other pup was non-descript, a creamy gray color with a few white patches. The last wolf stood out sharply. Instead of the same silver-gray coloration the others had, this wolf’s coat was a warm, sandy gray and there were distinctive amber and black patches on its chest. The most striking thing about the last wolf was its size, nearly a third larger than the other wolves, and it was clear that he was the alpha male of the pack. 

It was the new male that David was most curious about. Luna had lost her mate – the father of the pups – and usually wolves mated for life, but she had let this new alpha male join her? He would probably never know the exact reasons why the alpha had joined Luna and her pups, but he could piece together part of the story, and maybe infer the rest. He just knew no one would believe him without another witness, and the undisputable evidence he’d already gathered. He still couldn’t quite believe it himself, which was why he needed Louna to back him up. 

He licked his lips and drew in a deep breath, letting it out in a long, low whistle. The wolves instantly went on alert, their eyes narrowing and ears flattening down. He whistled again, and just as she had before, Luna joined him with a howl halfway through. As she howled a second time, the pups joined in, their howls deeper and no longer shrill. After another moment, the alpha finally threw his head back, his howl joining the chorus, and chills raced through David’s veins. His hunch had been correct; he’d heard this wolf before. 

Louna tightened her grip on David’s hand as they sat and listened to the wolves, her intuition ringing as the largest wolf continued to howl as the others stopped. The déjà vu was acute, and somehow she knew it was the missing piece in the scenario. How had David known? How had any of this happened? Thank god she was there, because she would never have believed it otherwise. 

The howl tapered off and silence fell once again as a slight breeze came from the west, wrapping around the house and carrying back to the trees. Luna shook herself then, rising onto her toes and giving two short yips before turning and disappearing into the forest. The three pups followed their mother instantly, but the alpha stayed, still watching David and Louna with his intense, golden eyes. After a long moment he opened his mouth, letting out a low yowl – a mournful sound that echoed through the open air. From beyond the trees the other wolves joined him, and it didn’t take a degree in animal behavior to know what the cry meant. 

David closed his eyes for a second, hating to hear the sound, but he knew it would come; Halfmoon Bay was not a place for wolves. 

The howl ended a moment later and without another look, the wolf was through the trees and the pack was gone. 

David let out the breath he’d been holding and said a silent goodbye, knowing it would be the last time he’d ever see them. Their journey together was done; they’d found what they’d come here for, and now it was time to move on. He finally understood. 

Louna let the silence settle for a minute between them before she lifted her head, pressing a light kiss to the corner of David’s lips. He squeezed her hand in return and met her gaze; it was time to tell her the whole story. She blinked, a question in her eyes. “Am I crazy, or was that-” 

He shook his head, cutting off her question. “It wasn’t, but we met a different wolf that day too… do you remember? In the morning?” 

Louna held his gaze, dredging up the memories of their visit to the wolf sanctuary. She could vaguely recall maybe seeing one other wolf as they’d arrived – he was being moved to a separate enclosure for some reason, but even that she wasn’t sure of. “Maybe,” she finally replied, her voice doubtful. “I don’t know.” 

He shrugged. “It’s vague for me too, but when we left,” 

“His howl,” she said immediately, and the déjà vu hit her again. Yes, she had definitely heard that howl before. She shook her head, looking at David. “How did you know?” 

“I didn’t,” he replied, “not for sure… but I couldn’t shake that there was something else to this.” 

She nodded, knowing exactly that kind of instinctive feeling that sometimes she just had to follow, regardless of if others thought it was right or not. “And who else knows?” 

“No one. Kate, the agent here, emailed me about the new wolf they’d tracked from northern California.” 

Louna frowned. “Northern California?” 

He smiled slightly. “That’s what got me thinking too… there’ve been so few wolves there, much less tracked ones… so I made a phone call. Turns out the sanctuary had kept Apollo-” 

“Apollo? That’s his name?” 

David nodded, continuing the story. “They’d kept him in a sort of quarantine, because he was uncontrollable. He tried to attack other wolves, the handlers… was just vicious. But they didn’t want to euthanize him because he was young. So they decided on relocation.” He paused then, gathering his thoughts for the next part of the story. “They released him back into the wild two years ago in April.” 

Louna’s gaze hardened as she stared at her fiancé, chills rising on her arms. “What day?” she asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear him say it. 

“You know what day,” he replied. 

She shook her head fervently. “That is not fucking possible. That cannot be real,” she said. 

David’s laugh was quiet. “Believe me, if I didn’t get a copy of the paperwork, I wouldn’t have thought so either.” 

She was still shaking her head. “So what, Apollo just heads north out of California and decides to see what wolf pack he can join and just _happens_ to run into the wolf who tracked you for six hundred kilometers?” 

He laughed again. “Probably a little more to it, but yeah, that’s the gist… seems like he and Luna were destined for one another.” 

She balked, her gaze suddenly dumbfounded. “Her name’s _Luna_?” 

“Kate named her. Kind of fitting, isn’t it?” 

She shook her head, incredulous at how the story simply kept unfolding, each layer more unbelievable than the last. She definitely wouldn’t have believed any of this had they not seen the pack all together. “Fitting doesn’t even begin to describe any of this,” she said. “How do two wolves with no association whatsoever just happen to end up in the same place as you, after you’ve traveled across the fucking country? In what fucking _universe_ does that make sense?” 

His smile was soft. “Whatever universe planned it.” 

Louna held back an eye roll. “Please tell me you named the pups Orion, Perseus, and Cassiopeia?” 

He laughed. “Close. Orion, Ursa, and Ella.” 

Her eyes softened instantly. “Ella?” 

“I had to… when Kate asked me for a name it was the first one that came to mind.” 

“How come you haven’t told her yet?” 

He shrugged. “Just waiting for the right moment… needed you to know about all this first, before you got too jealous that I hadn’t named her after you.” 

She shook her head, then looked down to where their hands were clasped near her stomach. “We’ll get to think about names more later anyway.” 

David followed her gaze, then kissed her forehead. “I promise not to name our child after any constellations.” 

She grinned. “I’ll hold you to it.” 

Silence settled between them again as they looked out to the forest, now still without the earlier breeze. There were no signs that the wolves had been there; they could’ve imagined the whole thing. Louna sighed. She would never have a record of how close she’d been to the wild wolves, and the morning would eventually be lost to memory. 

“What’re you thinking?” David asked her quietly. 

She sighed again. “I’d give anything to have a picture from this morning… just to prove I didn’t hallucinate the whole thing.” 

He laughed, having felt the exact same way the year before. “You didn’t,” he reassured her. “And we’ll get pictures.” 

She looked up at him doubtfully, knowing full well that neither of them had taken any, though her phone was still in her hand. “How?” 

“That,” David pointed to the strange box on the house below the window, “isn’t a water meter… it’s a trail camera I disguised as one. We’ll have pictures of the wolves… don’t worry.” 

She shook her head; he always had a surprise up his sleeve. She looked up at him then, still thinking over everything David had just told her. How had it all happened? How had they always managed to be at the right place, at the right time? How had the wolves managed to find him across so much distance? Hardly any of it made sense, but she knew there was nothing coincidental about it. David had left when he was meant to, and returned the same way. They had both read the signs for one another, and somehow the wolves had been linked to them as well. It wasn’t coincidence that Apollo had been released the same day David had left, and less coincidental was Luna finding them both. The fabric of the universe had knit it all together into one unbelievable chain, and it continued to strengthen every day. She knew there had been reasons for everything: David had left his life to save himself, and to somehow save their relationship; Apollo had been let back into the wild to let his spirit free, and to find his true family; and Luna had lost her first mate to know the suffering and the pain, and to welcome the new love when it finally came. 

She looked down at her hand, still clasped with David’s. So where did she fit in to everything? Had she lost David to realize how much she needed him? Had she needed to be on her own before they were able to fully commit to each other? Did she need to be without him so she could see her full potential and begin that climb before he came back? It was so easy for her to see why those other things had happened, but so hard to make any sense of how it truly applied to her own life. It wasn’t fair, but she knew that most things never would be. There would always be a balance to share, and it made her glad that David was with her and would always take some of the weight. They had grown immeasurably in the time they’d known each other, and even more in their time apart, but looking back on it, she knew she would never change what happened. David had made the right decision, and she had finally accepted it without regrets. She looked up at him, so many confessions ready to pour from her lips, but they could wait. David kissed her softly, his hand brushing across her belly. It was time to move forward to the next adventure of their lives, and with him at her side, she was more ready for anything than she’d ever been, and she couldn’t wait for what was coming next. 

****

# # #

“Hunter!” Louna called, dropping her bag near the cabin steps and running after the three-year-old. “Wait for Mama!”

“But the wolves!” he answered, squirming as Louna scooped him up and went back to the front of the cabin. 

“They’re not here right now, sweetie… and you need to be careful around them.” 

Hunter frowned, his long, dark eyelashes shadowing his green eyes. “But Daddy said they wouldn’t eat me.” 

Louna bit down fiercely on her lip, holding back her laugh as she looked at her husband. He stood beside the car, leaning into the backseat as he wrestled one-handedly with the car-seat, Calli already balanced on his hip, her eyes sleepy. 

A second later David lifted the carrier from the car, flipping his long hair out of his eyes and giving his wife a smirk. “I said they wouldn’t eat him on first sight,” he corrected, walking to the porch. 

“Subtle,” she replied. 

He laughed, then slung out his hip. “Key is in my pocket… forgot I’d have my hands full.” 

Louna smiled and plucked the key out, noticing the same old keychain. “Because this hasn’t been our lives the last year and a half?” 

“You know…” He shrugged with a grin, following her into the cabin. 

Louna let Hunter down and he ran instantly to the bedroom, exploring ‘daddy’s old house.’ David set the carrier down and Louna kissed him lightly before glancing down. “I can’t believe she’s still asleep,” she murmured, eyes tracing over her daughter’s face. 

“They’ve had a long few days… seems like Calli’s gonna follow Missi’s lead,” David said. 

She looked up, seeing Callisto snuggled into her father’s shoulder, almost as asleep as Artemis. She shook her head, then grinned as David yawned. The five-day drive from Montreal had definitely wiped him out and she was thankful she’d napped in the car that morning. “My tired babies,” she said, leaning over to kiss him lightly. “Go nap with your girls, Daddy,” she told him, tucking his long hair behind his ear. 

“You sure, Mama?” 

She flashed a smile. “I’ll drop Hunter off with Uncle Marcus if he’s too much.” 

David laughed. “He’ll be slinging beers in no time.” 

They kissed once more and David took the twins to the bedroom as Louna called Hunter outside. She smoothed his hair back as they stood at the top of the steps, the dark curls soft under her fingers; he was a spitting image of his father. “Can you keep a look out while I unpack the car? Daddy’s inside with your sisters,” she told him. Hunter nodded solemnly, and she couldn’t help grinning as he took the job very seriously, marching back and forth on the porch while she brought bags inside. After she’d put away the few things into the refrigerator she looked into the bedroom. David was already fast asleep on the bed, Artemis tucked beneath his arm on the bed, and Callisto curled over his shoulder, his hand draped over her back. Louna grinned and took a quick picture with her phone, knowing she and her sister would swoon over it later. She slipped the cell back in her pocket and returned to the porch, finding Hunter sitting on the steps, playing with his toy binoculars. She crouched down next to him, his green eyes striking in the afternoon sunshine. “Ready to go look for Daddy’s wolves?” she asked him. 

He nodded excitedly, standing up. “Do you think we’ll find them?” he asked. 

Louna took his hand and lead him off the porch, heading around the house and back to the trees. “Well, they haven’t been around in a long time… but that doesn’t mean we can’t look,” she told him. They reached the start of the trail and stepped between the trees, following the worn path that meandered away from the cabin. Hunter looked wide-eyed at all the bushes and trees, stooping down to study the trail every so often. Louna watched her son with a smile, then finally let his hand go as she realized he would stay with her while they walked. The peace of the forest settled around them, the breeze calm and rustling the branches just slightly. 

“Mama, what’s this?” Hunter asked after a few minutes of quiet walking. He held out a handful of something to her. 

She looked down at her son’s hand and her heart stuttered. He held a handful of sandy gray fur, clearly shed from an animal that was blowing its thick winter undercoat. She took the clump from Hunter’s hand and folded their hands together again. “It looks like animal fur, doesn’t it?” 

He nodded, his eyes large and intense. “Is it from a wolf?” 

She looked at it again, but there were no more discerning clues about it. The fur could have been from a rabbit, for all she knew, but oh she recognized that color. “I don’t know,” she replied, her voice soft. “Why don’t we take it back for Daddy to look at?” He nodded again and easily went back to looking at the trail, not realizing what the discovery could mean. 

Louna tucked the clump of fur into her pocket and glanced at the trees around them, her ears a little more aware of the quiet sounds in the forest. She wasn’t uneasy, but now she knew to be a bit more alert. And she would definitely ask Kate to look up the last tracking information on the wolves when they were over at her and Marcus’ place later. The animals hadn’t been anywhere near the area in the last couple years, but she knew how that could change. 

Perhaps the pack had come back for a visit, just to check in on their old home, like David continued to do. It seemed that Halfmoon Bay was the sort of place one could never truly leave after staying there awhile, and maybe that held true for the wolves too. She looked at her son, carefully exploring through the trees and inspecting fallen branches. She smiled, then looked past him as a glint of gold caught her eye. Instantly she could feel a presence around them, but there was no fear. She knew that if the wolves were there, they were now as much a part of her family as she and David were of theirs, and she didn’t want it any other way. 

****

\- - FIN - -


End file.
